I really pushed myself yesterday because I knew it was Day 3 post chemo and it may get rough. I battled the little gut storms of the day until the lightening pain visited me shortly before 8 pm. It was then I realized I couldn't outrun and hide from the storm. As the aching pain in my muscles intensified, I finally surrendered to it and took a pain pill and fell asleep. By 3 am the storm returned with a vengeance and again I surrendered to the seduction of the pill, only to wake up at 5 am with blood raining from my nose. "Just another day in Chemo Hell", I thought to myself. I got the bleeding stopped; this time. I prayed for forgiveness of self -pity and then the Lord reminded me to pick up my little 50 Days of Hope Devotional. My prayer today is based on Ps 46:10 : 'Be Still and KNOW that I AM GOD". "Heavenly Father, I sometimes don't do well being still and waiting on You to act. I am done with begging for healing and pharisaical prayers that are no better than, "Help me Lord!" I don't need to tell you what is happening to me, as you are my creator and know it all already! You know the plan and purpose you have for my life and I know my life won't be over until Your Will be done, no matter how much Satan throws at me. Help me Lord, to surrender my cancer storms to You and TRUST that I can relax because You are in control. Give me the ability to let go and allow you to give me peace in each storm as I row toward the shore of restoration. Your will be done Lord, to help me accept the changes in my being from the top of my head, to the tips of my toes. Most of all, Lord, transform my heart to the likeness of You through every storm in my life, Amen. "
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