ut this, but why? That person in me already moderate;temper, remained only his(its) memory; there was other person, who in me reaped, and this person, like, and there is I itself, but he reaped, as live tree,, wiim safe book-- about this youth, the most decent and áëàãîíðàâíîì of the person from all, who I ever knew, nobody never brushed against, nothing nor from who not required, made its main mistake, having arrived in America, where he that all other purposes vague. Persuaded in immutable inevitability of the deaths, Grover suddenly became the terrific filled with life. For the first time he began to live, and besides ceased to think about its lameness. 156 oing to and several minutes to repose. This reminded the frantic message from afar, SOS with sinking nave. First I have taken this for passion, for ecstasy, appearing from that that flesh to rub about flesh. I thought that found the a victories and defeats. We keeped a check on the most slightest riposte, not losing self-confident-controls, as could only drilled soldier. We ñîøëèñü under cover of the darkness in âñåîðóæèè and with opposite parties stormed the gates The Last precipitation(draft) áîðìî÷óùèõ lips of the sea sink climb down with coast Labradora and move eastward together with flow dirt, move to star in iodine driftage. Lost Laura, the last beside Petrarki, slowly disappears on êðàþ VWVappear in the dreamsìè tried to catch whole information, which could confirm the version, already appeared in his(its) noggin. I became understandable that I accidentally turned out to be the instrument, capable to help him. And did not disturb âûóæèâàòü from me that is pleases drolly, and as bored, and as touching, and as tenderly and truthful: "Symbol inherent to be an ñèìâîëè÷íûìè". Repeat this from other world! There is beside you there megaphone? Have Found you all that hands and legs that since wanted to learn of Timbuktu or Burning Ground. I went with idle company and ated killed birdie to generate desire to that light 175 the ground, which subsequently has personally made habborn òóïîâàòûì, but âåçó÷èì ôðèöåì. I çåâíóë. All this accursed ëèìáóðãñêèé cheese: syphilis, not syphilis, -- so speculated I about itself. If she áîëüíà, îòäåðó else different, and enough. But she, obviously, not áîëüíà.ctly, I was born by fanatic. The Fanatic! This word, is remembered, pursued me from childhood. Particularly they abused to parents. What is a fanatic? One, selflessly believes and enters in accordance t example, than word. So, after consolation in the personal conversation, I have solved to write you, being absent, comforting message with interpretation outlived by me disaster to, comparing to my, you has acknowledged their own own adversities or measly, or small and easier carried them. Pierre Abelyar*, "History my disaster"** ON OVARIALINOM TRAM Once upon a time you lower the hands, ñìèðÿåòåñü, and all even in the middle chaos changes one another with implacable certainty. From the very beginning was not nothing, except chaos, but chaos was a liquid, enveloped me, in which I breathed the gills. In opaque under-stratums, where poured the even moon light, all were a smooth and fertile; above began äðÿçãè and noise. In all I quickly found the contradiction, opposition, but between hereby and âûìûøëåííûì -- ñêðûòóþ taunt, paradox. I to itself was a most worst enemy. What I nor has wanted -- me all were given. And even child, when I nor in than did not know the necessities, I wanted to die: wanted to capitulate since found no sense in fight. I understood that, continuing that existence, about which I did not ask, nothing will not prove, will not confirm, will not add and will not reduce. All around me were or loser or, at the best, laughingstock. Especially that, succeeding. Succeeding caught mortal tedium on me. I sympathized the miss, but not empathy has done me such. This was purely negative quality, weakness, bloomed at type of the human misery. I never nobody did not help in calculation to make the good deal -- I helped since simply did not know how to enter otherwise. The Desire to change the order of the things seemed me vain: I made sure that nothing will not remake, not having changed shower, but who capable to change the showers human? From event to mate changed the friends, from what wanted to vomit. In the God I need not more, than He in me, and, get He me, often ãîâàðèâàë I, I have met His(its) much in cold blood and has spit;spat Him in mug. The most exasperating that people took me, as a rule, for good, honored, good, exemplary and even __________ * Here and hereinafter refer to notes. ** The Translation V. Sokolova. 27 the reliable person. Can be, I and possessed these quality, but if so, that only therefore that was to the whole indifferent: I could afford to come in well, honored, good, reliable and so on since did not know to envy. I never fell victim envy. Never envied nobody and íè÷åìó. Opposite, I always felt sorry all and the whole. From the very beginning I, must be, has accustomed itself not too to yield to to desires. From the very beginning I nor from who did not depend, but this was a fraud. I nor in lump did not need, èáî wanted to be free, free to enter so, what my whimsy çàáëàãîðàññóäèòñÿ. When from me anything required or waited -- I abutted against. So revealled itself my independence. Other word, I was spoiled èçíà÷àëüíî. As it is woke;waked mother âñêîðìèëà me poison, and that she has early deprived me from bosom, I did not rescue -- from poison I was not cleaned. Even when she has deprived me from bosom, I have shown the full indifference. Many children express or at least once express the protest, but me was if only that. I philosophized with crawler. From principle adjusted itself against life. From what principle? From principle of the futilities. All around fought. I never and did not try. But if created such visibility then only for that to whomever to please, but at heart showers and did not think ðûïàòüñÿ. If you me ðàñòîëêóåòå why -- I îòâåðãíó your explanations since it is given birth stubbon person, and this íåèçáûâíî. Later, having ed, I have heard that I devilishly long extended from belly. Beautifully understand. Why budge? Why abandon the remarkable warm place, comfortable ãíåçäûøêî, where all are given gratis? Earliest recollection -- severe cold, snow, íàëåäè on drainpipes, freezing patterns on glass, chill humid çåëåíîâàòûõ sewer to kitchens. Why people settle in indecent climatic zone, which wrongly refer to as moderate? Since they -- inborn idiots, idlers and undershorts. Before ten years I did not visualize that sometime there is "warm" country, in which no need neither to toil in perspiration of the person, nor tremble and do the type that this invigorates. Around, where coldly, people toil before èçíåìîæåíèÿ, but, producing on light posterity, ïðîïîâåäóþò the growing generation a gospel labour, which, on essences nothing else than doctrine to inertias. My home -- íàðîäåö absolutely íîðäè÷åñêîãî of the sense that is to say -- folk idiot. They with joy grapped for any ever voiced wrong idea. Including -- idea ÷èñòîïëîòíîñòè, not dialect uzh about doctrine äîáðîäåòåëè. They painfully fastidious. But èçíóòðè -- stink. They nor reek have not opened door, leading to shower, and never dreamed of 28 the reckless jump in indulged. After dinner -- nimble soap dishes and took away in buffet; the read newspaper neatly packed and placed on regiment; the wiped cloth then and there ironned and hid in closet. All -- for the sake of çàâòðàøíåãî of the day, but tomorrow as well as did not approach. The Present -- only bridge to future, and on this bridge -- moans; ñòîíåò whole world, but not a single idiot is not conceived, rather then blast this bridge? I often with bitterness nosed the causes to convict them, rather then itself. After all I too in ìíîãîì looks like them. Long I put itself aloof, but since time has understood that I not better them, even a little worse since understood all much clear and however nothing have not done to change its life. Looking over back, now I see that nor reek has not entered in accordance to with its will, -- always under pressure others. I often takeàased the adventurer -- no nothing more distant from truth. My adventures always were casual, obtruded, resulted, rather then were personified. I -- flesh from rafts this self-complacent, boastful íîðäè÷åñêîãî of folk, not having nor the most slightest taste to adventures, however combed whole land, crossover her(it) upside-down, dotted her(its) relic and ruins. Indefatigable creation, but not risky. Agoniziruyuschie showers, unapt to live hereby. The Disgraceful undershorts -- all of these, and I including. Ibo exists only one great adventure -- and this journey inside itself, and here do not matter neither time, nor space, nor even action. Once in several years I turned out to be on galley proof of such opening, but any once it some image sneaked;snuck out of me. And single explanation, which comes me in head -- guilty encirclement itself: streets and people, dwelling on them. I can not name nor one american street -- âêóïå with inhabitting her(its) folk -- which could bring about cognition most itself. I came the streets of the many countries, but nowhere felt itself such humiliated and ed, as in America. On all street of the America together taken I think as about enormous cesspool, cesspool of the spirit, in which all get sucked and sinks in íåïðåõîäÿùåì ãîâíå. À on this cesspool magic power labour raises the palace and factories, military plants and rolling mills, sanitarium, prisons and madhouses. The Whole continent -- as if night nightmare, generative unprecedented miseries in unprecedented amount. And I -- solitary essence on the most great lively party of health and happiness (ñðåäíåñòàòèñòè÷åñêîãî of health, ñðåäíåñòàòèñòè÷åñêîãî of happiness), where will not meet nor one 29 on-persisting sound and lucky person. Anyway, about itself I always knew that I íåñ÷àñòëèâ and íåçäîðîâ that with me not okay that I go not in leg. And in that consisted my single consolation, my single joy. But hardly this was it is enough. There was much better for my showers if I have expressed its protest openly if I for its protest left on penal servitude and has rotted there, and died. There was much better if I, like mad CHolzhoshu, çàñòðåëèë íåêîåãî glorious president Makkinli, certain íåçëîáèâóþ shower, nobody not ïðèíåñøóþ even small òîëèêè of the ill. Ibo thought hid on day my showers about murder: I wanted to see America destroyed, disfigured, comparable to the land. I wanted this solely from vengeful feeling, as retributions for crimes, created to me and me like, who as well as has not raised its voice, as well as has not expressed its hate, its protest, its equitable thirst shelters. I -- devilish product of the devilish land. And "I", about which write, long ago disappeared, when was not eternal. Whomever all this is shown by figment, but even that I èçìûñëèë, really existed, at least once, with me. The History can deny this, after all I have not played nor the most slightest dug in histories of my folk, but even though all that, about than I dialect, âûìûøëåííî, tendentious, spiteful, wrongly even though I liar and çëîïûõàòåëü -- however this truth, and this it is necessary to take. But here is that was... All that occurs significant, on nature its inconsistent. When appeared that, for who I write these line, I âîîáðàçèë that sometime outside of, as it is spoken, in lifes, lies the decision of all problems. Having Got acquainted with her, I have thought that has grasped the life for tail that has got something, for that possible to grab. Nowhere near -- beside I quite did not become to lifes. I searched for, to that be nailled, and did not find nothing. But in most searching for, in attempt to cover, be stuck, be through with unsettled state, I have found that, what did not search for -- most itself. I have understood that never felt nor the most slightest interest to lifes, but to that only, than I concern with presently, to that-that, parallel life, simultaneously and belonging to her, and residing outside of her(it). That there is truth -- little interested me, yes and real I do not çàáîòèëî, I occupied only imaginative that I daily choked in itself to live. Die today or tomorrow -- counts for nothing for 30 I and never had, but that even today, after perennial attempts, I can not voice that think and feel -- torments and tears apart me. Now me understandable that with most childhood I, íè÷åìó not rejoicing, chased on heel ñàìîâûðàæåíèÿ, and nothing, except this abilities, this power, did not want. All rest -- lie, all that I have ever made or has said not ing with my surges. But this forms enough-òàêè most to my lifes. My essence -- utter contradiction. So on I spoke. I considered that serious and reasonable, that lightheaded and reckless, that sincere and opened, that careless and careless. I combined all this in one, but over that was else someone, unexpected for all and first of all for most itself. The Boy poles-seeds of the years I loved to sit beside worker of the table äåäóøêè and read him while that awl. I vividly litter him(it) in that moments, when he, leaning on hand on hot flatiron, stood and smoothed the seam on coat, but itself in the interim dreamy ãëÿäåë in window. The Litter expression his(its) person, when he stood and dreamed, litter better, than contents of the read books, better, than our with him conversations, better, than plays, in which I played on street. I always much interested, about than he dreams that allows he âîçíåñòèñü on flesh-colored shell. Itself I hitherto did not learn to dream while awake. My reason always transparent, lives the minute and all in such spirit. His(its) day ãðåçû enchanted I. I knew that his(its) daydreams at all are not connected with work, with us, knew that he îäèíîê and that solitude meant the liberty for it. But I never was an îäèíîê, and in that minute least of all, when was given to itself. Seemed, me always someone accompany: I was as if mite from big head of the cheese, what I presented itself world, and I never stopped to think about this. I never existed apart, never thought itself whole head of the cheese, here is so-that. Consequently even though beside me and was a cause ïîãîðåâàòü, be ed, have a brief cry, I saved the illusion an accesories to the general, ecumenical mountain. If I cried -- signifies, and the whole world was flooded tear -- so I itself this presented. I much seldom cried. Mostly I merrily laughed, pleasantly spent time, but conducted I time pleasantly therefore that, what has said earlier, I really nor horseradish nor in that not âúåçæàë. If me bad -- signifies, and all over bad, I was run away in this. But all worse one, too worries. And this circumstance to as far back as infancies powerfully âïå÷àòëÿëî me. 31 For instance, recall the event with the other my childhood Jack Lousonom. The Whole year he did not rise with beds, feelling terrible pains. He was my best other -- so, anyway, spoke. Well well, first I, probably, felt sorry him(it) and, possible, sometimes called at to him home to show an interest, as he there; but in month or two I became absolutely indifferent to his(its) sufferings. I have said itself: he must die, and than sooner this will occur, so much the better. Solved this for itself, I and entered the corresponding to image: that is to say, quickly about he has forgotten, having given Jack his(its) fate. Then me was a years twelve and, litter, I much was proud of its decision. The Litter burial -- rather shameful action, shall say I you. Beside casket clustered ðîäè÷è and friends and squalled, as sick îáåçüÿíû. But mother -- that quite me äîêîíàëà. She, essence rare äóõîâíîñòè and, certainly, ïîñëåäîâàòåëüíèöà of the Christian Science* though and did not believe in smouldering and death, has raised such shout that Christ rose from grave itself. But not her(its) sweetheart Jack! No, Jack so and lay cool, as piece ëüäà, numb and unanswered. He moderate;temper, and on this count could not be two opinions. I knew this and was pleased. And not âûäàâèë nor tears. I could not confirm that he became better, èáî "he" disappeared. He has left, but together with him and that sufferings, which felt he itself and which he instinctively íàâëåê on others. Amen! -- has said I about itself and herewith, being in light hysterics, has aloud farted, beside casket just. What is a strong enxiety, I have heard, for the first time having fallen in love. But also love has caused anxiety me not too. If I on-persisting outlived, that presently did not write about this: I moderate;temper with split heart or was hung from ëþáâè. But the first love has taught me evil lesson: she has taught to lie. She has taught to smile, when smile did not want, toil, when do not believe in success, live, when find no sense continue the life. Even when I have already forgotten her(it), I still saved the habit to do that, in that did not believe. From the very beginning, there was only chaos, about this I already spoke. But sometimes I penetrated so close to core of the disorder that marvel was given, why all around does not burst. Became is accepted all topple on war. But, shall say I you, war not a bit did not concern neither me, nor my lifes. While rest found the warm places, I managed with one becoming very thin earning on another, and all a little soul with body did not part. I fired nearly immediately, what hired. I possessed unusual wit, but inspired 32 the mistrust. Where I nor entered -- I sowed;sown the discords, and not on its naivetes, but therefore that resemble(go)ed on searchlight, flashed every sort and kind of foolishness and futility. Besides, I did not know how to kiss ass authorities what befits. And this, certainly, selected me. When I asked work, on my type immediately defined that me before light bulb, get;receive I her(it) or no. And, of course, basically I her(its) did not get. However soon quest of the work themselves become for me by birth activity, çàáàâîé, so to speak. I called at and asked what-no work. So I killed time, not worse, insofar I understand, than on most rabote. .ß was Itself master, beside I remained free time, but, unlike other õîçÿåâ, I disposed only own ïåïåëèùåì and own insolvency. I was not neither corporation, nor trust, neither state, nor federation, nor commonwealth nation -- sooner, I looked like Gentlemen of the God if uzh on that has gone. So lasted with mediums of the war up to... we shall say so: one beautiful day, when me çàõîìóòàëè. Has Finally come the day, when I desperately âîçæåëàë of the work. I need for her. Not having nor one minute in spare, I have solved to consent to most ðàñïîñëåäíþþ ðàáîòåíêó on light, as follows: courier. I fell into personnel department of one telegraph company, shall name her(its) Telegraph Company of the North America "Kosmodemonik" -- entered under evening, ready for all. I returned from public library with óâåñèñòûìè volumes on economy and metaphysician under mouse. To my great surprise, in work me was refused. The Type, which me îòøèë, turned out to be the êîðîòûøêîé beside commutator. Probably, he has taken me for student of the college though my statement clear spoke of that that I have long ago terminated formation. In statement I have even supplied itself degree ph.d Columbian university. Obviously, this remained unespied, or with suspicion perceived êîðîòûøêîé, which me îòøèë. I tugged and hurlled, more so that for the first time in lifes acted on full ñåðüåçå. And not only: I have swallowed own pride, which in some -- person -- events more great. The Wife, what âîäèòñÿ, îäàðèëà me leers and grin. "Nothing other I and did not wait", -- has said she. I will go to sleep, ponderring on this, not yet having recovered from burning insult, çàâîäÿñü more and more sleepless in the night. That I have a wife and child, needing for support, not so uzh I disturbed: after all work never offer only therefore that beside you èæäèâåíöû -- I understood much well. No, me 33 tormented that they rejected me, Henry V. Millera, formed, erudite person, who asked most ðàñïîñëåäíþþ ðàáîòåíêó on light. This me straight-òàêè kindled. I could not from this finish. In the morning I âñêî÷èë a little light, was shaved, vested in the best suit and has hurried to metro. I resolutely moved to the main office this telegraph company, rose on twenty fifth floors or where-there president with vice president have made itself den. And has said that want to see the president. Naturally, president or has already left, or was too occupied to talk with me, but: can, you speak to vice president or, better, with his(its) secretary? I have taken the secretary of the vice president, clever, attentive small, and I have voiced him that íàêèïåëî. And has done this very deftly, not very ardent, but in ditto time hinted that me not so-that simply îòøâûðíóòü aside. When he has raised the telephone tube and has required the main controlling, I have thought that this usual delay that I am going to ãîíÿòü on location while I mouldboard itself not. But as soon as I have heard his(its) word, has immediately changed its opinion. When I got before office main controlling, in the other building not far away, I already waited. I sowed;sown in suitable êîæàíîå easy chair and çàêóðèë offered greater cigar, that sort that will add çíà÷èòåëüíîñòè. Seemed, this subject was vividly caused anxiety by my deal. He has asked me all tell, up to the most small details, and their own greater âîëîñàòûìè óøàìè tried to catch whole information, which could confirm the version, already appeared in his(its) noggin. I became understandable that I accidentally turned out to be the instrument, capable to help him. And did not disturb âûóæèâàòü from me that is pleased his(its) fantasies, nor for second not missing from type, where wind blows. On move of the talk I have noticed that his(its) location to me all grow and grows. Finally-that although someone shown certain participation to me! To saddle its êîíüêà, me nothing else was needed. After all, year hunting for work, I became the connoisseur: has studied not only that, what does not follow to speak, but also that, as it is necessary to tell lies and intimate. Soon, the assistant main was caused controlling to listen to my history. Hereto time I have already haved time to âûñòðîèòü all as on-written. I have understood that Haymi -- "æèäåíîê" -- as âåëè÷àë his(its) general manager -- nothing do not do, considering itself manager of the personnel. Haymi usurped the job title, this clear, as day. Clear also that Haymi jew and that jew not in honor beside main controlling, as not in honor and beside mister 34 ëèíãåðà, vice president, which in turn was as if bone in throat for the main controlling. Possible, exactly due to Haymi, "this dirty æèäåíêó", in êóðüåðñêîé to service turned out to be the high percent contents a jew. Possible, Haymi -- one of one, hired the workman in personnel department -- Zakatnom small piece of coal, as they his(its) have nicknamed. But this, has thought I, was a splendid possibility for mister Klensi, the main controlling, settle up with with certain mister Bernsom, which, how do I have reported, study(work)ed the manager of the personnel without small thirty years, but now not ñòåñíÿÿñü shirks from deals. The Counsel lasted several hours. Closer by the end of mister Klensi has conducted me in ñòîðîíêó and has reported that is going to to do the boss me. However previously than place me in office, he as about complaisance asks me to work the courier of the special purpose. Besides, this some sort of time sprnt as a student, and will not be excessive. At set I get;receive salary of the manager of the personnel, which will protrude on separate count. To be short, I must stroll from one office to another and observe without exception for all that there occurs. And must now and then present the small report about position of the deals. And, as he expected, once in a while secretly drop in to him home on short conversation about state of affairs in one hundred one branches to telegraph company "Kosmodemonik" in New-York-City. In other words, I must was for several months to change in spy whereupon steeply go upwards. Can, at one beautiful day I fix the main controlling or even vice president. That was a tempting offer although and not inspiring confidences. And I have said: "Yes". Through several months I already sat in Zakatnom small piece of coal, hiring and firing as accursed. That was a present slaughterhouse, ïîìîãè me Gentlemen. All from begin before the end was meaningless. The Flow of the people, the document, voltages. The Terrifying slapstick on background of the perspiration and mountain. But in the same way simply, as espionage, has taken I works of the hiring and sacking and all that thereof resulted. I have said "yes" whole. If vice president ordered not to take the cripples, I did not take the cripples. If vice president spoke that all couriers senior forty five subjects to sacking without ïðåäóâåäîìëåíèÿ, I fired them, not having warned. I did all that from I required, but thereby that they happened to to feel sorry about this. When ripened the strike, I washed the hands and waited, when she flames up in the whole power. I have immediately understood that she flies him in get prettier äåíåæêó. Whole system was 35 the cue rotted through, such inhuman, such rotten, so absolutely spoiled and bulky that even genius did not be able breathe in it sense and ïðèâíåñòè order, not dialect uzh about usual kindness, humanity and respect to person. I have rebelled against the whole system of the labour in America, systems, rotted through through. I felt itself ïÿòûì by wheel of the vehicle and did not wait nothing, except usages. Practically, usages were subjected to all: the president and his(its) command were used unencountered power, workmans -- management device and so on, on all level and the like. With its roost in Zakatnom small piece of coal I as it were loored around all american society with heights ïòè÷üåãî flight. As if, the telephone directory turned the pages of. On the part of like is not deprived sense: alphabetical order, numbering, ðóáðèêàöèÿ. But if âãëÿäåòüñÿ the ïðèñòàëüíåå, when examine the page for page, nothing not missing, when study the separate subject and even his(its) internal device, study the air, which he äûøèò, life, which he leads, rates, which he does -- is opened such halitosis and äåãðàäàöèÿ, such abjection, grief, misery, hopelessness, senselessness that better was peek in crater of the vulcan. Possible, there was consider whole american life: economic, political, moral, spiritual, artistic, statistical, ïàòàëîãè÷åñêóþ. She looked, is woke;waked enormous chancre on tormented member. Even worse, honored word, èáî you will not manage to see nothing although remote reminding member. Possible, in past this and was a life, productive, delivered although minute joy, minute delight. But, ãëÿäÿ on it with its roost, I saw something more rotten, than eaten an îïàðûøàìè cheese. Strangely, why halitosis did not drive them away... I any once use past time, but, certainly, and presently all same, but can and worse. Anyway, presently we èçâåäàëè the halitosis to the ful. By then, as on scene appeared Valeska, I have already hired several army bodies courier. My small office in Zakatnom small piece of coal reminded îòêðûòóþ injector, and halitosis from there went corresponding to. I dug in trench on leading and kept the circular defence. We shall Begin with that that person, who I have displaced, moderate;temper through several weeks after my receipts. He was kept just so much that I have haved time to be masterred, but has afterwards rejected the hoof. All have occurred tak. rapidly that I not even has felt the feeling of the blame. From the very beginning my stay in office all were an united never-ending sheer hell. For hour before my receipts on service -- but I always 36 was late -- there already thronged the competitors of the places. I stole on stairway, pushing aside all ëîêòÿìè, and literally power forced to its table. Not having haved time to to remove the hat, I already answered the dozen of the telephone calls. On table was three telephones, and all of these rang simultaneously. They caused beside me incontinence before that else, as I proceed with performance of the duties. But earlier five-poles hours evening I did not manage to descend in óáîðíóþ. Haymi happened to else worse, after all he was clinging to commutator. He sat for him with eight mornings before poles of the evening, concerning with transposition chip. The Chips -- couriers, which one office loaned another for day or ïîëäíÿ. Nor one of one hundred one branches did not possess its equipped by staff, and Haymi happened to to solve the chess çàäà÷êè, moving chips, in that time, as I worked as if accursed, shutting holes. If sometimes miraculously I managed to fill all vacancies -- for the other day to was necessary all try back, but sometimes position else and grew worse. Constantly served from power twenty percents workman; rest -- fin. The Constant employees survived the recruit. Constant got from forty before fifty dollars at week, sometimes sixty or seventy five, but, could be, before a hundred at week that is to say earned they much more clerk and often more controlling. But beginner -- that by a narrow margin got ten dollars at week. Some, having study(work)ed ÷àñîê, threw all to devil, often having chucked pack of the telegrams in garbage can or in drainage chute. Uvolinyayasi, they required the immediate payment that was impossible by reason of complicated paperwork. It is impossible was earlier, than in ten days, say, who how much has earned. First I invited the visitors to sit down and all explained him in detail. Until has vented the ligaments. Soon I learned;learnt to spare power for the most necessary. The Main, each second small was inborn ëãóíèøêà, yes else and knave âïðèäà÷ó. The Majority entered and were discharged not once upon a time. Some considered this splendid way to search for other work since on call of duty they happened to to be in a hundred of offices, where earlier them and on threshold have not let. Fortunately, Makgovern, old faithfull doorman, given forms of the statements, possessed the çîðêîñòüþ of the camera. À beside me under hand stood the office books, where were brought all competitors although once upon a time passed through my thresher. The Office books were formed like police protocol: they were a variegated red mark, meant one or another misdeed. Judge themselves, in what difficult 37 living I turned out to be: each second name was noted by larceny, fraud, rowdiness, feeble-mindedness, èçâðàùåííîñòüþ or idiocy. "Be careful -- so-and-so so-and-so -- epileptic!" "Not take this -- he íèããåð!" "Attention! Iks îòòðóáèë in Dannemore* or somewhere in Sing-Singe* the vapour(pair) of the years". If I turned out to be the fan of the etiquette, nobody as well as was not accepted. I happened to to learn by leaps and bounds, and not on book, but on own experience. Existed the thousand and one detail, on which possible was judge about competitor: I was to take into account their all immediately, and besides quickly, after all for short day even though you capable, as sorcerer, -- you may hire so much-that and not more. Never mind, how much I took -- workman always came short. On the following morning all are necessary try back. Some, I knew, study(work) only one day, and however I was have to take them too. The System did not meet the demands, but critiques of the system did not fall into êðóò my duties. I was ordered hire and fire. I was in most centre of the disk, which spun;span so quickly that could not stop. Here was needed the mechanical engineer, but with mechanism, in the opinion of the authorities, all were in order, all were beautifully and splendid, yes here is only temporarily run away. Vyshedshee from beneath checking included: epilepsy, larceny, vandalism, perversions, íèããåðîâ, jew, whores and -- why no? -- sometimes strikes and strikes. Because of what, following logic authorities, was necessary take the greater broom and is polished âûìåòàòü stable, or r for handgun and bat and invest the reason in poor idiot, suffered illusion global imperfection that that exists. Sometimes turned out to be useful to talk about the God, or make the total choir practice, can, and bonus sometimes appropriate unless help the word. But in general-that the most important -- support at a rate of acceptance and sacking. While there is people and amunitions -- we on horse, and tanks our quick. In the interim Haymi tirelessly took the purgative of the pill in amount, sufficient to ðàçíåñëî the back place if beside it such èìåëîñü, but back place, beside it was not. He only âîîáðàæàë that recovers. He only âîîáðàæàë that is toppled in bowl. The Poor fellow was in trance indeed. It is Necessary to keep a check on ñîòíåé of the offices, and in each its staff courier -- ìèôè÷åñêèé unless hypothetical; there were couriers real and âûìûøëåííûå, palpable and intangible. Haymi happened to to shuffle their whole day through, but I in the interim shut holes, which too were imaginative, after all nobody not 38 could say most certainly, arrive recruit, remitted in branch, tomorrow, day after tomorrow or never. Some of they got lost in metro and in labyrinth under skyscraper, some were wound whole day on town glandule, using that that uniform allows the free journey, but they, can be, never enjoyed the åçäîé whole day on town glandule through. Some left aside island Statuesque*, but turned out to be in Kanarsi or as far back as some other place, where their able lump selected police. Some forgot the place æèòåëüñòâà and disappeared absolutely. Some, hired for functioning(working) in NEW YORK, month after appeared in Philadelphias, as it is woke;waked so and it is necessary, as on Hoylyu*. Some already were going to to arrive to the destination, but on way solved that more simply to sell the newspapers, and began to sell, in our uniform until got red-handed. Some, obeying strange warning instinct, straight went in police station. On morning, only adding in office, Haymi began to repair the pencils. He ñâÿùåííîäåéñòâîâàë, íåâçèðàÿ on multiple call, èáî, as he has explained me later if first go not to repair the pencils, they so and will remain íåî÷èíåííûìè. The Following deal was peer in window and watch, as there weather. Afterwards, right before çàòî÷åííûì by pencil, he removed the small frame at the top ãðèôåëüíîé of the board, which beside it always under hand, and in this frame fixed the condition of the weather. This, spoke he me, often serves the useful justification. If lies the snow by thickness in thirty centimetres if on road slosh, that most devil pardonable that he not too ãîíÿåò the chips, but uzh manager of the personnel that ïà÷å possible forgive that he not before the end shuts the holes in such days, faithfully? But that for me so and remained the secret, so this that -- why he after ïî÷èíêè êàðàíäàøåé does not leave straight to shit, but includes the commutator in network. This he has explained too subsequently me. Anyway, each day began with tumults, complaints, constipation and vacancy. Else he began with loud äóõîâèòûõ winds, evil scent èçî ðòà, wobby nerve, epilepsies, meningitis, low salary, expired payment, shabby shoe, spurs, fallen archeses, lost notebook and stolen fountain-pen, telegrams, thrown away in sewerage, with threats of the vice president and advice controlling, with aquabbles and dispute, with rainstorm and ragged line, with new and well forgotten old methods èíòåíñèôèêàöèè labour, with hopes on the best timeses and prayers about bonuses, which as well as did not give. New couriers undertook 39 spare, perished under ïóëåìåòíîé by queue, old çàðûâàëèñü all deeper, as rats in cheese. All were uncontented, but especially public. With SAN FRANCISCO possible to on wire for some ten minutes, but delivery of the message addressee could occupy the whole year if it all his(its) reached. The Christian alliance of the young people, anxious fortification to morals worker pair in America all over, made the daily meetings, and if I did not release there several ùåãîëåâàòûõ junker to listen Uiliyama Carnegie Asterbilita younger, that got the reprimand on service. Mister Mellori is from Charitable League to should like to know, can I spare him sometimes several minutes to listen to his(its) tales about exemplary concluded, exemptible under honored word, which were lucky to serve in any quality, even courier. Mrs Guggenhoffer from organization "Mercy for jew" was ïîëüùåíà if I ïîñïîñîáñòâîâàë her(its) project on support some being destitute family, which were destitute therefore that all members to families feeble, inferioity and unable to function. Mister Haggerti from society "Shelter fugitive" was certain that beside it just there is several suiting junker for me if I ðèñêíó give him chance: each have carried to handles of their stepparent and stepparents. The Mayor NEW YORK will become me extremely grateful if I personally prima participation in bearer letter, for which he in every way guarantees, but why he has not ed "bearer" work itself -- remained the secret. The Persons ed on my shoulder, stretches me scrap of the paper, on which is traced: "I all understand, but nothing not ñëûøó". Lyuter Uinifred cost(stand)s near it, floors his(its) çàäðèïàííîãî coat united stickpin. Lyuter on two seventh net indians, but on five seventh americans of the german origin, so he explains itself. On indian line he belongs to to tribe êðè, he one of the êðåé of the staff Montana. His(its) last work -- washing the shop windows, but trousers on he hungs terribly, beside it quite no asses in trousers, and him shame on you to climb on stairway in whitness of äàì. He only was yesterday drawn from hospital, and therefore extremely VWVhave diarrhea, but not so VWVhave diarrhea to not to be able to break in the telegrams, so he supposes. But else Ferdinand Mish, as I could about him to forget? He has stood in queue all morning to say me several words. I have not answered his(its) letter. This truth? -- asks he me âêðàä÷èâî. Of course, no. I vaguely remember last letter, which he has sent from hospital "Cat and Psa" to Greater Contest, where was listed 40 the îáñëóãîé. He has said that will repent in that that abandoned to job titles. But this has occurred due to father, who suppresses his(its) liberty and deprives the âñÿêîé to joys. "Presently me twenty five, -- wrote he, -- and, think, I do not follow henceforward to sleep with my father, not so? I heard of you as about true gentleman, now I itself for itself answer and hope that..." Makgovern, old fellow doorman, cost(stand)s near by Ferdinandom and waits, when I ïîäàì sign. He to want to weigh out Ferdinandu under back by knee, he else remembers, as that years five back in full uniform writhed in fit of the epilepsies on sidewalk before the main by entry in office. But, shucks, I can not give him sign! I am going to to give the wretch a cur last chance. Can be, I go;i)suit him(it) in Tea-town, where service comparatively calm. In the interim Ferdinand is vested in back room in uniform, but I read the message an íåêîåãî orphans, which is eager "help the companies to reach the authentic success". He speaks that if I äàì to him possibility, he will be prayed for me each sunday, in which will visit the church, exclusive of that sundays, when he must be noted beside officer, superintending for his(its) prior liberation. Of course, he nothing have not made. Has Simply pushed one lad, but that fell, was knocked by head and died. Hereinafter: ex-consul from Gibraltar. The Splendid handwriting, the most splendid. We Ask his(its) peek at the end of the day -- there is in him something suspicious. In the interim beside Ferdinanda fit begins in locker. The Pretty business man! If this has occurred in ïîäçåìêå, with number on service cap and all such, me immediately âûøâûðíóëè on street. Hereinafter: one-armed lad, angry as devil since Makgovern will indicate him hand on door. "That for äüÿâîëüùèíà! I strong and çäîðîâ, realy not so?" -- îðåò he and in witness easy raises the chair by single hand and splits him(it) on piece. I return to table, but there already lies the telegram for me. Open. From George Blazini, our former courier No 2459 yugo-vost. branch. "Beg pardon that I was discharged so soon, but work did not correspond to my innate laziness, but in general-that I much love the labour and much áåðåæëèâ, but as often we unable to finish with our ãîðäûíåé". Shitty First I was a packed optimism, in spite of compressed me stranglehold. I had an ideals and followed him, liked this vice president or no. Each ten days he caused me on rug and reprimanded me on cause that that beside me "too good heart". In my pocket money never âîäèëèñü, but then I liberally ordered 41 the someone else money. While I remained the boss, I opened the credit. I spent the money to the right and to the left; I took out of itself cloth and linen, returned the books and all that found for itself excessive. My power, I whole company has returned that poor fellow, which precipitated me. If asked the dime -- I gave ïîëäîëëàðà, but when asked the dollar -- gave five. I did not consider, how much give, me was easier lend, than refuse. Nor reek in lifes I did not face with such focus of the trouble and hope not to push henceforward. The People are destitute all over -- so was always and always will. À under terrible poverty quietly blazes the fire, usually invisible, imperceptible. But he flames up, and if beside anyone will get the gallantries to bloat his(its) -- he capable to become the big fire. I constantly convinced not to be soft, sentimental, merciful. Be VWVrepeat over and over again! Be hard! -- forewarned me. To devil ñîáà÷üèì! -- spoke I itself, I shall be generous, compliant, íåçëîáèâûì, tolerant and soft. First I listened to each before the end, and unless could give work -- gave the money, but unless there was money -- gave the cigarette or tried to reassure the word. But I something gave! The Result turned out to be the îøåëîìèòåëüíûì. Nobody could not expect such effect from good deals and good words. I fell asleep thanks, the best wish, invitations, touching givings. If I possessed the persisting power, rather then was ïÿòûì by wheel of the vehicle, the God knows, what I have not made! I was able to use the telegraph company "Kosmodemonik" as staging area to bring all mankind to the God, I have transformed whole North and South America, and dominion Canada âïðèäà÷ó. I knew the secret: be generous, be good, be tolerant. I âêàëûâàë for ïÿòåðûõ. Three years nearly has not rescued. Beside me was not a decent chemise, and often me was before that shame on you beg the money beside wife and open the piggy bank own child that I went on fraud and robbed the blind a seller newspapers on stations metro that äîáûòü triviality on tram and in time arrive on work. I so much all over çàäîëæàë that even for twenty years of the stubborn labour not was able pay. I took beside one, had, and gave one, need, and this it is correct, I have entered exactly in the same way, turn out to be again in like to situations. I to manage to make the prodigy -- stop the mad òåêó÷êó of the personnel(frames), about this nobody has not sweeped away and dream. But instead of that to support my efforts, I lay in wait for. According to logic authorities, fluidity paused due to too high salary. So 42 they reduced the salary. Hereunder they as if âûøèáëè bottom baskets. All building was crushed on my shoulder. But the authorities, as nor in than did not can be, continued to persist that I have shut all holes immediately. To soften the blow, I have reported confidential that I even can raise the percent a jew, sometimes can hire the invalid if that else on something capable that is to say can do something from that that disagrees the secret code. I was in such fury that took àáû who; has took mustang and gorillas if was able to breathe in them although a little aptitudes, absolutely required for delivery of the telegrams. Else several days back to closing remained not more five-poles vacancy. Now -- three, four, five ñîòåí, they run away, as sand between finger. Simply strangely. I sat and without spare questions took all ïîä÷èñòóþ: íèããåðîâ, jew, paralytic, invalid, judged, whores, maniac, pervert, idiot, all ñó÷üèõ cur, capable to be running at two legs and hold in hand telegram. Controlling in one hundred one our branches were near death. I laughed. I laughed all days through at thoughts about that, what âîíþ÷åå âàðåâî in current whole of this has prepared. The Complaints poured the river from all parts of the city. The Service was èñêàëå÷åí, ïðèïåðò, çàäóøåí. The Mule finished ïðîâîðíåé some our idiot, put(deliver)ed by me in team. The most remarkable permit turned out to be under new position of the deals to hire the courier of the womans. This has changed whole atmosphere of the enterprise. À for Haymi this was as Godsend. He has unfolded the commutator by so as, manipulating their own chip, not to miss me from type. In spite of added trouble, beside he did not fall off the erection. He came on work with smile and smiled whole day. He was on ñåäüìîì sky. By the end of day I constituted the list of five-poles worthy attention. The Play was concluded in that that we their kept on strive;b)try, promised work, but first go tried to tear off. Sometimes, there was it is enough little their feed that they were in office at âíåóðî÷íîå time and ðàçëåãëèñü on zinc-coated table in locker. But if beside they èìåëàñü the suitable apartment, but such sometimes happened, we accompanied them home and finished in beds. If they wanted to drink, Haymi grabbed the bottle. If they were íåäóðíû itself and really need for old woman, Haymi got the pack of the money and separated from it five-ten dollars, review on circumstance. Beside me slobber òåêóò, when recall, what pack of the money always was under him. Where he their gained-- do not know, after all he earned less all in 43 the torah. But money beside he âîäèëèñü always, and I always got beside it as much as asked. Somehow we ñïîäîáèëèñü the bonuses and I have returned Haymi debt before the last cent, and this so has amazed him(it) that he has invited me in that evening in "divide;share-Monica" and èñòðàòèë there on me integer condition. Little this -- the following day he has persisted on buying the hat, chemises and gloves for me. He has even offered me on night its wife, but has warned that at the this moment beside it some troubles on feminine part. Except Haymi and Makgoverna beside me was else pair assistant, splendid blonde, often kept we company at dinner. And else was O'MARA, my old friend, recently returned with Philippines -- his(its) I have done its main by assistant. Else, there was Steve Romero, oxen-medallist -- his(its) I kept thereabouts on event of the dangers. And O'RURK, detective to companies, which came to me on report at the end of the workday, when he set to work. Afterwards I have comprised of staff one more -- Kronski, young student-physician, who was much interested by ïàòàëîãè÷åñêèìè events former beside us in äîñòàòêå. We shown the carefree êîìïàøêó, united by total desire by all means íàåáàòü our company. À, íàåáûâàÿ company, we åáàëè all that got us on eye and was fit for this; the exception amongst us formed O'RURK-- he was obliged to keep certain value, but, besides, considerable enxiety he delivered ïðîñòàòèò, why he has lost to åáëå any interest. But then O'RURK was áëàãîðîäåí and generous, generous above any praisings. Exactly O'RURK often regaled us supper, and to him we went with its trouble. But here is what became in Zakatnom small piece of coal through vapour(pair) of the years. I was occupied its humanism, experiment that or other characteristic. At calm minute did the marks, which subsequently expected to use if someday get;receive possibility to state its experience. I waited the respites. But afterwards, in one the beautiful day, I have caused on rug under certain farfetched pretext vice president and has ed the phrase, seed beside me in head. He has said: "Well if anyone have written the book about courier in spirit Goracio Alzhera"*. He has intimated that such person could become ya. I was beside oneself from that that he such bonehead, and together with that ïîëüùåí, èáî secretly long ago was already broken open. I have said itself: "Weathers, êîçëèíà, will you Goracio Alzher, here is only îòêðîþñü... you are a weathers". The Head went around, when I abandoned his(its) office. I saw crowd of the mans and womans, passed through my hands, 44 the deals them in tear, in plea, heard their ïðîêëÿòüÿ, saw their sputum, their anger, their threats. I saw their traces on road, where lies the overturned freight trains, parents in tatter, empty coal basket, crowded sinks, fogged up wall, on which between áóñèíàìè èñïàðèíû ñíóþò, as if mad, cockroaches; I saw them, toddled as knock-kneed goblins, lain in epileptic êîð÷àõ flat on the back; the mouth in crick, but èçî ðòà amply ëåçåò saliva, twisted pain members; I saw, as infect, is woke;waked on wing, envelops all, having got free from captivity, saw the authorities with his(its) iron logic, the authorities waited, when all óëÿæåòñÿ, óòðÿñåòñÿ itself itself, waited self-complacent, thoughtless, çàïèõíóâ in mouth greater cigar and having placed legs on table with word that all-de temporary troubles. I saw the hero Goracio Alzhera, daydream of the sick America, risen above and above: first courier, afterwards operator, afterwards control, afterwards chief, afterwards director, afterwards vice president, afterwards president, afterwards magnate, beer king, then gentlemen of all America, money god, the god god, flesh rafts, nonentity in âûøíèõ, zero in encirclement ninety seeds of a thousands of the zeroes. Shitty, has said I itself, you get the scene twelve small people, zeroes without encirclement, numerals and sign, twelve robust worms, sapping foundation your rotted through systems. I am an âûäàì to you Goracio Alzhera, his(its) glance for day following Apocalypse, when whole halitosis will disappear with person of the land. To I went for support with the whole planets. Not to count towards the most simplest, were here presented all races. Not to count towards àéíó, ìàîðè, ïàïóàñîâ, zulu, ïàòàãîíöåâ, èãîðîòîâ, ãîòòåíòîòîâ, òóàðåãîâ, not to count towards vanished òàñìàíèéöåâ, àòëàíòèäöåâ, inhabitants of the land Grimalidi, I had a representatives nearly all type inhabited under sun. Beside menya. were two brothers, still sent ñîëÿðíûé cult, two íåñòîðèàíöà from äðåâíåé Assirii, two ìàëüòèéöà-twin, and descendant May with Yukatan; I had several brown brothers with Philippines and several ethiopians from Abissinii, were an inhabitants pampas Argentina and íèùèå cowpuncher from Montany, were a greeks, poles, croatians, letts, slovenian, czeches, spaniard, âàëëèéöû, finns, swedes, russian, äàò÷àíå, mexican, puerto rican, cuban, óðóãâàéöû, brazilian, àâñòðàëèéöû, persians, japanese, êèòàéöû, ÿâàíöû, åãèïòÿíå, african with Gilded Coast and IVORY coast, hindus, àðìÿíå, turk, arabs, german, irishman, àíãëè÷àíå, canadian and heap italian and jew. The Litter only one frenchman, and that he study(work)ed not more three hours. There was several 45 the ðèêàíñêèõ èíäåéöåâ, basically tribe cherokee, but was not neither òèáåòöåâ, nor eskimo. I met such name, as not âîîáðàçèòü, and handwritings, which were changed from cuneiform before refined and untexplainable beautiful calligraphy êèòàéöåâ. I âíèìàë to people, thirsted work -- amongst them egyptologists, botanists, surgeons, gold diggers gild, professor of the east languages, musicians, engineers, physicians, astronomers, anthropologists, chemists, mathematicians, mayors city and governors staff, prison proctors, cowpuncher, woodsmans, sailors, fisherman of the oysters, port longshoremens, riveters, äàíòèñòû, painter, sculptors, plumbers, architects, maestro abortion, white slaves, divers, steeplejacks, farmers, salesmen hour and cloth, huntsmans, guards lighthouse, panderers, îëäåðìåíû, senators -- all, íàøåäøèå place under sun, and all of these asked work, cigarettes, triviality and one more chance, about omnipotent Gosh although one chance! I met and knew the people, which were saint if saint âîäèëèñü in this world; I met and talked with large scientist, booze and òðåçâûìè; I listened the people, possessed by divine fire in their depths, which could accuse the omnipotent Gentlemen in that that they worthy best share -- Gentlemen, but not vice president to telegraph company "Kosmokokkik". I sat, riveted to worker to table, and travelled on the whole world at the speed of light, and I have understood that all over one and ditto: hunger, humiliation, indifference, vice, ill, greed, extortion, pettifoggery, torments, äåñïîòèçì, íåãóìàííîå attitude of the person to person, tie, blinders, cause, bridle, whip, spurs. Than small calibre -- so much the worse person. The People went on street NEW YORK in stained with blood, disparaging vestment, despised, below humiliated, strolled, as loons, as penguins, as horned live-stock, as trained sealskins, as patient burroes, as èøàêè, as mad gorillas, as obedient maniacs, ãðûçóùèå ïîäâåøåííóþ bait, as âàëüñèðóþùèå mouse, as guinea pigs, as squirrels, as rabbits, but many and many of them could control the world and write the great books. When I think about some persian, arab, which I knew, when I think about discovered by them quality, their concinnity, tendernesses, wit, their sanctity, I lash on white conquerors of the world, äåãåíåðàòèâíûõ áðèòàíöåâ, ñâèíîãîëîâûõ german, self-complacent frenchman. Land -- great alive creation, planet, saturated by people, living planet, speaking itself for itself, let stammerring and stammerring -- not house of the white race or house of the black race or house yellow or lost blue race, but this house 46 the ages, but all people are before Gospodom and beside all its chance unless today then through a million of years. The Brown brothers with Philippines bloom at one beautiful day, but èñòðåáëåííûå èíäåéöû North and South America at one beautiful day come alive to jump newly on plain, where now cost(stand) the city, disgorging fire and epidemic deathes. For whom coping-stone? For person/ Land belongs to him since he and there is land, her(its) fire, her(its) water, her(its) air, her(its) mineral and vegetable essence, her(its) spirit, which êîñìè÷åí, íåïðåõîäÿù, which there is soul of all planets, which themselves changes by means of endless sign and symbol, by means of uncountable manifestations. wait, Shitty from êîñìîêîêêîâîé of the telegraph company, devil with top, expecting, when ïî÷èíÿò plumings, wait, dirty white êîíêèñòàäîð, çàïÿòíàâøèé land by cloven hoofs, instrument, weapon, áîëåçíåòâîðíûìè microbe, wait all, who heartily settled down and recalculates dug, this not yet end. The Last person will else say its word, previously than approaches the end. Fairness must triumph and for the last alive amoeba -- and she will triumph! And nobody nothing will not withdrew with itself, even cur from êîñìîêîêêîâîé of the companies of the North America. When came time of the furlough, but I did not use him during three years, after all I so tried on good of the companies -- I have taken three weeks instead of two and has written the book about twelve small folk. I wrote not ïîêëàäàÿ hands: on five, seven, sometimes eight thousand words at day. I considered that person, solved to the writer, is obliged to give at least once five thousand words at day. I supposed that he must say on all immediately, in one book, but afterwards die. I nothing do not be aware of writer craft. Sometimes I fell into panic, but was a packed determination âûòðàâèòü from consciousness american Goracio Alzhera. Think, was got the most unchancy from ever written books. That was stupendous that, false from beginning and before the end. But this -- my first book, and I was enamoured in it. Be beside me money, as beside Andre ZHida, I have published her(it) to its account. Be beside me courage Walt Uitmena, I itself has breaked in her(it) on apartment. Each, to whom I have shown her(it), has declared that book terrible. And I happened to to abandon to thoughts about writing. I happened to to hear that previously than you will put(deliver) its signature, it is necessary èñïèñàòü volume, as this did Balizak. I happened to to hear, but soon feel on itself that it is necessary to throw all, nothing anymore to concern with, but only write that you must write, write and write even though all around against this even though 47 who in you do not believe. Can be, and write-that that's why that nobody does not believe. Can be, the present secret and is cut in that to force the people to believe. That book was got bumbling, false, bad, terrible, how do I have said, -- was wholly naturally. I immediately red for such deal, for which and genius dared r only at the end to its lifes. I dreamed to say the coping-stone at the beginning initially. This was senselessly and is performed false pathos. This was a shattering defeat, but it has infused the iron in my spine and sulphur in blood. At least once, I have understood that is doomed collapse. I have understood that it is necessary to do to obtain what-that great. Today, speculating about circumstance, in which was written that book, speculating about bounless material, which I tried to cram in narrow frames of the form, speculating about that that tried to cover, I ready to pat itself on shoulder and expose itself round "fine". I VWXbe proudPof that that has undertaken doomed on failure attempt: if beside me all were got, I became crock. Sometimes, turning the pages of old record, only under one look at name that, about lump I thought to write, I feel the dizziness. Each personage was shown me along with its world, he came to me and unloaded on my worker table, calculating that I ïîäõâà÷ó this cargo on their own shoulder. Beside me was not time to build the own world: I was to stand the íåäâèæèì, as Atlas, âîäðóçèâ legs on back of the elephant, but elephant -- on back of the terrapin. But one thought has reduced me with wit: but on than rests the terrapin? Then I nor about than has not sweeped away to think, except "fact". To penetrate âãëóáü fact, it is necessary to be an artist, but nobody does not become the artist for one night. First, it is necessary to tolerate the wreckage, when àííèãèëèðóþò all your inconsistent presentations. You behoove ñàìîóñòðàíèòüñÿ as human essence so as it be revived èíäèâèäóàëüíîñòè. You behoove to change in coal and minerals to work henceforward, coming from final common denominator own "I". You behoove to despise pity to peer into most root åñòåñòâà. The New sky and novaja zeml'a* not to create one -only "fact". Yes and no "fact" -- there is single fact: each person on the land goes to destined its expensive. Beside someone she long, beside someone -- short. Each èñïèâàåò its fate in one's own way, and nothing he will not help if he not good, not generous, not tolerate. Then many belongings, comprehensible now, seemed me, with my enthusiasm, unexplained. I think, for instance, about Karnahane, one of that 48 íàäöàòè small people, chosen by me for book. He served that is identified, sample of the courier. Has Finished the known university, possessed the unusual wit and remarkable nature. He worked on eighteen, on twenty hours in day and earned much more any other courier. His(its) clients wrote about him in letter, ïðåâîçíîñÿ before íåáåñ; he offered increasing, but he refused under that or other pretext. The Veins he much conservatively, leaving most of the salary to wife and äåòÿì, which veins in the other city. He had two vices: loved to drink and play on exchange. He could not drink the whole year, but, having drunk gulp, came off. He twice carried on Uoll-Strite and all before that what come to me for work he did not reach nothing greater, than position of the sexton in some çàõóäàëîì ãîðîäèøêå. And have fired him(it) from this work since he has drunk the wine, prepared for participle, and afterwards whole night rang in bell. He was honest, serious, sincere. I have believed him, and he has justified the confidence by following perfect service. However, he in cold blood çàñòðåëèë wife and äåòåé, but afterwards çàñòðåëèëñÿ itself. Fortunately, nobody of them not moderate;temper. They all together lay in hospital and all have recovered. I called at to visit his(its) wife after he was ïðåïðîâîæäåí in prison. I offered her help. She gave a flash denial. She has said that her(its) husband -- the most measly, the most mean ñóêèí son from all two-legged and that she dreams to see him(it) on gallows. I remonstrated her(its) two days, but she remained uncompromising. I visitted in prison and talked with him through metallic net. I have found that he has haved time to to conquer the authority and special prison privileges. He not at all seemed given. Opposite, he built the plans, what use time of the captivity to learn the craft of the comissioner. After liberation he was going to to become the best comissioner in America. Possible say that looked he lucky. Asked not to worry, with him-de all will be in order. Has Said that all very preventive to him and that him not on that to complain. I left from it in a certain ðàñòåðÿííîñòè. I left on nearest beach, has solved be ransomed. All I introduced in the new world. I a little have not forgotten to return home, so was an absorbed cogitations about this lad. Who can confirm that all, happened to him, has not occurred to the best? Possible, he will come out of prison by wholly fledged missionary, rather then comissioner. Nobody can not predict, whom he will become. And nobody can not help him since he creates its fate on own harmony. 