Weeping Wednesday. Everyday I feel I am loosing another part of me. I look out and all I see is a vast ocean I must swim across this year in a race for my life and God knows I am no athlete! Once I tried swimming across our lake in a race as a joke with my South African Iron Man Son-In-Law, David, and I made it 1/2 way across, exhausted, and he made it twice across and back and walked out of the lake like it as a little swim as I lay on the beach wiped out. How will I complete the race for my life with this cancer when I am beaten and exhausted already and there is 11 more months to go? The Lord tells us His grace is sufficient for us. My body, The Temple of His Holy Spirit being ravage by the treatment and everyday I see more of me being destroyed. Is that the idea of allowing this Lord? To destroy ME and fill me with YOU? Do I need to be so complete in Christ that I can totally relate to His suffering on the cross in order to love people that while destroying me, they are saving me? I learned a long time ago NOT to look toward the future as Satan whispered in my ear that I had no happy future. I took care Chris for 18 years and then suddenly the Lord took my cross off my back and gave me a future hope again. I fall into the trap now and look and see the bleak side of this cancer treatment going on for years and years and think, FOR WHAT? To stay here and do what? I know this is not right, but that is where I am today and I must rebuke it! I see cancer survivors who were far worse off than me and they give me hope of some future joy. I just wish I was not so far from my family and got to see them more. "So far away. Why doesn't anyone stay one place anymore?"...you know the song..... I just have to put it aside and get through today and stop looking at the size of an ocean in my eyes and know God sees it as a puddle in my life to step over by His strength and not my own and that I WILL make it ONE DAY AT A TIME. And I know many are interceding for me in đ and I thank you! đ