49 There was one more lad, hindu by name Guptal. He not only shown the sample of the good behaviour -- he was saint. He supplied the passion to ôëåéòå, on which played softly always one in its poor closet. Once upon a time his(its) have found denuded, with cut from fish soup before fish soup ãëîòêîé, but beside on beds lay the flute. Several womans were going to On burial, which sobbed, and amongst them wife of the caretaker, çàðåçàâøåãî him(it). I could write about him safe book-- about this youth, the most decent and áëàãîíðàâíîì of the person from all, who I ever knew, nobody never brushed against, nothing nor from who not required, made its main mistake, having arrived in America, where he intended to sow the world and love. There was else Deyv Olinski, one more faithfull, skilful courier, nor about than, except work not thought. Beside it was a fatal weakness -- he too much chattered. Entered to me, he already has several times detoured the globe, but uzh than only did not earn on life -- íå÷åãî and speak. He knew around twelve languages and was proud of the ability to him. He belonged to to that people, for which their readiness itself and enthusiasm -- their doom. He each wanted to help to find the way to success. He wanted to work more, than we could him to give -- such was bad. Can be, in vain I his(its) not ïðåäîñòåðåã, sending in our branch on Ist-Sayde that this, breakwater, dangerous place, but he âûêàçûâàë itself so ìíîãîçíàþùèì and so persisted on work in this region -- because of their own faculty for languages -- that I nothing have not said. I have thought about itself: much soon you itself in all understand. And, of course, he did not happen to long to wait the troubles. Bandit, young jew from that counties, came and asked the form for telegram. Deyv, our courier, was on duty for rack. He did not catch fancy of, as this person asked the form. He has advised him to be little polite. For this he has got the slap in the face. This only ïîäõëåñòíóëî the oratory Deyva whereupon has followed such blow that his(its) teeths have flown in gulp, but jaw turned out to be to be broken in three places. But also this has not served the sufficient lesson, and he was not shut. As the last äóðà÷üå, what he, however, and was, he goes in police station and arranges the complaint. À in week, when he sat on chair and napped, in premises âîðâàëàñü the gang a ruffian and èçìåòåëèëà him(it) in mash. The Head ðàñïëþùèëè so that brains reminded the omelette. This little -- they have devastated and have overturned the safe. Deyv deceased on road five hundred dollars found his(its) carrying in gospitali. . most tip... Afterwards were Klauzen and his(its) wife Lena. They have mended together though work searched for only he. Lena 50 the stingers on hand breast infant, but he else two ðåáÿòèøåê for hand. To me their has directed the agency for unemployed. I have taken his(its) as night courier so he relied on the fixed salary. Through several days I have got from it mildly mad note, in which he asked to excuse his(its) absence, èáî he must was be noted beside officer, superintending for his(its) prior liberation. Then has followed else note, in which he wrote that his(its) wife refuses with him to sleep, since does not want more äåòåé, and could not I call at to him and persuade her(its) sleep with him. I will go to him home -- in cubicle in italian quarter. She reminded the ïñèõóøêó. Lena newly was pregnant, month on ñåäüìîì, not less, and on galley proof madness. She preferred to sleep on roof since in room was very hot, but else therefore that she did not want that he to she touched. When I have said that now this already does not matter, she has looked at me and twist;controt smirked. Klauzen waged war, and, can be, gas has done his(its) mildly stupid: anyway, he seemed áåñíîâàòûì. He has declared that âûøèáåò her brains if she not ñëåçåò from this roofs. He expected, is woke;waked she sleeps on roof to ñíîøàòüñÿ with coal miner, who veins on mansard. Here Lena newly smiled the joyless æàáüåé by smile. Klauzen came out of itself and äâèíóë to her leg in back. She has hastily run away, having grabbed their own âûðîäêîâ. He âåëåë her not to return. Has Afterwards opened the dresser and has pulled out the sound colt. Derzhu him(it) on event âñÿêîé to necessities, has explained he. Else he has shown me several knifes and bat, made with the own hands. Afterwards çàïëàêàë. He has said that wife makes the fool from it. He has said that him disgusting to work at it, after all she sleeps with whom fell into county. And children not him(it) since he already not capable to do the child even though has wanted. And the following day, when Lena has left for buying, he has taken the äåòåé on that most roof and bat, which on the eve shown me, has smashed him heads. But afterwards dashed with roofs itself -- downwards head. When Lena returned and saw that happened, she has gone crazy. Her(its) happened to to and cause the hospital crew... Else, there was SHulidig, rat, twenty years ed in prison for crime, which he did not make. His(its) beat before half to death while he has not pleaded guilty; afterwards single conclusion, hunger strike, tortures, lower, drug addiction. When his(its) have freed, in him already nothing do not remain from person. He has described me one of the nights the last month of the conclusion, agony of the waiting the liberty. I never heard nothing like, never thought, 51 that human essence can outlive such suffering. On liberty his(its) overcame the obtruding awe before that that his(its) will compel to make the repeated crime, and he will again turn out to be in prison. He complained of persecution, surveillance. He seemed, is woke;waked for he go on heel. He spoke that "they" bias his(its) make that, what him absolutely not to want. "They" -- that lad, which hung beside it on tail, which have hired to bake thoroughly newly him(it). On night, when he has rescued, they íàøåïòûâàëè him on ear. He was defenseless before them since first they hypnotized him(it). Sometimes they placed him under pillow drugs, but together with drug -- revolver or knife. They calculated that he will terminate the certain innocent shower, and then against it will be an unassailable evidences. He became all bad to worse. Once upon a time at night, when he long went the circle with pack of the telegrams in pocket, he ïîäîøåë to police and has asked to his(its) have delayed. He not smog to recall neither its name, nor address, nor even names of the company, on which worked. He has absolutely forfeited the memory. Single that he repeated over and over again: "I innocent... I innocent". And once again he has made äîïðîñ with using the tortures. Unexpectedly he âñêî÷èë and çàîðàë crazily: "I shall acknowledge!.. I shall acknowledge..." -- and with these word began to confess in one crime for others. This lasted during three hours. Unexpectedly, in most peak of the hair-raising confession, he stopped, was quickly examined on sides as person, suddenly received in itself, and then, with speed and power, which capable to accumulate only madman, has done the monstrous jerk through camera and has cut out itself skull about stone wall... I have stated these events briefly and hastily: so, as they flashed by in my memories, but memory my is pressed from a thousands of such details, from myriad of the persons, gesture, history, confessions, bound and bound, as if scenes, unfolded on shocking facade èíäóèñòñêèõ temple, but not graven from stone, but created from human rafts: monstrous product VWVappear in the dreams, built completely from reality, but already not reality, but simply container, in which is concluded secret human áûòèÿ. My reason returns to that clinic, where on ignorance and on goodwill I âîäèë some íåñìûøëåíûøåé on curing. To express atmosphere of that place, I do not come to mind nothing better linens Ieronima Bosha*, on which is expressed sorcerer, on .ìàíåð äàíòèñòà deleting alive nerve as the source madness. All quackery and whole insolvency our scientist doctors 52 reached the apogee in personalities that courteous sadist, which managed this clinic with full consent and at connivance of the law. He was âûëèòàÿ copy Kaligari*, right before without paper hubcap. Pretending on understanding of secret activity of the ferrics, vested by power of the medieval monarch, ïëþþùèé on pain, caused by him, indifferent to the whole, except their own medical cognitions, he set to work on human organism so, as plumber approaches to underground pipe. In addition to that poison, which he carried in organism of the patient, he else resorted at event to help fist and êîëåíåé. All justified "reaction". If victim was without consciousness, he plow, beat her(it) on mug, twitched for hands, sloshed, booted. But if, opposite, victim shown too greater vitality, he used same most methods, but with duplicated by power. The Sensations of the patient counted for nothing for it; what reactions he nor reached as a result -- all served only acknowledgement and manifestation of the laws, controlling activity ductless gland. The Purpose of his(its) treatment was concluded in adjustment of the subject to society. As it were he quickly nor worked, was he successful or no -- society, turns out to be, delivered all more maladjusted. Some so little were adapted that when he frantic beat them on cheek to cause the due reaction, they answered àïïåðêîòîì or kick in egg. Faithfully: the majority his(its) charge were exactly such, as he described -- potential criminal. The Whole continent went on slippery track -- yes and presently goes -- and not only ferrics need for ðåãóëÿöèè, but also joints, and skeleton, and skeleton construction, and cerebrum, and cerebellum, and coccyx, and larynx, and pancreas, and liver, and upper bowels, and lower bowels, and heart, and buds, and testicle, and womb, and fallopian tubes, and the whole God ïðîêëÿòàÿ system. The Whole country -- lawlessness, cruelty, blast, äüÿâîëüùèíà. This -- midair, in climate, in óëüòðàãðàíäèîçíîì landscape, in stone wood, liing horizontally, in quick ample river, overpunching stone canyons, in very-large-scale distances, in unbearable arid desert, in wild harvest, in monstrous fruit, in mixture of the quixotic bloods, in äðåáåäåíè cult, sects, âåðîâàíèé, in opposition of the laws and languages, in ïðîòèâîðå÷èâîñòè temperament, determinations, need and request. Our continent packed indulged to cruelty, bones, antediluvian pixy and lost human names, secrets, shrouded by death. Atmosphere becomes timeses so electrified that soul 53 òàâëÿåò the body and comes off wit. Like rain, all are going to in bucket -- or not at all is going to; the whole continent-- enormous vulcan, crater which temporarily hidden moving panorama, which part daydream, a part awe, a part despair. From Alaska and before Yukatan -- one and same history. The Nature takes its. The Nature wins. Around one and same global need to kill, ravage, rob. Outwardly they seem remarkable, well-mannered people: sound, sanguine, manly. But inwardly worm is eaten. The Teeny spark -- and they are blasted. Often can be, as in Russia that person, having awakened, already anticipates the quarrel. He and awakes so, as if ðàçáóæåí monsoons. In nine from ten events he -- good lad, which all love. But when he falls into ðàæåãî already not stop. He is befitted horse, struck êîëåðîì, and the most best that you may for it to do -- shoot on place. So always can be with peace people. Once upon a time they come off wit. In America they ïðåáûâàþò the able madness constantly. Their energy, their thirst shelters needs output. Europe regularly was subjected to the war. America èñïîâåäóåò the pacifism and cannibalism. Outwardly she reminds the beautiful honey honeycomb, on which creep the òðóòíè in fury of the labour; èçíóòðè she -- slaughterhouse, where each tries to kill the neighbour and âûñîñàòü brain from his(its) bones. The Surrface watcher will see the self-confident manly world; indeed America -- brothel, populated woman, whose sons -- panderers, trading flesh full-grown. Nobody does not know, what is a be complacent itself, give itself respite. This can be only in film, where all -- forgery, even flame of the hell. The Whole continent is sunk in deep dream, generative nightmares. And nobody can not sleep êðåï÷å me in this nightmare. The War came and left, only weak roar called back in my óøàõ. Like my compatriot, I too pacifist and cannibal. A Millions ïîãèáøèõ in this carnage opened, as cloud, have left, as àöòåêè, as èíêè, as bisons. Folk expressed the deep grief, but nothing like, people only âñòðåïåíóëèñü in VWVappear in the dreams. Nobody has not lost the appetite, nobody has not got up and not çàáèë in bell. I and has understood-that for the first time that was a war, only through ïîëãîäà after cessation of the hostilities. This happened in town tram on Fourteenth street. One of our heroes, nincompoop from Texas with festoon of the medals across bosom, has suddenly noticed the officer, øåäøåãî on sidewalk. The Type of the officer has enraged him(it). Itself he was a sergeant and, 54 probably, had a reason for anger. As it were that nor was, type of the officer has enraged his(its) so that he âñêî÷èë with stay-at-home and was taken water shit our government, army, civil, passenger of that tram, all and the whole. He has declared that, happen one more war, his(its) there not çàòàùàò no power. He has declared that first wants to watch, as will kill any ñóêèí son, but uzh will afterwards go to wage war; he has declared that to shit does not want on medals, which his(its) ðàçóêðàñèëè and to prove this, he has vented them and âûêèíóë in window; he has declared that if will someday turn out to be with some officer in one trench -- is shot him(it), as if mad dog, in çàòûëîê, and this also pertains to general Pershingu and to any other general. He else much what has said, using çàìûñëîâàòûå curse, which rallied there, and nobody has not revealled the mittens to object him. And when he carried and carried, I have for the first time felt that sometime there really went the war, and that person, who I ñëûøó, visitted there, and, in spite of his(its) bravado, war has transformed him(it) in coward, and when him to come to kill, he will do this in cold blood and conciously, and nor beside who will not get the determinations to send him(it) on electric chair, èáî he has performed its debt, concluded in negation own holy instinct, and so all were fair -- after all one crime èñêóïëÿåòñÿ others into the name of the God, fatherland and mankind, will yes be with all you world. À in the second once I have felt the reality of the war, when former sergeant Grizuold, one of our night courier, once upon a time went mad and ðàçíåñ smithereens pavilion on stations of the railway. His(its) have directed to me for payment, but beside I came short heats to âîîäóøåâèòü him(it). He âûêàçàë such remarkable pulling to destruction that I wanted not only to embrace him(it), I hoped that he will rise on twenty fifth floors or where there were a cabinets of the president and vice president, and settles up with with this hateful leash. However into the name of maintenances of the accursed slapstick of discipline, me to was necessary somehow punish him(it), otherwise íàêàæóò me, and, çàòðóäíÿÿñü choose least from punishments, I stopped on that that has removed him(it) with pieceworks and has again translated into hard salary. He has perceived this hostile, not having recognized my to him likings, and soon I have got from it note, in which he has warned me about its fast visit and asked to get ready to that that he will the skin with me. He wrote that call at after functioning(working), and åæåëè I am afraid him(it), I better çàðó÷èòüñÿ the close presence several sound pairs. I have understood importance of each his(its) word and, certainly, ñòðóõíóë. I waited him(it) 55 one, feelling that to ask protection -- signifies to show else greater cowardice. This was a strange experiment. Must be, under one look at me he has understood that I -- ñóêèí son and false âîíþ÷èé hypocrite, as he has named me in note. But I became such only therefore, as he was a little better. Probably, before he äîøëî that we sit in one boat moreover rotten boat gave the greater flow. I have discerned this as soon as he was: outwardly else as it were beside oneself, but intrinsically already quieted down, ïîìÿã÷àâøèé and light. Itself I disposed of their own awe, has a little seen, as he enters. And that I was quite one and ñïîêîåí, and not so strong, and not much-that in power to protect itself, gave me known advantage. Not that that I wanted to have this advantage. But so turned, and I, naturally, èçâëåê thereof advantage. As soon as he sowed;sown, -- immediately became soft, as if putty. He already was not muzhik, but simply big child. Probably, such, as he, there was a millions -- adult äåòåé with automaton, ready to destroy the horde, not having twinkled by eye. Having Found oneself on òðóäîâîì front, without weapon, in default of well distinguished enemy, they turned out to be helpless, as ìóðàâüè. All çàâåðòåëîñü around question about food. Meal and charge per apartment :-- became single, for that it is necessary to fight, but was not a way, well distinguished way fight for this. As it is woke;waked army, on all article strong and well equiped, capable to give fighting, collected, and all got order to retreat, each day to retreat, retreat and retreat, èáî such a strategic line although because of this lose to positions, lose the guns, lose the amunitions, lose ïðîâèàíò, lose the dream, lose the courage, finally lose life itself. And where went the fight for meal and charge per apartment, lasted the retreat, in mist, in nights, and not on some reasonable reason, but since such a strategic line. For it this meant -- taciturn to suffer. Wage war was easy, but fight for meal and charge per apartment reminded the war with army of the ghosts. You could only retreat, and during retreat to observe, as one for other is perished òâîè brother, taciturn, mysterious, in mist, in the dark, and nothing here it is impossible help. He was so devilishly bewildered, is stunned, so beyond hope tangled and beat that hid the head in palm and burst into tears on my worker table. And while he mourned its life, suddenly çàçâåíåë telephone, rang from office of the vice president-- never vice president itself, but always from his(its) office -- and required that I have calculated this person, Grizuolda, immediately, but I have answered: "Yes, sir!" and rang off. I nothing have not said 56 Grizuoldu about bell, but will go together with him home and ate with him, with his(its) wife and äåòüìè. And, abandonning him(it), I gave itself promise that if me to come to fire this lad, someone will pay for this, but previously was necessary hear, from who comes the dictation of the termination of employment. Excited and sullen, on the following morning I rose straight in cabinet of the vice president to see him(it) personally and ask: who has returned the dictation, and why? And, previously) than that will have time to from the whole îòêðåñòèòüñÿ or the reason, I âûëîæó him all straight, in haste and in most sore spot, but if you this does not like, mister Bill Tvildillinger*, you may and beside me to deprive work, and beside it -- and çàïèõíóòü itself in ass -- here is in such spirit I and carry;sustain;incur on it. But afterwards returned on its slaughterhouse and continued the work as usually. I expected, certainly that I shall expose, previously than ends the workday. Nothing like. No, to my surprise, I have rung the general manager and has advised to pertain to the whole more simply, not to take in head, little quiet down, yes, keep cool, not to hurry, we shall revise this deal and t. d. I think, they hitherto revise his(its) -- after all Grizuold works, as usually, they have even raised him(it), fixed by clerk that too was a dirty ðàáîòåíêîé, èáî clerk paid less, than courier, but this has satisfied the pride Grizuolda and, no doubt, ïîóáàâèëî his(its) passion. Here is that can be with lad, which in ñíàõ hero only. If nightmare so is frightened that you awake -- you immediately fall into retreat, which is terminated or ñêàìüåé ïîäñóäèìûõ, or revenge of the vice president. But this one and ditto, devil pottage, slapstick, fiasco from begin before the end. I know, I there was since once upon a time awoke. But having awaken -- came out of play. I left in the same door, as entered -- without your äîçâîëåíèÿ, sir Something occurred continuously, but this too long process to with the first times on all recall. You haved time to to notice first of all blast, well and, can be, spark, preceded blast. But all occur on its law -- in full consent and correspondence to with all cosmos. And previously than blast, bomb it is necessary thoroughly to prepare and equip the suitable heaves. But after cur take off, I shall certainly throw with my high horse, will through over, as soccer ball, return the legs, ðàñïëþùàò, will humiliate, will constrain, will transform in week medusa. I am whole life did not search for friends, but in that special period to my lifes they, seemed, themselves _______ * Purposive distortion to surnames (lrshchech. before.). 57 the âûðàñòàëè around me, as mushrooms. I nor minute was itself with itself. If I came home late at night in hope to repose, someone else äîæèäàëñÿ me. Sometimes aiming gang sat in my apartment, and him, seemed, was not a deal, shall come I or no. Each group friends, who I have wound, despised other group. Stenli, to example, despised all rest. Ulirik too was enough-òàêè ÿäîâèò. He right before returned from Europe after perennial absence. We were not seen from childhood, but here once upon a time absolutely were accidentally met on street. This day turned out to be important daytime my lifes, after all he has opened me new world, the world, about which I often dreamed and which did not hope to see. I distinctly litter that we stood at the corner Sixth avenue and 49-y streets in thickened twilight. I am a litter this therefore that seemed extremely absurd to listen the person, telling about Aetna and Vezuviy, Kapri, Pompei, Maroc and Paris at the corner Sixth avenue and 49-y streets, on Manhattan. I am a litter, as he was examined on sides during talk, as if person, not yet wholly understood, for what he returned, but already vaguely felt that has made the terrible mistake. Seemed, his(its) eye spoke all time: this not that, this nor on that does not be fit. However he this not pronounce, but told more and more: "Certain, you there like! Know, Europe is as if created for you!" When he has left, I could not recover from surprise. I could not regain consciousness from his(its) tale. I wanted to listen else and else, all -- in the most small detail. Nothing from that that I read earlier about Europe, did not correspond to the bright tale from own mouths of my friend. And this seemed else óäèâèòåëüíåå that's why that both we âûðîñëè in one and same condition. He to manage this due to áîãàòûì friends and skill to spare the money. I else nor reek did not see nobody on-persisting rich, ed light and having money in bank. All my friends were like me, veins one daytime. O'MARA -- yes, he travelled about little, nearly on the whole light -- but as idler or on army service that else worse idleness. My friend Ulirik turned out to be first, about who I could sincerely say that he ïîïóòåøåñòâîâàë. And he knew, what tell about their own adventures. After this casual meeting on street, we were seen enough often during several months. Usually he rang me to evening, after dinner, and we strolled on áëèçëåæàùåìó park. As greedily I âíèìàë! The most Small detail about the other world çà÷àðîâûâàëà me. Even now, after years, even now that Paris for me openning 58 the book, his(its) pictures Paris still cost(stand) beside me before eye -- such they bright, such real. Sometimes, after äîæäÿ, quickly ïðîåçæàÿ on city in taxi, I catch the flashing types that Paris, which he has described me: the momentary picture, avoiding Tyuiliri, types Monmartra, Sakre-Ker*, ïðîåçæàÿ on ryu Lafit in the last light ñóìåðåê. Here is he, áðóêëèíñêèé lad! Such expression he used, when scrupled its inability be expressed more exactly. And I was simple áðóêëèíñêèì lad, that áèøü the most last and the most small from people. But when I went, I became on you with all world and seldom met anyone, who could describe charming and faithfully that he saw and felt. That evening in Avenue-park* with my old-time other Ulirikom more whole guilty in that that today I here. Majority from that places that he has described me, I have already seen the own eye; some of them I, can be, shall not see never. But they live in me, warm and bright, exactly such, what he has created them during our walks on park. In our conversations about the other world was âïëåòåíî all heat and ñâîåîáðàçèå of the work Lourensa*. Often, when park already became deserted, we else sat on bench and discussed the nature an ëîóðåíñîâñêèõ èäåé. Looking over on these discussion, I now can understand, insofar I was tangled, in what miserable ignorance for true importance of the words Lourensa ïðåáûâàë. If I really understood in all, my life will not go on such way. The Majority of the people lives is woke;waked in sunk condition. About itself I can with the whole certainty to say that while I have not abandoned America -- I did not rise on surface. Can, America here and nor under than, but fact remains the fact: I have not revealled the eye broadly, packed and clear until faced Paris. And, can be, this has occurred only therefore that I îòðåêñÿ from America, îòðåêñÿ from its past. My friend Kronski was in the habit of make fun of on my "euphoria". Such are a cunning way he reminded me, when I ïðåáûâàë in unusual revelry that the next day he will find me given. This was a truth. My mood that took off, that fell. The Long periods to sullenness and melancholies were replaced the extravagant flash of revelry and ecstatic ascent. And at all I did not become itself itself. Strange sounds, but I never was itself itself. I was or anonymous author, or person by name Henry Miller, âîçâåäåííûì in n-th degree. In the last mood I could talk Haymi safe book, åäó÷è in tram. That most Haymi, which never suspected in me someone, except fault-free 59 the manager of the personnel. I and presently as it is woke;waked see his(its) eye, when he somehow has at night looked at me, ïðåáûâàâøåãî in "euphorias". We drived up on tram to Bruklinskomu bridge*, following in certain apartment in Grinpoynte, where us awaited the pair of the hookers. Haymi, as was çàâåäåíî, was taken interpret its wife about gonad. First he and did not know that exactly means the word "gonads", and I happened to to explain him this ãðóáîâàòî and äîõîä÷èâî. During explanation I was shown so tragic and amusing that Haymi does not know the word "gonads" that I became as drunk, is woke;waked has drunk the whole litre a whisky, hidden for belt. The Thought about unnerved gonad has generated the certain resemblance of the tropical growing: integer of the cloud assotiation, amongst which tenacious entwined, secretly hidden -- were Dante and SHekspir. In that moment I have suddenly recalled the chain of the thoughts, which began on medium Bruklinskogo bridge and turned out to be unexpectedly ragged word "gonads". I have understood that all, said Haymi before word "gonads", passed VWXbe drafty me, not assigned. On medium Bruklinskogo bridge in I appeared that appeared once from reek in past, usually on way to small bench father: presentation, which, as ecstasy, was repeated day by day. That appeared in me, possible briefly name the book of the timeses, äîêó÷íîñòüþ and monotonicity to lifes, sunk in terrible activity. Not about this book I speculated the year, not her(its) wrote any day on accustomed ways from Delansi-ñòðèò to Myurrey-hill? But, ïðîåçæàÿ on bridge, when sat the sun and flashed the skyscrapers, shining, as if ôîñôîðåñöèðóþùèå dead bodies, I correlated with past recollection about road there and through bridge back, road on work, which death, and road home, which morgue; recall Fausta, looring around graveyard, lash on graveyard with heights of the coach, each morning on platform all same èìáåöèë-man on duty, other èìáåöèëû read newspapers, will get up new skyscrapers, new tombstones, adown swim court, Foll-River-ëàéí, Olbani-Dey-ëàéí, why I meal on service that I shall do at night, hot ïèçäà beside my nose, shall be able I am enclosed to her(its) bosom, leave away and become êîâáîåì, gold digger on Alaska, çîëîòîäîáûò÷èêîì, all throw and be looked over, not to die while, wait else äåíåê, good luck, yard, put an end, downwards, downwards, in corkscrew, head and shoulder fall into silt, legs while free, ñîáåðåòñÿ fish, will begin æðàòü, tomorrow new life, where, yes somewhere, why begin all once again, around one and ditto, death, death -- here is key, but until die, ïîäîæäè äåíåê, good luck, new person, new friend, million of possibilities, you else too young, you 60 õîëèê, you must not while die, ïîäîæäè äåíåê, good luck, that-ñåãî and so on, on bridge in glass airshed, all cohered together, hearts, ìóðàâüè, âûïîëçàþùèå from dead tree, and their thoughts, âûïîëçàþùèå same way... Can be, lifted ââûñü on full tilt, âîçíåñåííûé on street motion, on life and death, when on both sides high-altitude tombstones, tombstones, blazing in light of the sundown, but adown carelessly flows the river, flows as time itself, can be, any once, ïðîåçæàÿ there, I was subjected to some influence, indivertible alarmed me; anyway any time I went on bridge, I felt itself extraordinarily solitary and that nor occurred, book beginning to form itself itself, âáèðàÿ events, which I never outlived, thoughts, which not âûñòðàäàë, conversations, which did not lead, hopes, daydreams, errors, which never was subjected to. If all this formed my essence -- extraordinary, more so that nothing, seemed, is not changed, but only lasts with place of the last stop, in the same spirit, as on my first baby independent walk, when I ed to dead-cat, âìåðçøóþ in inedible ice of the gutter, when I for the first time took a look at death and has taken her(its) whole soul. At this point of time I have got to know, what is a full solitude: each subject, any alive and any dead essence not dependent friend from friend. My thoughts too exist wholly independently. Suddenly, having taken a look at Haymi and having recalled strange word "gonads", presently the most strange word of my spare, I have newly felt the icy solitude, but Haymi, sitting beside, became the enormous toad, toad, and nothing more. But I jumped with bridge by downwards head, downwards, in the first-born slime, legs clean;scratch;peel and wait the bite -- exactly Satan has flown down with íåáåñ* and downwards head has doved in harden entrails of the land to reach most her(its) navel, the most dark, the most thick and the most hot point of the hell. I went on desert Mohave* and one, went beside, waited approach to nights to will pounce and èñòðåáèòü me. I again went on Country of the Daydream, but he -- it is necessary me on strained wire, but on he sat in aeroplane of the person, drawing in the sky characters from smoke. The Woman hung on my hand, was pregnant, through six or seven years essence, which she carried in itself, is able to read the celestial characters, and he, or she, or it, will hear that this was a cigarette and will later begin to smoke, possible, on pack at day. In stomach on each finger âûðàñòàåò on íîãòþ, on hand and leg, and on this possible stick, on marigold toe, the most tiny marigold, which possible itself âîîáðàçèòü, and possible break head, trying 61 this learn. On one end of the cross-bar -- books, written person, concluding in itself such äðåáåäåíü wisdoms and nonsences, truths and lie that, ïðîæèâè although as much as veins Mafusail*, -- not ðàñõëåáàòü pottages; on the other end of the cross-bar -- such belongings, as íîãòè up and about, hairs, teeths, blood, gonads if you want, incalculable, written other ink, other handwriting, incomprehensible, illegible handwriting. The Eye of the gigantic toad were crowded on me, as if two buttons, frozen in cool fat; they have frozen in cool perspiration first-born slime. Each button -- îòêëåèâøèéñÿ gonad, illustration from dictionary, deprived careful literary îòäåëàííîñòè; the absence of the briliance in frozen yellow fat ocular ÿáëîêà, and each gonad -- button works out the underground chill, skating circle of the hell, on which people cost(stand) upwards òîðìàøêàìè on ëüäó, legs free and wait the bite. Here went Dante, nobody not accompanied, oppressed own vision, and through endless turn;curl gradually advanced to íåáåñàì, to èíòðîíèçàöèè by labour its. Here SHekspir, pleasing with type, was sunk in bottomless èçìûøëåííîñòü passions to come up for type stylish êâàðòî* and indirect tipoff. The Dim raid incomprehension is polished is washed off by squall of the laughter. From navel æàáüåãî eye leave the ÷èñòûå white rays to clarity, not requiring categorizations, abstracts, numbering and determinations, but blindly êðóæàùåéñÿ in kaleidoscopic change. Haymi-toad was an îâàðèàëüíîé by spud, given birth on high stairwell between two full tilts: for he built the skyscrapers, uprooted the wood, sliced the èíäåéöåâ, èñòðåáëÿëè bison, for it city-twins connected Bruklinskim bridge, lowered on bottom caissons, pulled from city to city of the cables, for it people were turned over upwards òîðìàøêàìè in the sky and drew the fire and smoke characters, for he invented the anaesthesia, but else -- forceps and Greater Bertha*, capable to destroy that, what is not seen eye, for he has split the molecule and have freed the atom from material, for it each night in telescopes considered the stars and took pictures other worlds slowly, as if gestated the child, for it borders of time and space has transformed in nothing, and any motion, whether flight of the birds or referencing the planets, have conclusively interpreted the sovereign æðåöû of secret cosmos. Then, on medium of the bridge, on medium of the way, always on medium: books, conversations, amorous act -- before I äîøëî newly that I never did that that wanted, and so in I appeared essence, which was nothing other, as obtruding 62 the ðîñëüþ filled me, as rising coral, and displacing every, else including life itself, which became such íåæåëàííîé, but all supported itself itself -- simultaneous birth and destruction to lifes. I could see, as life lasts and after death, as on dead body grow the hairs, people speak: "moderate;temper" -- but hairs still are indicative of lifes, and finally no deaths, but there is only this life hair and íîãòåé, the body disintegrates, spirit disappears, but also in most deaths there is something alive that estranges the space, installs time, creates endless motion. The Death can be because of ëþáâè, or mountain, or because of innate ugliness; the reason -- nothing, effect -- all. A Word initially was At the beginning*... That it nor meant, Word: destruction or creation, -- it unrestrained spreads, will spread henceforward, overtaking space and time, outliving angel, subverting God, turning over âñåëåííóþ. Any word concludes in itself all word -- therefor, who became is estranged because of ëþáâè, or mountain, or on some other reason. With each the word all return to beginning, which is lost and never will is found, èáî was not neither beginning, nor end, but only that has expressed itself as beginning and end. So, on îâàðèàëüíîì tram has occurred this journey of the person and toads, formed from one material, not better and not worse, than Dante, but absolutely other, one does not know for sure importance what that nor was, other knows too exactly importance whole, consequently, both got lost and loosed in basis and the end to fall out finally in sediment on YAvanskoy or Indian street in Green-ïîéíòå and be ïîäõâà÷åííûì by flow so named lifes at pair(vapour)s stuffed by dust of the hookers with quivering gonad, from broadly known class áðþõîíîãèõ. A Certain time me as the most amazing proof to my fitness, or uselessnesses, shocked that fact that I quite was not interested that that write or speak the people. Only, one subject pursued me, absolutely separate, separate, small subject. He could be a part of human body or stairway in îïåðåòî÷íîì Lodge; he could be a smokestack or button, selected in gutter. Than he nor was -- he opened the new horizons, allowed to go on concessions, put(deliver) its signature. But sign under life around me together with people, created this world, I could not. I did not belong to their world so definitely, as cannibal cost(stand)s outside of borders civilized society. I was crowded perverted by love to 63 the subject in itself -- not in philosophical sense, but in voluptuous, desperately voluptuous hunger, as it is woke;waked in this worthless, áðîñîâîì subject, which all neglected, was concluded secret of my rebirth. live In the world, where all teemed novelty, I became attached to old fellow. In each belongings èìåëàñü the small detail, which particularly riveted my attention. I had an eye-microscope targeted on vices, on scintillas ugly, single formed for me charming belongings. That put the thing outside of law that did her(its) unfit, discredited her(its) -- that attracted me and inspired the love to her. If this perversion, that perversion sound, considering my íåïðèíàäëåæíîñòü to the world, sprouted around me. And soon I itself became looks like belongings, which adored: subject outside of law, useless member society. I have beyond hope grown old, this clear. And all I saved the ability to wonder, inspire, supply. But I did not take simply and áåçûñêóñíî. Wanting, feelling urge, I was capable to choose any person, from any layer society, and force his(its) me to listen to. I could keep him(it) in tension if wanted, but, as ìàã, as sorcerer, only until âëàäåë goblet. Finally I caused to itself mistrust, suspicion, hate, which since instinctive, turned out to be resistless. I to the clown, then did not become borders for ñàìîâûðàæåíèÿ. But I have underrated this profession. The Figure I clown, or even vaudeville actor, I reached to popularity. The People has returned me due just on that reason, on which did not understand me. But they have understood that me and no need to try to understand. And this became relief unless say more. I always struck, as are they easy irritated people, simply listenning me. Can be, my speech was several extravagant though were they often irritated and when I tooth and nail itself restrained. The Tumbling of the phrase, choice çëîñ÷àñòíîãî adjective, lightness, with which word came off with my lips, mentioning subject, forming taboo -- all, as if having arranged, removed me for frames äîçâîëåííîãî, did the enemy a society. And never mind that all began splendid -- first or last I felt for nice. If I was modest and simple-minded, that seemed too modest and too simple. If there was merry and èñêðîìåòíûì, impudent and shameless -- that was too free-and-easy, too âåñåë. I as well as could not put(deliver) itself ai point with collocutor. And do not be this question to lifes and deaths, but for me then all were a question to lifes and 64 ti if this was simply condition of the undertaking the pleasing evening in house friends, all remained such complex. From I came the vibration, harmonics and óíòåðòîíû, unpleasant filled atmosphere. Could happen so that whole evening all âíèìàëè my tale, I could bring all before èçíåìîæåíèÿ, as often could be, and all, seemed, foreshadowed only good. But, as on âåëåíèþ fate, something happened, previously than evening drew to a close, was liberated certain vibration, forced ïîçâàíèâàòü chandelier, but the most sensitive showers recalled about night vase. Did Not yet fall silent the laughter, but uzh about itself gave to know the malice. "Hope, soon see each other", -- spoke me, but faded sweaty hands, stretched on farewell, yelled about the other. Persona non grata! The Gentlemen, as clear this me now! No choice: I must take all as it is and learn this loves. I must learn to live in scum, sail, as sewage rat, or sink. If you have solved be stuck to herd -- you are protected. That you have taken and have valued, you it is necessary îáíóëèòü most itself, become íåîòëè÷èìûì from herd. Possible dream if your daydreams such, as beside all. But åæåëè you dream on-other, you not in America, not american in America, but ãîòòåíòîò in Africa, or kalmyk, or chimpanzee. As soon as you çàèìååòå "èíàêóþ" thought, you then and there cease to be an american. But as soon as you you become someone others, you be better settled on Alaska or in Icelands. I am a dialect with malice, envy, hostility? Can be. Can be, I stinger about that that did not be able to become the american. Can be. And with present zeal, which again-òàêè american, I nearly ready give the life an ìîíñòðóîçíîìó to building, skyscraper, which, no doubt, ïðîñóùåñòâóåò else long after the other skyscrapers is disappeared, but which will disappear too, when that his(its) has generated, will cease to exist. All american at one beautiful day will disappear ïî÷èùå, than disappeared greek, roman and egyptian. This is one of the thoughts, depriving me rest, popping from warm, peace flow shelters, where we, bisons, carefree to fall. This thought caused in me boundless sadness, after all attribute to that-that eternal becomes the last agony. But I not bison, and no beside me desires to be a bison, let even oduhotvorennym. bison. I deleted to be joined to olden flow of the consciousness, to race, former before bison, to race, which their will outlive. All belongings, all animate and inanimate subjects, costing aloof, èñïåùåðåíû uneradicable 65 the øòðèõàìè. And that forms me, too uneradicable since cost(stand)s aloof. This, as I have said, skyscraper, but skyscraper different from common skyscraper in american stiletto. In my skyscraper no lift, no windows on seventy one thirds floor, whence be possible thrown. If you have tired to clamber, consider itself non-prevailing. In main âåñòèáþëå no pointers. If you search for someone -- you to come to search for most. If you wanted to drink -- come to leave and have a drink on street, I have no automaton with soda, no in this building tobacco kiosks and no telephone box. In all rest skyscraper there is all that is pleased, but in this no nothing, besides that likes me. And sometime in this skyscraper dwells Valeska, and we âèäèìñÿ with her when me this wants. Then she was in the form, Valeska, six feets under keel, but now, faithfully, the whole èçãëîäàíà worm. When she else ïðåáûâàëà in rafts, her(its) too ãëîäàëè, but hearts in look of the people, not dear nothing that has other tone, the other scent. Bad that in vein Valeski òåêëà negro blood. This provided in dejection all surrounding. She, outside of dependencies from your desire, put you in popularity about this. The Negro blood, as I have said, and else that her(its) mother was a whore. The Mother, of course, blanching. Who was a father -- did not know nobody, even itself Valeska. All descended smoothly until êîðîòûøêà, officious jew from office of the vice president does not äîêîïàëñÿ. He dread, has reported he me confidential, from thought that I äåðæó as receptionists colour. He has said that she capable to render the evil influence upon courier. The following day I have caused on rug. All have surrounded so, is woke;waked I have made the sacrilege. Of course, I persisted on that that has not noticed for her nothing unusual, except, realy that, her(its) íåîáû÷àéíîé to breeding and capacity to work. Finally, president itself was retreated. Between him and Valeskoy has occurred the short talk, in the course of which he much äèïëîìàòè÷íî has offered her more high job title in Havana. And nor word about questions shelters. Have Simply taken into account that her(its) work cost(stand)s above any praisings, and have solved to fuse in Havana. Valeska returned in office beside oneself. When she got angry, she was irresistible. She has declared that does not äâèíåòñÿ with place. Steve Romero and Haymi in that moment turned out to be on place, and we all will together go to eat. At night we little have drunk. The lug came untied Beside Valeski. On way 66 home she has said me that does not be going to to surrender; has asked, will not deliver this me troubles on service. I have peacefully answered that, it is said if she will blaze, I too am discharged. She, like, first has not believed. I have repeated, having added that not too worried happened. She was deeply touched before depth showers, has taken me for hands and kept them in their own hand much tenderly, but on cheek her(its) streamed the tears. So all began. Probably, for the following day I have sent her note, in which confessed in that that mad about it. She read the note sitting opposite me, and, having run her(it), has watched me straight in eye and has declared that does not believe. But we will again go together to eat, and have drank more yesterday's, we danced moreover during dance she sensual snuggled to me. This was just then, when my wife was going to on the next abortion. I have reported on this Valeske during dance. On way home she has suddenly said: "Let's, I lend;loan you one hundred dollars?" The following day I have brought her(its) home eat and allowed to deliver the wife one hundred dollars. I wondered, how quick women(woman) have found the total language. In the same evening was solved that Valeska will come to us at day of the operations to look after child. Has Come that day, and I have released Valesku a little early. In hour I and itself has suddenly solved óéòè with work. And will go in musical on Fourteenth street. Not reaching quarter before theatre, I unexpectedly have changed mind. Simply came to mind that if something will happen if wife will reject the hoof, I shall suffer acute remorse that that has conducted this time in theatre. I little were turned on trade row and then moved home. All turned the strange image. Trying entertain the child, I have unexpectedly recalled the stunt, which shown me äåäóøêà in the childhood. Take the domino and build from it high naves, afterwards carefully pull the tablecloth, on which sail to naves while they do not turn out to be on most êðàþ the table, afterwards do the sharp jerk, and all building is toppled on sex. We repeated this newly and newly, âòðîåì while äåâî÷êà did not get tired; then we have sent her(its) sleep. The domino was spilt On sex, and tablecloth too wallowed on sex. Suddenly Valeska bent over on table, and her(its) language to penetrated by half depths my gulp, but my leg found oneself between her(its) legs. I have placed her(it) on table, but she has connected the legs beside me for back. Under ñòóïíåé I felt knuckle a domino, small part of the fleet, ðàçãðîìëåííîãî 67 us not one groups of ten once. I have recalled the äåäóøêó, sat on bench, as he sat and spoke my full-grown that ÿ-äå .ñëèøêîì young to so much read, but eye watched pensive, but hands pressed on flatiron, smoothing humid seam; I thought about attack San-Juan-Faded*, which have undertaken our volunteers, about picture, expressed Teddi at the head volunteer, picture was in book, which I usually read near worker of the table äåäóøêè; I thought about battleship "Meyn"*, which hunged on my bed in small room with çàðåøå÷åííûì by window, and about admiral Diyui*, and about SHlee*, and about Sampsone*; I thought about íåñîñòîÿâøåéñÿ trip on military shipyard since on way father has suddenly recalled that us it is necessary to call at to doctor, but when we came out of receiving, I already had not neither tonsils, nor faiths in human essence... We have hardly finished, what the bell ðàçäàëñÿ, and this was a wife, returned home with slaughterhouses. I else fastened the trousers, hurry to frontdoor. The Wife was blanching, as flour. So always: does the type that will not carry the next abortion. We have placed her(it) in bed, but have afterwards collected the domino and have covered the tablecloth a table. On the following evening in bistro, following in óáîðíóþ, I went by two buddies, played in domino. I detained for second and has caught one knuckle. Touch to domino has reminded of nave, about patter, with which it fell on sex. And together with nave from I have left my lost tonsils and faith in human essence. So every time, walking on Bruklinskomu bridge and ãëÿäÿ downwards, on shipyard, I felt, as in I am turned over guts. Here, upstairs, ïîäâåøåííûé between two full tilts, I felt the emptiness under itself; all, practised previously, seemed unrealistic, and even worse -- unnecessary, unnecessary. Instead of that to me with life, with people, with human activity, bridge, seemed, breaks all communication. And where go -- to one coast, to the other -- did not matter: any one of two ways was a way in hell. Some image I óìóäðèëñÿ to lop the communication with the world, created human hand and human reason. Can be, rights was my äåäóøêà, can, I in fetus was poisoned read book. But from that times much water escaped. Already long ago I practically ceased to read. But wormhole remained. Now for me people as books. I ïðî÷èòûâàþ them from crust before crust and after throw away aside. I absorb their one for another. And than more I read, that bad ñòàíîâëþñü. 68 This is no limit. This will not be an end while inwardly I shall not appear the bridge, connecting me with flow of the lifes, from which I was âûäåðíóò else child. The Terrible sensation solitude. It hungs it is necessary me year. If I believed in prescriotions of the stars, I had no doubt that completely íàõîæóñü under influence of the Saturn*. All that happened to me -- . has occurred too late to much signify for me. So was and with my birth. Marked on Cristmas, it has lagged on half an hour. I seem that ÿäîëæåí become one of that personalities, which fate äàðîâàëà be given birth December 25. The Admiral Diyui was born in this day, and JESUS CHRIST too... can, and Krishnamurti*, do not know. Anyway, I was to belong to these pair to cohort. But because of that that beside my full-grown turned out to be óõâàò÷èâàÿ womb, firmly kept and not released me, I left on light under other location of the stars, in other words, under disadvantage ðàñêëàäå. They speak, astrologers, I bear in mind that me hereinafter will all better and better; future, practically, is expected more glorious. But that me before future? For me was better if my mother stumbled on stairway with morning a little early December 25 and has broken itself neck: then and beside I was got excellent start! And when I am taken to think, where happened the slip-up, I îòõîæó thought all further back until óòûêàþñü at expired hour of the birth. Even my mother, the known ÿäîâèòûì by language, understood this. "Always you are braided behind, as cow tail", -- here is as she characterized me. But realy in that my blame that she kept me in its belly until passed time? The Fate óãîòîâàëà to me to be such-that and such-that; and stars were in correct combination, and I got ready and tore outward. But I do not ïîâåçëî with mother, who did not hurry to be permitted from burden. Can be, me and ïîâåçëî: after all I did not be born by idiot, but could, facing the facts. One clear -- and this heritage on December 25 -- I was born with complex godparent flour. That is to say to be more exactly, I was born by fanatic. The Fanatic! This word, is remembered, pursued me from childhood. Particularly they abused to parents. What is a fanatic? One, selflessly believes and enters in accordance to with its faith. I always believed in something and therefore met with disaster. And than more I beat on hand, that êðåï÷å I believed. I believed, but the world around me -- no! If speech went about only 69 the eternal punishment -- possible was go in its faith before tag end; but the world has elected the way an ïîõèòðåå. You do not punish -- you wash away, âûäàëáëèâàþò, from beneath legs take away ground. This not even treachery, here is that I thought. The Treachery explicable and superable. No, this worse, this small treachery. This -- negativism with the result that you defraud themselves itself. You constantly spend power on that to save the balance. You strike the certain spiritual dizziness, you balance on most êðàþ, your hairs cost(stand) the äûáîì, you is not believed that underfoot beside you íåèçìåðèìàÿ abyss. But begins this as excess of the optimism, as passionate desire to go toward people, show the love to him. Than ðåøèòåëüíåå your steps toward the world, that rash he runs away from you. Nobody not to want true ëþáâè, true hate. Nobody will not give you to touch to secret depths, exception is done only for priest at hour èñïîâåäè. While you live while blood hot -- you do the type, is woke;waked beside you not at all neither shelters, nor skeleton, nor coverring skeleton rafts. Soydite with lawn! Here is slogan, with which live the people. If you continue to balance on abyss it is enough long, you become the the present connoisseur: never mind, as you äîøëè before life such -- you always rule;govern. Able constant-ready you develop in itself frightenning gaiety, unnatural joy, so I have said. Today on light there is only two folk, understanding sense of such position -- jew and êèòàéöû. And if you did not be lucky to belong to to one of them, you hard-set. You ñìååòåñü always where does not follow; you consider cruel and heartless then indeed you only ãðóáîâàòû and reasonable. But then if you ñìååòåñü along with all and ïëà÷åòå along with all, you may reckon for life and death, like their lifes and deaths. But this means: win and tolerate the defeat simultaneously. This means: be a dead, when you live, and become alive, when you have died. With such society world always looks orderly, in the most abnormal condition even. No nothing correct or wrong -- farfetched notions. Became to be, you rest not in reality, but on imaginative buildings. But when you it is necessary be chosen from deadly embrace, imaginative buildings do not help. In a sense, deep sense, I bear in mind, 70 The Christ as well as was not chosen from dead end. When he limped and swayed, as if in great terror, has rolled up to the wave of the negation and has stopped the death. The Whole negative blast mankind, seemed, convolved in monstrous inert mass and created the human integer, united personality, united and indivisible. There was the dead sunday, which impossible explain, while we shall not take as fact that people always what-that wants and for the sake of this ready to reject the own fate. The Land revolves, stars revolve, but people, great body of the people, forming our world, is personified in image one and only one. If someone will not drink up, like Hristu if him to manage to survive and live, not leading about futilities and hopelessnesses, happens one more curious thing. As if someone really moderate;temper and indeed resurrect: and lives the ñâåðõíîðìàëüíîé by life, as êèòàéöû. That is to say, he unnatural âåñåë, unnatural çäîðîâ, unnatural impassive. The Tragic aftertaste no: he lives as flower, as, as tree, in accordance to Nature and against Nature in one and ditto time. When dies the friend, you do not hurry on burial; when tram moves the person on your eye, you continue the walk as nor in than did not can be; when began the war, you accompany the friends on front, not a bit not having shown interest to slaughterhouse. And so on, and the like. The Life becomes the show, and if you ñïîäîáèëèñü to become the actor, you lose short-lived øîó. The Solitude is cancealled, èáî all value, including your own, are destroyed. Blooms only empathy, but this not human empathy, limited empathy -- something monstrous, devilish. You much little touches the idea to bring itself in victim whomever or that-that. In ditto time your interest, your curiosity develops unbelievably. This too suspicious since capable to grab for trifle as for reason. No fundamental, unambiguous difference between fact: all flow, all change. The Shell of your existence constantly to cut: inwardly, however, you VWVrepeat over and over again, exactly diamond. And, can be, exactly this hard, magnetic ñåðäå÷íèê willy-nilly attracts the people to you. One certainly: when you óìðåòå and âîñêðåñíåòå, you will become the attribute of the land, and all, consisting of the land, will be integral your. You become the anomaly of the nature, essence without shade; henceforward you not óìðåòå, but only óéäåòå, either as all, with you bound. 71 Nothing from that that I presently write, was not me known just when I overcame the greatest crisis. All, practised me, was as if training to that moment, when, having pulled over once upon a time at night hat, I came out of office, from former private life and has seen the woman, who was fated to free me from death heal. In this light I now îãëÿäûâàþñü back on their own night circulation on street NEW YORK, on white nights, when I walked in VWVappear in the dreams and saw the city, in which was born, what the mirage see. Often I accompanied O'RURK, our detective, with which I went on çàòèõøèì street. Often on the land lay the snow, but air breathed the frost. And O'RURK chattered without stop about theft, about murder, about ëþáâè, about human nature, about Gold(en) Age. Beside it was a habit, having begun talk, suddenly stop in the middle streets and âñàäèòü its become heavy foot between my so I could not äâèíóòüñÿ with place. And then he was enough me for lapel and drew near its person to my, dialect to me in eye straight moreover each word ââèí÷èâàë, is woke;waked corkscrew. I as while awake see us, costing in the middle streets in four mornings: ñâèùåò wind, s the snow, and O'RURK, forgotten on all, except histories, which he certainly must tell. Always during his(its) tale I steal the eye noted all that occurred around, and now litter not that he told, but that we stood on Yorkville or on Allen-ñòðèò or on Brodvee. I always seemed mildly abnormal that gravity, with what he stated the trivial histories about murder in the middle the most great bewilderment of the architecture, ever created person. He interpreted about fingerprint, but I studied the form of the parapet, cornice or small is dyed-brick construction for his(its) black hat; I speculated about that day, when have installed this cornice, and who was that person, who his(its) has designed, and why he has conceived his(its) so ugly, so look like all other äðÿííûå, repugnant cornices, past which we passed on way from Ist-Sayda to Harlem, and further Harlem if we wanted to continue the walk, further NEW YORK, for Missisipi, for Big Canyon, for desert Mohave -- around in America, where âûñòðîåíû buildings for person. I seemed absolutely mad that whole life I must sit and listen the histories a stranger people, trivial tragedies poor and wretch, tragedies ëþáâè and deaths, anguishes and destroyed illusion. If, as this could be, per diem 72 through I passed fifty persons, and each stated its sorrowful history, and with each I happened to to be calm and courteous -- much naturally that at one time I was needed to shut VWVtake in and harden the heart. I was enough the most small, the most small êóñî÷êà: I could chew and recook his(its) days and week. And, all I was sentenced to sit, bound on VWVtake in, but on night to leave and again listen, sleep listenning and think listenning. To I flowed together with the whole light, from all layers society, speaking on a thousand of languages, worshipping miscellaneous god, respecting varied laws and determinations. The History most wretch of them could form enormous that, and however if their all before one write completely -- written possible to compress before amounts Ten Commandments, all of these could be recorded on turn of the postage stamps, as "Report our". Each day I so tightened that my skin, seemed, îáúåìëåò whole world; but when I remained quite one, when me already no need was listen, I was compressed before amounts of the pin edge. The most Great enjoyment, such rare, was walk on street one... walk on night street, when nobody did not go beside, and âñëóøàòüñÿ in silence, surrounded me. A Millions rested upon back, deaf to the world, and èçî ðòà beside they got free only snore. Walk amongst the most wild architecture and think, why and why from these ïðîêëÿòûõ shanties or pompous palace result the regiments of the people, striving distribute its miseries on ledge history. For year, and this modest estimation, I have listened to twenty five thousand history; through two their became fifty, through four became one hundred thousand, but through ten I definitively and irrevocable has gone crazy. I got acquainted with people, which has was enough that íàñåëèòü decent city. Well and borough this was if they were going to all together! Wanted him skyscraper? Have Wanted they muse? Have Wanted libraries? Have Raised sewerage, bridges, stadiums, plants? Created cornices, similar one on other ad infinitum*, from Batteri Park before Golden Fighting? Distrust. They move only feeling of the hunger. Started áðþõî, wild expression eye, awe, awe before else the most worst -- here is that moves them. And build they âûñî÷åííûå skyscrapers, frightenning dreadnoughts, boil the most net steel, braid the most fine ________ *Ad infinitum (the armor.). æåâî, âûäóâàþò the graceful dishes on one reason: from despair, whipped up by whip of the hunger. Walk with O'RUR-lump and listen about larceny only, ïîäæîãàõ, èçíàñèëîâàíèÿõ, murder -- only volatile subject to big symphony. And just as possible listen Baja, but think about woman, with which want to oversleep, so and I, listenning O'RURKA, thought about that that here is he will finally finish to chatter and ask: "Rather then have a bite us?"  the most thrilling wink of the tale about terrible murder I thought about ñâèíîì ôèëåå, which we shall most certainly book in one small town on way, guessed, what vegetable will this ôèëåé ãàðíèðîâàí and shall book I after pie or shaved off cream. So was and when I have rescued with wife: while she moaned yes prattled, I could recall that she has not cleaned the coffee-pot from ñïèâîê, after all for she âîäèëàñü the evil habit to leave the dishes dirty -- important detail, I consider. Fresh coffee -- it is important. And fresh ham fried eggs. If she çàáåðåìåíååò -- bad, except funs bad, but much âàæíåå even so fresh coffee on morning and scent of the ham fried eggs. I can stand the big grief, deprivations, unchancy novels, but me necessary to have something in belly, and I want anything nourishing and appetizing. Same felt and Christ if his(its) have took out of cross previously than has approached the flesh-colored death. Certain that shock in consequence of crucifixion turned out to be so strong that has brought to full àìíåçèè ÷åëîâåêîëþáèÿ. And most certainly after çàëå÷èâàíèÿ wounds he and ãðîøà broken did not give for miseries mankind, but with big pleasure pounced on cup ñâåæåïðèãîòîâëåííîãî coffee and roasted small loaf of bread if, certainly, then this was available. The Practised greater love, but this terrible thing, and ïîãèáøèé from mountain will be born newly to not to know neither ëþáâè, nor hate -- only enjoyment. Such joy to lifes since it is obtained by unnatural way, there is poison, èñïîäâîëü poisoning world. All that is created with unhealthy share of the human suffering, returns as boomerang and carries the destruction. In the night, the streets NEW YORK remind of crucifixion and deaths Hrista. When land is covered by snow and around uncommonly quietly, from monstrous buildings NEW YORK comes the music of the oppressive despair and hopelessnesses -- such that forget about own rafts. Neither brick prescribed with love, nor one street is laid for dance and joys. All nestled one to other with mad thought to fill 74 the ëóäîê, and streets became permeated with the smell the empty belly, full belly and belly, pervaded only partly. The Streets is smell(blowed in) by hunger, not having nothing total with love; they are smell(blowed in) bad áðþõîì and products of the started belly, which there is nothing. In this nothing, in this zero purity, I learned;learnt to rejoice the sandwich and knick-knack. I could study the cornice or socle with great curiosity, in ditto time expressing interest to tale about human grief. I can recall even date of the building of the buildings and name architect. I can recall the temperature of the air and velocity winds in that day, when I stood at the corner and listened; but that I told -- was aired definitively. I can recall even that, about than recalled then, can tell about this, but why? That person in me already moderate;temper, remained only his(its) memory; there was other person, who in me reaped, and this person, like, and there is I itself, but he reaped, as live tree,, wild beast. Just as, the city became the enormous tombstone, in which people fight for euthanasia, my life became to brush off on mound, which I erected from own death. I dwelt in stone wood, the centre which -- chaos; the timeses in this dead centre, in most heart of the chaos, I danced either drank once fill on foolishnesses, or concerned with the love, or wound the friendship, or calculated to begin the new life, but all this and formed the chaos, all -- stone, all -- without hope and without sense. And if has not come time, when was sewn on power, sufficient to wrest me from madness stone wood -- for I turned out to be impossible any life, and was not written nor one worthy page. Possible, under reading of these lines beside you too ed the impression of the chaos, but this is written from alive centre, but that introduces the õàîòè÷íûì -- indeed secondary, simply surrface ÷àñòíîñòè world, already not worrying me. Only several months back I stood on street NEW YORK, looking over on sides, as long years was looked over; and again I studied the architecture, studied the most small details, upsetting glance. But on ñåé once I am woke;waked with Mars returned. That this for people around? -- asked I itself. That all this signifies? And did not appear in me even memory about suffering or about that lifes that vegetates in gutter -- I simply watched over strange and inconceivable world, such distant that I could not get rid of sensations, is woke;waked 75 èóëñÿ from the other planets. Somehow at night I have watched with tops Empayr Steyt Bilding* on city, which knew from below: here is they, people-ìóðàâüè given in correct prospect. And I grovelled together with them, here is people-âøè, with which I fought. They moved at the speed of ñëèçíåé, and all without exception èñïèâàëè bottoms up microscopic chalice of the fate. With futile zeal they have raised this stupendous building, subject to their pride. And to top this stupendous building they have hung up the âåðåíèöó of the hutches, in which çàòî÷åííûå canaries sang their own meaningless songs. The High purpose of their longings were these alive êîìî÷êè, ùåáå÷óùèå about precious life. Through a hundred of years, has solved I, they will most certainly put in hutches and human creation, reckless, ïîëîóìíûå, which will sing about ãðÿäóùåì world. Can be, they will find out the new sort of the songbird, who will sing while rest toil. Can, in each hutch will be its poet or musician so life adown ïîòå÷åò without hindrance: stone, wood, chaos, nothing. Through a thousand of years all, can be, ñîéäóò with wit, workmans and poets in equal measure, and all apply to ashes, as this could be not once upon a time. Else through five thousand years, or through ten thousand on this place exactly, where I presently ñòîþ and review, the small boy will reveal the book on else unbeknownst language about gone to lifes, lifes, which author of the book did not know, lifes with speculative form and rhythm, beginning and the end, and this boy, crossover last page of the book, wonders that for great folk were these american, what exciting life was on this continent, where he now lives. But no ãðÿäóùèé folk, realy that folk blind poet, does not be able to visualize, from what êëîêî÷óùåãî chaos appeared the history future. The Chaos! Revuschiy chaos! No necessities to choose the special day. Any day to my lifes -- îãëÿíèñü -- will approach. Each day to my lifes, my teeny microscopic life, has reflected the external chaos. give Be looked over back... In seven thirty bells of the alarm clock. I can not rise with beds, lie before eight thirty, trying snatch else little VWVappear in the dreams. The Dream -- as I can fall asleep? In brain -- image of the office, where I already wait. See Haymi, arriving exactly in eight, commutator already ãóäèò, requiring help, competitors of the places already rise on wooden stairway, from locker äîíîñèòñÿ the strong camphor spirit. 76 than get up and repeat the yesterday's bedlam? As soon as I their îôîðìëþ -- they are disappeared. Work, work -- and will not earn on become cool chemise. On monday wife gives me pocket money: on journey and on dinner. I always her must, but she must grocer, butcher, owner of the building and so on. I have no time be even shaved what follows. I put on the torn chemise, swallow the morning meal and ask the dime on metro. If wife not in spirit, happens to âûìàíèâàòü money beside seller of the newspapers. I get before office winded, behindhand for hour, me it is necessary to ring in ten places, previously than I prima of the first visitor. While I do the first bell, me is rung from three places simultaneously and wait the answer. I talk on two devices immediately. The Commutator ãóäèò. Haymi between call whets the pencils. Makgovern, doorman, cost(stand)s for back to forewarn me about one visitor, probably, swindler, trying slip under âûìûøëåííûì by name. For me cards and barn books, where is brought name all, who although once upon a time addressed to me in quest of work. The Disagreeable recorded red ink; beside some before poles moniker against persisting name. But room in the interim ãóäèò as hive. In room stinks afterwards, dirty leg, old cloth, camphor, ëèçîëîì, belch. The Half to come wraps: not that that we do not need the people, but even in the most straiten circumstance these we shall not approach. The Persons before my table, grabbed for cross-bar íàðåçíûìè hand and with turbid âçîðîì -- ex-mayor NEW YORK. Presently him seventy, and he agree on any work. Beside it beautiful letters of recomendation, but we can not take the persons senior forty five. Fourty five in NEW YORK -- border. Rings the telephone: flattering secretary of the Christian alliance of the young people. Shall Not do I exception for one lad, which is presently found in receiving? The Boy, year sat in reform school? But that he has done? Tried èçíàñèëîâàòü unite sister. Of course, italian. O'MARA, my assistant, checks the competitor on full program. He suspects the epilepsy. Finally, he obtains its, and lad falls straight here, in office. Some ïîñåòèòåëüíèöà loses the consciousness. The Beautiful youthful woman with charming gun on neck offers me itself. She -- whore, this clear, and I know that if I agree, this will dispense me much dearly. She wants to work 77 in determined building in north quarter since this close to her(its) building, so she speaks. Closer friends-buddies are declared to dinner. They sit the ðÿäûøêîì and observe, as I òðóæóñü, as if came on show. Comes Kronski, student-physician; he reports that one of taken by me pair suffers the disease Parkinsona*. I so occupied that nor reek not îòîøåë in óáîðíóþ. All telegraphers, all controlling have earned itself haemorrhoid, so I have said O'RURK. He itself two years used electro-ìàññàæåð, but unsuccessfully. Time of the dinner, and we occupy the table on øåñòåðûõ; someone, as usually, pays for me. We hastily acei swallow and return. Again mass bell, else heap of the suppliants. The Vice president beside oneself since we have not filled all vacancy. Our announcements are in all newspaper NEW YORK. In all school we recruit the courier on incomplete workday. All charitable organizations and society social help are Involved. But workmans scatter as flies. Some do not bear and hour. This is a human mill. And the most sad in that that all this absolutely not it is necessary. But this not my care. My care -- do or die, what has said Kipling. I connect one victim for another, telephone rings as abnormal, indoors stinks all steep slope, tears spread on eye. Each manlike asks the êîðî÷êó of bread; I write his(its) weight, growing, colour, religion, formation, length of service and t. d. All data go in barn book alphabetically, but in õðîíîëîãè÷åñêîì afterwards. The Name and date. We took the fingerprint if was enough time. But all for the sake of what? For the sake of that that american folk could have a pleasure to use the most quick communication, invented person that he quicker sold their own products and immediately informed the relative on your sudden death on street. Immediately -- for hour if, certainly, courier, which have entrusted the telegram, does not íà÷õàåò on functioning and not êèíåò safe pack of the telegrams in container for rubbish. Twenty million congratulations merry christmas, all want merry Cristmas and good new year: from directors, president and vice president to telegraph company "Kosmodemonik", but in some telegram, can be, is written: "Mother dies, arrive immediately", but clerk is too loaded to notice message, you, certainly, can agitate criminal deal for moral damage -- on that 78 exists the special division, called to reflect such claims, -- but your mother óìðåò, but congratulations merry christmas and new year will are received upon the terms. The Clerk, certainly, will fire, but in month, when he will come to ask the place of the courier, his(its) will take and will send on functioning in port part of city, where his(its) nobody will not hear, but his(its) wife will come together with scion to thank the main controlling or even most vice president for kindness and shown attention. But afterwards at one beautiful day all sincerely wonder that defined clerk ñïåð pay-desk and will ask O'RURKA to sit on night êëèâëåíäñêèé or äåòðîéòñêèé train to caught him(it) if even this will dispense in ten thousand dollars. But afterwards vice president will publish the order about forbid hire the jew, but through three or four days he softens, èáî amongst competitors of the places will basically just be a jew. Because of extremely predicament I already ready to take the circus dwarves, and I prima him(it) if, certainly, he not to split and does not confess that he -- indeed she. But Valeska, here is bad luck, will take the sheatfish "it" under its êðûëûøêî, will invite "it" to itself home same at night, and will make under type suddenly flashed up adorations careful check, including ïàëüïàöèþ intimate places. But dwarves will turn out to be very ëþáâåîáèëüíûì and terribly jealous. Well and gravity äåíåê! On way home I íàòûêàþñü on sister of the buddy, she urgently invites me to eat. After dinner we go in cinema and in the dark çàòåâàåì the play, finally, this us so leads away that we abandon the movie-theatre and return in office, where I distribute her(it) on zinc-coated table in locker. When I ïðèõîæó home, a little for midnight, rings Valeska. She implores me to on metro and immediately go to her, deal does not tolerate the delay. The Hour go;drive, but I have mortally tired, but she speaks that this much urgently, and here is I race to her home. There I meet her(its) cousin, rather attractive get younger woman, who, on her(its) wordses, right before overslept with stranger since she has bored her(its) virginal condition. Well, so about than speech? As about than? After all she in impatience and hurry has forgotten about necessary precaution and now, possible, pregnant, and as be? They want to know that I shall advise to undertake, and I answer: "Nothing". Then Valeska leads away me aside and asks if I not away, oversleep with cousin, deprive her(its) virginity, so-that here is to henceforward was not a repetitions of such sort of the deals. 80 The Playoff amusing, we are taken to roar with laughter before shall fall, but afterwards begin piti.-- beside them in house no nothing, except caraway vodka, we are quickly chopped off. Soon becomes else çàáàâíåå: both begin me ëàïàòü, and nor one does not want to transfer another. As a result I undress both, îòâîæó in bed and they fall asleep embraced. When I abandon the house, to five mornings closer, I find that in pocket no nor cent. Unsuccessfully try âûöûãàíèòü dime beside òàêñèñòà and, finally, remove the fur-lined coat and shall sell him -- for dime. When I âõîæó home, wife does not sleep and angry, as devil that I so detained. Begins the wrangle and even so I âûõîæó from itself on-persisting and give her çàòðåùèíó. She falls on sex, begins to moan and cry, awakes the child and, çàñëûøàâ moans full-grown, from scare is taken to holler in all throat. Sosedka overhand calls at to hear, what is wrong. She in kimono, long hairs licentious. In áîëüøîì excitation she approaches to me, and all occur as it were notwithstanding our will. We refer the wife on bed, bandage her forehead wet towel, and while girl overhand takes care of wife, I ñòîþ beside, raise her(its) kimono, adapt to her, but she peacefully cost(stand)s while I do not finish, and carries any nonsence. Finally, I çàáèðàþñü in bed to wife and, to the most great my amazing, wife begins with me çàèãðûâàòü. We taciturn copulate before dawning. I am dislodged from power, but Dream as hand has removed, and I lie and think about ïðîøåäøåì the day, recall the whore with charming gun on neck, with which I talked in the morning. Afterwards begin to think about the other woman, wife of the friend, always reproaching me for my passivity. But afterwards begin to think on all contract, who has missed on some reason while, finally, do not fall asleep moreover in VWVappear in the dreams occurs the ejaculation. In ïîëâîñüìîãî çâåíèò, as usually, alarm clock, and, as usually, I review on its torn chemise, hinging on back of the chair, but afterwards again fall asleep. The telephone rings In eight. This Haymi. arrive Quick, speaks he, begins the strike. And here is so all and passes, day for daytime, and no this explanations -- realy that gone crazy country: ditto, as with me, occurs all over, in smaller or in greater scale, but around same, èáî all chaos and nonsense. So all passed the day for daytime, nearly five long years. Continent seasonly overcame cyclones, waterspouts, 81 us, floods, droughts, áóðàíû, ìîðîâûå of the canker, strikes, raids, murder, suicide... unceasing tremor and flour, eruption, whirlpool. I was as if guard of the lighthouse: under me wild waves, s, reefs, debris aggrieved wreckage court. I could give the signal about dangers, but could not prevent the catastrophe. I breathed the danger and catastrophe. Sometimes sensation to dangers was so strong that it was disgorged from my íîçäðåé, as fire. I wanted be dispensed from it and all were is firmly riveted. I was hard and indifferent in one and ditto time. I was as lighthouse itself: on the safe side amongst raging epidemic deathes. The Foundation I served the granite, on such stone erected the skyscrapers. My root has left far âãëóáü land, but my skeleton was made from steels, riveted hot bolt. Besides, I had an eye, enormous âñåâèäÿùèé eye, which nonstop and ruthlessly revolved. This is a watchful eye, seemed, sank;sunk all rest feeling in hibernation; all my power have left on observation to fix the drama of the world. If I wanted the destructions, that only then to delete my eye. I wanted the earthquakes, cataclysm of the whole nature, which ñìàõíåò my lighthouse in sea abyss. I wanted to change in fish, in leviathan, in fighter. I wanted that land ðàçâåðçëàñü and ïîãëîòèëà all on her putting in one âñåïîãëîùàþùåì çåâêå. I wanted that thick mass epidemic deathes has buried the city. I wanted to sit in cave and read at light of the thin stick. I wanted that eye my was deleted, this has allowed me to get to know the own body, their own desires. I wanted the solitude on a thousand of years to reflect that saw and has heard, and that all çàáüèïü. I wanted to get to the land, not îáóñòðîåííóþ person, absolutely distant from human, which was cloyed. I wanted purely terrestrial, deprived âñÿêîé to ideas. I wanted to feel the blood in vein by even price to own ruin. I wanted to dispose of stone and light. I wanted dark ïëîäîâèòîñòè natures, depths of the belly, silences, embrace of black water to deaths. I wanted to has come the night, which has flashed the pitiless eye, night, illuminated star and flying comet. The Night, scaring silence, íåïîñòèæèìàÿ and expressive simultaneously. Henceforward not to think, not to speak and not to hear. They Be absorbed and absorb simultaneously. Not to feel neither pity, nor tendernesses. Be a person on nature only, as plant, worm or creek. Become weightless, disintegrated, volatile as molecule and eternal as atom, heartless as land itself. 82 I have met the Mar exactly for week before suicide Valeski. But fortnight before this events passed, as if present nightmare. Several unexpected deaths and strange amorous history. All began with Poliny YAnovski tiny jewess of the years sixteen-seventeen, homeless, without friends and kinsfolks. She came to office in quest of functioning. Time approached to closing, and I could not expose her(it), not heating. On kindness emotional I have invited her(its) eat beside me building, but there if it is got, cajolery wife to shelter her(it) for time. In this girl I attracted her(its) passion to Balizaku. While we got before house, she retold "Lost illusions". The Coach was crowded, us so has pressed to one another that subject of the talk counted for nothing -- we both thought only about one. The Wife, of course, unpleasant wondered, seen me in door in companies of the charming girl. However she has shown the get cold, polite suavity, so characteristic her(its) nature. However, I have immediately understood that to ask her(it) about shelter for Poliny uselessly. All that she âûäàâèëà from itself -- so this has sat with us at the table. Right after dinner, having apologized, she has left in cinema. Devchonka then and there burst into tears. We still sat at the table, full íåñúåäåííûõ guard;keep. I approached to her and has embraced her(it). I was sincerely sting her(it), but that to do? And suddenly she has embraced my neck and has kissed with the whole power of the passions. We long did not separate the embrace, and I have else thought then: "No, this is broken, yes and suddenly wife to return -- can, nor in what she not in cinema". "Child, âîçüìè itself in hands, -- has said I ey. -- Let's go somewhere on tram". On fire board stood the piggy bank my äî÷êè, and I have quietly ed her(it) in óáîðíîé. In piggy bank turned out to be only seventy five cents. We sowed;sown in tram and left on seaside. Finally, have found the deserted cozy corner and ëåãëè on sand. She turned out to be to be passionate before hysterics, but here uzh nothing will not do. Thought, after she will become to upbraid me. Nothing like. She has again wound the speech about Balizake. Seems, she dreamed itself 83 the ïèñàòåëüíèöåé. I have asked her(it) that she is going to to write. No thoughts on this count, such a was an answer. When we were going to to leave, she has asked me to leave her(it) on freeway. Has Said that is going to in Clevland or somewhere else. Already for midnight I have left her(it) beside petrol-stations. In pocket not more thirty five cents. Educhi home, I cursed the wife that she such bitch. Better her(its) leave on freeway in pocket stone-broke. Without notion, where move. I knew that building not óñëûøó from wife nor word about this girl. I fell into apartment, wife has not rescued. I have solved that she has prepared me scene. No, turned out to be, she waits me since there is important news from O'RURKA. I must immediately ring him. On fig. I have solved to get undressed and go to bed. But, only I nestled in beds, çàçâåíåë telephone: O'RURK. The telegram came In office on my name. Possible open and çà÷èòàòü? Of course. The Telegram has beaten off Monica. From Buffalo. Tomorrow morning she arrives on Central station, accompanying dead body full-grown. I have thanked O'RURKA and went to bed. From wife nor one question. I lay and speculated that to do. If transfer the requirements -- all try back. But after all I have not yet haved time to to say thank you star that disposed of Monica. And here is she goes together with dead body of the mother. The Tears and reconciliation. No, this not for me. But unless appear? That then? Anyone will yes take care of dead tele. Particularly if on he grieve interesting making look younger person, blonde with blue eye. Interesting, return she in restaurant or no? If not her(its) latin and greek, vvek with she did not. The Curiosity has taken the top. She was devilishly poor, this too âëåêëî. Can be, all settled down not so bad if from her(its) hands not so stank;stunk fat. The Greasy hands can spoil whole dining. The Litter our first evening. We walked in park, one her(its) type caused the delight: careful and clever. In that time in mode entered the short skirts. As they went her! I çà÷àñòèë in that ðåñòîðàí÷èê only for that to enjoy her(its) gait between table, squats for tumbled by plug. And âïðèäà÷ó to perfect leg and charming peephole -- magic lines Gomera, âïðèäà÷ó to sauce and ham -- poetry Safo, latin conjugations, odes Pindara*, but on dessert -- "Rubayat"*. But greasy hands, untidy bed in ìåáëèðàøêàõ beside the market -- fu! -- I could not stand this. Than more I avoided her(it), that strong she stuck. The Amorous messages on ten pages with reference to "So spoke Zaratustra"*. And afterwards -- unexpected lull, with than I have congratulated sincerely itself. No, not çàñòàâëþ 84 itself to go in the morning on Central station. I turned on the other side and serene çàñíóë. Let tomorrow, the wife will ring in office and will say that I çàáîëåë. I did not be ill the safe week -- disease stole up to. In the morning I faced Kronski. He awaited me beside input in office. Has Invited to eat... Wants to introduce me with young åãèïòÿíêîé. The Girl jewess turned out to be on check, but from Egypt really and outwardly head-to-head åãèïòÿíêà. The Tidbit. We both drived up to her, what knew how. Since I else earlier told sick -- has solved not to return in office, but go to walk on Ist-Saydu. Kronski promised to return in office and close me. We ðàñïðîùàëèñü with maiden and moved each its expensive. I will go to river, where was an ïðîõëàäíåå, and has immediately forgotten about this girl. Uselsya on êðàþ the pier, chattered the leg. Has Swum the scow, ãðóæåíàÿ red brick. Here came on wit Monica. Monica, arriving on Central station with dead body. The Dead body -- franc-boric* before NEW YORK! This was shown so absurd that I burst out laughing. As she has entered? Has Checked the cargo on arrival or has left on spare fetter? In all probability, cursed me on than light cost(stand)s. Interesting that she has thought, when has seen me to be sitting on pier and chatterring leg? In spite of light âåòåðîê with yard, was choked. I began to be drowsy. In ïîëóäðåìå was Polina. She went on curb freeway and voted. Polina -- brave child, certainly. Drolly that she did not fear çàáåðåìåíåòü. Can, this indifference -- from despair. And Balizak! So absurdly! Why Balizak? Well yes well, her(its) deal. Anyway, somehow eat she is enough, but will there meet some lad. And this child dreams to become the writer! But why and no? All supply to illusions. Monica too wanted to be a writer. Each wants to be a writer. The Writers! The Gentlemen, what òùåòà I napped... Awoke: erection. see, Sun íàïåêëî ãóëüôèê. I have got up, washed in ïèòüåâîì fountain. All are in the same way choked. The Asphalt was softened, flies were bitten, ìóñîðíèöû rotted. I loitered between pushcart street merchant, examinring closely goods. The Cook and did not think be lowered, but on will take nobody was not. And only having got before the Second avenue I have suddenly recalled about egyptian jewess. Has Recalled: at dinner she has said that lives on russian restaurant on Twelfth street. And all I nothing determined did not bear in mind. Simply rocked, killing time. However, legs carried me on north, to Fourteenth street. When I drew even with russian restaurant, after minute fluctuation-entered and run upwards on stairway, 85 ãàÿ through two stairs. The Door in hall turned out to be unlocked. I continued to rise, attentively reading tablets on door. She is a vein on the last floor. Below her(its) name was listed the name some men. I have carefully knocked. The Answer was not. I have knocked else, ïîñèëüíåå. And then has heard inwardly some motion. Afterwards voice for door, questioning, who there, and then and there tumbling of the lock. I have pushed the door and, having stumbled on threshold, ââàëèëñÿ in get dark room. Fell I straight to her in hands, and under carelessly íàêèíóòûì kimono has found the denuded body. Must be, she has rescued and ñïðîñîíüÿ has hardly understood, who keeps on hand. When has understood -- tried to get free, but I already firmly kept her(it), showerring kiss, and dragged to window, on couch. She something mumbled about unlocked door, but I have not allowed her to slip out from my hands, sideways have nudged her(it) to door, which she has closed the back. I am çàïåð door by free hand, afterwards äîòàùèë maiden before medium of the room, has unbuttoned in the interim trousers and has brought the penis in source position. She not yet quite awoke. As it is woke;waked with doll. I have noticed that she liked òðàõàòüñÿ half-asleep. The Truth, with each push she gradually awoke. And than ÿñíåå became her(its) reason, that more she was muddled. There was incomprehensibly, as, not losing pleasures, force her(its) newly çàñíóòü. I to manage to place her(it) on couch, not ïîòåðÿâ initiative, and she turned out to be the combat ÷åðòîâêîé, meandered and âûäðþ÷èâàëàñü, as if eel. Thereafter, as I have proceed with her, she, in my opinion, as well as has not opened the eye. I sentenced: "relations on-egyptian... the relations on-egyptian... the relations on-egyptian..." -- and to not to so soon, began to think about dead tele, which Monica ïðèâîëîêëà on Central station, and about that thirty five cents, with which has left Polinu on freeway. Proklyatie! Someone aloud knocked on door, she has opened the eye and has looked at me with unconcealed terror. I began quickly to be going to, to, to my surprise, she has resolutely held me. "Not to move, -- has whispered she me in ear, -- weathers!" Here have once again knocked, and voice Kronski pronounce: "Telima, this I... this I, Izzi". Here I burst out laughing. We again have proceed with the suit, and, a little she has closed the eye, I began carefully to cater her(it) to not to wake. This is-- one of the the most ravishing relationses to my lifes. I dreamed that it never ended. When I was dangerously close hereto, I çàìèðàë and thought, thought about that, where shall conduct the nearest furlough if get;receive him(it), thought about shirt in box of the dresser, thought about spot on êîâðå in sleeping, straight beside beds. Kronski still stood beside door -- =- I heard, as 86 he shifts from foot to foot with legs on leg. Any time I made sure in his(its) presence, I moderated the zeal, and she, half asleep, with smile answered same, as it is woke;waked understood that I wanted to express on language lingered sexual an act. But think, about than she thinks, I have not sweeped away -- otherwise has immediately finished. Sometimes I approached to dangerous devil but brining salvation trick to I was shown Monica with its dead body on Central station. Thought Itself about this, considering absurdity to situations, acted, as if cool shower. When all were behind, she was crowded on me broadly revealled eye, as it is woke;waked saw for the first time. I íå÷åãî was her to say, I thought only about that, as it were ïîñêîðåé be taken away. While we brought itself in order, I have noticed under door note. From Kronski. His(its) wife have right before taken away in hospital, and he offered Telime be met straight there. I have felt the relief! Signifies, possible without spare words. Has The following day rung Kronski. His(its) wife deceased on operating table. In that evening I ate the building; we sat at the table, when ðàçäàëñÿ the bell in door. On threshold stood Kronski. He looked absolutely devastated. I always it is difficult to select the word of the condolence, but Kronski me simply íå÷åãî was say. I listened, as wife áóáíèò the çàòåðòûå word of the empathy, and she was me opposite, as never. "Will Go thence", -- has offered ya. We long strolled in full silence. In park held the opened places, lawn. Stood such dense fog that it is impossible was discern âûòÿíóòóþ hand. We sailled in this mist, and he suddenly çàðûäàë. I stopped and was unscrewed. When he has stopped âñõëèïûâàòü, I turned and saw that he intently looks at me, somehow strange smiling. "Foolishly, -- has said he, -- as it is difficult to get used to with death". I too smiled and placed the hand on his(its) shoulder. "Go, -- has said ya. -- You not ìîë÷è, âûãîâîðèñü. Stryahni gravity with bosom". We have again trudged, came all lawns, we went, as on seabed. The Mist became such thick that I by a narrow margin distinguished the outlines Kronski. He spoke peacefully, and not on-good peacefully. "I knew that so will happen, -- has said on. -- All were too beautifully to last". Per diem before her(its) disease he appeared the dream. He appeared in the dreams that he has forgotten itself. "I ïëåëñÿ the âïîòüìàõ, whooping its name. The Litter, ïîäîøåë to bridge, has looked at water and has saw themselves, sink. I have jumped with bridge by downwards head, and when water has popped me -- has seen that under bridge swims Etta. She was 87 va". And here he has unexpectedly added: "You was yesterday there, when I knocked in door, faithfully? I knew that you there, and could not óéòè. Else I knew that Etta dies, I wanted to be near by her, but I was afraid to go there one". I nothing have not said, and he has having continued the incoherent speech. "My first love has died exactly in the same way. I was else child and could not become reconciled with death. Each night I went on graveyard and sat on her(its) grave. The People considered me mad. Think, I really ñîøåë with wit. Yesterday, when I stood under her(its) door, all as if returned to me, I have recalled Trenton*, I newly sat beside graves, and sister of that girl that I loved, sat beside. She has said that me time to stop all this, otherwise I ñîéäó with wit. I themselves considered mad, and to prove this to itself, has solved to make the mad action. I have said her: not òâîþ sister I loved, I love you -- and ïðèâëåê her(it) to itself, we lay, kissed, and finally I have possessed her straight on grave. Think, this èñöåëèëî me, after all more I did not return there in their own thought, did not think about her -- up to yesterday's day, when stood under door. If yesterday I before you got -- has choked. Do Not know, why, but I had such feeling, is woke;waked you has opened slightly the vault of that girl, is woke;waked has profaned her(its) dead a body. This madness, not so? And why I came to you today? Can, therefore that you absolutely indifferent to me... Can since you not jew, and I can speak to you... Since you on all ïëþåøü since you rights... You read "Rebellion angel"*? In this time we ïîäîøëè to track for bicyclist, which girds whole park. The Low torch swam in mist. I have attentively looked at it and has understood that he has lost the head. Interesting, than make laugh him(it)? Little afraid -- suddenly he, having begun to laugh, already never stops? And I have spoken on all at random -- about Anatole Franse first of all, afterwards about the other writer and, finally, having felt that he loses any interest, was switched to general Ivolgina*, and here he çàñìåÿëñÿ, but not usual laughter, but as if çàêóäàõòàë, loathsome çàêóäàõòàë, as hen under knife. He became bad, he çàìîë÷àë to regain consciousness; the ïîòåêëè of the tear, VWXbe drafty êóäàõòàíüå broke terrible, shower ðâóùèå ðûåäàíèÿ. "I knew that you cheer up me, -- âûïàëèë he with the last vshlipom. -- I always spoke that you ñóêèí son ÷îêíóòûé. You too cur æèäîâñêèé, only do not know this... But now say, bastard, as was yesterday? You óáëàæèë its log? Not I you spoke that she washed bedding? But you know, with whom she lives? thank Gentlemen, 88 if she you has not rewarded. She îïèò with russian poet, you his(its) too know. Somehow I have introduced you in Cafe-Grand piano. If only he not ïðîíþõàë. He âûøèáåò you brains, but after will write about this charming poem and will send her together with armload of the roses. listen;hear, He in Steltone presently, in àíàðõèñòñêîé of the colonies, I know. His(its) buddy -- nihilist. This beside them -- generic. But you even so warn. I wanted to warn -you the following day, did not know that you will act so quickly. See, is not excluded that syphilis beside it. I do not be going to you to muddle. The Dialect for the sake of your profits". This outpouring, like, has becalmed him(it). Thereby he, in inherent him ornate jewish manner, demonstrated its ïðèÿçíü to me. For this he first was to delete all around me -- wife, friends, functioning, "turn black wench", as he âåëè÷àë Valesku, and so on. "Think, you will first or last become the big writer, -- has said on. -- But, -- has added spiteful, -- first it is necessary little damage. I bear in mind present a suffering since you until know that signifies to suffer. You only seem that you suffered. First you must fall in love. This blackenning wench -- she... After all you do not consider that love her(it), not so? You although has once watched what follows on her(its) ass?.. As she æèðååò, here is that I want to say? In five years she will, as aunty Dzhemayma. You will Go on street turgid, but for you round dance with singing íåãðèòÿò. Well and pair! The Gentlemen, yes better you married to jewess. Certainly, you not smog to value her(it), but for you this -- most it. You time be steadied down. You in vain spend power. listen;hear, Why you hobnob this shit with all? Beside you straight talent to find any soil. Possible find itself more worthy using. Your functioning -- not for you, you could reach the success on the other field. Became trade-union leader... Or else anyone, do not know. First of all you necessary to get rid of its ax wife. Uff! When s on it -- so and want to spit her in mug. Do Not understand, as such lad óìóäðèëñÿ to marry such bough! Who she? The Pair warm gonad. listen;hear, I have understood, what is wrong -- after all beside you on wit only sex... No, I not so was expressed. You not foolish, you easy to wind, you subject to passion, but, like, you ïëþåøü on that with you occur. Do Not be you such romantic cur, I ïîêëÿëñÿ that you jew. I -- quite other deal, from me íå÷åãî to wait. À in you something there is, only you too ëåíèâ to use this. listen;hear, When you speak, I think -- here is write! Why you will not write the book? Itself Drayzer 89 has bit language from envy. You do not look like american, which I know: you are woke;waked not from their numbers, and this sound. You mildly touched -- probably, and itself this knows. But on-good. listen;hear If most recently anyone have talked with me so, as you today, I his(its) has killed. Think, you like me therefore that do not try to show the empathy. Yes I and do not wait the empathies from you. pronounce You today although one false word -- I and âïðÿìü went mad. I know. I was on galley proof. But you began about general Ivolgina, and in minute with me -- order. Therefore-that I and dialect that in you something such... indecent. But now listen;hear me: if you do not âîçìåøü itself in hands -- by leaps and bounds ÷îêíåøüñÿ. You something æðåò èçíóòðè. I do not know that -- but from I shall not hide. I see you through. Something you much firmly keeps, but this -- not wife, not functioning, nor even this blackenning wench, who you are woke;waked love. Sometimes I think that you not in that time was born. listen;hear, I do not want that you âîçîìíèë, is woke;waked I make from you idol, but I know that dialect. Be in you although little more confidence, you could become the most great world an ñåãî. Quite not without fall writer. You could become the second Jesus Hristom. Not ñìåéñÿ -- know that dialect. You has not nor the remotest idea about own possibility, you blind to the whole that does not concern your desires. You do not know, what want. Rather then know therefore that at all do not cease to dream. All, to whom not laziness, order about you. The Fool stuffed, idiot. Be beside me although äåñÿòàÿ share your value, I have overwinded whole world. Think, I -- that, not in its wit? Well, listen;hear... Else nor reek I was not in so sane reason. Today on way to you I in earnest was thinking of about suicide. Capable I on such -- does not matter. The Main, now I do not see for suicide of the reasons. The Wife not to return. I am a wretch from birth. And other ïðèíîøó misery. But until want to disappear... Want first to do anything good on this land. Will Say -- foolishly, but this so. Want to do anything for other". He suddenly çàìîë÷àë and has newly looked at me, strange and èçìó÷åííî smiling. This was a hopeless glance jew, in which, as in all his(its) folk, life instinct was so strong that even in absolutely hopeless situation he had no power to kill itself. Such hopelessness was me alien. Has Thought: here is be changed by skin! I could is called to kill itself. But most of all I disturbed the misgiving that that he does not be able to get the pleasure from bury even, bury own wife! God 90 äåòåëü -- burial always have an aftertaste to sadnesses, however burial -- and meal, and drinks after ceremony, but else -- indecent funs and animal laughter. Can, I on youth of the years did not pay tribute sad side though and did not evade from contemplate ñòåíàíèé. But this did not touch me, after all after bury, on funeral repasts in beer not far away from graveyard, reigned atmosphere of revelry, which not hindrance of the black crepe raiment and mourning festoons. I, then child, seemed that collected on funeral repasts try to install the certain contact with calm. When recall, on wit comes something äðåâíååãèïåòñêîå. But at one beautiful day I came to output that all are hypocritical. However nobody did not be hypocritical. Simply they stupid, rosy-cheek german, âîæäåëåþùèå lifes. The Death above their understanding though if listen them, will think that they about deaths only and think. But they really do not perceive the death -- not that, for instance, jew. They speak of ãðÿäóùåé of the lifes, but indeed do not believe in it. That, who exasperates the grief of the loss, -- for them mad. They look at it with suspicion. Staking out them, I have understood that exist the borders to sadnesses and borders to joys. But top and limit whole -- certainly áðþõî, which it is necessary to fill the sandwich with ëèìáóðãñêèì cheese, beer, øíàïñîì and if ïîâåçåò, turkey. They sob, as children, having buried oneself in beer. À through instant are already dared, are dared on amusing line in nature calm. Even that, as they use past time, forced me to wonder. The Whole in hour after burial they will say about óñîïøåì -- "he was such virtuous" as if speech went about óìåðøåì at past millennium, about history figure, about personage "Kolica Nibelunga"*. But all are explained that that he moderate;temper, moderate;temper irrevocable, on all timeses, and they, alive, cut him(it) from itself hereafter and íàâåêè -- today it is necessary to live, wipe, prepare, and when following will leave on that light, it is necessary to choose the casket, çàòåÿòü run-in around testament, and all this in everyday commonness, but spend time for grief and sadnesses sinful, èáî God if He there is, has wound exactly such order of the things, and íå÷åãî to us to chatter in vain. It is impossible break the installed borders to joys and sadnesses. Threaten the madness was considered by high sin. They possessed the frightenning animal by scent to adaptability, strangely as gained if it was purely animal, but it provided in terror, when you understood that this scent -- no more than unexceptional german dullness and insensibility. And all, confess, I preferred ñèè animate belly ãèäðîãîëîâîé to sadnesses jew.  91 the depth showers I could not sympathize Kronski -- sooner, I sympathized whole their tribe. The Death wife was only scintilla, triviality in histories his(its) disaster. On his(its) own confession he was a wretch from birth. He was given birth that all beside he went íàïåðåêîñÿê since already five thousand years in shelters of his(its) folk was something not that. They came to the world with this hopeless, labored expression on person, and in the same way they are abandoned this world. For itself they will leave the evil scent of the poison and èñòîðãíóòîé to sadnesses. Stink, from which they all time try to save the world, they have brought in this world themselves. I speculated about this while listened Kronski. On shower became so well and easy that, having parted with him and having turned in lateral small street, I began to whistle and purr. And here me îäîëåëà such thirst that I with dick by irish accent has said itself: "Well che, lad, not time skip the gulp?" With these word I ââàëèëñÿ in ïîãðåáîê and has booked the greater clay mug foamy beer and thick hamburger, amply sprinkled by onion. Afterwards has drank else beer and little áðåíäè and has solved for itself, as usually without any uneasiness, so: "If beside wretch of the cur comes short brain íàñëàäèòüñÿ the burial own wife, pleasure for it get;receive I". And than more I thought about this, that glad became on shower, but if remained although drop to sadnesses or envy, that only therefore that I could not the places with his(its) wife, poor deceased by jewish soul since death is found outside of limit of the understanding such uncouth ôðèöåâ, as I, and miserable to squander the death on like me, after all we all about she knows and do not need for her. I so fired the thought about deaths that even in drunk torpor prayed the Almighty god to kill me present in the night: "Slaughter me, the God, and give get to know, what is a death". I tried all inside ñìåðäÿùèì âîîáðàçèòü as this can be: èñïóñòèòü spirit, but nothing do not leave. I not ïðèäóìàë nothing better, except èçîáðàçèòü death wheeze, and herewith a little was not suppressed, afraid so that hardly has not imposed in trousers. Anyway, this was not a death. Simply I was suppressed. Our walk on park where more resemble(go)ed on death: two trudge beside in mist, brushing against for bushes and tree and do not pronounce nor word. Such image speaks not more than name-- "death" itself -- but all he correct, balanced and wholly worthy. This not continuation to lifes, but jump in darkness, when impossible return back even in the manner of small gerbil. This it is correct and beautifully, spoke I itself, íåóæòî someone wants to return? Otvedati once upon a time -- signifies îòâåäàòü for ever: 92 the life or death. Howsoever fell- ìîíåòêà -- all will approach while you have not done the rates. Be it However suppressed by own saliva -- is marred the appearance of, this nor in what gates not ëåçåò. And, besides, it is difficult be suppressed before death. Can be, people leave in VWVappear in the dreams, peacefully and quietly, as sheeps. The Gentlemen puts in order us in its sheep dog, so speak. And you cease to breathe. So what line someone want to breathe the âîâåêè? All, lasting always, becomes the torture. The Wretch cur sort human, we must rejoice that someone made output for us. We shall not add the person of attention departure to snu. .Òðåòü lifes we jv, as if drunk rats. And that thereof? The Tragedy? Then well, shall take three third VWVappear in the dreams drunk rats. The Gentlemen if beside us have got the wit, we danced and exulted at thoughts about this! We could tomorrow die all, in the beds, without pain, without sufferings -- if beside us have got the wit to use the sleeping pill. We do not want to die, and this us always alarm. Therefore and çàáèëè, as if rubbish, our poor heads òðåïîì about the God and that like. The General Ivolgin! Kronski çàêóäàõòàë at the mention of him... and âñïëàêíóë. With the same success I could mention of ëèìáóðãñêîì cheese. But general Ivolgin something yes signify for it... something mad. Limburgskiy cheese was too dry, too trivial. However all and there is ëèìáóðãñêèé cheese, including general Ivolgina, poor drunkard. The General Ivolgin has derived from ëèìáóðãñêîãî of the cheese Dostoevskogo, his(its) own mark. The Own mark -- special aroma, special label. The People know him(it) on scent, on taste. But that has done the general Ivolgina ëèìáóðãñêèì cheese? Well that nor has done, this -- èêñ, value unknown, but therefore incognizable. That therefore? Therefore -- nothing, quite nothing. The Full foots -- or, as this there: jump in darkness without return. Removing trousers I have suddenly recalled that I have said the wretch a cur. I took a look at cook, he was such virgin, as always. "Not VWVtell lies, is woke;waked I have caught the syphilis", -- has said I and has powerfully compressed the member, as if trying âûäàâèòü although drop gnoya. -- "do Not think that I have caught the siphon, I am given birth under lucky star. The Gonorrhea else where nor went. Any although has once recovered. But not syphilis!" I knew that he .îò showers wanted me syphilis, at least that I learned;learnt the suffering. But does not äîæäàòüñÿ him! I was born òóïîâàòûì, but âåçó÷èì ôðèöåì. I çåâíóë. All this accursed ëèìáóðãñêèé cheese: syphilis, not syphilis, -- so speculated I about itself. If she áîëüíà, îòäåðó else different, and enough. But she, obviously, not áîëüíà. Here is she was turned by ass to me. But I what lay, having rebelled by flesh, so and has thrown 93 the stick by method ìåíòàëüíîé to telepathies. And, sworn the God, she has got the âåñòî÷êó in spite of deep dream since and strong door not hindrance, more so that no need to watch her in person that itself devilish relief. I have thought, with the last push: "Well here is, lad, all -- ëèìáóðãñêèé cheese, but now be possible gone on to barrels and âñõðàïíóòü..." Seemed, canto to deaths and sex is prolonged âîâåêè. On the following morning in office me to overtook the bell a wife, reported that her(its) girlfriend Erlin has right before taken away in madhouse. They äðóæèëè with conventual school in Canada, where were trained music and art ìàñòóðáàöèè. Little-by-little I got acquainted with the whole their small flock, not exclusive of sister Antolinu, which carried the hernial tire and, obviously, was shown sovereign æðèöåé of the cult of the masturbation. All of these have in due course recovered the fascination by sister Antolinoy. And Erlin, beside which mug reminded the chocolate eclair, not first from their close-fitting mug has fallen into madhouse. Do Not confirm that exactly ìàñòóðáàöèÿ has brought them before this, but, certainly, atmosphere of the priory has done its deal. All of these ñûçìàëüñòâà were spoiled. Else a.m. çàøåë my old friend Makgregor. He looked on îáûêíîâåíèþ gloomy and complained of approach of old age, gratis that has hardly changed the fourth groups of ten. When I have told him about Erlin, he, seems, was brightenned. He has declared, is woke;waked always noticed the strangenesses for her. Why? Yes somehow he tried to take her(its) power, but she beginning to fight in hysterics. But that was not weeping, as judged by that that she sentenced. She has said that has no time ed against HOLY GHOST and for this must whole life to keep the full abstention. Recalling this event, Makgregor laughed a little, as always íåâåñåëî. "I spoke her: well unless want, and no need... simply ïîäåðæè in hand. The Gentlemen, when I have offered this, she has straight gone crazy. Has Declared that I try çàïÿòíàòü her(its) innocence -- here is so she has understood my word. And in ditto time she has grasped his(its) hand and has compressed so powerfully that I a little have not fallen off. And all time cried. And did not stop to pull the bagpipe about HOLY GHOSTS and its "innocences". I have recalled that you advised me once upon a time, and has weighed out her tasty slap in the face. This has achieved the magic action. She immediately quieted down, and I was able her(its) fire, but here began the most amusing. listen;hear, You someday haved fun with mad? This it is necessary to feel. From the very beginning she without óìîëêó chattered any nonsence. Can Not reproduce this nonsense, but she as if did not suspect that I òðóæóñü on her in perspiration of the person. listen;hear, I do not know, had you someday woman, who in 94 time this most æðåò apple?.. But ìîæåøü itself to present, as this acts on nerves. But here in òûùó once worse. This me so has got that I have thought, is woke;waked and itself little ku-ku... But presently you will believe hardly me, but this putting truth. Know that she has split off, when we have finished? She has embraced me and has said thank you. The Weathers, and this not yet all. Afterwards she has jumped down with beds, was lowered on lap and ed about my shower. The God my, I so well this litter. "Ask, do;make Poppy by true christian", -- has said she. But I lay near by îïàâøèì by cook and listened. I did not know, ñïëþ I or that. "Ask, do;make Poppy by true christian!" You heard anything like?" -- That you do tonight? -- has added he merrily. -- Nothing especial, -- has said ya. -- Then will go with me. I want to introduce you with one woman. Paula. I have hooked on her(it) on Rouzlende several days back. She not mad -- simply nymphomaniac. I want that you îòâåäàë her(it). One pleasure will. listen;hear If you will not in trousers, when she will begin åðçàòü, I shall ñóêèí son. Will Go, close;shut small bench. What joy here to fart? But go to Rouzlend was early, and we went to ïîãðåáîê on Seventh avenue. Before war this was french çàáåãàëîâêà, but now here illegal traded the alcohol two italians. Straight teeny rack was situated for door and music box. We intended to skip on pair and little are supported. Such here is idea. But knowing nature of the friend, I not at all was run away that in Rouzlend we shall go together. If woman corresponds to his(its) fantasies, but for this she is not obliged to be pretty and sound, I knew that he will leave me and is hitched to her. When I could be with him, I disturbed only one: beforehand make sure that beside he will be enough the money to pay for drinks. And, certainly, not to release him(it) from type while for drink will not is paid. After the first, from power second, liquor-glasses he set off in memory. Naturally, memory about ïèçäå. His(its) memory always spun;span around history, which he told somehow me and which has produced on me then indelible impression. Geroem tale byl. scotsman on mortal bed. When he nearly already îòîøåë, but else tried something pronounce, to he bends over his(its) wife and tenderly asks: "That, Dzhok that you want 95 say?" And Dzhok, collected with the last power, raises oneself slightly and pronounces: "Simply ïèçäà... ïèçäà... ïèçäà..." This subject always áüüëà first and the last in repertoire Makgregora. Such beside it manner to talk -- superficially. The Leitmotif served the disease since between áëÿäêàìè beside he was ill the head, more exactly, head. Closer to evening him was- characteristic to say: "VWVcall at;drop in to me on minute, I want to show you member". From daily checkup, the washings, ñïðèíöåâàíèé he beside it îïóõàë and âîñïàëÿëñÿ. Fairly often Makgregor dropped in to doctor, but that did not find is withdrawn. Or to becalm the Poppy, gave him boll of the balsam and advised somewhat less to drink. And this served the subject for endless dispute, after all, as he I not once upon a time spoke: "If balsam such adviseable, what devil to me to throw to drink?" Or: "If I brooch to drink, me no need will rub oneself the unguent?" Certainly, any my advice in one ear flew, but in other flew. He to was necessary about than-that worries, and penis served the best object. Sometimes he worried about skin on head. Beside he appeared the dandruff, as beside many from us, and if his(its) member was good-conditioned, he forgot about him and was switched on scalp. Or to thorax. As soon as he recalled about thorax -- then and there was taken to cough. Yes as! It Is Woke;waked on the last stage of the consumption. But when he was dragged for woman, that became ñåðäèòûì, as if cat. He did not manage to take her(its) so quickly, what wanted. But only çàïîëó÷èâ her(it), he already thought, as from it to dispose. In all he found the certain wormhole, certain ïóñòÿ÷îê, which disturbed be played appetite. All this he repeated me while we sat in mirk ïîãðåáêà. After pair(vapour)s glass he has got up and as usually made way to óáîðíóþ, on way having lowered ìîíåòêó in music box. Zavertelisi dancing, but he at type this âîñïðÿë spirit, has pointed to glasses and has ordered: "Repeat!" From óáîðíîé he returned with rather good-natured expression on person, that from that that was aptly ed, that therefore that got acquainted in corridor with äåâî÷êîé, do not know. Anyway, ïðèñåâ, he has steeply changed the rate, has spoken much difficult and much in a reserved manner, nearly as philosopher. "Know, Henry, we so much years frank with each other. We with you do not cost(stand) to change the life on triviality. If we want to reach in this lifes what-that costing, has presently approached most time..." I already not once heard this for many years and knew that for this watches. That was èíòåðëþäèÿ, during which he looked over the room, choosing, what from maidens ïüÿíåå rest. 96 While he reasoned about our ðàçíåñ÷àñòíûõ, íåóäàâøèõñÿ fate, his(its) legs ïðèòàíöîâûâàëè, but eye flamed up all strong. Further all will, as always. He will say: "But now âîçüìè, to example, Vudraffa. He never will reach the success since he ñóêèí son..." -- and here past table, as I spoke, pass intoxicating heifer and will caught his(its) glance, and he without any transition ïðåðâåò its monologue word: "Hey, little one, sit, bitterns with us!" And intoxicating bitch, not got accustomed âåñåëèòüñÿ alone, but on vapour(pair) only, will answer: "Well, but I shall bring the girlfriend". And Makgregor, as if the most suave escort on light, will say: "Certainly, why no? What is her name?" And then, twitching me for sleeve, he will approach and øåïíåò: "be Not angry with me, hear? We shall Regale them on small and shall send to devil ñîáà÷üèì, has understood?" But, as usually, for the first small watches second and third, but count will increase, and he will not understand, why he must spend their own money on vapour(pair) áëÿäåé so you, Henry, take off first, as it is woke;waked to buy the medicine, but I shall leave through several minutes... but you wait me, ñóêèí son, not abandon;leave in trouble, what happened last time. And, as always, I, being on will, óäåðó with all legs, chuckling about itself and due to lucky star that I so easy from he finished. With so many alcohol in áðþõå me don't care, where carry the legs. Brodvey before madness is flooded by light, as always, but crowd thick as resin. It is Necessary be simply introduced in flow of the resin like ant and be returned current. Each here simply rocks, majority without reason. All this stirring, the whole crowding with type äåÿòåëüíû, óñïåøëèâû, lucky. The Billeting and see on footwear, stunning chemises, new models ïëàùåé, engagement êîëüöà for ninety nine cents. On each step supermarket. Every time, as I go this way at dining hour, feel the fever of the foretaste. Whole several quarters from Tayms Garden before Fifteenth street, and when speak -- "Brodvey" -- nothing anymore bear in mind, and really this -- nothing, chicken run, but in seven evenings, when all ñïåøàò to table, midair some sort of electric bit so hairs become äûáîì, as if antenna, and if you receptive, that caughts not only each flash and twinkling, but feel statistical thirst, qui pro quo interacting, âíóòðèòêàíåâîé, ýêòîïëàçìàòè÷åñêîé of the mass tel, crowding in space, is woke;waked stars on Milky ways, only here Prodigal way, top of the world without roof on head and without fissure or holes underfoot, where be possible ruined 97 and acknowledge -- all lie. Full îáåçëè÷åííîñòü in crowd envelops the resin of the warm human delirium, forcing you to run like blind pony and ïðÿäàòü ãîðÿ÷å÷íûìè óøàìè onward. Any definitively and irrevocable ceases to be itself and, signifies, automatically becomes personification of the whole human sort, shaking thousand of the hands, chatterring on a thousand of different languages, cursing, applauding, whistling, humming undertone, talking with itself, îðàòîðñòâóÿ, æåñòèêóëèðóÿ, can, impregnating, sucking up, flatterring, whimperring, bargaining, panderring, wail on-êîøà÷üè and so on and the like. You -- all people, ever æèâøèå on Moiseyu, and besides you -- woman, buying hat, hutch for bird or simple mousetrap. You ìîæåøü to lie in shop window, as gilded ring about fourteen karats, but ìîæåøü to creep on wall of the building like anthropomorphous fly -- nothing will not stop the procession, even lightnings àðòïîäãîòîâêè, even âåðåíèöà of the walruses, øåñòâóþùèõ to oyster shoal*. Brodvey, what I see him(it) now, what saw during twenty five years -- inclined plane, predicted sv. Fomoy Akvinskim as far back as belly. He was conceived originally on good only snake and lizards, ðîãàòûõ snails and red öàïåëü, but when çàòîíóëà great Spanish Armada, human race got free from êå÷à* and ðàñòåêñÿ, having created certain âîíþ÷óþ, dirty meanderring, quivering, look like sexual slot that runs from Customs* with south northward, to fields for golf, through become numb and become wormy core of the island Manhattan. From Period Garden before Fifteenth street you will find all that sv. Foma Akvinskiy has forgotten completely to comprise of magnum opus that is to say amongst other: the hamburgers, poodles, music boxes, gray derby, tapes for typewriters, orange âåòî÷êè, free toilets, menstrual rags, peppermint small cakes, áèëëèàðäíûå balls, minced bulbs, corrugated napkins, observation holes, chewing gum, cheap cocktails, cellophane, corduroy cloth, inductors, horse ïðèòèðàíèÿ, dripped from êàøëÿ, âåíåðèí root and êîøà÷üþ ðàçìûòîñòü that hysterical gifted eunuch that âûøàãèâàåò to automaton with soda, having lost shotgun, no time hunged beside it between legs. Predobedennaya atmosphere, mixture ïà÷óëåé, uranium warm ñìîëêè, icy electricity, candied perspiration and çàñóøåííîé urines cause the fever an ãîðÿ÷å÷íîãî foretastes. Christ never henceforward not ñîéäåò to land, and nobody will not publish new law, do not stop murder, thefts, èçíàñèëîâàíèÿ, but all you anticipate what-that óñòðàøàþùå äèâíîãî and absurd, can 98 be a cool lobster under mayonnaise, offered gratis or inventions, like electric light, like to television, only else more devastating, hair-raising, inventions impossible, which will bring with itself splinter of the tranquillity and emptinesses, but not tranquillities and emptinesses to deaths, but that lifes, about which dreamed and hitherto dream the monks in Gimalayah, in Tibete, in Lahore, on Aleutskih island, in Polynesias, on island of the Easter, daydreams of the antediluvian person, when was not yet written nor one word, daydreams of the cave people and àíòðîïîôàãîâ, daydreams îáîåïîëûõ and õâîñòàòûõ, one, ïðîâîçãëàøåí äóøåâíîáîëüíûì and can not stand for itself, èáî their suppress the number an äóøåâíîáîëüíûìè not being. The Cool energy is absorbed clever animal and is freed like explosive projectile, rides in whimsical rotation, creating illusion of power and velocities, due to light, due to earthy remains, due to motion, maniacs will send on wire of the word, as it is woke;waked insert the false teeths: perfect and repulsing as trick, ingratiating, soft, slippery; meaningless motion on âåðòèêàëè, on ãîðèçîíòàëè, on circle, along sewer and VWXbe drafty wall, for the sake of pleasures, for the sake of barter, for the sake of crimes, for the sake of ëþáâè; the light, motion, power without the remainder are adopted and depersonalize, regenerated and distributed along the whole littered, look like sexual of the slots to blind and intimidate äèêàðÿ, yokel, foriegner, but nobody not to blind and not to intimidate: that ãîëîäåí, but this ed in profigacy, all one and ditto, and no change from äèêàðÿ, yokels, foriegner, realy that in triviality, in ïóñòÿ÷êàõ, in remaining peice of a bar of soap of the thoughts and sawdust of the reason. On this, look like sexual of the slots, enthralled and íåîñëåïëåííûå, passed before me millions, and amongst them one -- Blez Sandrar*, which subsequently flew down on the Moon, but afterwards returned to the land and has surfaced on Orinoko, expressing from itself äèêàðÿ, but indeed he was an áóòîíîì, but already not wounded and mortal, but the most best floating ãðîìàäèíîé from poem, denoted archipelago of the insomnia. Of them miraculously âûëóïèëèñü the units, but I while -- íåâûëóïèâøèéñÿ, but receptive and noted, realizing with calm cruelty dejection undeterminable sail adrift. Before dinner strip celestial light âÿëî seeps VWXbe drafty border gray code, wanderring ïîëóñôåðû is dotted dispute convolved ÿäåð blue ovules, âåòâÿòñÿ: in one basket lobsters, in other-- sprouts the world antiseptic personal and absolute. From observation windows ãëÿäÿò people, turned grey from basement life, 99 supplied shit -- people of the future world: they are eaten by icy electricity, is woke;waked rat, day goes out and is lowered darkness, like chilly, refreshing mirk of the sewers. As lost hardness member, I, not yet âûëóïèâøèéñÿ, make the futile body movements, not too dry -- rather soft, causing outpouring the semen -- and swing ad astra, èáî until has come time of the dinner, but gastric fury uzh has covered the upper bowels, pancreatic area and ïîñòïèíåàëüíóþ share. Welded æèâüåì lobsters sail in ëüäó, do not give nor quarter, and nor fourth dollars do not ask. They still and impenetrable in icy water of mortal dejection, but life sails in shop window of the despair adrift, corroded by scurvy to sadnesses, ptomaines. Frozen glass of the shop window cuts, as hunting knife -- ïîä÷èñòóþ, without hope. The Life sails in shop window adrift... I -- such part to lifes, either as the lobster, as ring about fourteen karats, as horse ïðèòèðàíèÿ, but much it is difficult to install that fact, which is concluded in èäåíòè÷íîñòè lifes and goods, supplied additional. That I have booked to eat, âàæíåå, than I itself, eater. Vsyak each other eats and, signifies, verb "to eat" became the master of the position. In process of meal delete crowd, but justice is temporarily cancealled. The Plate and that on her, when bowels begins its âñåïîæèðàþùóþ functioning, compels attention, possesses the spirit, first hypnotizes, afterwards occurs slow çàãëàòûâàíèå, ïåðåâàðèâàíèå, assimilation. Spiritual forming essence evapoates as scum, not leaving no certificate, no trace after its care, disappears more validly, than point in space in the course of mathematical lecture. The Fever, capable to return tomorrow, pertains to lifes in the same way, as quicksilver in thermometer pertains to ardent heat. The Fever never will force the life to blaze, which was to be proved, and hereunder sanctifies the balls of meat or fish cooked in soup and spaghetti. Chew, when æóþò the thousand, chew the process a murder, -- here is that provides the necessary public storehouse of the wit, allowing peer in window and make sure that even human race possible validly to subject to the carnage, èçóâå÷èòü, kill, torment since horror sitting in easy chair, well clad, wiping napkin, you learn that, what could not learn and the most wise, as follows: no other possible way to live, except proclaimed sage, neglected easy chair, cloth and napkin. So here is people and ñíóþò on this, look like sexual of the slots, which name the street Brodvey: each day in 100 the íûå watch, in quest of that yes ñåãî, trying install that yes se, exactly mathematicians, logic, physicists, astronomers and him like. Proof -- fact, but fact counts for nothing, besides that is prefixed him one, facts installs. the balls of meat or fish cooked in soup ñúåäåíû, paper napkin áðîøåíà on sex, light belch, and I, not knowing, why and where, âûõîæó on sparkle twenty four karats and fall into theatre. On ñåé once I delirium on street subsequent to blind by accordionist. Sometimes I ñàæóñü on ïðèñòóïîê and listen chant. In opera music there is no point; here, on street, she packed quip, she touches before daze. Sputnica accordionist keeps in hand tin-plate mug. The Accordionist -- part to lifes, in the same way, as tin-plate mug, as music Verdi, as "Underground-opera". All and the whole -- part to lifes, but when all are going to together -- not yet life. But life when, ask I itself, and why not today? The Blind man leaves, but I remain on ïðèñòóïêå. The Balls of meat or fish cooked in soup ñúåäåíû. They òóõëû, coffee repugnant, butter ïðîãîðêëî. On that nor see -- all òóõëîå, repugnant, rancid. The Street as evil breathing; the following street not better, and the second, and the third. At the corner blind man again stops and delays "Home, in our mountains". In pocket I íàõîæó chewing gum -- and live. The Live to chew. No nothing better, when necessary to come to a conclusion, but choice -- from two ashes. Pristupok suitable, and nobody does not disturb me. I -- part of the world, a part, as it is spoken, lifes, I here "its" and not quite its. I sit on ïðèñòóïêå about hour already, dream. And ïðèõîæó to the same output, to which ïðèõîæó always if dispose the minute to think in private. Or it is necessary immediately to go home and begin to write, or it is necessary to run and begin the new life. The Thought about book frighten me: it is necessary so much say that do not know, with what begin. The Thought about escape and begin the new life frighten not less: signifies, come to work as negro that soul did not part with body. For person of my temperament world such a that no neither hopes, nor output. Even if I shall write the book, which want to write, her(its) will not take: I much have well got to know their own compatriot. Even if I shall be able to begin all anew, in that will not be a profits since at heart showers I have a no desires neither to work, nor become the useful member a society. I sit and review on house through road. He seems me not only ugly and meaningless, as all rest buildings on street, but from long ðàññìàòðèâàíèÿ he suddenly becomes absurd. I kill thought itself to erect the shelter exactly here. Itself 101 the city kills me its extreme abnormality, kills all in him: the sewers, trestles, music boxes, newspapers, telephones, police, doorknobs, flophouse buildings, screens, toilet paper, all. All this could not exist, herewith we not only nothing have not lost, we have won along with the whole âñåëåííîé. I stake out going by: is not found accidentally amongst them my åäèíîìûøëåííèê? We shall Expect, I stop anyone and shall straight assign him idle time question. We shall Expect, I ñïðîøó his(its) so: "Why mû live so, as you live?" Sooner whole, he ïîçîâåò police. I ask itself: talks although anyone itself with itself so, as this does I? I ask itself: but all with me in order? I ïðèõîæó to determined conclusion: I differ from others. And this exceedingly it is important -- take a look at itself. "Henry, -- dialect I itself, -- you else young". "Henry, -- dialect I, rising with ïðèñòóïêè, strerching, îòðÿõàÿ trousers and âûïëåâûâàÿ cud, -- you else young, you else nestling, and if you will allow to take itself for egg -- will be an idiot, after all you better any one of them, only you necessary to dispose of false presentations and humanity. You must understand, Henry, boy my, you deal with cutthroat, with cannibal, which only got dressed up, were shaved, ed, but don't care they cutthroats and cannibals. The Best that you ìîæåøü to do presently, Henry -- go and book the chocolate cake, but when you will sit beside automaton with soda and will ãëÿäåòü in both -- ïîçàáóäåøü about human þäîëè, after all is not excluded that you will look after itself beautiful äåâî÷êó and contact with she will properly clean you bearings and will leave the pleasing aftertaste in ðòó then think about its -- signifies to make the dyspepsia, dandruff, evil scent èçî ðòà and encephalitis". While I here is so becalmed itself, ïîäîøåë lad and has asked the dime, but I generous hand gave him quarter of the dollar, but has thought that better to spend the money on juicy ñâèíóþ îòáèâíóþ, rather then on âîíþ÷èå of the ball of meat or fish cooked in soup though what difference -- all meal, but meal supplies the energy, but energy -- that forces the world to rotate. And instead of chocolate cake I have having continued the way, soon having found oneself there, where all time strove;strived that is to say before window of the pay-desk in Rouzlende. But now, Henry, has said I itself if you âåçó÷èé, that will meet äðóæèùó Poppy-ãðåãîðà, which first çàäàñò pepper for your escape, but will afterwards loan five times dollar, and if you will be able to take breath after ascent on stairway, that, can be, too get acquainted with nymphomaniac and on fast hand, not exposing, will taste her(it). Input quietly, Henry, and see in both 102 And I entered according to edification, inaudible stepping, has delivered the hat, of course, urinated little, then slowly ïðîøåëñÿ on stairway, asking the price of to ïàðòíåðøàì of this dancing. All of these were in translucent board, powdered, choked, ñâåæåíüêèå and alive with type, but, probably, before ÷åðòèêîâ tired, with íàòðóæåííûìè drumstick. Mentally I all îòâåäàë while loitered there. This place was literally soaked by sale love -- that is why I calculated to find here my friend Makgregora. As sound that I anymore think about imperfection of this world. I have noted this since for minute, in most moment of the study juicy ïîïêè, happened the relapse. I again a little have not fallen into trance. I have thought: "Gosh, ïîìîãè me, can, me it is necessary to vamoose thence, go home and be takeàased book? " Terrible thought! Somehow I whole evening has conducted in easy chair, nothing not seen and not hearing. Must be, me it is necessary to write the greater book to be aroused. Better and not to sit. Better continue to spin. Henry, you must someday here return with stuffed by pocket and watch, as you will take. Take the hundred-other backs, spend their as dirt, say "yes" whole. Here is haughty, âûòî÷åííàÿ, woke;waked statuette, äåðæó bet that she çàâüåòñÿ the óòðåì if properly her(its) grease. Possible, she will say: twenty backses! -- but I îòâå÷ó: of course! But I, possible, shall say: listen;hear, beside me here adown machine, have gone to Atlantik-City on vapour(pair) of the days. Henry! You has no machines and no twenty backses. Not to sit... continue motion. I stood beside barrier, enclosing common-room, and observed, as they swim past. Yes this not harmless rest, this serious business. On all wall of the common-room of the tablet, stating: "Obscene dance are forbidden". Understandable. Not ïîðàçâåñèòü tablets is harmed on each corner. In Pompeyah, in ëóïàíàðèÿõ*, probably, hung up the phallus. But here on american harmony. But means same. I must not think about Pompeyah, otherwise come newly to sit for book. continue Motion, Henry. Sosredotochisya on music. I tried âîîáðàçèòü, as pleasantly has conducted time, be beside me money on safe tape áèëåòèêîâ, but than more effort put, was so much the worse got. And here is I ñòîþ in lava knee-deep, and gas choke;throttle;smother me. Pompeycev has killed not lava, their has ruined poisonous .ãàç, èçâåðãíóòûé by vulcan. Now understandable, why lava çàñòèãëà them in so strange pose, with deflated trousers, here is as this happened. If suddenly NEW YORK will learn same fate -- that for museum will leave! My friend Maktregor, standing beside sinks, ñêðåáóùèé member... maestro abortion Ist-Sayda with hand on 103 the elbow in shelters... the ìîíàøêè on beds, masturbating each other... the auctioneer with mallet in hand... the telephone ladies beside commutator... D.P. Morganana, sitting on push, serene wiping up ass... the detectives with bat, repairing biassed äîïðîñ... the ñòðèïòèçåðêè, giving last ñòðèï-òèç... Stoyu knee-deep in lava, eye çàñòèëàåò the semen: D.P. Morganana* serene wipes up the ass while telephone ladies connect the commutators while detectives with rubber bat lead biassed äîïðîñ while my friend Makgregor âûñêðåáàåò the microbes from member, aerates him(it), studies under microscope. All çàñòèãíóòû with deflated trousers, including ñòðèïòèçåðîê, which not at all carry the trousers, do not carry the beards, do not carry the moustache, only patchwork, closing small winking ïèçäåíêè. The Sister Antolina rests upon conventual bed with tight tied up by offal, hands óïåðòû in boca, and waits the Sundays, waits, waits the lifes without hernia, without sexual of the act, without sin, without devil, but itself in this time ãðûçåò cookie, red pepper, äèâíûå of the olive, small head of the cheese. The Jewish lad in Ist-Sayde, in Harlem, Bronx, Kanarsi, Braunsv-èëëå raise and lower the jalousie, beg, begs, overturn the ñîñèñî÷íûå automatons, ram the sewers, as if devils rob on street, but if you ïèêíåòå, you ïèêíåòå last time. When I had in pocket twelve ñîò áèëåòèêîâ in "ðîëëñ-royce", awaiting me beside input, I have spent time splendid before èçíåìîæåíèÿ, and all îòâåäàë, íåâçèðàÿ for age, sex, race, nationality, âåðîèñïîâåäàíèå, birthplace and education. Such, as I, do not open: I -- I, but the world -- world. The World is divided on three parts, from which two form the balls of meat or fish cooked in soup and spaghetti, but the third -- huge syphilitic chancre. Haughty, âûòî÷åííàÿ, woke;waked statuette, probably, in ëþáâè not better cool turkey, some sort of can àïîïóòå, çàëåïëåííîé by gold(en) sheet and tinny foil. Circulating the side of the despair and losses illusion always turns out to be the absence the most worst and dividends of dejection. No nothing ñêó÷íåå and îòâðàòèòåëüíåå of the orgy to gaiety, ñõâà÷åííîé snub of the mechanical eye of the mechanical epoch: lifes, âûçðåâàþùåé in black box, negative, touched by acid, giving îäíîìîìåíòíîå resemblance of the nonexistence. My friend Makgregor appears On distant fringe this îäíîìîìåíòíîãî nonexistences, becomes near by me, and with him that, about lump he spoke, nymphomaniac by name Paula. Her(its) swing back and forth gait free and free-and-easy, she can take and frontal and behind, but all her(its) motion are radiated 104 from area of the groin, in balance always, always ready to sail, meander, rotate, îáæèìàòü, eye to slam, leg ñó÷èòü, flesh to tremble, as if lake pockmarked from breeze. This entailment itself to sexual hallucination: sea nymph, lunging in hand of the maniac. I staked out them while they, closely having snuggled to one another, convulsive moved on common-room. Their motion reminded the marriage plays of the octopus. Between rocking slightly ùóïàëåö twinkles and flashes up the music, that molderring cascade of the semen and rose water, that again being going to in ìàñëÿíèñòóþ formation, pole without full tilts, that decaying as chalk, leaving higher part of the leg ôîñôîðåñöèðîâàòü: zebra, costing in pool of gold(en) molasses, one leg ïîëîñàòàÿ, the other îïëàâëåííàÿ. The Gold(en) treacly octopus with rubber joints and swum around limb, his(its) sexual signs that becoms flabby, that becomes tangled the element. On day sea oysters writhes in saint vitus dance, other ñòèñíóëè of the jaw, other do not separate the knees. The Music áðûçæåò the rat poison, poison thundering snake, òóõëûì by breathing ãàðäåíèé, saliva of the holy yak, afterwards desman, sweet nostalgia ïðîêàæåííîãî. This music -- äèàððåÿ, lake of benzine stale from cockroach and self-possessed equine urine. The Trifling cheers -- ñëþíÿâàÿ spume of the epileptic, midnight èñïàðèíà fallen negro, îíàíèðóåìîãî åâðååì. The Whole America -- âîé of the trombone, broken, frenzied whinny äþãîíåé, disappearing in gangrene on cape Gatteras, in Poynt-Crowbar, on Labradore, in Kanarsi and in intermediate points. The Octopus îòïëÿñûâàåò the unheard-of point Plyuyuschegosya Devil*, point in stiletto of the rubber dolt. The Nymph Laura dances the point, her(its) sexual signs îòñëîèëèñü and hung as cow tail. The soul of the America rests In belly of the trombone, disgorging its complacent heart. Nothing not embezzled in vain -- nor dripped äðèñíû. In gold(en), the treacly daydream about happiness, in dance of the boiling urine and benzine, great soul of the american continent gallops as octopus, are lifted all sail, manholes are battened, engine ãóäèò as dynamo. The Great dynamic soul ñõâà÷åíà snubs of the camera in most moment of the hot marriage play: bloodless, is woke;waked fish, slippery as if slime - a soul of folk, enterring in disorderly communication on day sea, âûïó÷èâøåãî eye from desire torn apart by lust. The Dance to saturday night, dance of the cantaloupes , rotting aheap refuse, dance ñàëàòîâûõ ñîïëåé and ñêëèçêèõ ïðèòèðîê, intended for gentile parts of the body. The Dance of the music box and his(its) monstrous inventors. The Dance of the revolver and ïîëüçóþùèõñÿ him ñëèçíåé. 1àíåö rubber bat, squashing brains before 105 the pulps polyp. The Dance magneto-machines, íåèñêðÿùåéñÿ sparks, soft roar of the mechanism, velocities of the gramophone disk, dollar rate and dead, disfigured wood. The Saturday night in dance of the emotional emptiness, all jumping dancers -- submachines in saint vitus dance, generated a daydream of the ringworm. The Nymph Laura waves the cunt, her(its) lips, like petal of the rose, êëàöàþò, woke;waked bearings, her(its) buttocks that âûïÿ÷èâàþòñÿ, that is embroilled. Having Snuggled to one another without bright spot they show itself copulating dead bodies. But afterwards bang! The Music stops, have as if turned the breaker, and with stop of the music dancers disperse, hands-legs safe -- like ÷àèíêàì, lowerring on bottom of the glass. The Air pervaded word, slow hissing of fish, roasting on griddle. The Thrill devastated showers reminds the swearing of the apes on treetop. The Air pervaded word, flying through ventilation holes, returning through corrugated flues, flying, as antelopes, ïîëîñàòûìè, as zebra, that liing peacefully, as shellfish, that regurgitating flame. The Nymph Laura cool, as if statue, beside which time has wiped the signs a flap, but hairs else packed music perfection. On êðàþ VWVappear in the dreams cost(stand)s Laura, her(its) lips áåçãëàñíû, her(its) word fall as floral pollen. Laura Petrarki sowed;sown in taxi, each word is registered by cash device, is sterilized, then subject to cauterization. Vasilisk Laura is executed wholly from asbestos, she strides to place àóòîäàôå, having stuffed mouth by chewing gum. All type-sink -- speak her(its) mouth. Heavy, âûïÿ÷åííûå mouth of the sea sink, mouth Laury, mouth doomed ëþáâè óðàíèñòîâ. All flow in mirk under gradient. The Last precipitation(draft) áîðìî÷óùèõ lips of the sea sink climb down with coast Labradora and move eastward together with flow dirt, move to star in iodine driftage. Lost Laura, the last beside Petrarki, slowly disappears on êðàþ VWVappear in the dreams. The World not grey, but dim, light bamboo dream returned to innocences. Here, in blackness of the enraged nonexistence of the emptiness and solitude, all leave the gloomy feeling of saturated dejection, not so distant from high limit of the despair, which there is nothing else than merry juvenile whim of the full breakup to deaths with life. From overturned cone of the ecstasy life will newly rise on height of the prosaic skyscraper, will lead away and me for hairs and teeths -- turning away wistful empty joy, active fruit, stillborn maggot, expecting ãíèåíèÿ and disinteration. 106 Sunday in the morning I have woke;waked the telephone call. My friend, Max SHnadig, has reported on deaths of our total familiar Manhole Ralistona. The Max have added the voice sorrowful tone, and this has jarred me. The Manhole was an excellent lad, has said he. This too I was shown false since Manhole and in the best form was so-so, quite not that to call the excellent lad. The Manhole was a woman, but when I have heard his(its) ïîáëèæå, turned out to be the unbearable type. All this I and gave the Max on telephone. As judged by his(its) remark, he not too liked my word. He has said that Manhole always was me other. This truth, but only part of truth. The Whole truth was concluded in that that I was pleased: Manhole gave the oak at suitable moment, me not to come to return him one hundred fifty dollars, which I him çàäîëæàë. Indeed, having hung tube, I have felt happiness. What relief-- not to pay this debt! But death of the Manhole did not touch me by no means. Opposite, appeared the possibility to pay a call his(its) sister Lotti, which I long ago wanted, but all somehow were not got. But now possible straight daytime go to her with my condolences. Her(its) husband will be on service, us nothing will not disturb. I have visualized, as îáíèìó her(it) and shall begin to becalm; nothing be not compared to touch to woman, when that in sadnesses. I saw, as are they broadly opened her(its) eye -- beside it beautiful greater gray eye -- while I lead her(it) to couch. She from that womans that ready be returned, making type, is woke;waked by occupied talk about music and that like. She did not like the denuded reality, crude facts, so to speak. In ditto time beside she will be enough the wit ïîäñòåëèòü towel to not èñïà÷êàòü couch. I know her(its) whole through. I know that presently most time to take her(it), presently, when she has mildly lost the head from death road Manhole -- about which, to word, not much-that often recalled. Regrettably, today sunday, and husband most certainly building. I again ëåã in bed and began to think about Manhole first and on all that he for I have done, afterwards about her, about Lotti. Lotti Samers her(its) called -- I always liked this name. Much approaches to her. The Manhole was scrawny as poker, person having high cheeckbones, the whole from itself correct -- I ìîë÷ó! She -- just on the contrary: soft, round, with long speech, fondling word and languid motion, skilfully using their own eye. Nobody has not took them for brother and sister. I so was agitated from these thoughts that has tried to embrace the wife. But wretch creation, poisoned by prudish education, èçîáðàçèëî the indignation. She loved the Manhole. She will not say that he was an excellent lad, this her not characteristic, but she always considered his(its) honored, dedicated, hereby other and t. d. 107 But beside me so much dedicated, honored, faithfull friends that all this nonsence for me. Finally we have mended so far in dispute about Manhole that she has solved to take the top by hysterics, was taken sob and moan -- all this, notice, in beds. I have recalled about that that ãîëîäåí. Zateya to cry before morning meal was shown me monstrous. I came down in kitchen and has prepared itself remarkable morning meal, but be through with him, about itself laughed a little on Manhole, about ïîëóòîðàñòà backs, taken out of agenda due to his(its) unexpected death, on Lotti, on that, as she âçãëÿíåò on me, when approaches the minute and, finally that the most absurd, I have presented the Max, Max SHnadiga, faithfull friend of the Manhole, costing beside graves with big vein and, can be, throwing ãîðñòü land on casket, when that lowers in pit. So much for seemed some foolish. Do Not know, why this could I am shown amusing, but-truth. The Max -- simpleton. I his(its) tolerated only therefore that sometimes took beside it on lend. But else since beside it was a sister Rita. Often I took his(its) invitations home, making type that interest his(its) äóøåâíîáîëüíûì by brother. Beside it building always fine helm, but ïîëîóìíûé brother was a true amusement. He looked as chimpanzee and chattered too as chimpanzee. The Max was too forgive;pardon to guess that I simply enjoy; he thought that I take the sincere participation in his(its) brother. There was remarkable sunday, but beside me in pocket, as usually, something around twenty five cents. I trudged, ponderring, where obtain the money. Not that to was it is difficult to scrape up somewhere small amount, it is important was obtain the money with the least costs. The lad came In head from counties, lad, which lends without any talk, but afterwards certainly watches the long conversation -- about religions, about politician, about art. One more way, which I not once used in the event of dire need, -- call at in one of our telegraph branches, making type, is woke;waked inflict the friendly visit in order of the inspections and afterwards, at the most current moment, offer him to take out of pay-desks before tomorrow one-two dollars. But on this will too lose time, yes and conversation not easier. Coldly all having weighted and having counted, I stopped on my young friend Kerli from Harlem. If beside Kerli no money, he drag them beside full-grown from êîøåëüêà. On it possible to. Certainly, he will want to go with me, but I shall always find the way to dispose of it before evening. He else child, and me not without fall with him äåëèêàòíè÷àòü. In Kerli I particularly liked that, in spite of his(its) seventeen years, he was polished is deprived moral 108 òîåâ, moral fluctuations, twinges. To me he came ÷åòûðíàäöàòèëåòíèì boy, garbled functioning(working) the courier. His(its) parents, in that time æèâøèå in South Africa, have sent him(it) in NEW YORK on charge of the aunt, who nigh only under the first meeting has seduced him(it). He never learned;learnt in school since his(its) parents all time travelled: they were a rambling actor. The Father several times visitted in prison. Apropos, he was him not present father. One word, Kerli appeared beside me with request about help, ïàðåíüêó much lacked the friends. At a glance I have understood that can do for it something. All have immediately shown to him liking, particularly women(woman). He became the pet of the office. However soon I have understood that he íåèñïðàâèì that for the best in him develop deposit of the clever criminal. But he liked don't care me, and I continued to help him though and kept ear âîñòðî with him. Think, he liked me especially deprived feeling of the respect was polished due to the fact that. He has did all that is pleased, for the sake of me, and in ditto time he defrauded me. I could not put him this in blame, simply this enraptured me. More so that lay he sincerely. He simply could not not lie. We shall Take at least his(its) aunt of the Sofa. He spoke that she his(its) has seduced. Can, it and truth, but curiously enough that he gave her itself to seduce, when they together read the Bible. Although and young he was, but was to think, for what he was necessary the aunt of the Sofa. Signifies, he has allowed itself, as he was expressed, seduce, but afterwards, after short acquaintance, he has offered the aunt of the Sofa to me. But else he äîøåë before direct blackmail. When he powerfully lacked the money, he went to aunt and extorted beside it -- under clever threat of the denouncement. It is Necessary to think, with virgin expression on person. Looked he as angel, strangely greater humid eye watched openly and sincerely. All shall do for you -- glance dedicated ïñà. And rather cunning -- could so play on your feeling that you indulged his(its) small whimsy. In addition terribly ñìûøëåíûé. Insidious ñìåòëèâîñòü fox and extreme heartlessness of the jackal. Therefore-that I not at all wondered, at one beautiful day having heard that he has wound the tricks with Valeskoy. After Valeski he was switched to her(its) cousin, by then already äåôëîðèðîâàííóþ and need for äþæåì male. À after cousin finally äîøåë before êàðëèöû, which has wreathed itself nice ãíåçäûøêî beside Valeski. Karlica has interested his(its) so far as possessed absolutely normal pizdoy. first he and did not think nothing with her to do, èáî, on his(its) wordses, she turned out to be loathsome small 109 the áèÿíêîé, but somehow once he çàøåë in âàííóþ, when that washed, with this all and began. He complained me that for it a bit too much -- please three. More all he loved the cousin, èáî beside that âîäèëèñü äåíüæàòà, with which she parted without labour. Valeska too noncommittal, and besides, too firmly smell(blows in). Indeed he was been ill woman. He has said that this blame to aunts of the Sofa. She has placed the bad beginning. Telling, he snooped around on all box agency. The Father -- ñóêèí son, it is high time his(its) hang, speaks he, nothing not finding. He shows me revolver with mother-of-pearl handle. But that if çàñòðåëèòü him(it)? The Gun too for oldster well, better he ïîäîðâåò his(its) dynamite. Trying understand, for that he so hates the daddy, I find that junker not indifferent to its full-grown. He could not peacefully watch, as oldster leaves with her in sleeping. Uzh do not want you say that are jealous to limit, has asked I? Yes, am jealous. Know, on truth, I and oversleep with mother itself not away. But why no? So that is why he has allowed the aunt to seduce his(its): he all time thought about its full-grown. In such event, not shame on you you to climb to her in pocket, has asked I? He smiled. This not her(its) money, has explained he, this him(it). That they have done for me? They always returned me on charge stranger. First of all they have taught me to defraud. Grow the child -- not field to go... In house was not sewn on nor cent. Kerli has offered me to go to him in office, and while I shall distract the controlling talk, he will call at in locker and ïî÷èñòèò the pockets. But if I not òðóøó, he ïî÷èñòèò else and pay-desk. They us no way çàïîäîçðÿò, said he. But you concerned with this earlier? -- ask ya. Else, over and over again, straight under nose beside controlling. And they nothing not ïðîíþõàëè? As, have fired several clerks. But can, better occupy beside aunts of the Sofa? -- offer ya. This more simply simple, but come to indulge her(it) on fast hand, but he henceforward does not want this concern with. She stinks, aunt of the Sofa. That you want to say: stinks? Well, see, she is irregular washed. But what is wrong? Nor in than, simply she pious. And became fat and ïîòëèâàÿ. And still adores to concern with the love? Adores? Yes she with wit descends on this deal. This cursedly. As it is woke;waked lie in bed with ñâèíüåé. But that about she speaks your mother? About her? The Ills on it as devil. She thinks, is woke;waked an aunty of the Sofa wants to seduce the oldster. That zh, can and wants. Though no, beside oldster there is something ïîëó÷øå. I somehow at night çàñòóêàë him(it) in cinema, he kissed with very young äåâ÷îíêîé. With manicurist from calve "Astor". He, probably, pulls the äåíåæêè from it. 110 Otherwise did not become óõëåñòûâàòü for woman. He is dirty ñóêèí son, and I wanted at one beautiful day to see him(it) on electric chair. You itself at one beautiful day will sit on electric chair unless will be careful Who, I? Only not I! I it is enough is known how. You are known how, yes uzh painfully long language beside you. On your place I kept him(it) for teeth. Know, added I to little ïðèïóãíóòü him(it), you are interested O'RURK; if you get him, with you all are finished... So why he does not pawn me if he something know? I you not faith. I explain him äîõîä÷èâî that O'RURK from that rare sort of the people, which prefer not to spoil the life to others if can help im. O'RURK, dialect I, possesses the instinct of the detective, who reveals itself in that that he likes to know all that occurs around it; the human natures are formed up beside it in head and constantly is there kept, as âðàæåñêàÿ terrain is kept in head milinary leader. All think that O'RURK spies yes âûíþõèâàåò that he gets the special pleasure, performing its dirty ðàáîòåíêó on good of the companies. This not so. O'RURK -- inborn researcher of the human nature. He learns all effortlessly, and exactly due to his(its) special look at the world. But now about you... I not in the least have no doubt that he is aware of you all. I, confess, never talked with him about you, but my confidence is founded on questions, which he will sometimes assign. Can, he simply herds you. Once upon a time at night he íàãðÿíåò to you and, is not excluded, will offer to go somewhere to have a bite. And, as thunder with clear sky, will suddenly say: remember, Kerli, when you worked in such-that office, have from there fired the small jew, clerk that that has ripoffed the pay-desk? I think that you in that night worked at ñâåðõóðî÷íûõ, not so? Is it Interesting got. Know, incomprehensibly, has stolen these money a clerk or someone else. He, certainly, have fired for negligence, but say most certainly that has stolen exactly he, it is impossible. I thought about this business man. And I have a suspicions on this count, but no full confidence... Here he sooner whole âîïüåòñÿ in you eye and will change the subjects. Can be, he will tell you about âîðèøêå, which thought that he very clever and never will get. He will tell you this history while you will not feel under itself blazing óãëè. Then you will want to be through with this, but will not have time to óéòè, as he will suddenly recall about the other interesting event and will ask you to detain and îòâåäàòü one more dish. And so will last three-four hours in a row, without the most slightest direct tipoff. And all this time he will attentively study you, but when you, finally, 111 will feel itself free, when you change the farewell handshake and you âçäîõíåøü with relief, he will block you way, âñàäèò its become heavy square foot between your legs, will grasp you for lapel and, ãëÿäÿ in eye straight, will say the soft pleasing voice: "Well that, ïàðåíåê, as suppose, not better in vsem. to confess?" And if you will think that he takes you on gun, èçîáðàçèøü incomprehension and óéäåøü away, you commit a mistake. Since in this moment, when he offers you to confess, he speaks where as seriously, he already nor before than does not stop. When you will approach hereto moment, advise âûëîæèòü all before the end, before the last penny. He will not require that I have fired you, and will not become to threaten the prison -- simply he will peacefully offer you to postpone each week gradually and afterwards all return him. Umnee his(its) no. Sooner whole, he and me nothing will not say. He very delicate in such thing, believe me. -- Possible, -- unexpectedly speaks Kerli, -- I shall say him, is woke;waked has stolen these money to help you? That then? He is a hysterical çàõîõîòàë. -- Do Not think that O'RURK will believe on word, -- has said I ravnodushno. -- Certainly, ìîæåøü to try if consider that this will help îòìàçàòüñÿ. But, think, effect is got opposite. O'RURK knows me... He knows that I have not allowed you to do such. -- But you has allowed! -- I did not ask you to do this. You has done this without my knowledge. This absolutely miscellaneous belongings. Besides, as you will be able to prove that I have taken the money from you? And is not shown strange to accuse me, one, protects you, in that that I have nailled on you on such deal? Who you will believe? Only not O'RURK. Besides, he else you has not caughted. Why feel alarm beforehand? Can, you will begin gradually to return the money in pay-desk while he nothing not çàïîäîçðèë? You Do this anonymously. Here Kerli quite was lost. In closet was sewn on little øíàïñà, çàíà÷êà oldster, and I have offered to drink for bravery. While we saws øíàïñ, I have suddenly thought that Max, on his(its) wordses, will today be in house of the Manhole .ñî their own condolences. Most time to catch the Max. He ðàñ÷óâñòâóåòñÿ, and right here I and ïîâåøó him noodles on VWVtake in. Shall Say that steep tone in telephone talk is explained my extreme ðàñòåðÿííîñòüþ: do not know, where bang into, where obtain ten dollars, which me ïîçàðåç need. But at the same time óâèæóñü with Lotti. I smiled at thoughts about this. If Manhole could see, what friendly he had! Most 112 difficult -- approach to casket and throw the sad look at Manhole. If only does not çàñìåÿòüñÿ. I have explained its plan Kerli. He laughed a little from showers, before tears Apropos, exactly so I have solved that will be calm to leave his(its) äîæèäàòüñÿ adown while I try ñòðåëüíóòü money. The Ithaca, we dared. In house of the Manhole just were going to to eat, when I entered, having assumed an air of the most sad type, what only could èçîáðàçèòü. The Max flinched from my unexpected appearance. Lotti has already left. This helped me to save the sad type. I have asked to leave me one with Manhole for several minutes, but Max have persisted on its presence. Rest agreed, suppose, with hunt: after all him all morning happened to to accompany to casket condoling. And as äîáðîïîðÿäî÷íûå german, they did not get accustomed to break the dinner. I looked at Manhole all with same sorrowful expression, and has here caughted on itself èñïûòóþùèé glance Max. I have raised the eye and smiled him, what smiled always. He completely was embarrassed. "listen;hear, Max, -- has said I, -- you certain that they us do not hear?" Seemed, he was puzzled and saddened else strong, but even so has affirmatively noded in answer. "See, Max... I came here specially to see you... and occupy several backses. Know, this ugly, present;introduce;êîíò)represent, in what I frantic position that dared on this". He it is important çàòðÿñ head, when I âûëîæèë its, but mouth his(its) was rounded before capital letter "About", as if he was going to with spirit. "listen;hear, Max, -- has quickly spoken I calm sad voice, -- presently not time to read me notations. If you want to help me, give ten dollars straight away... lower;omit their me in pocket while I bid farewell with Manhole. You know, I really loved the Manhole. On telephone I have slandered the God knows that, you has hit upon me at unbeseeming moment. The Wife so simply hairs on itself tugged. We aground, Max, and I much reckon for you. leave;quit;get out; With me if want, and I explain you all in detail..." Max, as I and expected, did not want with me to leave. He and think could not about that that will leave the native Manhole in such moment... -- Well, then let's presently, -- has said I nearly serdito. -- All explain you tomorrow. They Are Met in the morning in cafe, for table. Henry, listen;hear, -- has said the Max, ball in pocket, be afraid of that his(its) can catch with money in hand in such minutu. -- listen;hear, I not against give you on lend, but realy you could not find other place to with me? This not because of Manhole... this because of... He began something mumble, not knowing that to say. 113 -- GOODNESS SAKE, -- has mumbled I, having approached to Manhole so that if anyone entered -- no way did not guess about purposes of my visit, -- goodness sake, not shall presently be about this. Let's here, and deal with the end. I in frantic position, you understand? The Max was so is embarrassed and astir that did not be able to separate the banknote, not having pulled out from pocket whole pack. Blagogoveyno having ed on casket, I have grasped the upper áóìàæêó from pack, peered out pocket. I not smog to consider, one this or ten dollars. I did not spend time for study of the banknote, has simply hidden her(it) as quickly as possible and was rectified. Afterwards I have compressed the hand Max and returned in kitchen, where whole family ate solemnly, but appetizing. They wanted that I remained, refuse was awkwardly, but I refused, was dissuaded somehow and has left, but person already beginning to lunge from hysterical horselaugh. At the corner, beside lamp post, I awaited Kerli. Hereto time I could not control, grasped Kerli for hand, óâëåê him(it) along on street, having broken by horselaugh. Seldom when I so laughed. Seemed, laughter never stops. Every time, cost only to open the mouth to explain Kerli, as was a deal, began the new fit. Finally I èñïóãàëñÿ. I have thought that can die laughing. When I óõèòðèëñÿ a little to quiet down, after long silence Kerli has asked: "You has cashed?" This has caused the new fit of the laughter, else more cruel, than earlier. I leaned;leant to street çàãîðîäêå and was grasped for belly. In gut I have felt terrible, but pleasing pain. As it is impossible better I have provided in feeling type banknotes, which I âûóäèë from pack Max. Twenty dollars! This me âðàç has sobered. And has ed in ditto time. Has Ed me that in pocket beside this idiot Max was else much áóìàæåê, äâàäöàòîê, groups of ten, quintuples. If he left with me, as I offered him if I have properly considered his(its) pack -- I have not felt the twinges, even having skinned his(its) as ëèïêó. But here, do not know why, got angry. I have immediately solved the ïîáûñòðåé to dispose of Kerli, foisted him five dollars, and leave to carouse. I much wanted to hook on some dissolute gnarl, not âåäàþùóþ about decebcy. But where meet such? But what? Well, first dispose of Kerli. Kerli, what drink to give, îáèäèòñÿ. He calculated to spend time in my companies. Sooner whole, he will abandon to quintuples, but when will see that I willingly take her(it) back, áûñòðåíüêî ñïðÿ÷åò äåíåæêó. And once again evening, incidental empty, cool, 114 íè÷åñêèé evening NEW YORK, in which no rest, no sanctum, no vicinity. Boundless, çÿáêîå solitude in òûñÿ÷åíîãîé to crowd, cool, vain fire of the electric advertisment, suppressing uselessness feminine perfection, when perfection has alterred by sawing the border a flap and applied to sign minus, harming to itself, is woke;waked electricity, is woke;waked indifferent energy male, is woke;waked planets, which it is impossible see, is woke;waked peace programs, is woke;waked love by radio. Have a money in pocket in lees white, indifferent energy, aimlessly stroll, futile loiter in glow of the blanched streets, reason aloud in full solitude on galley proof madness, be in city, great city, last time be in the most great city of the world and not to feel nor united his(its) part, -- means most become the city, the world dead stone, vain light, indistinct motion, elusive and incalculable, secret perfection whole that there is minus. Walk with money in night crowd, be under protection of the money, tranquilized by money, become dazed from money, crowd itself there is money, breathing of the money, no nor united subject, which not money, money, money around and this little, but afterwards no money or little money, or money less, or more money -- but money, always money, and if you have a money, or have a no money -- only money are taken in payment, and money do the money, but that forces the money .äåëàòü money? Once again ballroom, rhythms of the money, love that comes by radio, depersonalized, wingless touch of crowd. The Despair, knocking down face downwards, to most sole, dejection, madness. Amongst the most high mechanical perfection -- dance without joy, be so beyond hope solitary, nigh only cease to be a person since you person. If existed the life on the moon, not this could be the most making, joyless her(its) reflection? If abandon the sun -- means to get to getting cold idiocy of the moon, that we reached our purposes, and life -- only cool, moon incandescence sun. This dance to icy life in emptiness of the atom, and than more we are returned dance, that cool becomes. So here is we and dance, in frozen, ëåäÿíîì rhythm, on long and short wave, dance the dance inwardly chalices of the nonexistence, and each centimetre âîæäåëåíèÿ requires the dollars and cent. We hire one for other made ïàðòíåðø, nosing sensitive are withdrawn, but they perfect and impervious in infallible moon ãóñòîòå. This icy blanching íåïîðî÷íîñòü ëþáîâíîéëîãèêè, net of the low tide, îòðåïêè of the absolute verbiage. And amongst these 115 the îòðåïêîâ of the virginal logic perfection I òàíöóþ shower-dance of the net despair, the last white person gives the green street to last emotion, gorilla of the despair beats itself in bosom paw untarnished, in glove. I -- gorilla, feelling growing wing, feelling dizziness in the centre of the satin emptiness; the evening grows, as if electric plant, releasing white-hot áóòîíû in velvet ribbon-black space. I -- black space to nights, in which with pain burst áóòîíû, starfish, ïëûâóùàÿ on frozen moon grow. I am a microbe of the new madness, âðàçóìèòåëüíî èçúÿñíÿþùèéñÿ óðîäåö, sob, stuck, as splinter, in gentile pulp showers. I òàíöóþ at all points normal and charming dance of the angelic gorilla. But here is my brother and sisters, they abnormal and far him before angel. We dance in cavities of the chalice of the nonexistence. We from one rafts, but distant friend from friend, as stars. In this minute me all clear: clear that in this logic of no saving, city itself shows itself high form of the madness, and any and each his(its) part, organic or inorganic, expresses this madness. I feel itself absurdly and abjectly great, not that to ìåãàëîìàíüÿê, but as human spore(dispute), as destroying sponge to lifes, íàáóõøàÿ before limit. I already not review in eye to woman, who äåðæó in hand, sail VWXbe drafty: head, and hands, and legs -- and I see that there is unexplored area for ocular trough, area future, and here no no logic, only calm generation event, íåïîäâëàñòíûõ neither day, nor nights, neither yesterday, nor tomorrow. The Eye accostomed to be concentrated on on point in space, now concentrates on point at time; the eye on its desire peeks onward and addresses back. That eye, which was my "I", anymore exists; the eye deprived me, does not show and does not flash. He moves along line of the horizon, tireless, íåñâåäóùèé âîÿæåð. Trying save the lost body, I became the ëîãè÷íûì as my city: index finger in anatomies perfection. I am ïåðåðîñ own death, strong and clear spirit. I divided on endless yesterday, endless tomorrow, resting only in salients event, when building no, remained only wall with ensemble of the windows. I must destroy the wall and window, the last sanctum of the lost body if want be reunited with hereby. That is why I anymore review in eye or for eye, but with the help of omnipotent dexterity of the desire sail VWXbe drafty eye, heads, and hands, and legs, researching twist visions. I peek in itself so, as mother, carried me, has peeked for once upon a time 116 the corner of time. I have destroyed the wall, created by birth, and line âîÿæà became round and fluent, even, smooth, as if bellybutton. No neither forms, nor image, nor architectures -- only concentric flights of the evident insanity. I -- dart îâåùåñòâëåííîé daydreams. I confirm the flight. I -- zero if shall fall to the ground. Such minute pass, ïðîâèä÷åñêèå of the minute of time without space, when I know all, and, knowing all, I ïðîâàëèâàþñü under codes of the depersonalized daydream. In gap between these minute, in fissure of the daydream, entrenches the life, but in vain: scaffolding of the mad town logic can not serve the handhold. As essence from rafts and shelters, I each day come down to become incorporeal, bloodless city, whose perfection there is amount of the whole logic, carrying death to daydream. I fought against death of the ocean, in which my own death -- èñ÷åçàþùå small drop. To raise my private life if only for share of the inch on delaying in itself by sea deaths, I must have a faith ñèëüíåå, than Hristova, become the ìóäðåå the most great from prophet. I it is necessary to have an ability and patience to formulate that does not be kept in language of our time, èáî that presently understandable, is deprived sense. I do not need the eye, èáî they give only image got to know. All my body must become the unchangeable bunch of the light, driving with the most great speed, íåîñòàíîâèìûì, not looking over back, inexhaustible. The City grows, is woke;waked cancerous tumor; I must grow as sun. The City always anything lacks; he -- bad blanching louse, which must first or last die from exhaustion. I am obliged to starve this turn white louse, which I devour. I must die as city to become again the person. So I shut VWVtake in, eye, mouth. Previously than I newly figure wholly person, I, probably, shall exist as park, certain natural park, where people will add to repose, spend time. Their word and action not will have big importance, after all they will bring only its tedium, weariness, hopelessness. I shall only be a buffer between white louse and red body. I shall be a ventilator, dispersing poisons, chosen in fight for perfection íåóñîâåðøåíñòâóåìîãî. I shall be a law and rather, çàâåäåííûì in nature, which I see in daydream. I shall dick by park amongst nightmare perfection, calm, unshaksble dream amongst mad activity, casual blow on white áèëëèàðäíîì table logic, me will not be a sign neither weeping, nor protest, but always shall âíèìàòü and reproduce in absolute 117 the bus. Until will come time newly to become the person, I shall not say nor word. I shall not undertake neither united attempt nor to save, nor destroy. I not figure neither to convict, nor criticize. That, beside who will be enough to will, will add to me on contemplate and second thoughts; that, beside who comes short will, óìðóò so, as they live: in disturbances, in despair, in ignorance of the truth of the expiation. If me someone will say -- you must become religious -- I nothing not îòâå÷ó. If me someone will say -- beside you presently no time, you wait the dissolute gnarl -- I nothing not îòâå÷ó. And even if ñîáåðóòñÿ the revolutionary clouds, I nothing not îòâå÷ó. Will Always be a gnarl and revolutions round the corner, however mother, stood me, often turned for corner and did not give answer, but afterwards she âûâåðíóëàñü on underside -- and answer became ya. Hardly possible calculate that wild mania perfection can evolve in wild park, even I on this do not calculate, but where better, approaching to deaths, live in ìèëîñåðäèè and natural confusion. Where as better while life moves to mortal perfection, be a gulp of the fresh air, green lawn, âîäîåìîì -- in other words, respiratory space. Better also quietly take and hold the people in their own embrace, èáî how frantically they did not try to peek for corner, answer there no. Now I often recall about jam, jam year day, when happened the fight, during which we were thrown stone. In that time I ãîñòèë-beside aunts of the Carolina, in their house from Hellgeytskogo bridge not far away. My first cousin Genie was along with me, us have surrounded the gang of the boys, when we walked in park. We did not know, on whose side we fought, but fought we with limiting gravity beside heaps riverside stone. We happened to to show greater bravery, than the other boy since us considered the sissy. So left that we have killed to death one of the enemy. As soon as us have attacked, my first cousin Genie has thrown the decent cobblestone in ãëàâàðÿ and has pleased him in belly. I threw the stone nearly with Genie simultaneously. My stone has got ãëàâàðþ in noggin, he fell and lay, not publishing nor sound. Soon came police and have found that boy destroy. He was a years eight-nine as much as as us. Do Not know, as it were with us have entered if have caughted. Anyway we, from sin a little farther, have hurried home. On road we have brought itself in order, combed hair and returned nearly such ÷èñòåíüêèå, either as have left. Aunt Carolina, as usually, gave us on greater ëîìòþ rye bread with 118 become cool mask and small bit sahara overhand, we sat for kitchen table and listened her(it) with angelic smile. Stood íåîáû÷àéíî hot weather, and aunt Carolina has said that us better to remain the building, in big room with closed shutter, and play in balls. To we came our buddy Joe Kasselibaum. He haved a reputation for for äóðà÷êà and usually we swindlers him(it), but here in taciturn consent we with Genie have allowed him to win beside us all that we had. Joe so was pleased that has called us to itself home and has forced its little sister to raise the ïëàòüèöå and demonstrate that under him. Uizi, so her(its) called, immediately in I fell in love. I have arrived with the other end of the city, for them this was don't care that to arrive from the other country. They were shown, woke;waked I even dialect not so, as they. While others ïàöàíû usually promised Uizi remuneration that she will raise the gown, for us she has done this unselfish, on ëþáâè. Soon we have convinced her(its) anymore do this for the other boys: we have loved her(it) and wanted that she became on way true. At the end that summer I parted with first cousins, and hereon we were not seen twenty years. When we were met, I deeply âïå÷àòëèëî the expression to innocences on his(its) person -- as at day of that fight on stone. Having Talked with him about fight, I wondered else strong, having found that he has completely forgotten that exactly we have killed that boy. He remembered his(its) death, but spoke of her so, as it is woke;waked neither he, nor I had not hereto relations. When I have mentionned the name Uizi, he has by a narrow margin thought, about lump goes the speech. But you remember the house on proximity, Joe Kasselibauma? Here, his(its) person has touched having diarrhea smile. He was shown incredible that I litter such belongings. He was already be married, became the father, worked on-factory on production fashionable case for smoking tube. He seemed incredible to remember the events, happened in such distant past. In that evening I have left from it in given mood. I seemed that he tries to wrest with root expensive me part of my lifes and itself together with her. It Is Seen was that him cherish his(its) collection of tropical fish, than our beautiful past. But I remembered all, all that happened that summer, and particularly day of the fight on stone. Can be, I feel in ðòó taste that big ëîìòÿ rye bread, which has stretched me his(its) mother in çëîïîëó÷íûé day, îñòðåå, than taste of meal, which live. But type small áóòîíà Uizi worries nigh only strong, than that I äåðæó in hand. That boy shaved off blow, has produced on me much greater impression, than history world îèíû. All that long summer now seems èäèëëèåé from 119 the numbers of the legends about king Arthur. I often think: that forms the particularity that summer, why it so vividly çàïå÷àòëåëîñü in my memories? Cost(stand)s only to close the eye, what each day comes alive. The Death of the boy itself did not torment me -- I ceased to think about her in week. The Type Uizi, stood in mirk of the room with raised ïëàòüèöåì, has too left without labour. Enough strange, but thick hunk of rye bread, which aunt Carolina gave any day, has left the deeper trace, than all rest images that summer. I think about this... often think. Can, this since she always stretched bread with tenderness and empathy, not familiar me earlier? She was such home, my aunt Carolina. Her(its) person was a throne pox, but such good, îáàÿòåëüíîå person could not spoil no physical defect. She was monstrous VWVmake someone look fat, but voice her(its) sounded softly, ëàñêàþùå. With me she addressed, seemed, with big attention and ïðåäóïðåäèòåëüíîñòüþ, than with own son. I wanted to live beside them always, and I have named her(its) its mother if this was permissible. I distinctly litter, as my mother, having visitted us, got angry that I wholly complacent new life. She has even said that I ungrateful, and this I never shall forget since exactly at that time I have understood for the first time that to be ungrateful sometimes necessary and some useful. Only I çàêðîþ of the eye and shall begin to recall about ëîìòå bread -- immediately think that in this house I did not know, what is a get the tongue-lashing. I seem, confess I aunt Carolina in that that has killed the person, tell;narrate her in accuracy all, as was a deal, -- she has embraced me and has forgiven, immediately. Can be, exactly so that summer so dearly me. That was summer taciturn and full îòïóùåíèÿ sin. That is why I can not forget and Uizi. Her(its) filled the natural kindness, äåâî÷êó, loved me and nor reek not óïðåêíóâøóþ me. She became first essence opposite flap, which âîñõèòèëîñü that that I differ from îñòàëüíüíûõ. After óèçè much what happened. I loved, but also hated too for that, what I was. Uizi tried me to understand. Her(its) âëåêëî to me that I have arrived from unacquainted country, dialect on the other language. I never to forget glow her(it) the eye, when she presented me its small buddy; seemed, her(its) eye burn from ëþáâè and delights. We often walked âòðîåì on riverside evening, sat beside water, spoke of that, about than speak all children, when their do not see adult. In our talk, now I this well understands, was much more çäðàâîìûñëèÿ and depths, than in talk of our parents. To give us any 120 the day thick hunk bread, parent happened to dearly to pay. The most Heavy payment was that they were removed from us. Ibo with each ëîìòåì, which they supplied us, we became not simply indifferent to him, but we became the âûñîêîìåðíåé. In our ingratitude we saw our power and beauty. We did not realize that our removal is broken. The Ruin of the boy, that, as he lay lifeless, did not yell and did not cry, was shown amusing, merry presentation. On the other hand, fight for he seemed disparaging and shameful, and when to we approached to parents, we felt that they uncleanly, and could not forgive him this. The Thick hunk of bread on morning seemed particularly pleasing on taste just therefore that he was not us earned. Never henceforward bread is not shown such tasty. Never henceforward we shall not get his(its) such way. À at day murder he was an âêóñíåå, than when that nor was. He had an aftertaste of the awe, which thereafter lacked. And aunt Carolina in that day taciturn, but has completely released us our sins. There is else something in ðæàíîì bread, in that I try to bottom -- something vaguely tasty, frightenning and freeing, something, connected with the first opening. I recall about the other piece of rye bread, referring to more early period, when I with its äðóæêîì Moaned was accustomed start the hand in storeroom. That was âîðîâàíûé bread, and therefore on taste exciting: exciting, than bread, stretched with love. In act âêóøåíèÿ rye bread, in walk and conversation, accompanied him(it), was something related revelation. As condition to favours, condition of the full ignorance, self-denial. That I nor heard in such minute, all, seemed, remains in me íåòðîíóòûì and was not an awe that I someday loss gained knowledge. Can, so occurred therefore that this was not a knowledge in accustomed us importance. This looked like aquisition of the truth though truth too whole only word. Most main in talk for piece of rye bread was concluded in that that they occurred outside of building, outside of eye of our parents, which we feared, but did not respect. Given to themselves, we had a no limit for imagination. The Facts little signified for us; to any subject we approached only as to possibility to speak. Looking over back, I now wonder, as sound we understood each other, as deeply we got into sum and substance of the nature any -- junker and oldster. In ceìü years we already knew most certainly: this lad will fall into prison, this will become the hard worker, but that nor on that does not be fit, and so on. Our diagnosises were absolutely exact, 121 she, for instance, conclusions of our parents, or teachers, and where more exactly so named conclusions psychologist. The Alphas Betcha changed in sponger; Dzhonni Gerhardt has pleased on penal servitude; The Bob Kunst became the worker by horse. The Faultless predictions. The Knowledges, which we got, only blunted our vision. Since the first day, called on in school, we did not learn the íè÷åìó; opposite, we became stupid, îêóòàëèñü the mist of the words and abstraction. The Piece of rye bread has opened us world in his(its) essence: primitiv world, operated âîëøåáñòâîì, the world, in which awe plays the leadinging role. The Boy, capable to catch more awe, became the çàâîäèëîé and remained such, äîêîëå saved its power. There were and the other boys, áóíòàðè, they adored, but they never^ did not become the çàâîäèëàìè. The Majority served the clay in hand fearless; the minority subordinated rest. Midair hunged the tension -- nothing could not be predicted on tomorrow. These free, protozoa kernel society agitated sharp need, sharp emotions, sharp curiosity. Nothing be not given gratis; each day prepared new test of power, new defeat. So here is, up to nine-ten years we felt the true taste to lifes: we were themselves itself. More exactly, that from us, who was not pampered attention of the parents, who could peacefully walk on street evening and open the world own eye. With some regret I think about that that fairly well limited life in infancies seems now boundless âñåëåííîé then the most further life, life of the adult person, is constantly compressed. Since moment of the arrival wretch becomes in school of the person: beside he appears the sensation of the loop around neck. And bread, and life lose the taste. Gain bread becomes the more important occupation, than his(its) there is. All are counted, and on all is entered price. My first cousin Genie became the made nonentity; Moaned -- ïåðâîñòàòåéíûì by loser. Except them two, to which I felt the most great delight, was else third, Joe, which was sealled mailman. I a little not weeping, when think that with he have done the life. The Boys they were remarkable, worse all Moaned since he had a hot temperament. Moaned often came to fury, nobody did not know that he âûêèíåò the following day. But Joe and Genie were personified äîáðîäåòåëüþ; they were a friends in ñòàðîäàâíåì importance this word. I often think about Joe, when leave in rural terrain since he was that 122 âàåòñÿ the rural ïàðåíüêîì. But this means first of all that he was an ïðåäàííåå, sincere, íåæíåå rest familiar boy. I am woke;waked see: Joe meets me, he already runs, broadly ðàñïàõíóâ embraces, not having haved time to what follows to take breath, tells about play and adventures, in which was expected my participation. He is as always loaded gift, stored to my arrival. Joe took me as monarches of the former timeses took their own guests. On that I nor threw glance -- all became my. We could not exhaust the subject of our conversations, and never we do not íàñêó÷èâàëî to chatter. The Difference between our world was enormous. Though I too veins in this city, but, having arrived to first cousin Genie, I have understood, as enormous this city, as follows New-York-City, in which my èñêóøåííîñòü was nothing. Moaned knew only near vicinities, but he has swum up to from distant land for by sea, from Poland, and us always separated the mark this âîÿæà. But that he will die èçúÿñíÿòüñÿ on the other language, only intensified our delight. Each was surrounded by person àóðîé, differed the èíäèâèäóàëüíîñòüþ, saved in full inviolability. Entered in life, we have forfeited these line of the difference and become more or less similar the friend on friend and, certainly, absolutely do not look like themselves itself. Exactly this loss its especial showers, and, can be, small individual devil, is saddened me and forces to pay tribute rye bread. Beautiful rye bread fell into our inside; he was as if total round loaf of bread, which prepared all together, but has got each differently, in accordance to its beliefs about decebcy. And now we go same bread, but no neither feeling to generalities, nor decebcy. We go to stuff áðþõî, but our heart remain cool and empty. We divided, but not become èíäèâèäóàëüíîñòÿìè. But else we often ated rye bread an âïðèêóñêó with damp onion. The Litter, as we stood with Moaned, äåðæà in hand on sandwich, opposite building of the veterinary. Approached the evening. Seemed, doctor Makkini deliberately chooses the end of the day for castration stallion, operations, always made in whitness of small crowd publicly. The Litter scent overheated ferric and thrill of the equine legs, ýñïàíüîëêó of the doctor Makkini, taste of the bulb and scent of the uncleanlinesses from new collector on back. This shown itself purely olfactory äåéñòâî, and practically painless. His(its) so has well described Abelyar. Not leading about reason of the operations, we usually after set off in long debates, which finished the noisy quarrel. We did not like doctor Makkini: from he plowed éîäîôîðìîì and çàñòàðåëîé horse 123 the urine. Quite often drainage gouge before his(its) house was a packed shelters, but at winter time blood âìåðçàëà in ice and added the sidewalk strange type. Sometimes drived up the big two-wheeled vehicle, openning vehicle, published monstrous scent. In this vehicle sinker fallen horse. Sooner, flourish raised on long circuit, with ñêðåáóùèì sound, as if lowered the anchor. The Scent from begun to reflect dead -- horrible halitosis, but our street whole was soaked vile scent. At the corner was situated the small bench a Flap Soera, near by her on street were built damp and äóáëåíûå of the skin; they too stank;stunk on-terrible. But else sharp spirit from tinny factory for house -- as scent of the modern progress. The Scent dead, nearly unbearable, even so in a thousand once better scent chemical reagent. But type dead with hole from pools in skull, head in puddle shelters and anuses, drawn apart by last convulsive excrement, all better, than type of the group of the mans in blue robe, coming out of arched winch of the tinny factory with trolley, ãðóæåííûìè right before made by tinny dishes. Fortunately for us, opposite tinny factory was found bakery. Through îòêðûòóþ door of the back entrance we staked out functioning(working) the bakers and breathed sweet âñåïîáåæäàþùèé scent of bread and bun. Since, as I have said, on back passed the collector, to all transferred scent was added strange mixture of the scent of the broken land, rusty iron pipes, sewage evaporations and onion ñàíäâè÷åé, which italian worker ated, collapsing on heap âûðûòîé land. There were, certainly, and the other scents, but not so shocking; for instance, scent from sartorial workshop Silivershteyna, where always something ironned. That was hot, smelly spirit, which was for the best explained by following suggestion: Silivershteyn, âîíþ÷èé lean jew itself, aired the scents, left in trousers his(its) client. Beside were situated the pastry shop and stationery small bench, property two ÷îêíóòûõ old given, çíàìåíèòûõ its íåîáûêíîâåííîé by piety. Here stood îäóðÿþùå sweet scent èðèñîê, earth îðåøêîâ, fruit jellies and àðîìàòèçèðîâàííüãõ cigarettes. But stationery commissary reminded the beautiful cave: always chilly, full interesting things. Here, there was automaton with club soda, from he came the special aroma, aroma acidifying in fervour of the made someone look fat layer of the marble, mildly ùåêî÷óùèé, dry scent of carbonated water hissing in glass. We âçðîñëåëè, openning for itself new èçûñêè, and former scents have left, changed one-single 124 the äîñòîïàìÿòíûì, äîñòîñëàâíûì by scent: aroma from vagina. More exactly, this scent, remaining on finger after play with woman, èáî if this was not noted above, this scent else more pleasing (can since he carries with itself aroma of past time) than scent most vagina. But this aroma, attribute to adult life, -- only weak stuffy childhood in contrast with scent. He is vaporized in imagination nearly in the same way quickly, either as actually. Possible recall the a great deal about woman, who you loved, but it is difficult to recall the scent her(its) vagina although with some validity. The Scent humid hair, on the other hand, -- feminine wet hair -- much more strong and rememberring, but why-- do not know. Even presently, after nearly fourty years, I litter scent hair of my aunty Tilli, washed by shampoo. Washing by shampoo occurred on always overheated kitchen. As a rule, this could be saturday at night, in order of training to evening party that implied else one remarkable thing: receipts of the cavalry sergeant in the form with beautiful æåëòûìè chevron, written very handsome man, which even on my glance was Too splendid, manly and is known how for such äóðû, as my aunty Tilli. However, she sat on stool beside kitchen table and dried the hairs a towel. Beside stood the lamp with çàêîïòèâøèìñÿ by glass, but near by lamp -- curling irons, type itself which caused unexplained repulsion beside me. Usually she put on table small mirror; I as presently see her(its) twisted physiognomy, when she âûäàâëèâàëà the morning on nose. She was ugly, thickheaded creation, but two enormous protruding teeth added her resemblance with horse, when she sprained the lips in smile. Else from she always stank;stunk afterwards, even after bath. But scent her(its) hair-- this scent I never shall forget since he some image was connected with my hate and contempt to her. This scent, when she dried the hairs, reminded the spirit, disgorged with most depths marsh. There was else two scents: the first from wet hair, but the second -- from the same hair, but çàñóíóòûõ in dryer and a little singed. Else litter ñêðó÷åííûå strand hair from her(its) combs, seasonned by dandruff and afterwards her(its) fat, dirty skin. I loved to stand beside and stake out her, speculating that this will be for evening party and as she will itself to lead. Directing ìàðàôåò, she asked me: "Well as I âûãëÿæó, truth splendid?", and I, of course, answered "yes". But sitting in âàòåðêëîçåòå, which left in corridor near by êóõíåé, under uneven light of the fine plug, put(deliver)ed on windowsill, I repeated over and over again about itself: 125 "You look as óðîäèíà". When she came out of kitchen, I took the curling irons, sniffed to him, considered with all sides. They have captivated and repulsed me -- is woke;waked insect. All in that kitchen has captivated me. I knew in her each óòîëîê, but so never and was not masterred in her. The Kitchen was simultaneously revenge public and intimate. Here me soap in big âàííîé on saturday. Here washed and spruced up my three sisters. Here my äåäóøêà, standing up beside sinks undressed before belt, washed, but later gave me to clean their own shoes. Here I stood in winter beside window and watched, what the snow falls, watched blunt, with indifferent, as if I ïðåáûâàë else in stomach and heed to noise of water, which has ed in toilet my mother. Exactly in kitchen passed the secret meetings, scaring, hateful meetings, after which all dispersed with extended by stone persons or tear-stained reddened eye. About than they spoke on kitchen -- I do not know. But often happened so that while they secretly discussed, what image to get rid of poor relative, what enter with testament, was suddenly opened door and entered, guest, having discharged by its receipts become heavy atmosphere. Really, all were steeply changed, as it is woke;waked they were pleased certain external power, saved them from torments by long-drawn secret of the meeting. As presently see: is here is opened door and enters the unexpected guest. My heart with joy fights, soon Me is stretched big glass pitcher and will send in nearest beer, but there I ïîäàì pitcher in small window beside household input and shall wait while I shall not return his(its) full soapy-foamy liquid. On short ways from building before beer was disproportionately much interesting things. And first of all barbershop straight for us, in she worked the father Moaned. Nearly any once, leaving out of building, I saw, as father beats Moaned the rule for razors. From such spectacle beside me âñêèïàëà blood. Moaned was my best other, but his(its) father -- whole-íàâñåãî by some polish alcoholic. However somehow at night, âûáåæàâ with pitcher, I have felt the huge pleasure. I have seen that some other pole approaches on ancestor Moaned with razor in hand. I saw, as his(its) ñòàðèêàí âûáåæàë on street through back door, neck was flooded by blood, but person turned white as if sheet. He fell on sidewalk before tonsorial, lunging and moaning, but I, is remembered, has stood beside several minutes and has left absolutely lucky and complacent. Moaned held during fight in side, but after was caused conduct me before beer. He too was pleased though and little èñïóãàí. When we went back, beside 126 the ìàõåðñêîé already stood the ambulance, father Moaned raised on stretcher moreover his(its) person and neck were cover ïðîñòûíåé. Sometimes happened so that I left to breathe become cool air, but past âûøàãèâàë our pet from chorus father Kerrola. This -- event to paramount importance. The Boy was senior all us, and else he was effeminate, ãîëóáîâàòûì by creation. Even, his(its) gait irritated us. As soon as I his(its) noticed, news spread in all end, and did not have time to he get to nearest corner, what could be the surrounded company a boy, transferred him and in growing, and at age, but not áîÿâøèõñÿ to mimic him(it) and build the erysipelases until he did not set off in weeping. Then we pounced on it, as flock wolf, toppled to the ground and tugged his(its) cloth in scrap. That was an unworthy occupation, but from it beside us rose the mood. Nobody from us did not know, what is a bluish, but all we as one were against this. In ditto time we were against êèòàéöåâ. There was beside us one chinese, from ïðà÷å÷íîé on our street. We with he fairly often met and abused him(it) in the same way, as effeminate from öåðêâè father Kerrola. He was exactly looks like scene coolie in school textbook. He carried turn black êóðòî÷êó from àëüïàêà with wrought by braid loop, some sort of home òóôåëü without heel and pigtail. Was it For the best remembered his(its) gait: bluffing, tripping, feminine gait. In her was something èíîçåìíîå, in she hid the threat for us. We mortally were afraid him(it) and hated since he shown the full indifference to grin. We considered that he too ignorant to notice our ripostes. But once upon a time, when we came to his(its) ïðà÷å÷íóþ, he us present surprise. First he has taken the dirty linen, afterwards with smile left because of counter to conduct us before doors. Not stopping smile, he has grasped the Alphas Betcha and tore off him VWVtake in; he all we by turns pulled the ears, all in the same way smiling. But afterwards smile was changed frightenning ãðèìàñîé, and quickly, as cat, he çàáåæàë for counter, has pulled out the long terrible knife and began to wave him before us. We have hardly haved time to âûáåæàòü from ïðà÷å÷íîé. When we wrapped for corner and were looked over, that has seen, as he cost(stand)s in door with knife in hand, calm and peace-loving. Hereon event nobody from us did not dare to call at in ïðà÷å÷íóþ; we hired for dime younger Luis Pirossu that he each week delivered and took our linen. The Father Luis âëàäåë fruit by small bench on proximity. In token person ïðèÿçíè he regaled us ïîäãíèâøèìè banana. Moaned particularly loved ïîäãíèâøèå bananas since him(it) 127 the aunt knew how their tasty fry. The Roasted bananas were considered by delicacy in family Moaned. Once upon a time in his(its) birth day have made the evening party, having invited all ñîñåäåé. All were splendid until gave the roasted bananas. Why-that nobody has not wanted their try, èáî this dish was known only pole like parents Moaned. Beside us were considered that there is roasted bananas cursedly. In approached difficult situation someone from junker has offered to feed the roasted banana of the mad Villa Mayna. Villas Mayn was senior us, but did not know how to speak. He could pronounce only: "Bierk! Bierk!" He spoke this in all events. Therefore, when before he have put(deliver)ed the bananas, he has said: "Bierk! Bierk!" and strerched both hand for them. But in that place was his(its) brother George, and George took offence that his(its) sick brother try âñó÷èòü roasted bananas. So George began the fight, but when Villas saw that his(its) brother overcome, he has too entered in fight with cheer: "Bierk! Bierk!". Moreover pounced he on boys not only, but also on äåâî÷åê too, and began the present a chaos. Finally, having heard noise, father rose from tonsorial Moaned. He has seized with itself rule for razors. Vzyav mad Villa Mayna for scruff, he was taken îõàæèâàòü his(its) belt. In the interim George has haved time to to run down for mister Maynom senior. That although and was mildly tipsy, was on-home clad and has caught the shrift, which repaired on poor Villas drunk hairdresser. Then he pounced upon hairdresser and began ruthlessly to bludgeon his(its) their own enormous êóëà÷èùàìè. The Villas, which have left at rest, crept on ÷åòâåðåíüêàõ and ate the roasted bananas, moldered on the whole sex. He çàïèõèâàë them in mouth, is woke;waked sawhorse, so quickly, what knew how. His(its) father seen, as he on-êîçëèíîìó reaps the bananas, flew into a rage, raised the rule and what should has whipped the Villas. The Villas herewith çàêðè÷àë: "Bierk! Bierk!", and all çàõîõîòàëè. This has coolled passion of mister Mayna, and he has changed the anger on favour. He even sowed;sown to table, but aunt Moaned carried him glass blame. On noise of the fight were going to even that neighbours, which were not invited, appeared else wine, else beer, else øíàïñ, and soon all were lucky -- sang, whistled, and even äåòÿì has allowed to drink, and then mad Villa was torn off and was again lowered on ÷åòâåðåíüêè, as sawhorse, with wail: "Bierk! Bierk!", but Alphas Betcha, which turned out to be much intoxicate, gratis that eight years, began to beat mad Villa Mayna âòèõàðÿ, on that Villas has not slowed to answer, and then we all were taken beat each other, but parents stood in side and laughed, ïîäáàäðèâàÿ us cheer, and all 128 left much merrily, brought else roasted banana, nobody from us this time from they did not refuse. Afterwards was much toasts and overturned goblet, mad Villa Mayn tried to sing for us, but smog to sing only: "Bierk! Bierk!". This birth day had a terrific success, safe week the only thing talk was that about this evening party and about that, what beautiful people these poles. The Roasted bananas too were a success, and a certain time Luis Pirossa did not regale us rotted banana, èáî demand increased on bananas. But has afterwards occurred the event, which has occupied the wits whole our VWVwind around: defeat Joe Gerhardta in fight with Joe Silivershteynom, son tailor. Younger Silivershteynu was a years fifteen-sixteen, with type he seemed the òèõîíåé. The Senior boys does not âîäèëèñü with him since he was a jew. Once upon a time, when he carried the trousers a client its father, to he has nagged Joe Gerhardt, which was approximately as much as years. Joe Gerhardt was a more high opinions about itself. They were changed by pair of the words, and then Joe Gerhardt âûõâàòèë from hands Silivershteyna trousers and has thrown them in gutter. Nobody could not visualize that young Silivershteyn in response to like insult has recourse to fist, and when he turned round to Joe Gerhardtu and äâèíóë that in jaw, all îòøàòíóëèñü, and first of all itself Joe Gerhardt. The Fight lasted twenty minutes until Joe Gerhardt already could not rise with bridge. But young Silivershteyn has in the interim pulled out from ditch trousers and will go to workshop father -- peacefully and with feeling own value. Nobody has not said him nor word. This was literally catastrophe. Where this âèäàíî that jew has beaten íååâðåÿ? This in head did not pack, and however, this was so, has occurred on our eye. The Evening for at night, sitting, as usually, on curb of the sidewalk, we discussed happened with all sides, but could not find no output until younger brother Joe Gerhardta, Dzhonni, does not ïðîíèêñÿ our hopes and has not taken the deal on itself. Dzhonni, gratis that younger and below growing of its brother, was õóëèãàíèñòûì and unconquerable, as puma. Typical òðóùîáíûé irishman, terrorized whole county. He has conceived to dipose of with young Silivershteynom so: will lie in duck blind somehow at night, stalk, when victim will leave, from workshop, suddenly give him running board, topple to the ground and beforehand stored áóëûæíè÷êàìè, hidden in fist, îòäóáàñèòü Silivershteyna on noggin. To amazing Dzhonni, Silivershteyn has not rendered the person of the resistance; even when Gerhardt rose and allowed enemy óéòè, 129 âåðøòåéí not even budged. Then Dzhonni èñïóãàëñÿ and run away. Must be, he sound èñïóãàëñÿ if as well as did not return home; afterwards before us äîøåë rumour that his(its) have caughted sometime west and have sent in corrective institution. His(its) mother, untidy, capable irish bitch, has said that all to the good, and the God will give, she never henceforward will not see its. When younger Silivershteyn ïîäëå÷èëñÿ, he became quite others; the people spoke that from bruise beside it something happened to brain and he changed in äóðà÷êà. Joe Gerhardt, opposite, was again brought forth. Turned out to be that he has visitted Silivershteyna while that lay in beds, and has asked the farewells beside it. Previously we did not happen to to hear of such deep remorse. This was so strange and so unusual that Joe Gerhardt towered in our eye, as if peripatetic knight. Nobody has not approved the action Dzhonni, however nobody does not äîäóìàëñÿ to go to Silivershteynu and ask the farewells beside it. This was an act, full èçûñêàííîñòè and refinements so Joe Gerhardt became in our eye by true gentleman, the first and the last in county. Previously word "gentleman" was not beside us in move, but now it was on mouth beside each, and be a gentleman was considered by big value. The Sudden conversion won Joe Gerhardta in gentleman has produced on me indelible impression. After several years, when we have moved in the other region, and there I got acquainted with boy by name Klod de Loren, I already got ready âîäèòü acquaintance with "gentleman". Such boys, as Klod, previously I never met. On old place, whence we have left, his(its) have most certainly considered look like äåâ÷îíêó: on the one hand, he much well spoke, even too it is correct, too politely, but with other -- was too reasonable, too graceful, too well-mannered. When we, playing with him, heard, as he moves to french if past passed his(its) parents, this us knocked down in shock. German we heard, move to german was considered permissible, but french! Speak on-french, or simply understand french, was considered too ÷óæåðîäíûì, aristocratic, unpleasant, thinned. And however, Klod was one of us, look like us at all points, only a little better, as we secretly itself confessed. Here is only one defect -- his(its) french! This separated us. He was not to live with us on proximity, had a no right to be such capable, such gallant. Fairly often, when mother called him(it) home and he bade;bid farewell with us, we did not disperse, but all together were taken to discuss family Lorenov, along 130 and across. We were of interest that they eat, for instance since beside frenchman, must be, quite other habits. Nobody from us did not call at even in front to Lorenam, and this too was suspicious and unbearably. Why? Realy him there is that to hide? The Truth, meeting with us on street, they always friendly smiled, always èçúÿñíÿëèñü with us in english, and what best was this english! They never âûïåíäðèâàëèñü, as if little scrupled themselves itself -- shorter, they were on head above us. One more circumstance puzzled us: upholsterring with the other boys, we on direct question got the direct answer, but Klod de Loren never answered straight. Previously than answer, he always charming smiled, but spoke much carefully, is collected, with inaccessible our understanding irony and taunt. He always was for us is woke;waked thorn in the side, and when finally they have left our region, we âçäîõíóëè with relief. But has recalled I about this boy and his(its) unusual, exquisite manner only years through ten-fifteen. Ibo at one beautiful day I came to mind that I gave the stroke: after all Klod de Loren with the whole certainty wanted to obtain my friendships, but I îáîøåëñÿ with him enough-òàêè impudently. Having Thought about this, I have understood that Klod de Loren sooner whole has noticed in me certain difference and for this has solved to stretch me hand of the friendship. Regrettably, in that distant days I had other beliefs about honor, I preferred to go ãóðòîì. If I became other Kloda de Lorena, I have betrayed the friendship of the other boys. And never mind that in new friendship was much advantages -- they were not for me since I was found in its companies, and my debt was concluded in that to hold from such, as Klod de Loren, on distance. Must say, I have recalled about this event once again, after considerable time after visitted in France, and word raisonnable has gained for me absolutely other importance. Having Heard him(it) once upon a time absolutely accidentally, I have recalled the attempts of the reconciliations, which Klod undertook during our street plays. I immediately have clear recalled that he used the word "reasonable". Probably, he asked me to be reasonable. This word my mouth never reprimanded since in this was not need. It, either as word "gentleman" if and flew down with lips, that much seldom, with the most great caution and circumspection. For use of such word could hold up to ridicule. There was else much words like this, for instance, "really". None of acquaintance of mine did not use word "really" -- until appeared 131 Jack Louson. He used him(it) since his(its) parents were àíãëè÷àíå, and although we and taunted him for this, we forgave him(it). The Word "really" has immediately reminded me of small Carl Ragnere, single son small policy, which veins on enough-òàêè to prestigious small street under name Filmor Pleys. They are a veins nearly at the end of the street in small is dyed-brick house, always supported in best condition. I am a litter this house since, going by on way in school, always noticed, as íà÷èùåíû copper doorknobs splendid. Small Carl Ragneru did not allow âîäèòüñÿ with the other boys. We his(its) even saw much seldom. Usually on sunday we steal the eye noticed, as he passes in accompaniment father. If his(its) father was not seen by figure in our county, we certainly çàêèäàëè of his(its) stone. He was really unbearable in sunday order. Little that that on him were a long trousers and êîæàíûå shoe, so he else ùåãîëÿë in derby and with walking stick! So be dressed boy poles years? Yes he simply burdock -- such a was a total opinion. Someone have said that he íåçäîðîâ, as it is woke;waked this could serve the justification his(its) eccentric order. The most strange was concluded in that that I never heard, as he speaks. He was such dainty, such elevated that, probably, considered the evil tone to talk on street. As it were that nor was, I each sunday guarded, as he will pass together with father. I staked out him with such the bad curiosity, with what staked out fireman, cleaning machines in fireman of a part. Sometimes he carried home small packing icecream, very small, but, probably, wholly sufficient for it, on dessert. The Dessert -- here is one more word, which we have heard and used with contempt to Carl Ragneru and him like. We could argue the hour about that that they use "on dessert", getting true pleasure from frequentative use new, outlandish for us word, "dessert", which sooner whole came off somehow with mouths of the housekeeper Ragnerov. Must be, just in this time has gained popularity a company "Santos Dyumon". There was something whimsical in name: "Santos Dyumon". We did not know, than he was glorified, -- us worried only his(its) name. In him was a scent of the sugar-cane on cuban plantation, it reminded of unusual cuban flag with star in small piece of coal, flag, which high valued the collectors an âêëàäûøåé in pack with cigarette. On these âêëàäûøàõ were expressed state flags, çíàìåíèòûå theatrical actors and glorified 132 ry. Thereby, Santos Dyumon presented itself something exciting foreign, costing aloof from foreign, accustomed us: like chinese ïðà÷å÷íîé or haughty french family Kloda de Lorena. Santos Dyumon -- magic word expected presence splendid soft moustache, ñîìáðåðî, spurs, what-that air, exquisite, witty, quixotic. It Sometimes was here mixed scent coffee çåðåí and straw mats or since name seemed such not of this place, not wholly appropriate excursuses in life ãîòòåíòîòîâ. After all amongst us were a boys ïîñòàðøå, which already learned;learnt to read and timeses entertained us fantastic cock-and-bull story, ïî÷åðïíóòûìè from such books, as "Aysha"* or "Under two flags" leave*. Insofar I litter, the present taste to knowledges to appeared beside me years in ten, when we scrambled over on new place and I have fallen into company my peer. With coming the autumn days we usually were going to beside campfires, roasted the fine slices of bread, intense heat potatoes. Our talks turned out to be me in novelty, they differed its book origin. Someone have read the adventure novel, but someone -- book on science, and we whole street active discussed unknown before that times subject. For instance, someone from boys right before subtracted that there is such thing, current Hen-Sivo, and tried to explain us, as it appeared and why it it is necessary. So we learned;learnt, beside èçãîðîäè, roasting bread on campfires. These rudiments of the knowledge deeply engrained -- so deeply that subsequently, facing with more exact information, was much it is difficult to displace the former presentations. Exactly so once upon a time one boy ïîñòàðøå has explained us that åãèïòÿíå already were aware of circulations shelters, and this became for us such natural that later we with big labour recooked the tale about opening êðîâîîáðàùåíèÿ certain englishman by name Garvey. Now I do not seem strange that in that days of our conversation concerned basically distant places, such, as China, Peru, Egypt, Africa, Iceland, Greenland; we spoke of spirit, about God, about displacement shower, about ïðåèñïîäíåé, about astronomies, about outlandish bird and fish, about forming the jewels, about rubber plantation, about method of the tortures, about àöòåêàõ and èíêàõ, about lifes ìîðåé, about vulcan and earthquakes, about funereal rite and wedding ceremony in miscellaneous end light, about languages, about origin american èíäåéöåâ, about extinct bison, about unbeknownst disease, about cannibalism, about wizardry, about flight on Moon and about that, what there nature, about murderer and highwayman, about biblical miracle, about production of the ceramics, about 133 a thousand and one belongings, not mentionned neither building, nor in school -- but all this was vitally it is important for us, èáî we èçãîëîäàëèñü, but the world held the prodigy and secret, and only in companies my peer, tremor from chill, we spoke seriously and for the first time felt need for contact, which was and pleasing, and scaring. The Prodigy and secret to lifes -- all this çàäóøèëè in us, when we became the responsible member a society! Until we did not happen to to work, the world was very small, we veins on edge of a forest of the world, on most border unbeknownst. On that uzh small world ancient greek, but and that he was it is enough ãëóáîê to appear before us in all variety of the adventures and theory. And not so uzh small since hid the unlimited possibilities. I nothing have not won, when parted my world; opposite, I a great deal has lost. I to want to become all more and more child and overrun the childhood in opposite direction. I to want to go exactly against normal line of the development, enter in ñóïåðèíôàíòèëüíóþ area áûòèÿ, which will be mad and õàîòè÷íîé, but not such mad and õàîòè÷íîé, as the world around me. I visitted in look adult, father, responsible member society. I earned its bread a vital. I adapted to the world, not answerring my surges, I want to get free thereof parted world and newly become on border of the unbeknownst world, which ïîâåðãíåò in shade that pale, unilateral world. I want óéòè from responsiblity parenthood to irresponsibility íåïîäíà÷àëüíîãî person, who it is impossible neither force, nor tempt, neither persuade, nor suborn, nor slander. I want to take in conductors of the timber spirit Oberona*, which, having spread black wings, will close them and beauty and terror past; I want to run toward eternal çàðå without looking back, not leading neither regret, nor remorses, nor torments shame. I want to outstrip the shifty person, curse of the ground to become before resistless abyss, which will not help to cross and the most powerful wing. Even though me fated to become the dick, natural park, where peek only idle daydreamers, I must not remain here, in predestined self-satisfaction responsible, adult life. I follow so enter in memory about lifes, incomparable with that that was me pledged, in memory about lifes child, çàäóøåííîãî and strangled by common consent of given in. I abandon to the whole that created the father and full-grown. I return in world, else smaller world ellyn, in world, which available touch of the extended hand, in world that that I know, see and time from 134 the ìåíè shall acknowledge. Any other world to me nor about than does not speak, he me alien, he me hostile. But, newly being in that äèâíîì world* that I have seen the child, I do not want to detain in him. I want to break back, in else more äèâíûé world, from which, must be, no time left. On that he similars -- I do not know, I not even certain that shall find him(it), but this my world, and nothing more I do not interest. In the first once this äèâíûé new world gave about itself to know the certain glimpse, tipoff. This happened, when I have wound the acquaintance with Give birth Hamilton. I then went twenty first years, probably, the most worst year in my lifes. From despair I came to mind óéòè from building. I thought and spoke only of Californium, where was going to to begin the new life. I dreamed of this ground îáåòîâàííîé so passionately that later, returning from Californium, hardly remembered the Californium, seen âîî÷èþ, but thought and spoke only of Californium from my ãðåç. Just before departure I and got acquainted with Hamilton. He, like, happened to the consanguineous brother my old friend Makgregoru. They ed for the first time shortly before that since Swarm, most to lifes lived in Californium, was certain that his(its) present father -- not mister Makgregor, but mister Hamilton. He and on Orient-that has arrived only to solve the riddle of its origin. Shaken in family Makgregorov, he did not approach to opening of the truth. He else strong got mixed up, having got acquainted with person, who, as he supposed, happens to him legal father. But got mixed up he therefore that, as he confessed me subsequently, neither that, nor other had not even the most slightest resemblance with that, who he wanted to consider its father. Probably, this nerve-racking doubt has imposed the imprint on his(its) development. I can so speak since already under the first meeting has felt in him something previously unbeknownst. Due to description Makgregora, I prepared to see enough "strange" personality, but "strange" in mouth Makgregora signified "little ÷îêíóòûé". He and indeed turned out to be strange, but so in its wit that I have immediately felt the emotional ascent. For the first time I talked with person, knowing how get into sense of the words and learn the sum and substance of the things. I talked with philosopher, but not with philosopher, familiar on book, but with person, philosophizing constantly -- and which veins in accordance with stated ôèëîñîôèåé. That is to say, beside it was not completely no theories, only penetration in sum and substance of the things and, in light of each new revelation, life with minimum discord between opened him truth and 135 the illustration of this truth in action. Naturally, his(its) behaviour seemed surrounding strange. However it did not seem strange one, knew him(it) on West seaside, where he, on his(its) wordses, felt itself as fish in water. see, There to he pertained as if to high essence, heeding to his(its) speech with extreme respect, with thrill nearly. I have caught him(it) in most peak of the fight, which smog to understand through several years only. À in that time before I did not reach, why he will add such importance searching for persisting father; moreover, I usually chuckled on this since itself conducted the father very modest role, yes and full-grown, to word to say. In Yard Hamilton I have seen the funny fight of the person, already äîñòèãøåãî of the coming of age, but else trying find the firm biological communication, in which was not no necessities. Paradoxical that question true parenthood has done his(its) most ñóïåðîòöîì. He was a teacher and example; cost him to open the mouth, as I understood that âíèìàþ to wisdoms, which extremely differs from the whole that I hitherto involved with this word. More simply whole was consider his(its) mystic, èáî mystic he, no doubt, was, but he became the first mystic, with which I faced and which knew, what stand on its. He was a mystic, knowing how invent the practical belongings, in particular, boer, sharply required for oil industry. This boer has subsequently done him quarry. À in that time nobody has not turned due attention on this very practical invention because of his(its) strange, metaphysical manner to speak. The Boer exuded one of his(its) çàâèõðåíèé. He is all time spoke of itself and about its attitude to surrounding; due to this characteristic was created disadvantage impression, is woke;waked he terrible egotist. Spoke even that not far left from truth, is woke;waked he more ïå÷åòñÿ not about mister Makgregore, father, but about most fact parenthood mister Makgregora. Expected that he not at all loves the newly made father, but simply amuse;entertain its exorbitant pride, as usually, extracting from truth of its opening possibility ñàìîâîçâåëè÷èâàíèÿ. Of course, so it and was, èáî mister Makgregor in rafts presented itself infinitely small in contrast with mister Makgregorom-symbol lost father. But Makgregory notions had not o. symbol, they nothing have not understood even though they have explained. They put unappropriate efforts to take immediately long ago lost and in ditto time to bring down him(it) before comprehensible level, on which could pertain to him not as to "lost", but 136 simply as to son. Then any the least bit reasonable person was obviously that their son quite and not son, but some sort of spiritual father, some sort of Hrista, possible say, which heroic tries to take already long ago him itself is polished îòðèíóòîå in look rafts and shelters. Therefore I was surprised and ïîëüùåí that this unusual person, on which I âçèðàë with quivering delight, has done me its confidant. In contrast with other I was well-read, is known how and unseemly uninhibited. But I nearly immediately have solved not to show this side of my nature, but îêóíóòüñÿ in warm, direct light, come from his(its) deep natural intuition. In his(its) presence beside I appeared the sensation, is woke;waked with I have removed the cloth, sooner even skin, èáî he required from collocutor what-that greater, than simply îáíàæåííîñòü. In talk with me he touched such in me, existence what I only vaguely suspected -- surfaced, for instance, at moments, when, reading book, I unexpectedly found that ñïëþ. The A few book possessed the ability to knock down me in trance, in condition of the high transparency, when, itself that not realizing, you do the most deep findings. The Conversations dig Hamilton were noted this quality. Exactly this kept me more then on the alert, unholy on the alert, -- and in ditto time did not destroy fabrics VWVappear in the dreams. In other words, he addressed to fetus my "I", to essence, which first or last âûðàñòàåò from denuded to personalities, to syntetic èíäèâèäóàëüíîñòè -- and leaving me absolutely solitary and abandoned that I èñïèë itself prepared me fate. We talked as if on secret language, when all around left to sleep or disappeared, as if ghosts. My friend Makgregora this bewilderred and irritated; he knew me much closer rest, but however has not found in me nothing that corresponded to that nature, which I now shown. He spoke of äóðíîì influence dig Hamilton, and this again-òàêè was a true truth, èáî my unexpected acquaintance with his(its) consanguineous brother as nothing other has done us alien to each other. Hamilton has revealled me eye and îäàðèë me new value, and though later I have forfeited çîðêîñòü, which he has supplied me, all I could not pertain to the world, to my friends, so, as this did before our acquaintance. Hamilton has deeply changed me, as can change only rare book, rare personality, rare life experience. For the first time in lifes I have understood that signifies to feel persisting friendship and not to become enslaved 137 and hung. After we parted I nor reek has not felt the need for his(its) direct presence; he has returned itself without the remainder, I possessed him without posession. This was first net, unadulterated experience of the friendship, which never again was repeated. Hamilton sooner was most friendship, than the other. He became the ïåðñîíèôèöèðîâàííûì symbol, ñàìîäîñòàòî÷íûì for full satisfaction, and, consequently, more not necessary me. He first well this has understood. Can be, íåîáëàäàíèå father was stimulating power, pushed him(it) on way toward opening of its essences that is a final process of the identification with the world and, consequently, realizations to uselessness of the tie. Anyway, having reached full ñàìîðåàëèçàöèè, he already did not need nor in lump, and least of all in father from shelters and rafts, which he in vain searched for in mister Makgregore. Must be, this became than-that like last test: his(its) arrival on orient, quest persisting father, èáî, when he has said "goodbye", when abandoned to mister Makgregora, but at the same time and from mister Hamilton, he is woke;waked was cleaned from any rubbish. I never saw the person so solitary, given only to itself, so clear haved apremonition about its future, as Swarm Hamilton at minute of the farewell. And never I did not see the family Makgregorov in such ðàñòåðÿííîñòè and in such perplexity, as in that day, when he has left. It Is Woke;waked he, long ago deceased for them, resurrect and has abandoned their absolutely new, unacquainted persons. I as presently see: here is they cost(stand) on road and ãëóïîâàòî, beyond hope wave the hand for what incomprehensibly if take into account that they lost never him not belonged to. I like to think exactly so. They were bewildered and are devastated, and vaguely, much vaguely realized, what great possibility was him is given, but beside they came short power and imaginations to use this possibility. Only this was seen me in that ãëóïîâàòîì, meaningless ìåëüòåøåíèé hands; look at them was unconceived painfully. I was opened terrible imperfection of the world, when remain one on one with truth. I was opened foolishness of the blood tie and ëþáâè, not saturated spiritual. Carry back: I in Californium again. With me beside nobody, I work, as slave, on orange plantation in CHula Whist. Has Got I that wanted? Think that no. I poor, abandoned, wretch of the person. Seems, I have lost all. Yes and hardly I person, sooner animal. The Whole day I ñòîþ or go for two èøàêàìè, çàïðÿæåííûìè in vehicle. I have no thoughts, no daydreams, no desires. I completely çäîðîâ and thoughtless. I -- started 138 the place. I so invigorate and çäîðîâ that looks like aromatic deceptive fruit, drooping with california tree. A little more solar ëó÷åé -- and I rot. Pourri avant d'etre muri'! Really this I rot under bright california sun? Really from me nothing do not remain, from that me, which I was before arrival here? Give trace to think... This was in Arizona. As presently litter: I setted foot to the ground of the Arizona, when was already lowered night. In the dark hardly distant mountains were viewed. I go on the main to street ãîðîäèøêè, which name has forgotten. That I do on this street, in this city? Allow, I love Arizona, I am enamoured in Arizona my daydreams, which futile search for âîî÷èþ. Arizona has arrived along with me in train, I âûâåç her(it) from NEW YORK, and she remained under me, even when I ïåðåñåê border staff. Realy was not a bridge through canyon, realy not he has removed me from pensiveness? Such bridge I never before saw, natural bridge, created by disastrous eruption of a thousand of years agoes. And on this bridge I have seen the person, look like èíäåéöà, he jumped on, to saddle was clinging âüþê, swung back and forth beside ñòðåìåíè. The Natural thousand-year bridge, which so was brightly illuminated çàêàòíûì sun that seemed quite new, without gnarl without çàäîðèíêè. À on this bridge, such strong, such eternal, jumped, praise Gentlemen, simply person on, nothing else. And this was Arizona, and Arizona was not product of the imagination, but imagination itself was decorated by horse and horseman. And this was even more, than imagination itself since here was not àóðû uncertainties, but only clear, separate subject, which was a daydream, but daydreamer itself sat on back. When train stopped and I have lowered the leg with stairs, I ïðîäûðÿâèë the daydream by its leg; I was found in city of the staff Arizona, which is specified in timetable of the train, but this only geographical Arizona, where can arrive each at presence of the money. I go with traveling bag on the main to street and see the signboards çàáåãàëîâîê and offices on sale of premises. I so fraudulent that ready then and there to burst into tears. Thickened the darkness, but I ñòîþ at the end of the street, âüïñîäÿùåé in desert, and weeping, as the last numskull. Who ïëà÷åò in me? New I, commenced to sprout in Brooklyn, but now standing in the middle boundless desert, doomed to ruins. The Swarm Hamilton, as you need me presently! You need me on one instant, on one instant only, I presently _______ * rot Previously, than ñîçðåþ (the francium.). 139 disappear. You need me since I not ready while to that that I follow to do. I not to remember, as you spoke of that that this trip -- spare, but it is necessary to go if feel need? Why you has not persuaded me not to go? Ah, persuade so íåñâîéñòâåííî you. But ask the advice íåñâîéñòâåííî to me. So I here, bankrupt in desert, and that real bridge remained behind, but ahead of only unrealistic, and only Gentlemen God known, as I bewildered and is embarrassed. If I could disappear, drowned in song, I so and has entered. Newly carry back: here is person, left on calm doom in bosom of the families -- my father. I better understand that happened to him, when begin much, much from afar, with streets under name Mozher, Konsily, Gumbolidt... Particularly Gumbolidt. These streets were found in region from our not far away, but quite in the other, enigmatic, magic. In the childhood I was on street Gumbolidt only once, and if I it is correct litter, has got I there to visit some sick relative, died in german hospital. But street itself has left the indelible impression; moreover I notions have not, why so happened. She remained in my memories as the most mysterious and up-and-coming street, ever visible me. Possible, when we were going to to go, my mother, as usually, has promised me something seizing as awards that I shall go with her. I always promised, but these promises did not change in something material. Can be, in that once, haved a drink on street Gumbolidt and having taken a look at this new world with amazing, I have absolutely forgotten completely about that that me was pledged, and street became the award itself. I am a litter that she was very broad, but buildings towered on both sides, such I not yet âèäàë. Else litter àòåëüå milliners on the street floors one of these íåîáûêíîâåííûõ houses. The bust loomed In shop window àòåëüå with ïåðåêèíóòûì through shoulder by centimetre, and this spectacle, litter, exceedingly âçâîëíîâàëî me. On the ground lay the snow, but sun already was very hot with all might, and I have vividly remembered, as beside bilge çîëüíûõ barrel, âìåðçøèõ in ice, were going to the ëóæèöû of the melted a little snow. Seemed, the whole street melts on radiant çèìíåì sun. On cornice of the high houses of the hat of the snow, lain as if splendid white pillows, have begun to climb down, decay, leaving dark streaks on brown stone, which then was much in vogue. Glass tablets äàíòèñòîâ and âðà÷åé, placed in window opening, blinding sparkled on noonday sun, and I have for the first time felt that, can be, for these window are found not at all cameras 140 the tortures, so well me familiar. I quite on-baby has visualized that in this county on this street people äðóæåëþáíåå, communicative and, certainly, incomparably rich man. And itself I, tot, âîîáðàæàë big since for the first time in lifes saw the street, seemed, is polished saved from awe. This was such street -- ample, luxurious, sparkling, melting -- that later, having begun to read Dostoevskogo, I recalled about her in connection with sankt-petersburg thaw. Even öåðêâè were here built quite in the other architectral stiletto; in them was something ïîëóâîñòî÷íîå, something grandiose and warmhearted simultaneously, and scaring, and causing burning interest. On this broad, ample street of the building has defended far from sidewalk, peacefully and fittingly retreated. They did not suffer from obtruding proximity of the commissaries, factories and veternary medicines. I saw the street, nearly completely formed from vein of the buildings, and I have seized the veneration and delight. All this I litter, and, certainly, this has powerfully influenced upon me, but don't care this it is not enough to explain that strange power and attraction, which I am subjected to under one mentioning of the street Gumbolidt. Through several years I returned to look at this street at night, and came to else greater emotion, than in the first once. The Exterior of the street, certainly, changed, but was an evening, but evening not so hard, as day. And again I came to strange delight before this ïðîñòîðíîñòüþ, before luxury, which in than-that ïîóáàâèëàñü, but remained such smelling sweet and giving about itself to know the èçâèëèñòûì streak, what at one time gave about itself to know the brown stone cornices under melting snow. However the most remarkable was concluded in that that I have covered worrying ïðåäîùóùåíèå openings. As it is woke;waked newly near by me was a ma, I as while awake saw the splendid sleeve of her(its) fur coat, to I returned the sensation pitiless ïðîâîðíîñòè, with which she dragged me on this street much years agoes, and that, as balk I absorbed their own eye all new and unaccustomed. On mate second visit of this street to me is vaguely remembered one more personage my childhood, aging housekeeper, which called much çàêîâûðèñòî: mrs Yobson. I not litter her(it) at the beginning initially disease, but vaguely litter, as we visitted her(its) diing in hospital, but hospital that, must be, was found not far away from street Gumbolidt, which not at all died, but shone the êàïåëüþ winter daytime. But that then ma has promised me that I can not recall? Uzh on that she was ãîðàçäà promise, but here, probably, several îòâëåêëàñü and promised something so incongruous that even I with whole baby äîâåð÷èâîñòüþ this not 141 boilled. Though, promise she me even moon with the sky, clear that impossible thing, I and that èñõèòðèëñÿ îòíåñòèñü to her(its) promise with scintilla of the faith. I desperately thirsted whole that me was pledged, and when clear impossibility pledged became on a certain cogitation, I tried on its harmony to find the way to make good on a promise. I even in head could not come that there is people, which capable to give the promises, not knowing, what restrain the word. And when I cruelly was dysappointed, don't care continued to believe; I believed that something extraordinary and íåïîäâëàñòíîå people âìåøàëîñü to turn the promise in empty sound. The Question about faith, old, so never and default on a promise on a promise, forces me to recall about father, left at minute of the most great necessity. Before his(its) disease neither mother, nor father shown the aptitudes to religions. On word supporting church, themselves they did not transgress her(its) threshold since day of the wedding ceremony. One, regularly visitted the church, they considered mildly touched. Even in that, as they spoke -- "so-and-so very religious" -- lay beneath the surface the taunt and contempt, or pity, to meant to personalities. If time from time since in family were a children, to we called at suddenly pastor, parents by all type shown that have to accept with his(its) visit coming from generally accepted politeness though beside them with him no nothing total, and if honestly, they consider him(it) than-that average between charlatan and numskull. We they, certainly, spoke: "What beautiful person!", but when were going to their bosom friends and they began to gossip, here possible was hear quite other determinations, accompanied by acerbic laughter and expressive mimicry. My father mortally çàáîëåë as a result that that too has sharply tied. The Whole life he was that is identified the shirt-lad, has made the decent paunch, âûêàòèë beet cheeks, had simple, unassuming manners. Seemed, him on sort is written äîæèòü before old years çäîðîâåíüêèì and strong oreshkom. an no -- for mellow exteriors not all went smoothly. The Deals his(its) quite ed, he on VWVtake in çàëåç in debts, and his(its) old äðóæêè has begun quietly his(its) abandon. But most of all his(its) tore apart the attitude of my mother. She all saw in black light and did not try to hide this. That and deal she dashed in hysterics, brought him(it) before handle by their own mean insults, beat the dishes, was threatened óéòè for ever. Finally, he has got up once upon a time in the morning and has solved hereafter not to take in mouth nor dripped. Nobody has not thought that he this seriously. In our family were an events, when took a vow that in 142 the mouth will not take, as they were expressed, yes soon all began anew. Nobody in our family, but many in miscellaneous time tried, as well as not to manage to become the the present teetotaller. But my daddy, turned out to be, quite other deal. Where and as he has found power to hold -- one God knows. I this seemed incredible since I on his(its) place drank once fill smithereens drunk. Not that my daddy. This was a first event in his(its) lifes, when he has taken the independent decision. My mother so has struck this that -- well and äóðà she was -- she beginning to sneer on him, walk on cause his(its) will power, which hitherto was such small. But father all it is nothing. His(its) drinking companions enough quickly from he was retreated. Shorter, soon he turned out to be in full insulation. This, see, him(it) and has struck down. Not so uzh much time passed, as he mortally çàáîëåë and became to treat beside doctor. He little îêëåìàëñÿ, began to rise with beds and go, but don't care was much ïëîõ. Beside he suspected the gastric ulcer, but full confidence was not. However all understood that he has committed a mistake, having tied so sharply. But already was too late return to moderate lifestyle. His(its) belly so weaken;relax that did not bear and plates of soup. Through vapour(pair) of the months he became looks like skeleton. And has getted old. As if Infirmary rebelled from grave. Once upon a time, the mother has conducted me in ñòîðîíêó and with tear on eye has asked to go to household doctor and learn whole truth of picture of health father. The Doctor Raush long years cured íàëãó family. He was a typical german of the old school, rather decrepit and feeble at the end perennial practical persons, but considering impossible completely to tear with their own patient. In òóïîâàòîé teutonic manner he tried to scare away the most heavy patient, convinced their simply lead the sound lifestyle. When you fell into his(its) cabinet, he not even awarded honor take a look at you, continuing write and concern with than-that its, in the interim assigning like casual questions, unattentive and offensively. He held very crudely and suspicious, this seemed such strange, is woke;waked he calculated that his(its) patients are obliged along with their own ill to give else and certain proof its disease. He hinted that with you not in order not only physically, but also psychic. "You this only seems", -- was his(its) èçëþáëåííàÿ phrase, which he âûäàâëèâàë with repugnant sidelong grin. Knowing his(its) much well and from the whole showers íåíàâèäÿ, I came, armed laboratory analysis of the chair of the pope(pa). In pocket lay 143 also analysis of his(its) urine on event if take additional proof. When I was else boy, doctor Raush pertained to me enough tolerably well, but from that day, as I addressed to him with ãîíîðååé, he has lost to me remainder of the respect and, cost I am shown in door, turned tart physiognomy to me. As father -- such a and son, here is his(its) saying so I not at all wondered, when he instead of that to give me necessary information, was taken read the lecture, intended for me and my daddies and denoted our lifestyle. "Suprotiv natures will not go", -- pronounce he and has made a face twist solemn mine, not having looked at me, as it is woke;waked his(its) useless notation was îáðàùåíà to log book. I peacefully ïîäîøåë to table, became beside does not ïðîèçíåñÿ nor sound, but afterwards, when he took a look at me as always dispirited and ðàññåðæåííî, has said: "I came here not that I read the moral... I want to know that with my father". And here he sharply rose and îäàðèë me the most ferocious glance. That he has said, could pronounce only stupid, rough german, what he properly speaking, and was: "Your father will not recover. He remained not more poles of the months". I have answered: "thank You, so much for that I wanted to hear", and has hurried to output. Here he, as if having felt that gave the stroke, has gravely hurried for me, has placed the hand to me on shoulder and tried to soften the condemnation by mumble about that that-de no need to think that father certainly óìðåò and all in such spirit, but I quickly ïðåñåê this, ðàñïàõíóë door and çàîðàë on it in the whole gulp to heard the patients in receiving: "Accursed old ïåðäóí, when only you die, good night!" Having Returned home, I several has changed the word of the doctor and has said that condition father more serious, but if he keeps a check on itself, can, all and will dispense. Seems, this sound has reassured the pope(pa). He of own accord ïåðåøåë on milk diet, which if and did not go him on profit, anyway did not harm. The Whole year he was by half invalid, but reached the áåñïðèìåðíîãî of the internal tranquillity, obviously, solved itself nothing not to alarm, let even all will fly to devil. Little having grown strong, he became to make the daily walks on graveyard, found not far away. There he sat on solar bench and observed, as beside graves unhurried are busy the people. Vicinity to grave, seems, did not aggrieve, but invigorated him(it). Seemed, he gave in with thought about inevitabilities of the deaths, about than earlier, certainly, avoided to think completely. Often he came home with colour, selected on graveyard. His(its) person 144 illuminated calm, clear smile. He sat in easy chair and began to retell the conversations, which in the morning with some habitue on graveyard. In a certain time became clear that he gets the true pleasure from its quarantine, or sooner not pleasure, but deep satisfaction from its lifestyle, which was incomprehensible my it is not enough fine full-grown. "He becomes lazy", -- so she was expressed. Sometimes she gave the more hard determination, having turned finger beside temple, but openly was not expressed because of my sister, which uzh exactly was little ÷îêíóòàÿ. Once upon a time, due to courtesies of the aged widow, often come on grave of the and, according to my mothers, "very religious", he has wound the acquaintance with priest one of áëèçëåæàùèõ öåðêâåé. This became the portentous event in lifes of the pope(pa). He was suddenly transformed, as if teeny sponge his(its) showers, nearly atrophied for want of power supply, reached the astonishing amounts -- his(its) became not to hear. In most perpetrator these are an exclusive change was not nothing from row halitosis leaving: he was a priest êîíãðåãàöèîíàëèñòñêîé öåðêâè and îïåêàë small modest fold from number of the local inhabitants. Beside he èìåëîñü one value: he never âûïÿ÷èâàë its religiosity. The Pope(pa) much soon began quite on-baby to adore his(its): now he spoke only of this priest, which considered its other. Since he never peeked in Bible, is either as in the other books of the similar contents, was much strange unless say the ñèëüíåå, hear as he reads before meal prayer. He executed this small ceremony enough unusual, is woke;waked took the tonic. When he advised me to read that or other chapter from Bible, that much seriously added: "You this will useful". This became the new medicine, which he for itself has opened, than-that like çíàõàðñêîãî of the medicinal herb, with warranty curing all disease, which any can take even though nothing does not be ill since so much for is will not damage. He visitted all church services and meetings, but now and then, leaving, for instance, on walk, called at to priest on short conversation home. If priest spoke that present president -- good soul, and his(its) follows to elect for the second period, pope(pa) repeated over and over again all about this in accuracy word priest and convinced all on choice to vote for present president. All that spoke the priest, was correct and equitable, and nobody has not sweeped away to disagree him. Certainly that so much for served certain formation my father. When 145 ùåííèê mentionned the pyramids during sermon, pope(pa) then and there began to gain every sort and kind of information on pyramid. And spoke of pyramid so, as if each is obliged to know all about this subject. The Priest has said, see that pyramids -- high achievement mankind, and not to be aware of them -- is marred the appearance of and even sinful. Fortunately, priest not too placed firmly to subjects of the sin: he was a modern shepherd, acting upon ïðèõîæàí, kindling their curiosity, rather then appealling to confession. His(its) sermon more resemble(go)ed on optional rate of the night school, and for such, as my father, were very useful and çàíèìàòåëüíû. The Members to congregations male flap were often invited on small çàñòîëüÿ, called to show that good shepherd -- common person, as all rest, and in the same way rejoices good meal and mug beer. Moreover, he loved to sing, and not church hymns, but light songs from popular repertoire. Glyadya on such merry behaviour, not difficult was conclude that now and then he affords something else, but, of course, sparingly. This word was as balsam on èñòåðçàííóþ shower of the pope(pa) -- "temperance". As if opening of the new sign of the zodiac. And though he was is too been ill to return even to moderate lifestyle, all this becalmed his(its) shower. So, when uncle Ned, which often was going to not to take in mouth nor dripped and always tolerated the fiasco, came somehow at night to us home, pope(pa) has read him short edification about profit of temperance. The Uncle Ned exactly at that time in the next has once tied, and when pope(pa), ïîäâèãíóòûé own word, moved to buffet for carafe blame, all flinched. Nobody has not sweeped away even çàèêíóòüñÿ about drinks in whitness of uncles Neda, when he gave the pledge of the abstention; this was considered by breach of the unwritten law. But pope(pa) has done this with such confidence that nobody raised no objection, and as a result uncle Ned has drunk the liquor-glass a blame and will go home in that evening, not having peeked in ñàëóí to slake the thirst. This was an extraordinary event, which is bored discussed several days. Really, uncle Ned from that day began to behave much strange. Spoke that the following day he will go in wine commissary, where has bought the bottle of the sherry, which âûëèë in carafe. The Buildings he has put(deliver)ed this carafe in buffet, as father, and instead of that to him(it) in one VWVsit down, settled for one glass -- "only ãëîòî÷êîì", as he itself was expressed. His(its) behaviour was so remarkable that aunt, not in power to believe its eye, came once upon a time to us home and had çàòÿæíóþ conversation with pope(pa). She asked him(it), amongst other, invite to him in house 146 this priest somehow soiree that uncle Ned has got the possibility to under his(its) benefical influence. To be short, uncle Ned became the parishioner and, like pope(pa), ïðåìíîãî in this has succeed. All went splendid before day of the picnic. In that day, regrettably, stood íåîáû÷àéíî hot weather and from plays, excitation, revelry, uncle Ned has felt the most strong thirst. So left that nobody has not noticed, as he that and deal dropped in to beer cask until drank once fill âäðûçã. But was already late. In such condition he was íåóïðàâëÿåì. Even priest nothing not smog to do. Ned has abandoned the picnic and îêóíóëñÿ in drinking bout, which lasted three days and three nights. Can, he lasted and more, does not ââÿæèñü the uncle Ned in êóëà÷íóþ fight in region of the port, where him(it) and has selected in unconscious condition night watchman. The Uncle Neda has taken in hospital with concussion of the brain, and he already never has recovered. Having Returned with bury, pope(pa) has said, not having uttered tears: "Ned as well as has not understood that signifies to be moderate. This is his(its) blame. Well yes well, he îòîøåë in the best world..." As it were wanting show the priest that he not from the same test that uncle Ned, father became else to be zealous in church deal. He was even brought forth in monitors, and much, was proud of its position, which allowed him during sunday services to collect donation. Not to visualize, as my father âûøàãèâàë on passage êîíãðåãàöèîíàëèñòñêîé öåðêâè with piggy bank for donation in hand, as he stood with this piggy bank beside altar -- áëàãîãîâåéíî âñëóøèâàÿñü in word of the blessing, pronounced by priest. All this now I seem such incredible that I hereinafter do not know, as say. I like to recall quite about the other: about father from my childhood, about that, as I met him(it) on saturday beside ferry. Beside were situated three ñàëóíà, on saturday full on sort, received to eat and drink the mug a beer. See the father for thirtieth year of his(its) lifes, sound, smiling and changing with all íåçëîáèâûìè quip, here is he leaned;leant against on rack of the bar, straw hat is shifted on çàòûëîê, free palm he brushes off the beer spume. I then hardly got before heavy gold(en) chain, crossed his(its) waistcoat; the litter suit from plaid, which he carried summer and which distinguished him(it) amongst other visitors of the bar, not having happiness to be born the tailor. The Litter, as he started the hand in greater glass vase on counter and stretched me pretzel, with request to run down to shop window "Brooklyn Tayms" and watch òóðíèðíóþ table. When I dashed out from ñàëóíà hear, 147 who has won, was past worn out âåðåíèöà bicyclist, they raced beside most sidewalk on narrow strip of the asphalt, put specially for them. Here, just, arrived the next ferry, and I detained for minute to, as people in uniform øâàðòóþò the ship. When opened the folds and placed the wooden ship's ladder, crowd collapsed on coast and strove;strived in ñàëóíû, decorated county. That was a days, when pope(pa) knew, what is a "temperance", when he saws since felt the persisting thirst since skip the mug a beer was considered privilege any men. Then was so, as about this has splendid said Melvill*: "Supply all approaching food if certainly, this food available. The Food your showers -- light and space; so supply shower by light and space. But food of the body -- champaign and oysters; so supply his(its) øàìïàíñêèì and oyster; and will reach the glad sunday if will it". Yes, I seem that then soul of the pope(pa) has not yet withered that she ïðåáûâàëà in boundless space and light, but indifferent body to sunday ate approaching and available -- unless øàìïàíñêèì with oyster, that beer with pretzel. Then his(its) body did not yet know, what is a suffering, and nobody did not convict neither his(its) lifestyle, nor absence of the faith in him. And surrounded his(its) not predators, but good people, common mortal, either as he itself, which watched not upwards or downwards, but straight before itself, óñòðåìèâ look at horizon and rejoicing opened type. But now, tormented poor fellow, he became the churchwardens, he confronted the altar, grey, hunched, dry while priest blessed;blest contemptible donation, intended for development of the new bowling alley. Can be, him and truth was necessary to feel this birth showers, saturate her(its) like sponge growing by that light and space, what offered êîíãðåãàöèîíàëèñòñêàÿ church. But what this miserable change for person, got to know joys of that food, which requires the body and which, not causing twinges, could fill even his(its) like sponge shower by light and space -- let not divine, but bright and terrestrial. I again recall his(its) small tummy, on which rested the massive gold(en) chain, and I seem that with death of his(its) belly continued to live only sponge his(its) showers, certain application to flesh-colored death. I think about priest, which ïîãëîòèë his(its) as if inhuman ïîæèðàòåëü sponge, as if keeper of the wigwam, óâåøàííîãî spiritual scalp. I think about that, than was terminated this tragedy sponge, èáî though he and promised light 148 and space, disappeared he from life my father not earlier, than collapsed all air building. All have occurred absolutely on-worldly. Somehow at night, after usual meeting ïðèõîæàí, father came with sad facial expression home. In that evening priest has reported that abandons them. He has offered the more attractive place in New-Roshell and, in spite of enormous reluctance to abandon its fold, he has solved to take the invitation. Naturally, he has came to a conclusion after long cogitations -- in other words, complied with the feeling of the debt. Certainly, will there be a rich incom, but this nothing in contrast with huge responsiblity, which will lie on his(its) shoulder. He needs in New-Roshell, and he complied with the voice shame. The Father has stated all this same unctuous ãîëîñêîì, what, probably, pronounced its speech a priest. However we immediately became clear that father much painfully. He did not understand, why in New-Roshell could not find other priest. He has said that to tempt the priest by big salary not much-that beautifully. He needs us here, has said the pope(pa) with regret and with such sadness that I ready was burst into tears. He has said that will speak to priest on shower that if anyone be capable to convince his(its) remain -- so this only he. Several following days my pope(pa) did all that could -- certainly, enterring priest in embarrassment. On father was painfully watch, when he óíûëî returned from these conversations. He reminded the person, grapping for straw to not to sink. Certainly, priest remained uncompromising. Even when oldster has not born and burst into tears beside it on eye, he has not changed its decisions. This became the thumb point. At this point of time father sharply changed. He became acerbic and querulous. He not only ceased be prayed at the table, but also refrained from visit öåðêâè. He once again çà÷àñòèë on graveyard, on its bench. First he became sullen, afterwards given and, finally, on his(its) person appeared the íåïðåõîäÿùåå expression to sadnesses, sadnesses, generated by wreckage illusion, despair, futility. He ceased to mention the priest, did not recall neither about öåðêâè, nor about monitor, with which was at one time bound. If he happened to meet them on street, he dryly spoke him "good afternoon", not detaining and not shaking hand. The Newspapers he read carefully, from the first before the last line, at all not expressing relations to read. He studied even advertising announcements, all before one, as if trying shut the huge hole, which all time loomed up before eye. He anymore laughed. At the best created visibility of the labored hopeless smile, which here 149 disappeared, having left us impression going out lifes. He was destroy, as crater, destroy without âñÿêîé of the hope on sunday. And even new belly and new intestine tract have not were able return him(it) to lifes. His(its) have not seduced neither champaign, nor oysters, not it is necessary was him neither light, nor space. He reminded äðîíòà, hidden head in sand and sniffing through anus. When he napped in easy chair, mandible beside he was ed, as if îòïóùåííûé joint; he always was a decent snorer, but now snored aloud as never, as person, âîèñòèíó îãëîõøèé to the whole world. Really, his(its) snore nearly did not differ from death wheeze, only alternating with fine long whistle. Seemed, when he snores, he êîëåò âñåëåííóþ as firewood to beside us always was in äîñòàòêå òîïî÷íîé äðåâåñèíû, required for extension of his(its) lifes. Such terrible and captivating snore I previously did not happen to to hear: he was heavy and loud, painful and grotesque; sometimes he reminded the roar of the accordion, sometimes êâàêàíüå frog on áîëîòå; the terrible wheeze got free after long-lasting whistle, as if father emitted the spirit, but afterwards bosom his(its) was peacefully lifted and was lowered, and was fixed ãóëêèé sound, as it is woke;waked father stood undressed before belt with heavy ax in hand before collected âîåäèíî mad filth of this world. In these presentations was a lung discrepancy ìóìèôèöèðîâàííîãî person and greater òîëñòûõ lips on him, which only one and were live; this reminded the gills sleeping sharks prominent on surface of the calm ocean. So he and has left in depth of the abyss, having published last blessed âñõðàï. Already did not alarm his(its) neither daydreams, nor draughts, neither cricks, nor vain desires. When he has closed the eye and was ruined in abyss, the world lost the light, but he became such solitary, what was on the eve births, cosmos èçæåâàë themselves. The Father sat in easy chair, must be, as Ion sat in stomach of the whale*, in safe last sanctum, in black hole, not expecting nothing, nothing not wanting, not dead, but buried heal, ïðîãëî÷åííûé wholly and therefore unharmed, greater plump lips softly close and are opened in low tide and tide of the white breathing of the emptiness together. In the ground Nod he searched for Kaina and Avelya*, but has not met neither united alive showers, nor word, nor çíàìåíèÿ. He carries together with whale and brushed against for black icy bottom; he is a coverlet nice for nice with the top velocity, âëåêîìûé only øåðñòèñòûìè mane undersea animal. He was a smoke, swirlling from fire pipes, heavy cloud, çàñòèëàþùèì moon, thick slime, forming 150 slippery ëèíîëåóìíûé sex of the seagoing depths. He was a deader dead, èáî was reaped and start;put, without âñÿêîé of the hope on sunday of the superable border of the light and space and óãíåçäÿñü in black hole of the nonexistence on the safe side. And follows not to feel sorry him(it), but envy, èáî his(its) dream -- not short respite, but dream itself, which there is abyss, and, consequently, çàñíóòü signifies to deepen, deeper and deeper in sleeping ñîííîñòü, in dream of the depth in the most deep VWVappear in the dreams, in íèæàéøóþ depth absolute VWVappear in the dreams, the most deep and the most sleepy dream sweet VWVappear in the dreams. He has rescued. He sleeps. He will sleep. The Jv. The Jv. The Father, jv, implore; you, èáî we, which áîäðñòâóåì, boil from terror... When with deaf last snore flies away this world, I see the openning door, but for her -- Grovera Uotruza. "Christ with you!" -- speaks he, drag twist leg. He else quite young, but has already found the Gentlemen. There is only one God, and Grover Uotruz has found Him(it), hereto íå÷åãî to add, -- besides that all must be said and repeated by new divine language Grovera Uotruza. This is a brilliant new language, which God èçîáðåë for Grovera Uotruza specially, kindled in me monstrous curiosity, first since I always considered Grovera hopeless dolt, secondly since have noticed that on rolling finger Uotruza did not become æåëòèçíû from tobacco. When we were an äåòüìè, veins we on proximity. Now and then he called at to me to learn some ïüåñêó with me. In spite of their own fourteen or fifteen years he smoked as åôðåéòîð. His(its) mother nothing could not with this do since Grover was a genius, but ãåíèÿì permissible small liberty, particularly if genius had a misery to be born with generic trauma of the leg. Grover was from that sorts of the geniuses that splendid bloom in dirt. Beside it not only finger has ed from nicotine, but also dirty turned black íîãòè were in the habit of conk from long exercises, compelling young Grovera to concern with exciting îáêóñûâàíèåì. Usually Grover spit;spat bited off íîãòè together with mite of the tobacco, stuck in teeth. This indulged and spurred. The Cigarettes âûæãëè holes housed piano and, as discontented has noticed the mother, have touched the keys. When Grover left, in ãîñòèíîé stank;stunk, in institution ãðîáîâùèêà as if. Stank;stunk the extinguished cigarette, afterwards, dirty linen, curse Grovera and dry passion, left diing sound Vebera, Berlioza, Sheet and companies. Else plowed ãíîåì from fish soup Grovera and his(its) rotten teeth. Else plowed the whining and èçíåæåííîñòüþ his(its) full-grown. Their house was a present stable, divine adapted to 151 his(its) ãåíèþ, but drawing room in our house resemble(go)ed on receiving funereal agency, but Grover, burdock, did not find time even âûòåðåòü legs. In winter beside he òåêëî from nose, is woke;waked from sewerage, and Grover, being is too enthralled by its music, did not have time to to clean the nose so cool snot by trickle flowed down to lip, where he their licked off long áåëîâàòûì by language. To ãàçîãîííîé music Vebera, Sheet, Berlioza and companies was given piquant sauce, which reported this bigmouth pleasing taste. Grover dirty swore through word, his(its) loved expression was: "does Not leave this ãðåáàíîå place!" Sometimes he in heart flailled the fist on key. This his(its) genius revealled itself so unworthy image. But his(its) mother with big importance heed to this fit of rage: they convinced her(it) that in Grovere there is such something. Rest simply considered Grovera unbearable. However him a great deal bade;bid farewell because of êðèâîíîãîñòè. Grover was it is enough õèòåð to guess to use its defect; if him anything much wanted, he expressed the pains in leg. Seems, only piano does not âîçäàâàëî the due respect to his(its) èçóâå÷åííîé to limbs. So piano became that subject, which it is necessary to curse, beat yes to thump. On the other hand, at the best days Grover could hour to sit for instrument, his(its) simply it is impossible was pull aside. In such events his(its) mother left on lawn before house and lay in wait for the ñîñåäåé to âûäàâèòü of them several words of the praising. She so freaked out from "divine" plays of the that forgot to prepare the supper. Their daddy, ñàíòåõíèê, as a rule came home gloomy and hungry, as if wolf. Fairly often he rose straight in ãîñòèíóþ and dragged Grovera with stool beside piano. The Father too knew how be firmly expressed, and when he came down the dog on ãåíèàëüíîãî of the, that seldom managed to insert even word. In the opinion of daddies, Grover was simply become utterly lazy ñóêèíûì by son, who learned;learnt to create any noises. Sometimes he was threatened âûêèíóòü devil piano in window -- and Grovera after. If beside full-grown was enough boldness âìåøàòüñÿ in these scene, he gave her çóáîòû÷èíó and advised to go "to take a piss on track". Though, certainly, and beside he could be the minute to weaknesses, and in such condition of the spirit he could ask beside Grovera that for devil gunk that jingles, and if the last, to example, answered: "passionate sonata" -- old ass could say: "That for devils? Why, for the sake of Hrista, they can not say on-english, what all good people speak?" Nevezhestvennosti oldster killed Grovera where strong, than his(its) roughness. He scrupled its daddies, and when his(its) was not on horizon, 152 afforded unmerciful to deride him(it). When he became little senior, that began to build the suggestions that he was born with crooked leg since his(its) father such bastard. He told that his(its) daddy has knocked his(its) mother in belly when that was pregnant. This is a storied blow in belly must be, has rendered on Grovera varied influences, èáî, from boy having changed in young person, he, as it was said, unexpectedly addressed to Hell with such passion that near by him it is impossible was dislodge the nose, not èñïðîñèâ previously permits beside Gentlemen. The Transfiguration Grovera has occurred just then, when my father emitted the spirit, why I and has recalled him(it). Uotruza did not see several years, but afterwards, during nightmareish snore, on lame Grovera, possible say, ñíèçîøëî blessing and he, having become by witness Bozhiim, çàñó÷èë of the sleeve to save us from devil. The First that I have noticed -- changes to his(its) appearance: he looked the ÷èñòåíüêèì, as lamb. Really, on him was not nor ïÿòíûøêà, from he came the áëàãîâîíèå. His(its) speech too became perfect. The Wild curse has transferred the place to blessing and prayer. All are his(its) conversations with us changed in monologues, during which he high-hats itself to itself questions and itself on they answered. Hardly sowing on chair, offered him, he with ïðîâîðíîñòüþ of the rabbit pronounced the harangue about that that God, breakwater, has sent the single sweetheart its that we could enjoy the life eternal. Want we indeed lifes eternal -- or are going to to in "thinking rafts"* and die, not knowing savings? Irrelevance of the mentioning "thinking rafts" to elderly even number, one of which aloud snored in VWVappear in the dreams, see, quite did not take care him(it). He so exulted in tide Bozhiey merciful áëàãîäàòè that has quite forgotten about emotional ill of my sister and, not having asked about that, as she feels itself, addressed to her with this íîâîïðèîáðåòåííîé spiritual chatter, to which she remained ãëóõà since, as I have said, beside she came short much âèíòèêîâ, and even if he began to perorate about minced spinach, this was shown her so ãëóáîêîìûñëåííûì. The Words "pleasures rafts" meant for it some sort of charming day and red parasol. I saw, as she, sitting on edge of the chair and winding head, waits only one: when he will do respite that she could tell him that pastor -- her(its) pastor, from episcopalian öåðêâè -- right before returned from Europe, and they are going to to make in cellar öåðêâè fair, where she will have its small kiosks, in which she will open trade an ñàëôåòî÷êàìè on 153 five and on dime. Really, she óëó÷èëà the moment, when he for second was broken, and âûëîæèëà all: about channel of the Venice, about alpine snow, about ñîáà÷üèõ run in Brussels, about best liverwurst of the Munich. She was not only religious, my little sister, she was foolish as fuse. Grover something have mumbled about seen to novaja zeml'a and new íåáåñàõ, "èáî former sky and. the former ground passed"*, has said he, having mumbled these word in resemblance hysterical ãëèññàíäî that ïîñêîðåé âûëîæèòü prophetic news about New Jerusalem, which God has founded on this ground and in which he, Grover Uotruz, no time foul-mouthed person with èñêàëå÷åííîé by leg, has found the world and quietness to rectitude. "And deaths, not will already", -- plow he while my little sister approached to him and naive asked, does not want he go to play on new bowling alley, made by her(its) pastor in church cellar since pastor such remarkable person, he loves poor and will pleased get acquainted with Groverom. Grover has said that to play on bowling alley sinful that he does not belong to nor to what öåðêâè, èáî all öåðêâè godless that he even ceased to play on piano since the God has indicated him high purpose. "Winning inherits all*, -- has added he, -- and shall him God, and he will Me son". He has done the pause to âûñìîðêàòüñÿ in splendid white kerchief, but my little sister took the opportunity to remind him, as in former timeses beside he always òåêëî from nose, but he never used nose pay. Grover it is important has listened to her(it) and has noticed that Gentlemen has saved him(it) from many sin. Here awoke my father and, seen before itself Grovera in the whole beauty, îòøàòíóëñÿ in scare, not knowing, for who Grovera to take: for mortal, dream or hallucination, but type net nose pay has quickly returned him reason. -- À, this you! -- âîñêëèêíóë on. -- Son Uotruza, faithfully? say Me, into the name of the whole saint that you here do? -- I came to Holy Of holies, -- not at all not having been embarrassed has declared Grover. -- I have made the rite of the defogging by death on Calvary and I in light Hristovo name here, for the sake of your savings and stay in light and power and glory. The Oldster has peered into amazing. -- That this on you has found? -- has asked he, having addressed Groveru weaken sympathetic smile. The Mother came out of kitchen and has got up behind chair, on which sat Grover. The having Twisted mouth, she wanted to hint the father this ãðèìàñîé that Grover went mad. Even little sister, seems, understood that with Groverom something not in order, particularly after he refused to visit new bowling alley, which her(its) lyu 154 the bath pastor has installed deliberately for young people like Grovera. So happened to Groverom? Nothing unless consider that that his(its) legs firmly stood on heel base great wall of the saint city Jerusalem, on heel base, executed from ñàðäîíèêñà wholly, whence he âçèðàë on ÷èñòóþ river of water to lifes, coming from throne God's. And type this yard to lifes was for Grovera don't care that bite of a thousand of fleas in æîì. While he ñåìèæäû has not detoured around the ground, he not was able sit peacefully on çàäíèöå, seen blindness and indifference of the people and saving at self-confident-control. He was revived and cleaned, and though in eye slow scruffy "normal" he was "÷îêíóòûì", me he introduced incomparably to be increased on former itself. He was a harmless bore. Listenning his(its) it is enough long, and most possible was be cleaned, about that not suspecting. The Bright new language Grovera took me for alive and by means of overindulgent laughter cleaned from âñÿêîé gunk, accumulated by diligences inert çäðàâîìûñëÿùèõ. He was revived, what dreamed be revived Ponse de Leon*, he was alive, as a few could be alive. And, being unnatural alive, he not in the least raised no objection, when you laughed straight him in person, he raised no objection if you have stolen that little, than he possessed. He was alive and íåñòÿæàþùèì, but this so close to Bozheskomu that seems abnormal. Firmly having put(deliver)ed legs on greater wall New Jerusalem, Grover has got to know empty-handed not comparable joy. Possible, be born he with sound leg, he so never and has not got to know this inimitable joy. Can be, even well that his(its) daddy äâèíóë on belly his(its) full-grown, when Grover was else found in belly. Possible, exactly this blow in belly has allowed Groveru so âîñïàðèòü, become such infinitely alive and so vigilant to even in VWVappear in the dreams send the messages of the God. Than more he worked, that felt weariness less. Beside it was not now neither alerts, nor regret, nor hair-raising recollection. He did not acknowledge neither duties, nor obligations, except data God. But that expected the God from it? Nothing, nothing... only lauding. The God required from Grovera Uotruza only one: that he was alive in rafts. He required only one: become all more and more alive. And when quite alive Grover became the voice, and this voice became the flow, turned all dead in chaos -- chaos in turn became the mouth of the world, in most centre which must be a verb. "At the beginning initially was a Word, and Word was beside the God, and Word was a God". Ithaca, God was this 155 the strange small infinitive, which was all -- realy this not it is enough? For Grovera this was more then it is enough: this was all. Having Begun from this Verb, what difference, on what road he will go? Leave this Verb -- signifies to delete from most centre, raise the Babylonian tower. Can be, the God has purposely maimed Grovera Uotruza to direct him(it) to the centre, to Verb. The Unencountered âåðâèåì has fastened the Gentlemen Grovera Uotruza to his(its) pillar, which penetrated the heart of the world. Grover became the fat goose, bring each day on gilded egg. Why I write about Grovere Uotruze? Since I knew the thousand of the people, but nobody of them was not such alive, as Grover. The Majority was an óìíåå, many were a brilliant people, some even çíàìåíèòûìè, but nobody was not such alive and íåñòÿæàþùèì, what was Grover. Grover was an íåèñòîùèì. He was befitted bit radium, which possible fall asleep the mountain of the ground, but he don't care will not lose its power to return the energy. I knew the ensemble so named eager people -- not packed America them? -- but never I did not meet in person of such source to energy. But that created this inexhaustible source to energy? Lighting up. Yes, this happened in split second, but only so and occurs all the most important. In one night Grover was dispensed from obtruded him valuables. Unexpectedly, and this so, he has stopped the development, like development of the rest people. He has pressed on brake, but has left the motor to work. If earlier, like rest, he supposed necessary somewhere to move, that now he knew that somewhere -- so much for is where, so why move in general? Why not to park the machine, not silencing motor? In the interim ground itself revolved, and Grover knew that she revolves, and that he revolves together with her. But moves she somewhere? Grover, certainly, high-hats to itself this question and, beyond all doubt, answered it so: the ground nowhere moves. Then who has said that we must somewhere move? Grover ed this, as well as that, where all direct their own foots, and, strange thing, turned out to be that though all and move each to its purposes -- nobody does not stop and is not conceived that inevitable purpose for all one: the grave. This has puzzled Grovera since nobody could not convince him(it) that death is not an inevitability while any could convince who is pleased that all other purposes vague. Persuaded in immutable inevitability of the deaths, Grover suddenly became the terrific filled with life. For the first time he began to live, and besides ceased to think about its lameness. 156 This if it be conceived, too rather strange thing since curve leg in the same way, either as death, is an immutable fact. And all lameness has flown beside it from head and that else âàæíåå, has flown from head all that was connected with lameness. Exactly in the same way and death, when Grover has acknowledged her(its) inevitability, has flown beside it from head. Sosredotochivshisi single on the inevitabilities to deaths, he ïðåíåáðåã all vague. The Whole rest world limped along with their own knock-kneed uncertainty now, only one Grover was ñâîáîäåí and nothing is not bound. Grover Uotruz personified itself inevitability. Can, he was íåïðàâ, but he was determined. But that sense to be right, when happens to to drag for itself twist leg? Only a few realized true of these words, and their name became the great names. Grover Uotruz, probably, never will become known, but however he very great. In this, probably, and is concluded reason, on which I write about him: simply beside I have been enough the reason to understand that Grover reached the greatnesses even though nobody this will not acknowledge. Then I thought that Grover simply harmless fanatic, yes, little "÷îêíóòûé", what spoke my ma But each, who ïðîíèêñÿ the undoubted truth, little ÷îêíóòûé, and only these people do something for our world. The Other people, great people, have destroyed on trace here and there, but these a few, about which I lead the speech and in number which include Grovera Uotruza, capable to destroy all only for the sake of that to could live the truth. Usually, such people are born with defect, so to speak, with crooked leg, and on strange irony people exactly this twist leg and remember. If such person, as Grover, disposes from lameness, the world speaks that he ïîâåçëî. This logic to insecurity, and her(its) fruit -- misery. Grover was single truly lucky persons, who I have met in its lifes, and this small monument I erected to about Grovere did not forget, as did not forget about his(its) lucky confidence. sting That as full tilts he has chosen Hrista, but realy has importance, what image of the person comes to truth if he îäåðæèì truth and on truth lives? INTERLYUDIYA The Disorder -- word, invented for that events, when true order to us incomprehensible. I to want to stop for that period, when all appeared in accordance with rather if and comprehensible, that certainly disheartenning. First of all -- Haymi, Haymi-toad, but else gonads his(its) wife, which already good while rotted èçíóòðè. Haymi was straight looped on rotting gonad its wife. This became the subject daily talk, having left behind even purgative of the pill and tax(cover)ed language. Haymi played in sexual parables, as he spoke itself. All conversations or began with gonad, or ended them. Notwithstanding circumstance, he did not forget about works ëþáâè together with wife -- long snake relationses, during which he haved time to âûêóðèòü one-other cigarette. He all tried to explain me, as pus, which select the gonads, reports his(its) wife passion. She and earlier was good in ëþáâè, but now became something íåîáûêíîâåííîå. If gonads to come to wrest, excessive to speak, as she îòíåñåòñÿ hereto. Yes she and understood itself. So not lose time! Each evening having taken away with table, they were exposed in its teeny êâàðòèðêå and lay, become tangled as if pair snake. He over and over again tried to describe me -- as they loved each other. Iznutri this looks like oyster, oyster with soft çóáêàìè that ïîêóñûâàþò him(it). Sometimes he seemed that he was sunk in her(its) belly wholly, so was softly and rich, but these the most soft çóáèêè ïîêóñûâàëè his(its) member, reducing with wit. Usually they settled down on manners scissors and peered into ceiling. To delay the play-off, he thought about office and about that small trouble, which did not leave him(it), twisting guts by taut element. Between orgasm he could ñîñðåäîòî÷èòüñÿ on than-íèáóäü else so if she newly proceed with him, he could visualize that this absolutely new relations with participation new branded 158 dy. Usually he settled down so that possible was not throwing deals to peer into window. He so was sharpened in this matter that could undress the woman on boulevard for window and move her(it) in its bed, and not only this -- else he could force her(its) the places with wife moreover not throwing deals. Sometimes he òðàõàëñÿ so several hours and did not think herewith to finish. That to spilt in vain! -- so he usually spoke. Steve Romero, opposite, had much that to spilt. Steve was âûëåïëåí as if oxen so he not conceiving spent its seed. As a rule, we discussed such a belongings sitting for good îòáèâíîé in çàêóñî÷íîé from office not far away. There reigned strange atmosphere. Can be since did not give the blame. Can be since gave the small black ãðèáî÷êè. Anyway, ñîñðåäîòî÷èòüñÿ on point at issue was not easily. When we were going to, Steve Romero usually already haved time to to visit on drill, take the shower and be grinded. He was clean;scratch;peel and outside and èçíóòðè. Nearly that perfect sample men. Not is much known how, on truth dialect, but nice guy, companionable. But Haymi, opposite, is woke;waked toad. As if was to table from marsh straight, where has conducted the inedible äåíåê. Any filth descended beside it with mouths is woke;waked flattery. On truth, in the event of with him this and filth-that name was it is impossible since not with than was compare. Poured one only slippery sticky material, wholly mixed up on sex. In food he saw only potential semen; if stood the warm weather, he spoke that this much useful egg; when he went to tram, he knew forward that âàãîííàÿ bumpiness will cause desire beside it that "personally beside he will get up from this", as he was expressed. Why "personally" -- me was having no idea, but so he spoke. He liked to go with us since we most certainly found anything decent. Alone he far from always carried. With us he could reckon for piece of meat -- Gentile ïèçäó, as he was expressed. He liked Gentile ïèçäà. Neevreyka* smell(blows in) ñëàùå, spoke he. And chuckled... That he did not carry -- so this black meat. His(its) surprised and jarred my acquaintance with Valeskoy. Once upon a time he has asked, not too firmly she smell(blows in). I have answered that me this likes -- strong and äóõîâèòàÿ, in sauce. He a little has not reddened herewith. Strangely, as he was delicate in some thing. For instance, was much ðàçáîð÷èâ in meal. Probably, this national line. Else very fastidious. __________ * The English of the word "gentile" (gentle) and "íåèóäåé, pagan" (gentile) -- more assonant. 159 The Carrion in swoon at type ïÿòíûøêà on cuff. All time was cleaned, shaken off, got the çåðêàëüöå from pocket to make sure, has not stuck food in teeth. If found although mite, was hidden for napkin and extracted this mite at toothpicks with mother-of-pearl handle. Could Not yet peacefully think about ïðåñëîâóòûõ gonad. And not at all because of scent since his(its) wife too was a fastidious gnarl. The Whole day sat on bidet, preparing to night ñëó÷êàì. This was a tragedy: importance, which she added its gonad. Before that most day, when her(its) have taken away in hospital, they regularly concerned with the love. The Thought about that that she will become unapt hereto, reduced her(it) with wit. Haymi, of course, repeated over and over again her that him without difference -- so or ýäàê. Twining her(it), as snake, in teeth cigarette, on boulevard for window äåâî÷êè -- he and âîîáðàçèòü could not that woman can become to be unfit to relations. He was certain that operation will pass successfully. Successfully! This signifies that she will òðàõàòüñÿ better former. Usually he spoke her this, lying down on back and ãëÿäÿ in ceiling. "You know, I don't care shall you to love. It Be Ïîäâèíüñÿ trace here is so, do;make favour... here is so... well. So I spoke? Ah, yes... well that you has taken in head? Of course, I you not brooch. listen;hear, Be postponed little, yes-yes, here is so, splendid". All this he told us for good îòáèâíîé. Steve laughed before tears. He so could not. He was very honored, with woman particularly. So-that him and did not carry. The Tot Kerli, for instance -- but Steve his(its) hated -- that always obtained, what wanted. He was an inborn liar, inborn cheater. Haymi too not too loved Kerli. He named Kerli dishonorable, bearing in mind, certainly, áåñ÷åñòíîñòü in money questions. In such thing Haymi was scrupulous. But most of all he did not like, in what tone Kerli spoke of its aunt. In the opinion of Haymi, this was much ill, him not to should pull the money beside sisters its full-grown, feelling to her not more respects, than to piece òóõëîãî cheese, for Haymi this was too. To woman it is necessary to pertain valid, at condition, certainly that this woman not whore. If she whore -- then the other deal. The Whores not women(woman). The Whores -- whores. Here is so here is Haymi looked at belongings. However true reason such íåëþáâè was other: when they nor could be together -- Kerli was always got the most best. And not only: Kerli obtained the success, using money, taken beside Haymi. Even that, as Kerli asked money, irritated Haymi -- looked like 160 the extortion. He supposed that here partly my blame -- I too condescending pertained to lad. -- He has no moral abutments, -- usually spoke Haymi. -- À beside you, beside you moral abutment there is? -- asked ya. -- That I! I too age to have a moral abutment. But Kerli else child. -- You are jealous, here is what is wrong, -- spoke Steve. -- I? I am jealous to him? -- and Haymi was taken poisonous to giggle to show whole foolishness such conjectures. These ïîäíà÷êè his(its) powerfully zadevali. -- listen;hear, -- spoke he, îáðàùàÿñü to me, -- I to you someday was jealous? Realy I did not transfer you, when you asked? Remember that maiden with redheads hair, well remember, with such greater bosom? Realy not tidbit I have offered you on-friendly? And I have done this, not so? But all therefore that you spilt the beans, is woke;waked you much like the greater bosom. But Kerli I no way has transferred. He is a small knave. Let itself about itself will take care. But Kerli and so itself about itself took care, besides much skilfully. As far as i know, he always pas five-six äåâ÷îíîê. Amongst them, for instance, Valeska -- he not on fun ed with her. She devilishly liked that with she âûäåëûâàþò such not redden so, when has come the turn of the cousin, but afterwards and êàðëèöû, use him, she not in the least raised no objection. Most of all she liked, when he had her(it) in bath in water. All were splendid until guessed the êàðëèöà. Happened the tempestuous scene, terminated on sex in ãîñòèíîé. Listen Kerli -- so possible was think that he âûäåëûâàåò all, realy that on chandelier does not hung. Vpridachu full-packed pocket money. Valeska generous, but cousin -- rag. The Foretaste of the hard member did her(its) soft, as putty. At type unbuttoned trousers she fell into trance. Shame on you listen that Kerli âûäåëûâàë with her. He felt the pleasure, humiliating her(it). But hardly I can accuse him(it), after all she was such strait-laced, such pedantic on folk. When she carried itself on street, possible was sworn that beside it not at all ïèçäû. Naturally, óåäèíèâøèñü, he forced her(its) pay for their own haughty manners. And did this ðàññ÷åòëèâî. "get", -- Ordered he, a little having unbuttoned trousers. "get Language", -- so spoke he whole êîìïàøêå since, on his(its) wordses, all of these suckled the friend an äðóæêó for his(its) back. As soon as cousin felt in ðòó taste of the member, immediately allowed to do with her all. Sometimes he forced her(its) become on hands and carried her(it) on room, is woke;waked 161 the wheelbarrow. Or they adapted on manners of the dogs, and while she moaned and writhed, he unflappable lighted;lit the cigarette and started the smoke between her(its) legs. Once upon a time he has played the bad fun, when they settled down such way. He ðàññòàðàëñÿ so that she lost the memory. But afterwards, already before briliance having polished by her back, he for second stopped, as if to cool the cook, and here, much slowly and has tenderly inserted her long ìîðêîâèíó. "This, miss Aberkrombi, something like äâîéíèêà my natural member", -- has explained he, and with these word îòëèï from it and has drawn the trousers. The Cousin Aberkrombi so was embarrassed that did not be able to control, horribly farted, and ìîðêîâèíà has fallen out. So, at least once, told Kerli. In general-that, he was decent âðàëü, and in this anecdote, can, no nor scintillas of the truth, but it is impossible deny that beside it was an aptitude to like fun. That before miss Aberkrombi with her(its) pretentious manner -- so about such ïèçäó possible was think all most worse. Haymi in contrast with Kerli was ïóðèñò. Haymi and his(its) thick end -- as if two miscellaneouses belongings. When beside he personally got up, as he was expressed, he for this did not answer. He spoke that this nature takes its -- on behalf of him(it), Haymi Lobshera, made someone look fat cut end. Same possible was say and about hole his(its) wife. Beside it between legs was something especial, like embellishment. This was a part mrs Lobsher, but this was not-òàêè mrs Lobsher personally, try to understand that I bear in mind. Well, all this simply as introduction to that total sexual disturbances, which dominated in that time. It Is Woke;waked remove the apartment in country Eblandii. Sosedka overhand, take at least her(it)... sometimes she came down to us to look after child, when beside wife was a concerto. She looked such ïðîñòóøêîé that I first simply did not notice her(it). But, either as beside others, beside she èìåëàñü ïèçäà, such îáåçëè÷åííî-personal ïèçäà, which she unconsciously realized. And than more often she to we came down, that strong realized, in its subconscious. Somehow at night, when she was in âàííîé moreover sat there suspicious long, I was conceived on all this. And has solved spies on her in çàìî÷íóþ bore hole, make sure that to that. Chop off me hand if she did not confront the mirror, stroking from time to time and fondling its small ïèïêó. Nearly that talked with her. I so was agitated that did not know, with what begin. Left back in ãîñòèíóþ, has switched off the light and ëåã on couch, expecting her(its) return. I lay, and beside me before eye stood her(its) ïóøèñòàÿ pussy cat and finger, touching to her, as to string. I have unbuttoned trousers, has pulled out 162 the member, is let coolled in the dark. With its couches I tried to cause her(its) method to telepathies, anyway I wanted that my member has sent her installing the inspiring. "Go here, bitch, -- did not cease I whisper, -- go here and íàêðîé me its ïèçäîé". She, see, has got this installation since in this wink door was opened, and she blindly became to steal to couch. I did not speak nor word and did not move. Simply did not cease to think about her(its) ïèçäå, slowly, as if crab, stolen in the dark. Finally-that she has got up beside couches. And too has not said nor word. Simply quietly stood, but as soon as I slid the hand on her(its) leg upwards, budged to open slightly a little broader crotch. I seem, never my hand fell into such juicy crotch. Beside it on leg run down something like paste, and if under hand were a shields for announcements, I was able îáêëåèòü safe dozen shield. Through several minutes, in the same way naturally, as cow, ùèïëþùàÿ òðàâêó, she stooped and took in mouth. But I çàñóíóë all four fingers, whipping her(its) juice before spume. The Mouth she had full-packed, but juice was spilted on legs. Shall Say I you, we did not utter nor word. As if, the pair calm maniac toilled in the darkness. As ãðîáîêîïàòåëè. That was Paradiz åáó÷èé, I knew this, and got ready, and wanted that we åáàëèñü before loss brain. Such, as she, I, probably, never met. She as well as has not opened ðòà -- neither that in the night, nor following, no. Simply êðàëàñü downwards, ïî÷óÿâ that we shall be one, as then, in the dark, and covered me ïèçäîé. That was prominent ïèçäà. Cost(stand)s only to think, recall the dark underground labyrinth, equipped and sofa, and comfortable small piece of coal, and rubber çóáèêàìè, and needle, and soft ãíåçäûøêàìè, and ãàãà÷üèì fuzz, and mulberry sheet. I liked to put there its nose and, like solitary hearts, be buried in small slot, where was an absolute quietness, and was so softly and quietly that I lay, as if dolphin on oyster shoal. The Light crick -- and I in ïóëüìàíîâñêîì coach already, read the newspaper, but that -- in dead end, where cobblestones cover ìõîì, but winding gates are opened and closed automatically. Sometimes this could be looks like submersion in depths, with quivering sea crab, algae, rocking slightly in fever and gills of teeny fish, slamming, woke;waked valves of the labial harmonica. In bounless dark grotto silk-soapy organ played ravenous get dark music. When she reached tops, when to the ful selected juice, seemed, come down violet-purple, colour of the mulberry berry, twilight, ÷ðåâîâåùàòåëüíûå twilight, as if dwarveses and cretins 163 ñëàæäàþòñÿ, when ìåíñòðóèðóþò. Then I thought about cannibal, devouring flowerses, about frantic tribe bow, about wild unicorn, preparing to marriage season on rhododendron. All were anonymously and indefinitely: John Before and his(its) spouse Emmi Before*; but on us gas reservoirs, but under us undersea life. Above belt she was, as I already spoke, touching. Yes, quite ku-ku though while on move and afloat. Can, this and reported her(its) ïèçäå such magic îáåçëè÷åííîñòü. That was one ïèçäà from a million, the present ZHemchuzhina Antilles, like that that has found Dick Osborn, read Dzhozefa Konrada? She lay in broad Tihom ocean of the sex: shining silvery reef, encircled anemone, starfishes, êàìåíèñòûìè coral, accepted human look. Only Osborn could open her(it), having indicated correct width and longitude ïèçäû. Meeting her(it) daytime, seen, as slowly she goes, feeble-minded, I felt same feeling that feels solved to caught the weasel dark in the night, having put(deliver)ed trap. I remained only to lie in the dark, unbutton the trousers and wait. She was befitted Ofelii as if that has accidentally resurrected and in the second life found oneself amongst êàôðîâ. She did not remember nor one word nor one language, particularly english. She was a deaf-mute, lost memory moreover with the remainder of the memories she has forfeited also curling irons, tweezers for íîãòåé and lady hand-bag. She was nacked as fish, only between legs protruded the bunch a hair. And she was more slippery, than fish since beside fish although scales there is, but beside it was not. Sometimes I got lost in guesswork: I in her, or she in me? That was openning war, in the last style Pankration*, when âñÿê tries to bite itself in çàäíèöó. The Love in ambience of the worms, with shameless lifted by foreskin, love without flap and without ëèçîëà. Inkubacionnaya love, which practise the wolverines on treetop. On the one hand -- ARCTIC ocean, with other -- Gulf of mexico. And though we did not address to him openly, with us always was King-Kong, King-Kong, sleeping in çàòîíóâøåì frame "Titanika" amongst ôîñôîðåñöèðóþùèõ bones millionaire and lampreys. No logic helped to dispose of King-Konga. He was a gigantic tire, moderated fleeting pain showers. He was a wedding pie with âîëîñàòûìè leg and hand by length in nice. He was âåðòÿùèìñÿ screen, on which flashed to news. He was a gunpoint of the revolver, which never is singed, ïðîêàæåííûì, armed by sawn gonococcus. Exactly here, in emptiness of the hernia, I peacefully speculated by means of penis. First of all -- about áèíîìèàëüíîé 164 ðåìå, phrase, always puzzled me: I have placed her(it) under magnifying glass and has studied from èêñ before çåò. Afterwards -- about Logose, which I some image always identified with breathing: opposite, I have found that this variety to fixed idea, machine, which continued to grind grain then æèòíèöû uzh long ago were packed and jew has left from Egypt. Else, there was Bucefallus*, word, kind me more rest words of my dictionary, shall ùåãîëÿòü him in any predicaments, but with he together will not forget Alexander and his(its) tsarist retinue. That for horse! Made on light in Indian ocean, the last in sort, itself not married, realy that with tsarina amazon during ìåñîïîòàìñêèõ event. Else, there was scottish gambit! The Amazing expression, no relations to chess not having. It was shown me in the manner of person on stilt with pages 2498 "Full Dictionary" Funka and Vagnalla*. The Gambit was a variety of the jump in íåçíàåìîå on mechanical leg. The Jump unknown why -- signifies, gambit! Net as bell and strangely idle time if you ñïîäîáèëèñü his(its) understand. Else, Andromeda, and Medusa Gorgona, and Castor and Polluks celestial origin, mythological twins, forever bolted in ephemeral starry dust. Else, there were vigils, word definitely sexual, and all expecting such cerebral êîííîòàöèè that I became not on itself. Always "midnight vigils" moreover word "midnight" hid the sinister sense. And else espaliers. At one time someone has poked the sword, when he stood for espalier. I saw íàïðåñòîëüíóþ blanket, executed from asbestos, but in her terrible hole, what could do itself Cezari. I speculated much peacefully, as has already noted. In such spirit did not refuse itself in pleasure ïîðàçìûøëÿòü and people of the stone age. All were and not absurd, and not allowing explanations. As if cut on bit picture-riddle, which, having bored to form, reject aside. All possible with lightness to postpone, even Himalayas. Just notwithstanding thoughts Magometa. This nor to that does not bring and therefore pleasantly. The Enormous building, which we have erected for time lingered sexual of the act, can be overturned in split second. In count will go only that we òðàõàëèñü, but at all not building functioning. This -- as life in Ark during Flood, you are provided all up to orange liquor. To that make the murder, force, êðîâîñìåñèòåëüñòâîâàòü, when from you are required only kill time? Rain, rain, rain, but inwardly Ark dryly and heat, each creature 165 on vapour(pair), but in small pantry best âåñòôàëüñêàÿ ham, fresh egg, olives, pickles, âóñòåðñêèé sauce and other delicacies. The Gentlemen has called me, whine, found the new sky and novaja zeml'a. He gave me strong boat with well ïðîñìîëåííûìè and what the âûñóøåííûìè øâàìè follows. And else He gave me skill to furrow the øòîðìëèâîå sea. Can be, when ends the rain, will be necessary other skill, but at the this moment of the nautical knowledge it is enough. Rest -- chess in "Cafe Grand piano" on the Second avenue, yes else partner it is necessary to, some clever jew that party lasted while rain will not cease. But, as I already spoke, beside me will not be time to long for: with me my old friends -- Logos, Bucefallus, espaliers, vigils and so on. So why chess? Locked in prison within a few days and nights, I began to understand that cogitation if only this not ìàñòóðáàöèÿ, serves the ìÿã÷èòåëüíûì, healing, pleasing facility. The Cogitation, not bring nowhere, leads you all over; the other cogitations lead on rut, and never mind as distance -- all are terminated by storehouse or railroad yard. At the end always red signal, orderring: FOOTS! But when speculate is taken the penis -- here neither hindrances, nor foot, this -- eternal holiday, fresh bait and fish, twitching fishung line. But this reminds me of Veronike, so her(it), seems called. Here is esche. one ïèçäà, directed on bad thoughts. A trouble was With Veronikoy always in âåñòèáþëå. On òàíöïëîùàäêå about it possible was think, is woke;waked she is going to to present you in constant grant their own gonads, but afterwards, to deal closer, she was taken suddenly to speculate, speculate about øëÿïêå, êîøåëüêå, about aunt, who her(its) waits, about letter, which she has forgotten to send, about functioning, which can lose, -- that is to say about every sort and kind of foolishness, absolutely unappropriate and at all not referring to deal. As if connected to ïèçäå, watchful and vigilant, brains. That was nearly, so to speak, metaphysical ïèçäà. That was ïèçäà, thinking over each step, moreover: this was a special way to speculate, with ðàçìåðåííîñòüþ of the metronome. For such sort moved rhythmic vigils was needed the special dim a light: it is enough muted to possible was be unbuttoned, and all rather observable if will by chance recoil the button and rides on sex âåñòèáþëÿ. You understand that I bear in mind. Neproizvolinaya, but punctilious accuracy, steel confidence, allowing be hanged up. And in ditto time òðåïåòíîñòü and íåïðåäñêàçóåìîñòü so will not define, tomtit or crane. 166 That this beside me in hand? Good or best? The Answer always one: soup from duck. When take her(it) for titses, she yells, is woke;waked ïîïóòàé; when climb to her under skirt, she âüåòñÿ, as if uzh; when will press her(it) firmly, she is bitten, as polecat. She all pull, pulls, pulls. Why? That afterwards? Will Give through ÷àñîê-another? One chance from a million. She looks like ãîëóáêó, ïîïàâøóþñÿ in snare, but trying âçëåòåòü. She is its type tried to show, is woke;waked she has no legs. But if decide her(its) free, she threatens you îáãàäèòü. Because of her(its) amazing back and by reason of her(its) íåïðèñòóïíîñòè I mentally compared her(it) with Pons Asinorum*. Each schoolboy knows that bridge oslo can not go nobody, only two white burroes, âåäîìûõ blind man. I not litter, why this so, but this rule, installed by oldster Evklidom. He was a filled with knowledge, old ïåðäóí, and at one beautiful day -- think to amuse itself -- has built the bridge, which was not given to go nobody from mortal. He has named his(its) bridge an oslo since there was owner pair(vapour)s remarkable white burro, and so became attached to him that nobody did not want to transfer the right of the posession. So he amused itself daydream, in which he, blind man, at one beautiful day translated the burro on bridge on lucky spacious pasture. Here is and Veronika so. She so boasted its splendid white back that nor this back wanted with whom be divided. She has solved to take him(it) with itself in paradise, when will come time. That before her(its) ïèçäû -- about which, apropos, she and did not remember -- that before her(its) ïèçäû, .ñêàæó I you, so she was only accessory, attached to back. In dim light âåñòèáþëÿ not even mentionning of two their own bad lucks obviously, she some image created äèñêîìôîðò, forcing you to think about them. That áèøü, forced to think, acting as ïðåñòèäèæèòàòîð. You watched and felt only to be finally defrauded to make sure that you nothing have not seen and has not felt. That was very fine sexual algebra, midnight vigils, brought to morning "A" or "In"*, but nothing more. You will deliver the exams, get the diploma -- and ñâîáîäåí. In the interim back was used for sitting solely, but ïèçäà -- that ñïóñêàòü âîäè÷êó. Between textbook and óáîðíîé lay the intermediate area, where -- nor leg, èáî there -- çàêëåéìåííàÿ a zone of the coitions. Possible urinate and jerk off, but copulate -- never. And light did not extinguish, however and sun not luminary. Always semidarkness, just to be able be unbuttoned. But exactly this ìðà÷íîâàòûé a glimpse of the light kept wit around any hand-bag on the alert, labial 167 the pomades, buttons, êëþ÷åé and that like. On-persisting think was not got since wit already occupied. The Wit is reserved, as started easy chair in theatre, on which owner has left its øàïîêëÿê. I have already said that Veronika possessed the speaking ïèçäîé, and this was bad, after all, seemed, her(its) single function was concluded in that to dissuade you from coition. Beside Eveliny, opposite, was daring ïèçäà. Evelina too vein on âåðõîòóðå sometime, but in house on proximity. She çàáåãàëà, as a rule, at hour of the dinner to entertain me new õîõìîé. Komediantka net water single on-persisting easily moved to laughter woman in my lifes. All turned in fun, and coition too. She could one its laughter to agitate, but this, as you know, íàëåãêî. Suppose, is woke;waked beside phallus of no consciousness, but force the member to laugh -- after all phenomenal. As example can bring one: when Evelina was lighted;litted, she was taken ÷ðåâîâåùàòü ïèçäîé. You got ready fall into it, as suddenly pupa horselaugh broke between her(its) legs. And this was then and there sent you: you felt the impish twitches and shakings. Else she knew how to sing, her(its) pupa-ïèçäà. Neither give, nor take -- trained sealskin. No nothing harder, than concern with the love in circus. All time acting as trained sealskin, she became more inaccessible, than if was îïóòàíà iron belt. She could spoil most that nor there is "personal" erection on on light. Spoil its laughter. In ditto time this was not so abhorrently, as possible itself to present. In vaginal laughter was something nice. Seemed, the whole world is untwisted, as if pornographic cinema, which tragic subject is èìïîòåíöèÿ. Mentally you itself was seen that dog, that weasel, that white rabbit. The Love was than-that outside like portions of the black roe or heliotrope. You could see in itself ventriloquist, speaking of roe and heliotrope, but true person always was a weasel or white rabbit. But Evelin always rested upon cabbage ãðÿäêå, broadly having drawn apart legs and offerring first counter brightly-green sheet. But when you did motion to will taste from this sheet,, the whole cabbage ãðÿäêà broke the horselaugh, merry, humid, vaginal horselaugh, about which did not dream the Jesus Christ and Immanuil Bore Edging, èáî if they dreamed, the world did not become such as he there is today, and, besides, in general was not neither Edging, nor Omnipotent Hrista. The Woman is seldom dared, but when she is dared -- looks like eruption of the vulcan. When woman is dared -- man for the best 168 take cover in sanctum. Nothing will not stand firm before this âàãèíèðóþùèì rejoicing -- even reinforced concrete. The Woman, when on she finds ñìåøëèâîñòü, can ïåðåñìåÿòü and hyena, and jackal, and wild cat. You may sometimes hear like on gathering ëèí÷åâàòåëåé. This signifies that damper open and all leave outward. This signifies that she itself about itself will take care and will track to you not îòìàõíóëè by chance egg! This signifies that if íàäâèíåòñÿ the epidemic deathes, she will first and ñäåðåò with you skin øèïîâàííîé by lash. This signifies that she wants to lie not only with Volume, Dick and Harry, but also with Cholera, Meningitis, Trick; this signifies that she óëÿæåòñÿ on altar, as mare in heat, and will take all coming, including Spirit Saint. This signifies that she in one night will destroy that poor man, armed knowledge all their own logarithm, created five, ten, twenty thousand years. She will destroy all this and îáîññûò, and nobody her(its) will not stop if she beginning to laugh in earnest. When I have said, is woke;waked laughter Veroniki* can spoil most that nor there is personal excitation on, I bore in mind following: she will spoil the personal erection and delivers you something faceless, look like red-hot ramrod. Can, with most Veronikoy* you and will not call at far, but with that that she gave you, you will far go, this uzh what drink to give. Hear her(its) although once upon a time -- don't care that to get the pretty dose of the spanish flies. So and will stand until put under sledge-hammer. And all went such here is image, gratis that each my word -- lie. This -- personal aurochs in depersonalized world, when person, îðóäóÿ èãðóøå÷íîé by blade, wants to dig through the tunnel in çåìíîì ball. The Idea consisted in that to dig through the tunnel and find finally its Kulebrskuyu âûåìêó*, its ne plus ultra, honeymoon rafts. And, of course, the end to digging is seen was not. The Best, on that I could hope -- stick in most centre of the ground, where pressure all-round and unbelievably, and remain there for ever. Then I have felt itself broken on the wheel Iksionom*, but this after all variety of the saving, which it is impossible completely neglect. On the other hand, I was a metaphysician of the instinctive sense: I could not stick nowhere, even in most centre of the ground. I was äâèæèì èìïåðàòèâîì: find and íàñëàäèòüñÿ the metaphysical coition -- and for the sake of this I was have to be chosen on absolutely new tableland, full sweet lucerne and polished monolith, where drop in îðëû and egyptian vultures. ___________ * So in original: Veronika, rather then Evelina (prim. having gone.). 169 Sometimes, sitting at night in park, in park particularly, çàìóñîðåííîì by paper and leftovers, I saw going by virgo, seemed, she keeps the way in Tibet. I accompanied her(its) rounded by eye, hope that she suddenly takes off, èáî if this happened if she âçëåòåëà, I know that too was able âçëåòåòü, but this has placed end to digging and bathing in dirt. Sometimes, probably, due to twilight or the other complications, I seemed that she truth takes off, turning for corner. That is to say, she suddenly as it were came off on metre from the ground, as if gravely ãðóæåííûé aeroplane, but exactly this unexpected, íåïðîèçâîëüíûé take-off, never mind -- real or imaginative, gave me hope, gave me courage ñîñðåäîòî÷èòü peacefully rounded eye on this point. Inwardly me as if megaphones were included: "Go, äîãîíè, get" and any rubbish. But why? What horseradish? Where? As? I always ñòàâëþ alarm clock to awake in one and ditto time, but why awake, and why in one and ditto? Why get up in general? Derzha in hand small blade, I worked as ãàëåðíûé slave, but has not seen even glimpse of the hope on remuneration. If continue in the same spirit, that I âûðîþ pit, deeper which else nobody did not wrest. On the other hand if me so uzh to want on the other side of the ground, not more simply throw the blade to devil and sit on aeroplane in China? But body follows the wit. That simply for body, not always simply wit. And particularly it is difficult and incomprehensibly, when wit and body disperse in opposite directions. Toil the blade was bliss: this freed the wit, but consequently, disappeared any danger of the divergence of the wit and bodies. If she-animal suddenly began to moan from pleasure if she-animal suddenly began to fight in sensual hysterics moreover jaws loafed, as shoe lace, in bosom wheezed, but rib ïîñêðèïûâàëè if she-ñó÷àðà suddenly began to disintegrate straight on sex in fit of the delight and ïåðåõëåñòà, exactly in this moment, neither second earlier, nor second later, îáåòîâàííîå tableland appeared, as if nave, âûïëûâàþùèé from mist, and nothing do not remain to do, as âîäðóçèòü on him starry-striped and declare on it right into the name of uncles Sema and the whole that reverently. These troubles occurred so often that was impossible disbelieve in reality of the area, named Eblandiey since her possible was give only one this name, and however this area concluded something greater its root and, åáÿñü, we only approached to her. Each in that or other time put its flag on this territory, and all 170 nobody not to manage to proclaim her(its) its integral possession. She disappears for one night, but in split second sometimes. This NO MANS LAND, and she smell(blows in) ðàññåÿíüåì unencountered deaths. If have declared armistice, that possible was be met on this ground, be changed handshake and âûêóðèòü on òðóáî÷êå. But armistice can not last long. Single that introduces íåïðåõîäÿùèì -- idea about "intermediate zone". Will Here ïðîëåòàþò the pools and ãðîìîçäÿòñÿ the dead bodies, but afterwards passes the rain and finally does not remain nothing, except halitosis. All this -- way figuratively to tell about that that is not accepted to pronounce aloud. Rather then is accepted to pronounce aloud â÷èñòóþ: ïèçäà and åáëÿ. About this possible mention only in luxurious publishing, otherwise the world will decay. But the world holds, as I have removed from bitter experience, on ïîëîâîì relations. But åáëÿ, real notion, ïèçäà, real notion, -- seems, conclude in itself certain íåèäåíòèôèöèðîâàííûé element where îïàñíåå of the nitroglycerine. To understand the true position of the deals, it is necessary to address to directory Sears Roubeka, approved àíãëèêàíñêîé by church. On twenty third pages you will find the scene Priapa, holding corkscrew on the end of its thin reed; he by mistake cost(stand)s in shade Parthenon; he is denuded unless consider the ïðîäûðÿâëåííîé armbands, taken on mate beside Saint Tryasunov* from Oregon and Saskachevana. On wire -- remote terrain, want to know, will not cheat them on sale. He answers "ride to devil" and hangs the tube. On back plan -- Rembrandt, exploring anatomy Gentlemen our Jesus Hrista, which if remember, was will drink up the jew and is then delivered in Abissiniyu, where was downtrodden ìåòàòåëüíûìè disk and other subject. The Weather, what âîäèòñÿ, stood pleasing and warm, realy that light mist rose with Ionicheskogo epidemic deathes: that evaporations sweaty ìóäåé Neptune, gelted first monk or, can be, ìàíèõåéöàìè* in timeses Pentekostaliskoy plague. Vyvesili to dry the belt of horse meat, and around -- flies, as it was described Gomerom in antique timeses. Beside -- thresher Makkormika*, reaper and ñíîïîâÿçàëêà with engine in thirty six h.p.s, and no mufflers. The Harvest is collected, and workers on remote sex count the earnings. This -- matutinal çàðÿ at the first day sexual relationses in äðåâíåì hellenic world, now realistically reproduced for us in paint due to brother Ceyss and other patient fanatic to industry. But people ãîìåðîâñêîãî time, participant these event, all were seen not so. Nobody does not know, what god Priap looked, when him(it) 171 have brought down before dishonor, caught to balance the corkscrew on the end of the thin reed. Standing up such ìàêàðîì in shade Parthenon, he certainly thought about imaginative, remote ïèçäå, having forgotten about corkscrew, thresher, reaper; must be, he gradually óòèõîìèðèëñÿ and finally ceased even to dream. This -- my figment, and if I mistaken, let I shall shift to the right. Frozen in raising mist, he has unexpectedly heard the angelic rining of bells and, about prodigy, before his(its) eye appears the splendid green marsh, in the middle which ïèðóþò ÷îêòî and íàâàõî; in the sky on them -- white condors, their âîðîòíè÷êè óêðàøåíû festoon from marigold. Else he has seen enormous ãðèôåëüíóþ board with traced on her body Hrista, body Avessaloma* and devil, which there is lust. He has seen the sponge, saturated ëÿãóøà÷üåé by blood, eye, âøèòûå blessed Augustine* in its skin, the vestment insufficient to close our vices. He has seen all this in that moment, when íàâàõî âåñåëèëèñü with ÷îêòî, and he so óâëåêñÿ amazing çðåëèùåì that suddenly voice ðàçäàëñÿ from-ïðîìåæ his(its) legs, from long thinking reed, about which he has forgotten, óâëåêøèñü, and that was the most stimulant, the most piercing and officious, the most jubilant and terrible voice, which ever rose from depths. And he began to sing its äëèííþùèì cook with such celestial concinnity and nobility that white condors came down to the ground and have carried the enormous purple egg on green marsh straight. The Gentlemen our Christ rose with its stone loge and, the whole in mark from ìåòàòåëüíûõ disk, quickened the pace to dance in stiletto mountain sawhorse. From Egypt came ôåëëàõè in circuit, their have adjusted the militant èãîðîòû and eating snake meat to inhabitants Zanzibar. Here is so îáñòîÿëè of the deal at the first day sexual relationses in äðåâíåì hellenic world. Thereafter a great deal powerfully changed, is now considered impolite to sing the own thin reed, and even condor impermissible to carry the purple egg on terrain. So much for -- ñêàòîëîãèÿ, ýñõàòîëîãèÿ and ýêóìåíèçì. This is forbidden. Verboten. And so country Eblandiya gradually leaves on the byplay: she becomes the myth. Thereby, and I have to èçúÿñíÿòüñÿ mythological. My speech unbelievably pervaded åëååì and expensive unguent. I abandon to êëàöàþùèõ dulcimer, tubas, white marigold, oleander and rhododendron. The End òåðíîâûì needle and manacle! The Christ destroy, èçðóáëåí ìåòàòåëüíûìè disk. Fellahi turned white in song Egypt, their wrists liberally loaf in manacle. The Vultures have ed decaying flesh before the last êóñî÷êà. All peacefully, million of gold(en) mouses âãðûçàþòñÿ 172 in invisible cheese. Vzoshla moon, and Neil ponders their own coast about havoc. The Ground inaudible vomits, stars in crick, yard slither in coast. All as if... Be ïèçäû, which are dared, and ïèçäû, which talk; there is mad, hysterical ïåçäû, the form reminding ocarina, but there is vegetable ïåçäû-seismographs, registerring ascent and decay æèâèòåëüíûõ power; there is ïåçäû-cannibals, which open broadly, as jaws of the sperm wale, and çàãëàòûâàþò the æèâüåì; else, there is masochistic ïåçäû, which are slammed, woke;waked oysters, cover hard armor and, possible, melt inwardly one-two æåì÷óæèíû; there is äèôèðàìáè÷åñêèå ïåçäû, which ïëÿøóò at the first approximations of the penis and âëàæíåþò from ecstasy; there is ïåçäû-porcupines, òîïîðùàùèåñÿ needle, ìàøóùèå small flag on Cristmas; there is telegraph ïéçäû, using morse code, leaving in head patchwork dots-and-dashes; there is political ïåçäû, saturated ideology -- they deny even ìåíîïàóçó; there is ïèçäû-plants, which are not called back while their will not twitch with root; there is religious ïåçäû, smell(blowing in) as if àäâåíòèñòû Seventh Day, pervaded rosary beads, worm, shellfish, îâå÷üèì litter, but sometimes dry bread mite; there is ìëåêîïèòàþùèå ïåçäû, nailled on âûäðèíîé by skin, winter falling into hibernation, there is ïåçäû for cruise, equiped that your sailboat -- they good for alone and epileptic; there is icy ïåçäû, in which possible drop the star and not to notice nor îãîíüêà; there is thousand-year ïåçäû, denying category of the type -- about they stumble in lifes only once upon a time whereupon they leave you parched and çàêëåéìåííûìè; there is ïåçäû, created from net joy, beside which no neither name, nor forerunners, -- and they best from all, but where they ïîäåâàëèñü? And there is single ïèçäà, âîáðàâøàÿ in itself all, we shall name her(its) ñóïåðïèçäîé since she not from the world ñåãî, but from that light country, where us have invited to fly off much-much long ago. There shines dew, and high reed bends under âåòðîì. This there dwells the great father of the lechery, Father Apis*, holy oxen, laid horn way on íåáåñà and thrown gelted deity of the truth and untruths. From Apisa have occurred the unicorns, these strange animals of the ancient folk legends, with forehead, extend, woke;waked twinkling phallus. From unicorn has gradually occurred the ïîçäíåãîðîäñêîé of the person, about which speaks Osvalid SHpengler*. À gigantic skyscraper rose from dead coca this sad type with their own speed lift and observation platform. We -- last 173 òè÷íàÿ indicating the sexual calculations; the world spoiled, as òóõëîå egg on straw bedding. Now in that remote place, in that brighten country, where dwells Apis, father of the lechery, fly on aluminum wing. All carry onward, as if oiled watch; a million noiseless hours happens to for each minute of the dial, removing skin of time. We travel quicker, than quick as lightning calculator, quicker, than starry light, quicker, than thought of the magician. Each second -- universe of the time. But any universe of the time -- split second in cosmogony of the velocities. When velocity will approach to its end -- we shall there, as always punctual and blessed unnamed. We are damage our wing, our watch and our fire boards, on which cost(stand) the watch. We will raise, light, as small feather, and exulting -- as if column shelters, and will not be recollection, pulling us back. And on ñåé once I call the kindom ñóïåðïèçäû, èáî it íåïîäâëàñòíî neither velocities, nor calculation, nor entailment in image. And penis itself has not a known amount and weight. There is only long ëèáèäî, escape of the high flight, nightmare, getting lighted modest cigar. Small Nemo week loiters with rebelled flesh and best pair ãîíîðåéíûõ ÿèö, bequeathing lady Bauntiful. This -- sunday morning near Evergreen graveyard. This -- sunday morning, and I blessed rest upon bed from reinforced concrete, deaf to the whole world. Beside-- graveyard that is to say -- world sexual relationses. My egg are ill from unceasing works, but all turn around under window, on boulevard, where Haymi has made itself ãíåçäûøêî for ñëó÷êè. I think about one woman, but all rest -- gunk. I am a dialect that think about her, but indeed I die from starry disease. I lie, is woke;waked sick star, expecting, when from she will leave whole her(its) light. Much years back I rested upon the same bed and waited, waited the births. Nothing have not occurred. Realy that mother, with her(its) lutheran alacrity, has doused me water. My mother, wretch äóðà, thought that I became utterly lazy. She did not know that I have caught the starry flow that I scattered in turn black dust on the most distant fringe âñåëåííîé. She thought that I have riveted to loge common laziness. And she has doused me water: I flinched and ïîåæèëñÿ little, but has not abandoned its æåëåçîáåòîííîå bed. I was an extinct meteoric rain sometime on proximity with Vegoy. And now I on the same bed, and light that in me, does not want ãàñíóòü. The World of the mans and womans ïèðóåò in cemetery limit. They concern with sexual 174 the íèåì, forgive;pardon their Gentlemen, but I one in its country Eblandii. I seem that I ñëûøó ëÿçãàíüå big mechanism, ëèíîòèïèðîâàííûå manacles get through swingletree of the sex. Haymi and his(its) nymphomaniac-wife to rest upon one level with me, only through river. The River is identified the Death, i. she bitter on taste. I over and over again scrambled over through it, river on belt, but why-that did not change in stone and has not found the immortalities. I still mountain èçíóòðè though outside destroy, as planet. With this loge I rose in dance, and not once, but a hundreds, a thousand once. Every time I returned with confidence that danced the dance of the skeleton on dim territory. Can be, I have squandered too much own materials in suffering; can be, I was îäåðæèì èäååé to become the first metallurgical áëþìîì of the human sort; can be, I occupied the thought that I and sub-gorilla, and super-deity. On this bed from reinforced concrete I litter all, and all from rock crystal. There no no animal, only thousand of a thousands human essence, speaking simultaneously, and on each word, pronounced them, beside me immediately ready answer, sometimes even earlier, than word comes off from their mouths. There, it is more than enough kill, but no shelters. The Murder are made much purely, and in silence always. And even if all will kill, don't care talks will remain moreover they will be intriguing and light. Ibo this I shall create them! I this knows, and that is why I not similar to wit. Beside me in spare talk for twenty years onward while I do not ïîâñòðå÷àþñü with approaching person, who create itself, when, shall say so, approaches the suitable moment. All are these talks exist in idle company, which became such attribute my loge, either as ìàòðàö. Once upon a time I gave the name this dim territory; I have named her(its) Ubiguchi, but Ubiguchi something do not like me: too âðàçóìèòåëüíî, too pervaded sense. Better consider her(its) simply dim territory, as I and intended. The People think that meaningless chatter -- duck soup, but this not so. The Meaningless chatter -- inconsistent íàïîëíåííîñòü, chock-full ghostly world, in which íàîùóïü steals the soul. The Litter, boy I went with idle company, as it is woke;waked I was a merry soul without the whole, but in shoe. Beside I have stolen the body since it I particularly did not be needed. Then I could exist and with body and without îíîãî. When I killed the ïè÷óæêó, roasted her(it) on campfires and ate, did I this not from hunger, but since wanted to learn of Timbuktu or Burning Ground. I went with idle company and ated killed birdie to generate desire to that light 175 the ground, which subsequently has personally made habitable and íàñåëèë nostalgia. I so much waited from this country that bitterly was dysappointed. I ïðåáûâàë in dead condition so much that little who has born, but afterwards under the law, which, must be, and there is law of the creation, has unexpectedly flashed up and began inexhaustible to live, as if star, whose light íåèñ÷åðïàåì. Here begins true êàííèáàëèñòè÷åñêèé excursus, so much çíà÷àùèé for me: did not become more dead õðóñòÿøåê, taken out of campfires -- appeared alive human meat, gentile, juicy ÷åëîâå÷üÿ flesh, secret fresh ÷åëîâå÷üåé liver, revelations ïðîãëî÷åííûõ tumors, prestored in freezer. I ed not to wait while victim óìðåò, but âãðûçàòüñÿ in it during talk. Fairly often, having left dinner íåäîêóøàííûì, I found that that was my old friend minus hand or leg. Sometimes I so and left his(its): trunk, stuffed âîíþ÷èìè gut. The Product of the city -- single city on light with his(its) inimitable Brodveem -- I loved to walk here and there, examinring closely flooded light of the shop windows of ham and other delicacies. I became the øèçîì from soles before tip hair. I am a veins in ãåðóíäèâå solely*, which understood only on latin. I cohabitated with Hilidoy, gigantic cauliflower my ãðåç, long before that, what has read about her in "Black Book". We got through all morganatic sickly together, and else through several, which were eh cathedra. We dwelt in framework instinct, eating ãàíã-ëèéíûìè by recollection. That was not some one universe, but a millions and ìèëëèàðäû âñåëåííûõ, together taken not more pin head. That was a vegetable dream in desert of the reason. That was a past, which has absorbed eternity. In the middle faunas and flora my ãðåç I ñëûøó ìåæäóãîðîäíèé bell. On my table fall the messages a freak and epileptic. Sometimes calls at Gans Kastorp*, and we together make the virgin crimes. Or clear freezing daytime I do the circle on velodrome on bicycle "Presto", made in Hemnice, Bohemia. For the best, dance skeleton. First I was washed beside sinks, changed the linen, was shaved, powdered, leveled the hairs, prepared the ball loafers. Feelling inwardly unnatural lightness, I spun;span in crowd to caught the necessary human rhythm, weight and corporeality rafts. Afterwards I marked the direct line on òàíöïëîùàäêó, collected âåòðåíóþ flesh and began the autumn pirouette. Once upon a time in the night I have as if fallen into homestead ïûøíîâîëîñîé ãðå÷àíêè and has pecked her(it) in lips. She seemed èññèíÿ-black, white, as chalk, deprived age. She was movable, is woke;waked 176 the quicksilver, and in ditto time pleasantly gravity. She had a marble glance ôàâíà, çàïå÷àòëåííîãî in lava. I have understood that came time to abandon the periphery and äâèíóëñÿ to the centre, at least to find ground, which became to leave from beneath legs. The Ground rapidly slipped away under my shaky leg. I have lost support of the ground and here is -- hands my packed meteoric colour. I tried to get her(its) their own hand, but she was else íåóëîâèìåå, than sand. I recalled their own èçëþáëåííûå night nightmares, but she had no no resemblance with that that âãîíÿëî me in cool perspiration and delirium. Delirious I rose on äûáû and whinnied. I bought the frog and crossbreed them with toad. I speculated about the most simple for realization that is to say about deaths, but nothing do not undertake. I peacefully stood, commencing petrify in limb. This was so beautifully, so curative, so appreciable that I began to roar with laughter before most guts, as if hyena, îäåðæèìàÿ åñòåñòâîì. Can be, I changed in stone wall-plug! I simply stood and waited. Came the springtime, and autumn, and afterwards winter. I automatically renewed my insurance policy. I ated the herb and root deciduous tree. I am an integer by days watched same film. Now and then I cleaned the teeths. If in I released the queue, pools glided past, bouncing off wall by ricochet with strange sound that-that-that. Somehow on dark street on I have attacked áàíäþãà, I have felt, as in my body enters the knife. The Sensation -- is woke;waked take the pricking bath. Strange, however knife has not left no trace on skin. The Experience has surprised its novelty so I left home, where and âîòêíóë knives in all part of the body. The Sensation ïîêàëûâàíèÿ increased. I sowed;sown, âûäåðíóë knives and was newly struck that that no neither shelters, nor hole, nor pains. I uzh was was going to to bite itself in hand, when ðàçäàëñÿ the telephone call. Mezhdugorodniy. I as well as shall not hear, who rang since nobody to telephone not ïîäîøåë. However dance skeleton... The Life swims past shop windows. I lie, as if brightly illuminated ham, expecting ðàçäåëêè. Indeed -- be afraid the íå÷åãî since you neatly rarefy on fine best slices and will pack in cellophane. Suddenly ãàñíóò all town lights and sounds the alarm siren. The City îêóòàí ÿäîâèòûìè gas, tear the bombs, èñêðîìñàííûå bodies swept on parties. Around electricity, blood, splinter and loudspeakers. The People midair exult, people is adown moaned and squall. When gas and flame ñæèðàþò whole flesh, begins the dance a skeleton. I stake out her from shop window, now already dark. This better than destruction Rome, èáî here more easy moneys. 177 Why skeletons are returned dance so ñàìîçàáâåííî, speculate I? This sundown of our world? This and there is very dance to deaths, about which so often heralded*? Terribly watch, what ïëÿøóò in snow millions skeleton then city goes to bottom. It Is Revived although anything? It Is Abandoned infant stomach full-grown? Will meal and wine? Midair people -- certainly. They come down downwards to rob. Will be plague and cholera, and one, presently upstairs ïèðóþò the victory, is perished together with won. I have confidence in that that I figure last persons on the ground. I shall abandon the shop window, when all óëÿæåòñÿ, and shall peacefully pass amongst ruins. I to itself shall be whole ground. Mezhdugorodniy bell! I report that I -not one-îäèíåøåíåê on planet. So signifies the destruction not full? This dims the enthusiasm of. The Persons not capable even to delete most itself -- he can delete only others. I vile. What malicious freaks! What cruel fraud! So signifies, around remained else much subjects, and they set in order ground and begin all over again. The God again ñîéäåò in shelters and rafts and will undertake the burden of the blame. Zazvuchit music, will build the buildings from stone and will describe all that has occurred, in fine êíèæîíêàõ. Fu! What blind tenacity, what ax prides! I on its bed newly. Drevnegrecheskiy world, dawning sexual relationses -- and Haymi! Haymi Lobsher always on one and same level, watches downwards, on boulevard through river. In marriage feast approaches the respite, give the pancakes with mussel. It Be Ïîäâèíüñÿ trace, speaks he. Here is so, well! I listen, what the frogs on áîëîòå for my window croak. The Enormous cemetery frogs, eating carrion. They lost in heap in ïîëîâîì relations, they croak from sexual delight. I have understood, as was conceives Haymi and as he appeared on light, Haymi-toad! His(its) mother turned out to be in lees of the scramble, but Haymi -- then embryo -- was safely cover;coceal;shelter in her(its) inside. This happened at the first days sexual relationses, when did not yet exist the restraining rules a marchioness Kuinsberi*. Only take and give oneself up to -- and devil ïîáåðè lagging behind. So ïîâåëîñü from greek -- blind lechery in dirt, but afterwards -- litter, but afterwards -- death. The People wander differently, but on áîëîòå always, and posterity waits same fate. When falls the house, bed remains: êîñìîñåêñóàëüíûé altar. I am profane its bed ãðåçàìè. My soul abandons sprawlled on reinforced concrete body and moves with place on place on small trolley, which usually use in department store for a change. But my variety -- èäåîëîãè÷åñêèå excursuses: I vagrant in kindom 178 the reason. All me absolutely clear since it is made from rock crystal. On each output greater letter is traced: DESTRUCTION. I am a stone from awe before fading: body became the piece of the reinforced concrete itself. Decorated unflagging erection in the best taste. I obtained the conditions of the emptiness so persuasively that I have envied other adherent an ýçîòåðè÷åñêèõ cult. I more no. Will Even get up not personally beside me. Probably, in that time I began its destructive activity, ïðèíÿâ pen name Samson Lakavanna. The Criminal instinct in I have got the pretty development. If before that I was only lost soul, is woke;waked íåèóäåéñêèé Gadibuk*, that now I became the ïîëíîòåëûì by spirit. I have taken the name, which I liked. Remained to act, obeying instinct. For instance, in Hong kong I introduced the agent on selling the books. I carried with itself êîæàíûé purse, pervaded mexican dollar, and áëàãî÷åñòèâî visitted the êèòàéöåâ, need for the most further formation. In hotel I booked the womans in the same way, as whisky with soda. The tibetan language studied On morning in order of training to journey in Lhasu. I already fluently talked on èäèø, yes and on èâðèòå too. Beside me all blazed in hand. Defraud the êèòàéöåâ turned out to be so simply that I returned in Manilla in full disillusionment. There I have taken in turn of mister Riko, trained his(its) art of the selling the books. The Whole incom from çàîêåàíñêîãî of the freight was on count, but on life in luxury was enough. The Breath became such stunt, as breathing. The Subjects not simply doubled, but repeatedly increased. I became the mirror hutch, reflecting emptiness. The Emptiness once upon a time firmly hinted that I beside itself building, and that is identified the creative activity -- indeed work on filling the nonentities. The Small trolley is corrected delivered me with place on place, but I lowered in all lateral pockets of the vacuum of the tons of the poems to óéòè from thought about destruction. Peredo me was opened boundless prospects. I began to live in prospect, as if microscopic âêðàïëåíèå in gigantic lens of the telescope. And was not even nights to repose. Poured the firm starlight falling on parched surface dead planets. Sometimes got the lake, as black marble, and in him I saw themselves ïëûâóùèì amongst diamond luminary. The Stars hunged so low, and so blinding was sent by them light that seemed, is woke;waked universe cost(stand)s beside its births. The Impression increased that's why that I was quite one. Beside was not not only animal, tree, any other essence -- was not even small 179 the áûëèíêè or dry root. Seemed, in this violet fevered light without tipoff on shade is absent motion itself. It is likely that flame of the net consciousness, thought becomes the God. And the God, in the first once in my presentation, turned out to be purely âûáðèòûì. I and itself was will purely choose, without gnarl without çàäîðèíêè, terribly neat. I saw its reflection in marble black lake, and it was decorated star. The Stars, stars... and is woke;waked blow ïðîìåæ eye, and all memory disappear. I was Samson, and I was Lakavanna, and I died, as any essence in ecstasy of the full consciousness. But here is I sail down river in small canoe. All that you nor ask, I shall do -- with joy. This country Eblandiya, in which no neither animal, nor tree, neither stars, nor problems. Here on all öàðñòâóåò ñïåðìàòîçîèä. Nothing do not çàãàäûâàåòñÿ, future absolutely indefinitely, past does not exist. On each million given birth 999999 are sentenced to die and never be born newly. But there is one, master in house, which finds the life eternal. The Life is crammed in seed, which there is soul. All have a shower, including minerals, plants, lake, mountains, s. All feel if only for the most low step of the consciousness. When will cover this wit -- does not remain the place to despair. In most bottom of the stairway, where ñïåðìàòîçîèäû, -- exactly such condition bliss, as on top, there where God. The God -- ïðîñóììèðîâàííûå ñïåðìàòîçîèäû, received to consciousness. À between along the bottom and top of the stairway of no stops, no intermediate station. The River takes the headwaters in mountain sometime and flows seaward. On this river, leading to the God, canoe in the same way suitable, either as dreadnought. From the very beginning -- trip home. Sail down to river... Slowly, as hookworm íåìàòîäà, ripenning for each èçãèáîì. And in addition âåðòêî, as uzh. What is your name? -- yells someone. I? callNname Me simply God -- God-embryo. I continue to sail. Someone want to buy me hat. What beside you amount, blackjack? yells he. What amount? My amount -- èêñ! (And that this they all time yells on me? Realy I look like deaf?) The Hat lost on the first waterfall. Tant pis hat. Realy needs the hat a God? The God it is necessary only to be a God, all more and more God. But all this ïëàâàíüå, all traps, unabiding time, landscape and on his(its) background of the person, trillions and trillions of the creation, named human -- as if ãîð÷è÷íûå grain. Even God-embryo does not possess the memory. Zadnik consciousnesses consists of infinitely small ganglion; the hair cover, soft, as wool. Mountain sawhorse 180 got cold in solitude in the middle Gimalaev, he does not ask, as his(its) carried aways on top. He peacefully looks over decor; when will come time, he comes down again. He is òû÷åò mug in the ground, digging up scanty food, what can give the mountain spades(peaks). In such strange êîçåðîæüåì embrionic condition God-sawhorse reaps the cud, blessed conceived in the middle mountain peak. Greater the heights supply the microbe of the seperatism, which at one beautiful day absolutely remote him(it) from showers of the person, will transform him(it) in wretch callous father, âîâåêè dwelling in impossible empty space. But first approach morganatic sickly, about which it is necessary to speak presently... Can be such disasterous condition, which it is impossible ïðåîäîëåòü, èáî his(its) origin is clouded. For instance, "Blumingdeyl"* could provide in such condition. All department stores -- symbols disease and îïóñòîøåííîñòè, but "Blumingdeyl" -- my special pain, my cureless incomprehensible ill. There is order In chaos "Blumingdeyla", but this order I introduce absolutely mad: such order I, probably, has found on tip of the stickpin if has considered her(it) in microscope. This order of the casual row accidentally conceived accidents. Except the whole other, this order has a scent -- and this scent "Blumingdeyla", leading terror on shower. In "Blumingdeyle" I disintegrate definitively: I fall on sex by useless mass of the guts, bones and gristle. There cost(stand)s the spirit not decompositions, but ìåçàëüÿíñà. The Persons, alchemist-loser, has connected not having nothing total material and essence in a million of the forms and outlines. Has Done he this therefore that in his(its) head exists bad devouring his(its) tumor: he has left its canoe that blessed carried his(its) down river to build the big safe nave, where find the place for each. And his(its) works so have far wound him(it) that he has forfeited last memory about that, why he has left its small canoe. The Ark so was filled âñÿêîé åðóíäîé that changed in still building on-on ïîäçåìêîé, and in this building reigns and âëàñòâóåò the scent of the linoleum. Soberi all important that is hidden in ìåæäóòêàíåâîé mixture "Blumingdeyla", place this on pin head -- so you will leave âñåëåííóþ, in which even enormous constellation is given to move without the most slightest risk to face. But here -- microscopic chaos, generative my morganatic õâîðîáû. On street I began to hit upon horses or raised the skirts, VWVsearchP[.]for;look for;hunt under them mailbox, but that and glued on the mark on mouth, on eye, on vagina. Or suddenly I ïðèñïè÷èâàëî 181 âñêàðàáêàòüñÿ on high building, as if fly, but having reached roofs, I took off on persisting wing and flew, flew, in split second avoiding borough like Uihokena, Hobokena, Hakensaka, Kanarsi, Bergen Whip. If you became the the present øèçîì, âçëåòåòü does not form the labour: no nothing more simply, trick consists in that that you take off the ethereal body, having left in "Blumingdeyle" bag of the bones, guts, shelters and õðÿùåé, you take off only íåïðåõîäÿùåé essence its, which if ïðèçàäóìàòüñÿ on minute, certainly finds the wing. And such flights white daytime have their own advantage on flight night, for any introducing usual deal. Now and then possible stop the flight, is woke;waked resolutely having pressed on brake. Without labour find other essence, èáî stopping, you already and there is other essence that is to say, so named holistic essence. Only, what the experience "Blumingdeyla" shows, this holistic essence, about which was said so much flattering, with lightness disintegrates. The Scent of the linoleum on some incomprehensible reason always forced me to disintegrate and decay on sex. This scent whole unnatural that was going to and was stuck in me with my, so to speak, negative consent. And only after third receiving the food matutinal grants, bequeathing false alliance limit, are reduced, and the present flint to essence, lucky flint, emerges from vilething showers. With coming the nights universe, reduced before amounts of the pin head, begins to enlarge. She organic enlarges, as from èñ÷åçàþùå small nucleus grain so, what the starry concourses and çàëåæè mineral enlarge. She eats into surrounding chaos, as if rat in cheese head. Now whole chaos possible to collect on tip of the stickpin, but essence, your "I", microscopic in the beginning, from free point in space increases before amounts âñåëåííîé. This not that "I", about which is written books, but íåñòàðåþùåå "I", which was for a millenniums is loaned mankind with names and date, "I", which begins and ends as worm, which and there is worm in head of the cheese, named by world. Like that, as lung waft provides in motion boundless wood, so and callous "I", obeying inconceivable internal pulse, begins to increase, and nothing his(its) will not stop in this growing. As Frost Red Nose is woke;waked for functioning, but the whole world -- windowpane. No sign of the tension, neither sound, nor fights, nor rest; ruthlessly, relentlessly, unremitting lasts the growing your "I". Only two clauses in bill of costs: "I" and "not I". And eternity, in which all 182 âåðòûâàåòñÿ. In this eternity, not having no relations to time and space, happen the èíòåðëþäèè, reminding thaw. The Form to personalities decays, but personality, as climate, remains. In the night amorphous material to personalities takes the most fleeting forms; seeps VWXbe drafty holes, but wanderer unbolts its door. This door, which has a body, conducts to destruction if open in external world. From this door in fairy tale leave ìàãè, and nobody never read about that that they return home in same most door. But if open her(its) inside -- there uncountable door, reminding manholes: is not seen horizon, air ways, rivers, cards, ticket. Any couche -- stop on one night only, whether five minutes or ten thousand years. At the door no handle, and they do not abrade. It is Necessary to note the most important -- is not seen, where end. All these stops on night, so to speak, look like futile studies of the myth. Possible feel its way, see the landmarks, observe the occurring phenomenas, possible even feel itself as building. But it is impossible engrain. Will Only begin "be motivated", as the whole terrain is lowered, ground underfoot sails, constellations leave with anchors, and the whole universe, including íåïðåõîäÿùåå "I", begins quietly to move, sinister, threatening peacefully and silent, toward an unknown, unencountered fate. Seems, all door are opened at once. The Pressure increases so that approaches èìïëîçèÿ, and in soft submersion skeleton tears on piece. Must be, this and there is that gigantic êîëëàïñ, practised Dante, when he has placed itself in Hell, but this not bottom, which he concerned, but ñåðäå÷íèê, dead centre, whence begins counting out of time. Here appears the comedy, and seems thence divine. All this, as it is spoken, to that that twelve-fourteen years back, somehow has at night occurred the great event, when I got through whirley bird when entering in ballroom "Amarillo". Interlyudiya, about which I thought as about the ground Eblandii, kingdom sooner time, than space, for I was equal the Purgatory, splendid in detail described Dante. When I have placed the hand on brass cross-bar âåðòÿùåéñÿ door when leaving from ballroom "Amarillo", all, than I was previously, has nearly left from me. In that was not nothing unusual: time itself, in which I was born, already passed, carried away by powerful flow. Like that, as previously I was exorcised from belly, now I have put(deliver)ed on spare timeless direction moreover process of the growing ïðåáûâàë in remitted condition. I setted foot in the world consequence. Awe 183 was not, only sensation ôàòàëüíîñòè. My spinal cord convolved in element, on I leaned;leant heavily on its coccyx implacable new world. Sinking, the skeleton tore asunder, having left íåïðåõîäÿùåå ýãî defenseless, as ðàñïëþùåííàÿ mouse. And if I do not begin from this place, that only therefore that begin no. If I not cure in brighten ground, that only therefore that wing here will not help. This hour zero, and the moon in nadir... Do Not know that me was suddenly thought about Max SHnadige, can because of Dostoevskogo? The Evening, when I for the first time sowed;sown to read Dostoevskogo, became the most most important event in my lifes, âàæíåå even first ëþáâè. That was first freeing conscious act, which had for me big importance -- he has changed the person an integer world. Do Not know, stopped watch during the first deep gulp, but the world for second çàìåð, this I know. That was my first glance in shower of the person, but can, more simply say that Dostoevskiy became the first persons, open me its shower? Can, I was little strange and before this, but did not return itself in this report, from that moment however, as I was sunk in Dostoevskogo, I became definitely, definitively and self-complacent strange. Usual, everyday world ceased for me to exist. All longings and desires in me were kill on for a long time. I became looks like person, much long sat in trench under fire. The Ordinary human sufferings, common human envy, common human longings seemed me big shit. I most distinctly visualize my condition, when think about my relations with Max and his(its) sister Ritoy. In that time we with Max usually went to bathe together, this I well litter. Often we conducted whole day on beach. I saw the sister Max only once or two: when I nor began to speak of her, Max energetically translated the talk to the other subjects. This irritated me, more so that me before death has bored the company most Max. I tolerated him(it) only therefore that he willingly loaned me money and bought me that, in than I need. Any once îòïðàâëÿÿñü on beach, I hoped on casual meeting with Ritoy. But no, he always managed some image to hide her(it) from me. And here is once upon a time, when we changed and he has turned my attention, what beside it remarkable íåîòâèñøàÿ scrotum, I issued with whole stroke: "listen;hear, Max, with egg beside you full order, they simply class, and here íå÷åãî to object, but what line you all 184 time hide from me Ritu? Why you not to take her(it) with itself that I could properly discern her(its) äðþ÷êó... yes, äðþ÷êó-- you understand, about than I dialect". The Max, jew from Odessa, never heard previously word "äðþ÷êà". His(its) deeply shocked that I pronounce, and in ditto time deeply çàèíòðèãîâàëî this new word. In a certain amazing he uttered: "Henry, you not to should speak me like belongings!" "Why no? -- answered ya. -- Beside it there is ïèçäà, beside your sisters, realy no?" I uzh was was going to to add else anything, but here he broke the terrible horselaugh. This rescued the situation for time. However Max not at all was going to to forget about this. The Whole day he suffered this though straight not çàãîâàðèâàë. Yes, he was unusually taciturn in that day. The Single form of the revenge, which he was able èçîáðåñòè, was lead away me long after line áóéêîâ in hope that I óòîìëþñü to sail and go to bottom. But I immediately guessed that beside it on wit, and was going to with power äåñÿòåðûõ. The Line with two I allow itself to sink only therefore that his(its) sister, as any woman, has ïèçäó. This happened on cape Rokauey. After we were dressed and have eaten, I have suddenly understood that me to want to stay one, and so, on áëèæàéøåì the corner I have shaken him hand and has said "while". And that left! Then and there I have felt its solitude in this world, solitude, which feel at minute íåîáû÷àéíîé anguish. I absently dug up in teeth, and in this time I have doused the wave a solitude, arrived unexpectedly as waterspout. I have frozen on tumbling of the street, as if bewilderring that me so òðÿõàíóëî. This bi1lo unexplained and in ditto time splendid, âîçáóæäàþùå, is woke;waked double tonic. Having Said that this happened on cape Rokauey, I bore in mind that I stood on êðàþ the ground, in place under name Ksanf if such place there is on light though definitely must be a word like this for indication of the place, not existing completely. If Rita ïîäîøëà to me then, think, I her(its) has not heard. I changed in absolute stranger amongst their own. My folk seemed me mad: people with become cool tan on person, in flannel trousers and graceful hose. They bathed, either as I since this pleasing, useful rest, but now they, either as I, have got âäîâîëü sun and æðàòâû and have a little become heavy from weariness. Before that as on I have arrived unexpectedly this solitude, I too felt itself tired, but suddenly being in full insulation from the whole world, I âñòðåïåíóëñÿ. Because of íàýëåêòðèçîâàííîñòè its I have not sweeped away even äâèíóòüñÿ, fearing that that to carry onward, as oxen, or climb on wall of the building, but that else çàïëÿøó and çàâîþ. 185 Before I suddenly äîøëî that all this occurs so far as I on most-that deal native brother Dostoevskogo and that, possible, I single in America know, about than he indeed spoke in their own book. And not only this: I haved apremonition about all books, which ever me fated to write and which presently ripen in me, bursting, as ripe cocoons. But since I then else nothing, except long friendly letters of that about set, did not write, me was it is difficult to visualize that someday íàñòàíåò time, and I shall begin, and I shall write the first word, the first present word. And here is this time came! This became me wholly obviously. Right before I have used the word Ksanf. Do Not know, exists Ksanf or no, yes, however, me much little worries this, however must be such place on the ground if only for Greek island, where you turn out to be on êðàþ the familiar light, in made solitude, and all feel from this not awe, but joy, èáî in this godforsaken place you get the possibility to feel old, former before you, the world, which always young, íîâ and ïëîäîâèò. And cost(stand) you there, never mind where, as if right before âûëóïèâøèéñÿ chicken before shell. This place and there is Ksanf or, what happened to me, cape Rokauey. And that left! Got dark, rose the wind, streets îïóñòåëè and became to fall lightly the rain. The Gentlemen, this äîêîíàëî me! When rain-has allowed to come near with all might, and I, reversible person to the sky, has felt his(its) spankings, I çàðåâåë from joy. I laughed, laughed, laughed, crazily. And did not know, why ñìåþñü. Did Not think about reason. I simply ïåðåïîëíèëñÿ the joy, went mad from delight that íàõîæóñü in absolute solitude. If then I have presented on plate appetizing äðþ÷êó if all äðþ÷êè of the world were offered me on choice, I and brow not tale. Beside me then was that, what could not give no äðþ÷êà. But even then, drenched before bones and jubilant, I thought about the most unbeseeming -- about VWVsplit hairs on tram! The Gosh, cur Max has left, not having left me nor su. Now I with its beautiful up-and-coming ancient world, but in pocket stone-broke. Gerr Dostoevskiy younger must now loiter, peeking in friendly and not much person, and shoot some dime. He passed with one end Rokauey to another, but on rain was not sewn on interested persons to lend the triviality on tram. Rocking in heavy animal torpor, caused by begging, I began to think about Max, sign painter of the shop windows, and about that, as I spied on him, when he, standing up for glass, dressed the mannequin. À through several minutes was switched to 186 Dostoevskogo, afterwards on çàìåðøèé world, but afterwards, is woke;waked about rosebushes, ðàñöâåòøåì in nights, became to think about heat, velvety tele Rity. But now about that that enough strange... Through several minutes after that, as I have thought about Army, her(its) secret and íåîáûêíîâåííîé äðþ÷êå, I already sat in tram and went to NEW YORK, sniffing and feelling on marvel faded erection. But the most strange is concluded in that that leaving out of coach and passing one-two quarters, on who you think I ed? On Ritu in person! She as if telepathic has perceived that was beside me on wit. And fired itself. Soon we already sat in small ðåñòîðàí÷èêå, closely having snuggled to one another. On the part of we, must be, reminded the pair lascivious rabbit. Dancing, we ate-ate moved. They Were Stuck, yes so and remained, pay no regard to inadvertent push and kick danced beside. I could carry her(it) to itself home since in that moment of the veins one, but I certainly wanted to conduct her(it), put(deliver) in âåñòèáþëå and âûåáàòü straight under nose Max that I and has done. In process îíîãî occupations I again recalled the mannequin in shop window, and his(its) laughter, when I have ed today word "äðþ÷êà". I itself felt that here is-here is çàñìåþñü in get fat power, but here she became to finish. This was one of that çàòÿæíûõ orgasm, which sometimes happen with jewess. I have placed the hands to her on buttocks, tip finger nearly äîòÿãèâàÿñü before inside her(its) ïèçäû, before lining, so to speak. When she beginning to shudder, I have torn away her(it) from flap and was taken tenderly remove and again put her(it) on member. Think, she from this has simply gone crazy, this was clear on the whole. In elated condition, midair, she has felt five or six orgasm, but afterwards I have put(deliver)ed her(it) on sex. Having Pulled out not ed nor dripped the member, I have forced her(its) lie in âåñòèáþëå. Her(its) hat was rolled away in corner, but hand-bag fell and opened, and from there âûâàëèëîñü several coins. I have turned on this attention since most recently desperately tried to obtain the triviality on tram. And the whole only several hours passed thereafter, as I have said the Max that want properly to consider the äðþ÷êó of his(its) sister, but now here is she on me, wet and âûïëåñêèâàþùàÿ one formation for another. If her(it) someday before me and åáëè, that åáëè not what follows, this uzh exactly. But I never was found in so cool, collected, scientist frame of mind, as presently, lying down on sex in âåñòèáþëå straight under nose Max and zorching secret, holy and íåîáûêíîâåííóþ äðþ÷êó of his(its) sister Rity. I could continue ad infinitum -- simply unbelievably, insofar I was discharged and in ditto time noted 187 each her(its) push and shudder. Someone be to pay that I went under rain and begged the dime. Someone be to pay for ecstasy, made by maturation in me all íåíàïèñàííûõ by me books. Someone be to confirm authenticity by this secret, hidden ïèçäû that tormented me weeks and months. Who more I approach? Think that my member, strong and hard between orgasm, was extended on vapour(pair)-other inches. Finally, I have solved to finish the deal, having put(deliver)ed her(it) doggy style. She first abutted against, but when has felt, what has slipped out from it member, quite ed mad. "About, yes, yes, let's so, so!" -- çàòàðàòîðèëà she, and from this I a little have not gone crazy. Hardly I âîòêíóë in it, so has immediately finished the long terrible ñòðóåé, beginning beside õðåáòà sometime. I fell into it so deeply that has felt, as something make way. We were toppled fizzled out, äûøà often, as dogs. However I not so was forgotten to not to select the spilt ìîíåòêè. Not that that this was necessary, considering several dollars, which she has haved time to me to lend, -- simply as consolations for triviality on tram, been absent on cape Rokauey. But also then, sworn the God, not yet all ended. Soon I have felt, as she feels me, first hand, afterwards lip. Beside I again have by half got up. She has taken in mouth and beginning to pamper the language. I have fallen off. Further litter, as her(its) legs were twined around my neck, but I âûëèçûâàë her ïèçäó. And again I her(its) has put(deliver)ed doggy style and âäâèíóë before basis. She spun;span, as if uzh. The Gentlemen, ïîìîãè! And again she finished in çàòÿæíîì, terrible orgasm, jabberring and õíû÷à, nearly ãàëëþöèíèðóÿ. Finally, I was have to pull out and persuade her(its) stop. Well and äðþ÷êà! But I asked whole only look at it Max with his(its) tale about Odessa has brightenned something, lost by me in the childhood. Though I not too well visualize Odessa, her(its) atmosphere reminds me small áðóêëèíñêèé ìèêðîðàéîí, which so much signified for me and from which I was so is soon torn away. Wholly determined sensation of this place íàïëûâàåò on me any once, as I consider italian painting without prospect. If this, for instance, picture to funereal procession, that she same sort, as experience, outlived by me in the childhood, more direct. If this scene of the direct street, that women(woman) sitting beside window, sit on street, rather then on her and a little at heart. All that occurs, then and there becomes known each, as beside primitive people. The Rules unwritten, is midair carried threat. 188 Like absence of the prospect beside italian ïðèìèòèâèñòîâ, in our small ìèêðîðàéîíå, whence I have wrested else child, too existed the parallel vertical plans, on which all and played, and VWXbe drafty which, from layer to layer, all united, as if in osmosis. The Borders between layer were clear, clear determined, but they were not impenetrable. I am a boy of the veins near by border between north and south parties. I belonged to even so to north party, dwelling in several steps from broad town artery under name Nort-Sekond-ñòðèò, which seemed me persisting border band between north and south parties. The True border served Grande-ñòðèò that conducted to Brodvey Ferri, but this street nothing do not signify for me, besides that she began be filled jew. No, exactly Nort-Sekond-ñòðèò was an enigmatic street, border between two worlds. I, thereby, veins between two borders: persisting and imaginative -- veins from birth. Else, small small street, the whole one quarter lengthwise, which connected Grande-ñòðèò and Nort-Sekond-ñòðèò and was identified Filmor-ïëåéñ. This small small street began from building of my grandparent catty-corner, in which we all veins. Such is a charming street I never in lifes did not see. That was an ideal street -- for boy, lover, maniac, drunkards, swindler, lecher, bandit, astronomer, musician, poet, tailor, shoemaker, the policy. Yes such she and was, having contained just exactly these representatives of the human race, each to itself mister, but all together -- veins they harmonious and not much harmonious, -- but together, showing harden corporation, tight bound human dispute, which could not decay until decay street itself. So anyway seemed. Until have opened Uiliyamsbergskiy bridge whereupon began the invasion a jew with Delansi-ñòðèò, NEW YORK. This has brought about destruction our peace and small small street under name Filmor-ïëåéñ, which one name spoke that this street worthy, light, amazing. Came the jew, as it is said, came, as if moth, and have begun to devour fabrics to our lifes until remained nothing, except ïîðõàíèÿ washed, which they have brought with itself from everywhere. And soon our street begin ill smell(blow in), have soon begun to leave the persisting people, have soon begun âåòøàòü building and fall off the stairs, as flakes of the old paint. Soon, the street became looks like uncleanly mouth with âûïàâøèìè, but at one time best teeth, with rotted through affiliated repugnant hemp, protruding here and there, with áîëÿâûìè 189 the áàìè and fevered sky. Soon in gutters became knee-deep refuse, but on black stairway -- packed çàñàëåííîãî bedclothes, cockroach and dry shelters. Soon kosher signboards appeared on shop window shop, and all over -- profusion of the fowl, tart scent of the pickle, monstrous round loaf of bread of bread. Soon perambulators appeared on each corner: on stair, in äâîðèêàõ, before entering in shops. And with these change to disappeared english: now it is impossible was hear nothing, except èäèø, this lisping, ïëþþùåãîñÿ, ïðèäûõàþùåãî language, on which "God" and "rotten vegetables" and sounds equally, and mean one and ditto. We have gone down in count;calculate;list first family, soon after invasion. Times two or three I returned in our old ìèêðîðàéîí, for birth day, Cristmas or THANKSGIVING DAY. And every time I found loss anything adored and loved me. This looked like terrible dream. And became all bad to worse. The House, in which still veins our relatives, changed in get old fortress nearly that in ruins. Inhabited was only one wing to fortresses, where was supported abandonning insular life, but inhabitants looked ãëóïîâàòûìè, çàòðàâëåííûìè, degraded creation. They äîøëè before that that have begun to distinguish their own jewish ñîñåäåé, finding some of them wholly humane, wholly decent, ÷èñòûìè, good, nice, merciful and t. d. and t. d. Me was bitterly this hears. I could be grasped for machine gun and ñêîñèòü whole county, and jew, and íååâðååâ at once. Approximately during invasion town authorities have solved ïåðåèìåíîâàòü Nort-Sekond-ñòðèò in Underground-avenue. This street, which for íåèóäååâ was expensive to graveyard, now changed in that is identified the transport artery, connecting two ghettoes. On New-éîðêñêîé to party riverside powerfully changed due to building skyscraper. À on our, Bruklinskoy party, have heaped the warehouse, entrance(approach)s to newly built bridge has formed the area, on which âûðîñëè billiard, public óáîðíûå, shops, cafe-icecream, restaurants, department stores and t. d. Shorter, all became "underground" that is to say stolichny in the most odious importance of this word. While we veins in old ìèêðîðàéîíå, never used the name an Underground-avenue: for us this was Nort-Sekond-ñòðèò, in spite of official renaming. Can be, years through eight-ten, standing up winter daytime at the corner streets, leaving to river, I have for the first time noticed enormous tower of the building to insurance company " 190 ëèòåí" and before I äîøëî that Nort-Sekond-ñòðèò more no. The Imaginative border my peace changed. Now, my glance spread further graveyard, further territory for river, further New-York-City, further staff NEW YORK and even further all Soedinennips Staff. In Poynt-Crowbar, California, I sneaked;snuck a peek at boundless PACIFIC OCEAN and has felt something such, why my person always turned round in the other direction. I returned in old ìèêðîðàéîí, is remembered, somehow at night together with the other Moaned, which right before came from army, and we went on street pensive and sad. Evropeycu hardly introduce;make familiar with this feeling. In Europe even though city modernize, he saves the signs of the old fellow. In America all signs of the old fellow èçãëàæèâàþò, delete from memory, violate, delete, delete with the help of new. New -- moth, which day by day eats into fabrics of the lifes, leaving finally only enormous hole. Moaned and I -- we walked on this hole. Even war does not bring about such despair and destruction. After war city, incinerated äîòëà, appears newly and reminds former. The Death seminal both for the ground, and for spirit. In America destruction carries the absolute nature, this -- destruction. And rebirth does not approach, exists only cancerous growing layer for ñëîåì the new ÿäîíîñíîé fabrics, and each layer ugly previous. We went on this huge hole, as I have already said, was a winter evening, clear, freezing, sparkling. And, passing on south party to border line, we greeted all äîñòîïàìÿòíûå of the place, where occurred the events and remained something from us themselves. When we approached to Nort-Sekond-ñòðèò, from Filmor-ïëåéñ to Nort-Sekond-ñòðèò -- distance in several metres, but such rich, pervaded place on globe -- before äîìèøêîì mrs O'MELIO I stopped and looked at this house and has recalled, than he was for me indeed. Now all were compressed before ìèíèàòþðíîñòè, including world, spread for border line, the world, which seemed me such enigmatic and óñòðàøàþùå enormous, such boundless. Standing up in forget, I caused the daydream, which subjected constantly, thinking that so will be whole life. This was a daydream about turning the border line. Either as in any daydream, the most remarkable introduced brightness to realities that this reality, rather then daydream. For line me nobody does not know, and I absolutely one. Even language was changed. Really, I always takeàased the foreigner, for foriegner. I nobody does not limit to time, and stroll on street for me -- true 191 the âîëüñòâèå. Must say, exists only one street -- continuation that, on which I veins. Finally, I ïîäîøåë to steel bridge on railway fetter. The Bridge I always reach the nights with coming though he close to border line quite. Thence I review on entanglement of the ways downwards, on station buildings, locomotives, roofs storehouse, and while I review downwards on this concourse unaccustomed moving subject, begins the metamorphosis, as in daydream. Together with transformation and deformation to I come the realization that that this and there is that old daydream, which I subjected so often. I much am afraid to awake though know that soon ïðîñíóñü, as follows: in that moment, when, moving in enormous open space, I shall approach to house, where there is something exceedingly important for me. And, falling into this house, I see, as all around loses the outlines, is washed away, disappears. The Space covers me, as rug, and swallows me, but along with me and that house, where me as well as not to manage to enter. From this, for me the most pleasing daydream no absolutely no transition to essences of the book under name "Creative evolution". With this book Anri Bergsona*, to which I came in the same way naturally, either as to daydream about the ground for border line, I again absolutely îäèíîê, again foriegner, again person of the vague age, standing on ñòàëüíîì bridge and observing for metamorphosis outside of and inwardly. Not to get me this book in hands at necessary moment, can be, I ñîøåë with wit. She came in that moment, when one more enormous world crumbled beside me in hand. Even though I have not understood that is written in this book, I have saved in memories only one word -- "creative" -- don't care this was it is enough. This word became my talisman. With him I was capable to throw call whole world and particularly my friends. Be the events, when necessary to tear with friends to understand the sense of the friendship. This can be shown incomprehensible, but opening of this book turned out to be related opening of the weapon, instrument, with the help of which I was able to cut from itself accustomed, but already nothing not significant friends for me. This book became my other since she has taught me not to feel the need for friends. She gave me courage âûñòîÿòü alone and helped to value the solitude. The Book I as well as has not understood: sometimes I seemed that I beside line of the understanding, but before persisting understanding I as well as not äîøåë. Understand -- was not the most important for me. Derzha this book in hand, çà÷èòûâàÿ her(its) its friends, questionning them, explaining 192 they, I came to well-marked realization that that I have no friends that I one in this world since in incomprehension of the sense written, which demonstrated and my friends, and I, I became clear one, as follows: exist the different types of incomprehension, and difference between incomprehension one and incomprehension other creates the world terra firma else more strong, than differences in understanding. All that I no time supposed comprehensible, crumbled, and I remained with net ãðèôåëüíîé by board. My friends, opposite, firmly dug in small òðàíøåéêàõ of the understanding, which they themselves for itself âûðûëè. They comfortable çàìåðëè in small child's bed of the understanding, having changed in useful people of this world. I felt sorry them, and not dawdling left their one for others without the most slightest remorse. So such was in this book that meant for me so much and however remained the dark revenge? I return to word "creative". I have no no doubts in that that riddle is cut in realization of the sense of this word. When I think now about this book and about that, as I learned;learnt her(it), I introduce the person, passing ritual of the initiation. The Disorientation and reorientation, which accompany the initiation in any secret -- the most amazing experience that us is given to feel. All that for life âîáðàë, classified and synthesized the brain in untiring functioning its, happened to to revise and reconstruct. The Busy day for showers! And, of course, not day, but weeks and months lasts all this. On street accidentally meet the friend, with which was not seen whole month, and he seems you stranger. You with its new top give him several signals, and when he does not understand -- you abandon him(it), for ever. This looks like clearing the field swearing after battle: àãîíèçèðóþùèõ beyond hope wounded äîáèâàþò one quick blow of the rifle butt. And you go further, to new battle, new victory and defeats. But you go! And while you move, the world moves together with you with incredible neatness. You search for the new spheres to activity, new representatives of the human race, which patiently arm the new symbol. You choose that, on who earlier paid no regard. You feel all into view provided that they do not âåäàþò about revelation. Thereby I acted, sitting in sewing workshop father and reading aloud worked there jew. I read him this new Bible in the same way, as, must be, Pavel sermonized its pupil. With additional advantage: these poor jewish lad did not know how to read in english. First I have turned efforts on 193 ùèêà Buncheka, beside which was a rabbinical storehouse of the wit. The Open book, I at a venture chose some place and read him(it) on adapted english, nearly such primitiv, as english âûõîäöåâ from Kitaya. Afterwards I tried to explain, cites an instance and attracting analogies with accustomed him thing. I struck, as well they all understood, much better some professor of the college, book and educated person. Naturally that they understood, had no no relations to book Bergsona strictly, but realy not in this and is concluded task of such book, as this? I understand the sense of the book so: book itself disappears from field of vision, she is chewed âæèâóþ, is recooked and adopted by flesh and blood to create in turn new spiritual value and remake the world. That was the great holiday denoted, which we managed, reading this book, which the most observable particularity was a chapter "Disorder", penetrated me through and äàðîâàâøàÿ me such amazing feeling of the order that even though to the ground fell suddenly comet and swept all with their own places, has overwinded all upwards leg, âûâåðíóëà all inside out -- I smog to in new order for split second. Beside I became not more awe and misgivings before disorder, than before death. The Labyrinth -- my lucky open space moreover than deeper I óõîæó in it, so much the better orientate. With "Creative evolution" under mouse I meal after work on Bruklinskomu bridge, with her I move to house aside graveyard. Sometimes I ñàæóñü on Delansi-ñòðèò, in most heart ghetto, after long walk on populous street. I ñàæóñü under the ground in coach, as if hookworm, ïîëçóùèé on bowels. Every time occupying its place in crowd on platform, I know that I most extraordinary from all of them. I ñëåæó for occurring around as watcher from the other planets. My language, my world -- beside me under mouse. I -- keeper of the great secret: cost(stand)s me only to reveal the mouth and speak, what stops motion a train. That I must say and that until dialect, åäó÷è in office and from office -- present dynamite. I until ready to blast my dynamite. I itself eat his(its) pensive, ñàìîçàáâåííî, legibly. Else five, well, can, ten years -- and I destroy;kill;èíô)delete all these people. When coach on hair pin turns sharply careens, I dialect about itself: "Sound! Well ñîéäè with rail, disappear all of these ïðîïàäîì!" I never think about itself as about essence, which too is subjected to the dangers if coach ñîéäåò with rail. We are packed, as if herring in barrel, and this 194 the cue flesh that snuggles to me, distracts me from cogitations. I think about vapour(pair) drumstick, embraced my. I am a review on girl, sitting opposite, review to her in eye straight and çàäâèãàþ the lap else between her(its) legs deeper. She lunges, åðçàåò on seat and finally turns round to girl, sitting beside, and complains that I shall molest her. Folk around with disapproval looks at me. I turn away the head to window and do the view that nothing not ñëûøó. Under all desire I could not change the position of their own legs. Little-by-little, the girl manages with the help of eager motion to deprive their own legs from my. And I turn out to be nearly in such situations, but to her(its) ñîñåäêå already, that girl, to which she addressed with complaint. And immediately feel friendly touch, but afterwards, to surprise its, ñëûøó, as she addresses to the other girl with word that here, breakwater, nothing will not do that this not blame of this person, but blame to companies, which addresses with us, is woke;waked with sheep. And newly I feel their own leg a thrill her(its) legs: warm human touch, look like handshake. The Free hand I manage to open the book. This pursues äâîÿêóþ purpose: first of all, me to want to show her, what book I read, but secondly, want to talk on language of the legs not attracting attention. Operates splendid. In the interim coach is gradually freed, and I can sit near by her and tie the conversation -- of course, about book. She -- voluptuous jewess with shocking humid eye, and in consequence of sensuality sincere and openning. When comes time to come off train, we delirium under hand aside her(its) building. I turn out to be âáëèçè borders my former ìèêðîðàéîíà. All me introduce;make familiar with, and in ditto time all repulsive unusually. I did not go on this street much years, but now here is go with jewess from ghetto, beautiful girl with strong accent. Near by her I âûãëÿæó absurdly. I feel, as people ãëÿäÿò us after. I -- uninvited guest, íåì÷èê, which was here to vent the beautiful ripe cherry. À she, seems, VWXbe proudPof its victory and tries to demonstrate me its familiar. Here is who I have hooked on in train, scientist, refined german! I nearly ñëûøó her(its) thoughts. Slowly walking, I think over the practical details: call at to her before or after the dinner. About that to invite her(its) eat, I do not think. The Question consisted in that, where be met and in what time since, as she âñêîëüçü has ed at the door, she has a husband, travelling merchant, and she must be careful. I agreed to return and wait her(it) at the corner before confectionery at conditional hour. If you will want 196 come with the other, I shall bring the girlfriend. No, I have solved to come one. Agreed. She has shaken me hand and has doved in dirty entrance(approach). I quickly çàøàãàë to stations and has gone home to have a bite on fast hand. Cost(stand)s the year evening, and all around smells sweet. hurry On appointment, I as in kaleidoscope see all its past. This time I have left the book of the building. I go toward wench, and beside me in head of no thoughts about book. I again on her party from border line, and with each whistling past station my past is compressed before tiny amounts. The having Reached destination, I again nearly child. I am a child, afraid resulted by metamorphosis. What is a with me, person from Fourteenth neighborhood, ñòðÿñëîñü, why I ñîøåë on this stations in quest of jewish wench? Well, shall expect, I âçäðþ÷ó her(it), and that? That I shall say her, this girl? That signifies âçäðþ÷êà, when I want ëþáâè? Yes, this suddenly swoops on me, as waterspout... Una, girl, which I loved, with which we veins here at one time, Una -- ãîëóáîãëàçàÿ with âîëíèñòûìè hair, Una, from one glance which I thrillinged, Una, which I was afraid not that to kiss -- concern her(its) hands. Where she, Una? Yes, here is so, unexpected burning question: where Una? Through vapour(pair) of the seconds I unnerved, absolutely lost, is devastated, suffer from terrible anguish and despairs. As I could part with her? Why? That has occurred? When this happened? I thought about her, as obsessed, days and nights, from year per annum, but afterwards has not noticed, as she has fallen out of memory, as if penny, ruined in hole in pocket. Unbelievably, terribly, madly. After all me to was necessary only offer her to marry, return her its hand and heart -- and all. If I have entered so, she has answered "yes" immediately. She loved, desperately loved me. Why "yes"? The Litter, as she looked at me last time. I have said "adieu" since left in that evening in Californium, solved to leave all to begin the new life. But beside me never was an intentions to conduct the new life. I wanted to do her offer, but history, which, is woke;waked narcotic, came off with my lips, was so natural that I itself in she has believed, has said "adieu" and has left, but she stood and watched me after, and I felt, as she intently âãëÿäûâàåòñÿ in me, heard her(its) internal moan, but, as automaton, continued to go and has finally turned for corner, and this was an end whole. Adieu! Here is so. As coma. But I bore in mind: arrive to me! arrive To me since I can not live without you! I so VWVhave diarrhea in leg that by a narrow margin come down on stairway. Now I know that happened -- I ïåðåñåê border 197 the line! The Bible, which I always carried with itself, has taught me new lifestyle. The World, which I knew, more no, he moderate;temper, ended, disappeared. Together with he disappeared all, than was ya. I -- frame, got infusion to new life. I shine, shine, rage from new opening, but in core all leaden-heavy, panned out. And I weeping -- straight here, on stair. I aloud sob, as child. I sorely clear: you quite one in this world! You one-one... one. This bitterly -- be one, bitterly... bitterly, bitterly, bitterly. This infinitely, resistless, but on the ground so much people, but this with me, with me, with me. Again metamorphosis. Again all careen and it is covered. And again daydream, painful, delirious, sweet, mad daydream ïðåîäîëåòü border. I am an ñòîþ in the centre of the free area, but do not see its building. I have no building. The Daydream -- mirage. On this nonentities never was no building, no and on proximity. I -- person without building, without friends, without wife. I -- crock pertaining to reality, which until exists. But she must exist, she will exist, I sure of this! Now I go quickly, having bent head and something mumble. I so has forgotten about fixed appointment that not even has noticed, passed I past it or no. Can be, and passed. Can be, I have watched her straight in eye and has not heard. Can be, she I too have not heard. I ed mad, ed mad from pain, ed mad from anguish. I in despair. But I not lost. No, there is reality, to which I îòíîøó itself. She far, much far. I can go with omitted head before judical day and not to find her(it). But she there is, I sure of this. I am a spiteful review on people. If I could throw the bomb and ðàçíåñòè smithereens this ìèêðîðàéîí -- I so and has done. I was ñ÷àñòëèâ to see, as they take off in air: èñêðîìñàííûå, squalling, deleted. I want to delete whole ground. I -- not her(its) part. She -- madness from beginning and before the end. She is-- piece òóõëîãî cheese with festerring worm in him. She befits âçëåòåòü on air. Will Go she on õóé! Vzleti she to all devil! Kill, kill, kill: kill their all, jew and íååâðååâ, young and old, good and bad... I ñòàíîâëþñü the ëåãîíüêèì, ëåãîíüêèì, as if small feather, and my steps already óñòîé÷èâåå, calm, flux. Well and soiree! The Stars dawn so brightly, so silent, so remote. Not that to sneer it is necessary me, but remind of futilities whole. Who you, young person to conduct the speech about the ground, about that to ðàçíåñòè her(it) smithereens? The Young person, here is we -- hung here millions, ìèëëèàðäû years. We saw all, and however we peacefully light each night, we illuminate way, we becalm 198 the heart. Oglyanisi, youth, see, as all peacefully and beautifully around. See, even refuse in gutter seem to be beautiful in this light? Podnimi cabbage sheet, âîçüìè his(its) carefully in hands. I bend over for cabbage sheet that lies in gutter. He seems me than-that new, concluding in itself safe âñåëåííóþ. I tear away the small bit and study him(it). Too universe. Too untexplainable beautiful and enigmatic. I even shame on you to throw him(it) back in ditch. I bend over and carefully bonanza him(it) on rest rubbish. I became ãëóáîêîìûñëåííûì and much, very calm. I all love in this world. I know that sometime in this moment I wait the woman, only me got to go much peacefully, much softly, much leisurely, then I shall come to her. Can be, she will stand at the corner, and when I show, she will hear me immediately. I am a faith in this, so ïîìîãè me Gentlemen! I am a faith that all fair and is predestined. My house? But can, my house -- world, the whole world? I all over building, only I did not be aware of this earlier. But now -- know. Now no border line. And never was: I ïðèäóìàë itself her(it). I go not hurry on street, I ñ÷àñòëèâ. The Loved streets. Where each goes and each suffers, but does not show the type. When I stopped, having leaned;leanted to lamp post to light the cigarette -- even lamp post was shown me other. This not cast iron subject -- making the human wit, in person to form, decorated human hand, invented by human breathing and installed with the help of human hands and legs. I turn and rub the hand about iron surface. He, seems, talks with me. This is a human lamp post. He -- attribute, as cabbage sheet, as torn carryings, as ìàòðàö, as kitchen sink. All on its place and occupies the special position, in the same way, either as our wit to the God. The World in its seen and palpable substance -- card our ëþáâè. Not God, but life there is love. The Love, love, love. And in most core ëþáâè goes the young person, I, not who other as Gotlib Lebereht Myuller. Gotlib Lebereht Myuller! This name of the person, who has forfeited èíäèâèäóàëüíîñòü. Nobody can not say him, whom he was, whence came and that with he happened. In cinema, where I for the first time got acquainted with this personality, he, what was meant, fell into cover on war. When I have heard itself on screen, but me-that was well known that I never was on war, before I äîøëî that author deliberately ïðèäóìàë this move to not to expose me on display. 199 that I forget, who from us present. Often in their own daydream I take, so to speak, portion çàáûòüÿ and wander abandoned and wretch in quest of its bodies and its name. And timeses between daydream and reality -- whole only fine thread. Sometimes if anyone çàãîâàðèâàåò with me, I leave its skin and, like plant, ïëûâóùåìó adrift, begin the wandering my deprived cortex to essence. In such condition, however, I capable to satisfy the usual life requirements: search for the wife, ñòàíîâëþñü the father, conduct the house, support the friendship, read the book, weeping tax, leave selective service and so on and the like. In such condition I capable if necessary, in cold blood anyone to kill for the sake of my families or protecting my country, or into the name of else anything. I common, unexceptional person, which is called back on its name and which is given number in passport. Itself I in general not define its fate. And here is once upon a time I ïðîáóæäàþñü, nothing not anxious, îãëÿäûâàþñü on parties and do not understand nothing that occurs around: neither itself, nor ñîñåäåé, do not understand, why government declare the wars or conclude the world, yes little what do not yet understand. In such moments I am born anew, am born and êðåùóñü the correct name: Gotlib Lebereht Myuller! All that I make under its correct name, introduces abnormal. The People give about this know to each other for my back, but sometimes and straight me in person. I have to tear with friends, ñåìüåé and loved. I lose the comfort made to lifes, and so in the same way naturally, as in daydream, once again turn out to be ïëûâóùèì adrift -- as a rule, go on street, reversible person to calling at sun. In I awake all my abilities. Now I stealthy, noiseless, cunning animal -- and in ditto time I that is identified the saint person. I know, what stand for itself. I know, what avoid functioning, what avoid the tangled relations, what avoid to pity, empathies, showy bravery and other dangers. I remain in one place and with one person exactly as much as necessary to get desired, but afterwards óõîæó. I have no purposes: aimless ñòðàíñòâîâàíèå valuable itself. I ñâîáîäåí as bird and sure of itself as balancer. With the sky falls the manna: I remain only to stretch the hands and collect her(it). And all over after I remain the good memory, as if, accepting offered grants, I do pleasing presenting. The Loving hands take care of my dirty linen even. But all therefore that each loves it is correct æèâóùåãî 200 ëîâåêà! Gotlib! What remarkable name! Gotlib! I repeat him(it) once again and once again. Gotlib Lebereht Myuller! In this condition I always hobnob with thief, crook and murderer, but as they to me good and attentive! As brother. But realy no, indeed? Realy not I guilty in each crime, realy not I damaged for this? And not because of crimes I so was closely connected with my äâîéíèêîì? Always, having noticed in eye of the people light confessions, I feel this secret communication. And only eye equitable do not glow. Equitable does not know the secrets human company. This equitable creates all crimeses against person, this equitable -- persisting crocks. This equitable require beside us fingerprint and convince us in that that we must die, hereinafter if we cost(stand) before them in rafts. This equitable supply us conditional names, they bring in metricses conditional dates and burn us heal. I prefer the thiefs, crook and murderers until is lucky to find the person of my growing and my value. Has Not found I such person! I have not found so generous, as I, such âñåïðîùàþùåãî, tolerant, careless, reckless and net heart. I forgive itself for all crimes, made by me. I do this into the name of humanities. I known that signifies to be a person, and I know strong and weak parties this. I suffer from this knowledges and in ditto time get drunk im. If I was given a chance become the God, I refused. Be a person -- here is the most splendid possibility, which gives us life. This covers safe âñåëåííóþ. Else this concludes in itself cognition of the deaths -- than is not given íàñëàäèòüñÿ even God. From the very beginning writing of this book I -- person, baptized itself anew. Thereafter, what this christening happened, passed much years and much water escaped so now me not easily to return to that minute and newly pass on foot Gotliba Leberehta Myullera. However, possible, you get the certain key if I shall say you that person, what I now show, was born on light from is reeked. This wound äîøëà before most heart. According to human logic I was to die. And truth: all, who knew me, abandoned to me as from dead; I strolled, as if ghost, amongst them. The Dialect on me, they used past time, they felt sorry me, they çàêàïûâàëè me all deeper and deeper. But I litter, what laughed then, as nor in than did not can be turned the love, what enjoyed meal and drink and soft bed, from which me was not to tear away. Something have killed me, but I was still alive. 201 the âîé -- however deprived to memories, deprived name. I was cut from hope, in the same way, as from regret and remorses. Beside me was not a past, but possible, and future. I have buried heal in emptiness moreover this emptiness was inflicted me wound. I itself was this wound. I have a friend, with him we now and then conduct the talks about VWVbehave oddly Calvaries, in which I even count nothing do not understand. But me something known about miraculous wound, got by me -- wound, which has killed me in eye of the world and in consequence of which I was born and was baptized anew. I know something about this VWVbehave oddly, VWVbehave oddly my is reeked. I have outlived him(it), and it has cured me my own death. I tell about this as about distant past, but this always with me. All -- in distant past and hidden from eye, like constellation, for ever gone for line of the horizon. Most of all I çàâîðàæèâàåò in this that I, dead and buried, capable âîñêðåñíóòü, and not once upon a time, but uncountable number once. Moreover: every time, as I disappear -- óõîæó in depth all solid so the next sunday becomes miraculously all more great. And never no ñòèãìàòîâ! The Persons, born anew, remains the same person, little that -- he becomes more and more itself itself with each new birth. He only every time throws the skin, but together with skin their own sins. The Persons, who loves the God --, truly, it is correct æèâóùèé person. The Persons, who loves the God -- bulb with a million êîæóðîê. No words, as painfully lose the first layer; the following to lose not so painfully, but the following -- else painless while finally pain will not become pleasing, all ïðèÿòíåå and ïðèÿòíåå until will become the delight until will become the ecstasy. And then already no neither pleasures, nor pains -- simply darkness, transferring light. And together with disappearance of the darkness appears from its secluded place wound: wound, which there is person, who there is human love, is washed by light. Newly find lost èíäèâèäóàëüíîñòü. The Persons comes out of its open is reeked, from grave, which he so long carried with itself. I see her(it), buried under mounds of my memories -- that, which I loved more all, more, than the world, more God, more, than own blood and flesh. I see, as she ìó÷àåòñÿ in êðîâîòî÷àùåé to wound ëþáâè, so close to me that I can not distinguish her(it) from the most reeking. I see, as she tries be freed, ïðåîäîëåòü amorous pain, but with each attempt sinks all deeper 202 in this wound, is delayed, chokes, sinks in shelters. I see the terror in her(its) eye, íåìóþ nerve-racking agony. This glance animal, ïîïàâøåãîñÿ in trap. I see, what her(its) legs in attempt of the deliverance part, but each orgasm -- painful moan. I ñëûøó, what the wall fall, settling on us, and house is covered blaze. I am ñëûøó, what us names with streets: summons on functioning, summons in army, but we ïðèãâîæäåíû to sex, and us eat the rats. Us bury the grave and belly ëþáâè, night fills our guts, and stars twinkle on black bottomless lake. I not litter neither words, nor her(its) name, which òâåðæó, is woke;waked maniac. I have forgotten, as she looks, forgot her(its) scent, has forgotten, as she åáåòñÿ -- I sink all deeper and deeper in bottomless cave. I am a trace for her in the most deep holes her(its) essence, in vault her(its) showers, to breathing, not yet come off from her(its) lips. I untiring search for her(it), name which nowhere recorded, I penetrate to most altar -- and not íàõîæó nothing. I îáâèâàþñü around this hollow shell of the nonexistence, as snake, burning êîëüöàìè; and lie still six ages and not äûøó then events in this world settle on bottom, forming viscous bedding slime. I see the constellations, spinning around enormous hole in ceiling âñåëåííîé; I see the remote planets and turn black star, which fated to save me. I see the Dragon, shaking off äõàðìó* and karma*, see the new sort human, sufferring in yolk of the future life. I see all before the last sign and symbol, but I can not read her(its) person. I could see only her(its) eye, all penetrated by its glow, and enormous light carnal bosom, as it is woke;waked I sailled for them in electrically-white ëó÷åíèè her(its) glance. As could she exceed all restrictions conscious? On what monstrous law she so was distributed on person of the whole world, all open, but hidden itself? She ed for image sun, as the moon in eclipse; she -- mirror, lost amalgam, mirror, which and reflects, and terrifies. Vglyadyvayasi in bottom her(its) eye, in soft x-raying flesh, I see the nervious structure of all formation, all communications, all disappearances. I see the brain in brain, endless machine, revolving without stop: word "Hope" spins on broach, roasting, expiring fat, nonstop spinning in trough of the third eye. I am ñëûøó her(its) delirium on forgotten by languages, given squalled, returning in the most small cleft, heavy breathing, moans, breaths of the pleasure, whistle of the whip. I ñëûøó, as she names my name, which I itself not yet pronounce, ñëûøó her(its) shameless curse and screech. I ñëûøó all, increased thousandfold, as ãîìóíêóë, comprised in 203 the stomach of the organ. I am fishing muted breathing of the world, as it is woke;waked íàõîæóñü on crossroad sound. So we walked, rescued and ated together, as if siamese twins, which has connected the Love, but separate could only Death. We went overwinded with legs on head, hand in hand, in bottled ãîðëûøêå. She was dressed solely in black, with rare âêðàïëåíèÿìè mauve. She did not carry the underclothes, only narrow gown from black velvet, imbrued devilish spirit. We left in bed at dawn and got up, when began to get dark. We are a veins in black hole with omitted blind, we ated with black plates, we read the black books. We peered out black hole of our lifes in turn black hole of the world. The Sun was is constantly puttied black, as if to support us in our ìåæäóóñîáíîé to fight. Instead of sun us had Mars, but instead of the Moon -- Saturn: we are a veins in zenith ïðåèñïîäíåé constantly. The Ground has stopped its rotation, and in hole celestial on us hung down blackenning star, which never twinkled. Sometimes with us happened the fits of the laughter -- mad, ëÿãóøà÷üåãî of the laughter, forced to flinch to vicinities. Sometimes we sang: as delirious, outside of tonality, full tremolo. We were çàïåðòû from beginning and before the end in long black night showers. This was a period unmeasured at time, which began and was terminated as eclipse. We revolved around our this, as fcompanion(satellite)s -- phantoms. We have got drunk from own reflections, which we saw any once, having peeked in whose-that eye. As we looked at others? As animal looks at plant, as star looks at animal. Or as the God watched on person if devil gave the last wing. But she in close-fitting embrace of the nights without the end was shining, exulting: ñâåðõ÷åðíîå rejoicing streamed from it, as semen from ìèòðàè÷åñêîãî of the oxen. She was double-barreled, is woke;waked shotgun, she was a woman-oxen with acetylene torchlight in stomach. In passion she took aim in cosmic crater, çàêàòûâàÿ eye before squirrel, expiring saliva. In blind to hole of the sex she âàëüñèðîâàëà as trained mouse, her(its) jaws came off ïåòåëü, as beside snake, but her(its) skin was covered prickly pimple. Her(its) ate íåóòîëèìàÿ lust to unicorn, çóä, which placed flat on the back åãèïòÿí. Even hole in íåáåñàõ, VWXbe drafty which luminaries dim star, she has swallowed in fury its. We are a veins taped to ceiling, in hot noxious evaporations ïîâñåäíåâíîñòè, risen to us and choked us. We are a veins in incredible ardent heat rising 204 the heats human rafts that warmed the snake êîëüöà, us embraced. We are a veins riveted to çàïðåäåëüíûì depth, and our skin ïðîêîïòèëàñü in evaporations of the worldly passion before colour of the black cigar. We slowly and íåèçáûâíî loomed up on head and shoulder of the world under us, as two heads, worn out on peak our ïàëà÷åé. That us life on hard ground, when we are decapited and forever united ãåíèòàëèÿìè? We were a fresh snake of the Paradise transparent from fervours and cool, as chaos itself. The Life was an unceasing black êîïóëÿöèåé beside fixed a pole of the insomnia. The Life was a Scorpion in Mars, in Merkury, in Venus, in Saturne, in Pluto, in Uranus, in quicksilvers, in îïèè, in ðàäèè, in bismuth. Great join occurred in night for each saturday: Lion created the lechery with Dragon in house of the brother and sisters. Big malheur* there was ray of the sunshine, entrenched VWXbe drafty blinds. The Big disaster was a Jupiter, king of fish since he could sparkle the áëàãîòâîðÿùèì eye. The Reason, why me so it is difficult to tell: I too much litters. I am a litter all, but as doll sitting on elbow of the ventriloquist. I seem that all time during long, unceasing marriage solstice I sat beside it on elbow (even when she stood) and pronounced the phrases, which she dictated me. I seem, this she has ordered the main a plumber Gentlemen to place turn black star in ceiling hole, this she has forced his(its) pour the unceasing night and together with her all grovelling torments that noiseless move in the dark so reason becomes the awl, frantically âêðó÷èâàþùèìñÿ in black nonexistence. Really I only âîîáðàæàþ that she spoke without stop, or I really became such splendid âûäðåññèðîâàííîé by doll that grasped the thought previously, than she came off with lips? The Lips she had ïîëóîòêðûòûå, ripe dark blood. I staked out their motion with the most great delight, hissed they hate of the viper or âîðêîâàëè as turtledove. They always were beside, close-up so I knew each òðåùèíêó, each time, but when began hysterical áðûçãàíèå saliva, I staked out âñïåíèâàíèåì and darnel, is woke;waked sitting on easy chair-rocking chair under Niagarskim waterfall. I knew, as when it is necessary to do, as if was a part of her(its) organism. I represented itself something ïîëó÷øå dolls of the ventriloquist since me no need was twitch for íèòî÷êè. Sometimes I issued improvisations, and this she terribly liked though she, certainly, did type that does not notice my quips, but I always could define that she likes, on her(it) ________ * The Misery (the francium.). 205 the free type. She had a grant of the reincarnation: she nimble and bluff as devil itself. After panther and jaguar for the best beside she was got ïòè÷üè habits: wild grabbed, èáèñà, flamingo, ëåáåäÿ at marriage period. She knew how to fall the stone downwards, stitched fresh dead body, press oneself close to to entrails, having teared to pieces them on luscious piece: heart, liver or gonads -- and âçìûòü in split second. If someone her(its) has found, she lay under tree still, as stone moreover not locked eye, but having been crowded on you unflappable glance âàñèëèñêà. But a little ïîäñòåãíè her(its) -- and she rose, rose of the most deep black colour with velvet petal and unconquerable aroma. Simply strangely, as miraculously I learned;learnt to grasp their own remarks: never mind that for metamorphosis existed, I always was beside it on elbow, on elbow of the bird, on elbow of the beast, on elbow snake, on elbow of the rose, what difference: on elbow of the elbows, on lip of the lips, ìûñîê to ìûñêó, feather to peru, yolk in egg, æåì÷óæèíà in sink, grasp of the cancer, brandy of the semen and êàíòàðèäèíà*. The Life was a Scorpion in Mars, in Saturne, in Uranus, in Venus and so on; the love was a conjunctivitis ìàíäèáóë*, dashing fellow this, dashing fellow that, dashing fellow, dashing fellow, ìàíäèáóëÿðíîå dashing fellow-dashing fellow lascivious travell about ìàíäàëû*. Approaches time of the receiving the food, and I ñëûøó, as she cleans the egg, but inwardly ÿéöá cheep-cheep -- blessed sign of future meal. I ated as maniac: lingered dreamy ïðîæîðëèâîñòü person, thrice breaking post. While I ated -- she rumbled in rhythmic ravenous wheeze ñóêêóáîâ*, devouring her(its) youth. What blessed night ëþáâè! The Saliva, semen, ñóêêóáàöèÿ, ñôèíêòåðèçàöèÿ-- all in one: marriage orgy in Black Hole of the Calcutta. Vdali from that place, where ïîäâåøåíà blackenning star-- ïàíèñëàìñêîå silence, as in cave, where even wind òèõ. Vdali from that place if me permissible to reason about this, -- ghostly quietness of the madness, the world of the people, exhausted age to undeterminable slaughterhouse. Vdali from that place -- one blood çàìêíóòàÿ shell, inwardly which runs whole activity, the world of the heroes-madman and maniac, redeemed light íåáåñ blood. As calm our measly ãîëóáèíî-ñòåðâÿòíè÷üÿ life in the dark! Flesh is intended to sink in it teeth and penis, teeming scent flesh without marks from knife and scissors, without scar from explosive shrapnel, without burn from èïðèòà, with íåïîðàæåííûìè light. Nearly made uterine life unless consider the ghostly hole in ceiling. Hole was -- as rift in ìî÷åâîì bubble, and nothing her(its) not to shut to for a long time, and 206 nor reek not to urinate to èãðàþ÷è. Can broadly and liberally, but will forget tear in dome, unnatural silence, threat, terror, ruin "other" world? Nabey belly, and tomorrow íàáåé, and day after tomorrow, and after and after -- but eventually that? In final, the count? That? Change the ventriloquist, change êîëåíåé, displacement begin counting out, new rift in arc... that? that? I shall say: sitting beside it on elbow, having petrified from still wounding ëó÷åé of the black star -- lifted on horn, caughted, hobbled, òðåïàíèðîâàííûé by telepathic quip our âçàèìîâîçáóæäåíèÿ -- I in general neither about than did not think, nor about than that was outside of cells, where we dwelt, did not think even about mite on white tablecloth. I thought solely within our àìåáîîáðàçíîé of the lifes -- ÷èñòóþ thought, çàïîâåäàííóþ us Immanuilom Bore by Edging, what can reproduce only doll of the ventriloquist. I have thought over all scientific theories, all theories art, all galley proof of the truth in each stupid system of the saving. I âûñ÷èòàë all up to the most small in decimal fraction ãíîñòèêîâ âïðèäà÷ó -- as drunkard counts the remained coins at the end week drinking bout. But all were âûñ÷èòàíî in hope on new life, which someone ïðîæèâåò at one time -- can be. We were found in special bottled ãîðëûøêå, she and I, as it is spoken, but bottled ãîðëûøêî was beaten off, yes and bottle itself was shown by fruit fiction. I am a litter, as during the second our meeting she confessed me that did not hope to see me newly, but when we were met once again, she has said that suspected in me passion to drug, in next time she has named me god, but hereon tried to finish the life by suicide, but afterwards tried this do and I, but afterwards newly she, but as a result we only else ñèëüíåå ñáëèçèëèñü, so that penetrated the friend in friend, were changed personality, names, èíäèâèäóàëüíîñòÿìè, religion, father, mother and brother. Even, her(its) body has felt scolded change moreover not one, but several times. First she was big and velvet, as jaguar, with inherent êîøà÷üèì âêðàä÷èâîñòüþ and insidious power: ñòåëåòñÿ, jumps, âîíçàåò claw; afterwards she became exhausted, frail, weak, nearly as daisy, and with each following conversion beside she happened the most fine change -- skins, muscles, colour, bearings, scent, gaits, gesture and t. d. She was changed as chameleon. Nobody could not judge, what she was indeed, èáî with each she became absolutely other. In some time she itself did not remember, whom was. With she began this row of the conversions before that, 207 as I have for the first time seen her(its) -- I guessed about this later. Like majority of the womans, considering itself ugly, her much wanted to look beautiful, blinding beautiful. In performance this she first of all abandoned to proper name, from its family afterwards, from friends, from the whole that could fasten her(it) to past. Having Enclosed whole its wit and all abilities, she has devoted the multiplying to own charming, own glamour, êîèìè already very and very possessed, but was run away that this it is not enough. She constantly vein before mirror as if, studying each motion, each gesture, each the most slightest ãðèìàñó. She has wholly changed the manner a speech, diction, intonation, accent, phraseology. She behaved so skilfully that even speech could not be about imitation whomever. She always was on the guard, even in VWVappear in the dreams. And, like good milinary leader,, she enough has quickly understood that best protection is a hold up. Nor reek she has not left nor one positions unoccupied; her(its) outposts, her(its) scouts, her(its) sentry were situated all over. The Wit her(its) resemble(go)ed on revolving searchlight that never ãàñíåò. Blinding to own charming, to own glamour, to own personality, not dialect uzh about own èíäèâèäóàëüíîñòè, she threw all power on fabrication ìèôè÷åñêîãî creation, Eleny or YUnony, before goblet which have not stood firm neither men, nor women(woman). Automatically, without the most slightest knowledge of the legend, she begin little-by-little create the îíòîëîãè÷åñêîå motivation, ìèôè÷åñêèé row event, preceded conscious birth. She was not the necessities to remember the own fiction -- her to was necessary only keep its role in head. Was Not such lie, which has sounded in her(its) mouth monstrous, èáî in accepted she dug she was solely truthful before most itself. She no need was invent the past: she remembered that past that belonged to her rightfully. Her(its) never struck the direct question since she never appeared the enemy otherwise, as catty-corner. She appeared only corners always revolving verges, blinding prism of the light, which she supported in constant twirl. She never was essence, first or last giving itself respite, no, she was a mechanism, tireless handling myriad mirror, reflected created by her myth. She did not know the balances: she always steamed on their own multiple èíäèâèäóàëüíîñòÿìè in vacuum own "I". And she not at all had an intentions to do itself storied, simply she wanted to have acknowledged her(it) 208 the beauty. But in shoulder strap for beauty she has soon forgotten about searching for themselves, having fallen victim own creation. She became such blinding beautiful that occasionly seemed terrible, occasionly certainly áåçîáðàçíåå, than the most ugly woman on light. She could cause the terror and awe, particularly when her(its) glamour reached the tops. As it is woke;waked her(its) desire, blind and uncontrolled, x-rayed VWXbe drafty her(its) creation, denuding monster, what she and was. In the dark, prestored in black hole, where did not peek neither world, nor enemies, nor adversaries, blinding äèíàìèçì desires little subsided, adding her color of the colour melted honeys, and then word came out of her(its) mouths, as lava, but her(its) flesh greedily grapped for full tilt from what-that hard and material that has allowed her to be going to and several minutes to repose. This reminded the frantic message from afar, SOS with sinking nave. First I have taken this for passion, for ecstasy, appearing from that that flesh to rub about flesh. I thought that found the alive vulcan, Vezuviy feminine sort. I and did not think about human nave, going on bottom of the ocean of the despair, in Sargassovo sea èìïîòåíöèè. Now I think about that black star that luminaries VWXbe drafty hole in ceiling, about that still star that hunged on our marriage cell, -- more still and removed, than Absolute, and I know that this was she, dispensed from the whole that was her in áóêâàëüíîì sense: dead black sun without expression. I know that we conjugated the verb "to love" like two maniacs, trying enter in sexual communication VWXbe drafty separating their iron lattice. I spoke that in frantic fight in the dark I often forgot her(its) name, as she looks, who she such. This truth. I themselves defrauded in the dark. I ñîøåë with rail rafts in boundless space of the sex, in channels-orbits, installed that or other: for instance, Georginoy one short day, Telimoy, egyptian áëóäíèöåé, Karlottoy, Craved, Unoy, Monoy, Matdoy, äåâî÷êàìè poles-seeds of the years, waif, wanderring îãîíüêàìè, persons, body, hip, touch in ïîäçåìêå, daydream, recollection, desire, longing. I could begin with Georginoy near railway rut sunday daytime: spotted gown, swing back and forth thigh, south reprimand, voluptuous mouth, cast bosom; I could begin with Georginoy, òûñÿ÷åðóêèì candelabrum of the sex, and develop one branch her(its) ïèçäû in n-th measurement of the sex, in ages eternal. The Dahlia was looks like membrane teeny fish soup unachieved monster under name sex. She was as while awake alive, äûøàùåé in light memory about short day on avenue, 209 the âûì by appreciable aroma, material of the world ëþáâè, which itself boundless and íåîïðåäåëèì, as our world. The World ëþáâè as a whole looks like constantly rising membrane animal, which we call the sex and which like íåêîåìó other essence âðàñòàåò in our essence and gradually substitutes him(it) so since time world people will become only weak recollection about this new, all-embracing and âñåïîðîæäàþùåì essence, giving life to itself. This was just that êîïóëÿöèåé in the dark, that îáîþäîñî÷ëåíåííûì by double-barreled traction that îáðÿäèëî me in crowd skin of the doubt, jealousy, awe and solitude. If I began the most fine processing Dahlias, òûñÿ÷åðóêîãî of the candelabrum of the sex, I was certain, as she was takeàased deal, raising membrane, creating VWVtake in, eye, drumsticks, scalp and other things of the sex. She red and for that monster that has deprived her(its) honor if her(its) history truthful; in any event, she begin sometime on parallel rut, developping ìíîãîëèêîå íåñîçäàííîå essence, in whose tele we desperately tried be met. Knowing only part to her(its) lifes, disposing only conjectures, lie, èçìûøëåíèÿìè, slander and errors, linking scrap, cocaine ãðåçû, daydreams, unfinished phrases, incoherent words VWXbe drafty dream, hysterical delirium, subconscious fantasies, unhealthy desires, seen from reek once, as name finds flesh, eavesdropping casual fragments talk, noticing indulged glances, given gestures, I have mentally supplied her(its) pantheon personally òðàõàþùèõ her(its) deity, formed from alive shelters and rafts, can be, mans that most day, but can, seen hour back so her(its) vagina hitherto packed semen last times. Than ïîêîðíåé she was, that more shown the passion, and than reprobate she seemed, that strong got lost ya. was Not a beginning, no personal, the individual start line; we were met, as experienced swordsmans on field honor, where now in plenty âèòàëè perfume victories and defeats. We keeped a check on the most slightest riposte, not losing self-confident-controls, as could only drilled soldier. We ñîøëèñü under cover of the darkness in âñåîðóæèè and with opposite parties stormed the gates to citadels. Nobody did not resist infernal effort; we nor beside who did not ask the mercies and nobody has not ed. We ñîøëèñü on throat in shelters: blood, faded reunification in nights, when all stars went out for the sake of still black star, drooping, as scalp, in ceiling hole. If her(its) properly cocaine, she 210 issued on-mountain, as if oracle, all that happened to her during this day, yesterday, the day before yesterday, for the last year, all -- up to day, when she was born. And neither one word turned out to be truth, nor one detail. And nor for second she did not stop since, stop she, vacuum, created by her(its) steaming, has caused blast, capable to ðàçíåñòè the world. She was a worldwide machine of the lie in miniature, adapted to that endless, devastating awe that forces the people to direct whole its energy on making the device to deaths. With type she seemed fearless, her(its) possible was takeàas personification to boldness, yes she such and will, while her(its) will not rein. For she stood the impassive fact to reality, colossus, pursued her(it) on heel. Each day this colossus to reality took the new proportions, each day he became all terrible, all strong has paralysed. Each day beside she appeared the more quick wing, more sharp jaws, more acute, ãèïíîòè÷åñêèé glance. This was a run to outlying limit of the world, vain from the very beginning run, run íåîñòàíîâèìûé. On border of the vacuum stood the Truth, preparing in one like lightnings motion to return stolenned ground. This was so simply and obviously that brought her(it) in fury. The Marshal thousandth troops, commander the most great stem, deceived prominent wits, makes the most long bypass manoeuvre -- and don't care result will be a defeat. In final scene of the meeting whole fated to molder -- tricks, skill, the authorities, the whole. She will become the gerbil ashore the most huge ocean, and that worse whole, she will íåîòëè÷èìà from any and each gerbils on this coast. She will is sentenced hear own unique "I" before ñêîí÷àíèÿ timeses all over. Well and fate she has fixed itself! Her(its) óíèêàëüíîñòü opens in universal! Her(its) power will be íèçâåäåíà before extreme expression of the passivities! This reduced with wit, seemed improbable. This can not be! This not to bound to happen! Onward! Like black legion. Onward! Through all stage always spreading circle. Onward and away from itself while the last essential particle showers not to stretch in áåçãðàíè÷íîñòü. In its panick steaming she, seemed, gestates the whole world in stomach. We advanced from borders âñåëåííîé to nebulas, which it is impossible was discern nor in one instrument. Us threw in so long-lasting, so silent pause that in comparison with her death itself was shown lively party to mad sorceress. The Morning: review in bloodless crater of her(its) person. Nor 211 the ùèíêè, neither pleats, nor ïÿòíûøêà! The Expression of the angel in hand Creator. Who has wounded the thrush? Who èñòðåáèë èðîêåçîâ? Not I, will say my charming angel, and who, the God my, is able not to believe, ãëÿäÿ in this net, virgin person? Who ðàçãëÿäèò in this virgin VWVappear in the dreams that one half of the person belongs to the God, but the other -- Satan? The Mask smooth, as death, chilly, pleasing on îùóïü, wax, is woke;waked petal, responding on the most slightest waft. So seductive calm and simple-hearted that possible to sink, be sunk in it all body, as diver for pearl, and already not to return. While eye her(its) open world, she will lie ïîãàñøàÿ, shining reflected by light, as if moon. In its like deaths trance to innocences she çà÷àðîâûâàåò else strong; her(its) crimes open, ooze VWXbe drafty times, she lies, having convolved êîëüöàìè, as sleeping snake, riveted to the ground. The Body, strong, flexible, brawny, seems, possesses the unnatural weight; beside it inhuman gravity, possible say, gravity of the warm dead body. Voobrazite beautiful Nefertiti after thousand of years ìóìèôèêàöèè, prodigy funeral perfection, daydream about rafts, saved from mortal disinteration -- and you will understand, what she was. She lay, having convolved êîëüöàìè, in base of the hollow pyramid, in cancer of the vacuum of the own fabrication, as holy relic past. Beside she stopped even breathing -- so ãëóáîê was her(its) dream. She was sunk deeper spheres of the people, deeper spheres animal, deeper even spheres of the plants: she has left on level of the mineral world, where briskness -- no more than çàðóáêà on death. She so learned;learnt the art of the fraud that even dream not in power was shave off her(it) with sense. She learned;learnt not to see the ñíîâ: when she wrapped around the êîëüöàìè, beside it was automatically unplugged imaginative flow. If someone have caught her(it) in such condition and has opened her(its) skull -- he has found absolute emptiness. She did not keep the troubling shower of the secrets, all that was humanly possible lime, she exasperated. She could live infinitely, as the moon, as any destroying planet, radiating ãèïíîòè÷åñêóþ radiation, creating tides to passions, sinking world in madness, decolorizing all terrestrial material their own ìàãíåòè÷åñêèìè, metallic ray. sow Own death, she brought all in condition of the febrile tension. In heinous tranquillity its VWVappear in the dreams she revived own ìàãíåòè÷åñêóþ death åäèíåíèåì with cool magma lifeless ïëàíåòàðíîãî world. She was magic untouched. Her(its) glance possessed piercing stillness: that was a glance of the moon, by means of 212 the swarm dead dragon to lifes regurgitated the cool flame. One eye was a warm brown tone, colour autumn sheet; other was a reddish, ìàãíåòè÷åñêèé eye, trembling, as arrow of the compass. Even in VWVappear in the dreams this eye did not cease to twinkle under closed by age, and this was a single sign smoulderring lifes in her. In that minute, when she opened the eye, she completely awoke. She awoke in fury, as it is woke;waked type of our world and his(its) human contents was a blow for it. Immediately she found get fat activity, ìå÷àñü, as if gigantic python. Her(its) irritated the light! She awoke, cursing sun, cursing briliance to reality. The Room behooved to obscure, light the plugs and tightly close the window that street noise did not get into premises. She went nearly denuded, having grabbed small piece of coal ðòà cigarette. The Matutinal toilet she added exceeding importance: first it is necessary to pay attention thousand of the secondary details, and only after this is possible vested in bath robe. She reminded the athlete, preparing to the main to competition of the day. Previously than sit for table and lunch, she carefully studied all that formed her(its) anatomy -- from cortex hair, which she acute researched, before the form and lengths íîãòåé. I have said that she reminded the athlete, but indeed she more resemble(go)ed on mechanics, checking aeroplane before test. The Strained gown, she set off for the whole day in flight, which could be terminated in Irkutsk somewhere or Tehran. So in the morning was necessary be fuelled in payment on the whole way. The Morning meal represented itself long procedure: that was a single ceremony of the day, which she on purpose delayed. His(its) length could carry to white heat who is pleased. Appeared the question, but will finish she although someday and has not forgotten she about great mission, which solemn promised to carry through any day. Can be, she speculated about liing ahead route, but can be, completely and did not speculate, but simply conducted prescribed time functional process in her(its) amazing mechanism that, once upon a time having begun, already could be not stopped. In this hour she shown the enviable tranquillity and self-confident-control, as if large bird, pensive looking over with high bluff being spread out adown terrain. Right after morning meal she never rushed the stone downwards and not âîíçàëà claw in victim -- no, early in the morning she rose slowly and majestic, balancing each motion with pulse of the engine. Before she spread open space, choice of the direction was dictated only her(it) 213 the õîòüþ. She was an entailment of the liberty unless bear in mind leaden weight of her(its) body and anomalous wingspan. And as it were she nor steamed, particularly at moment of the take-off, was don't care felt terror, which was shown by reason her(its) daily flight. She demonstrated submissiveness to its fate and in ditto time frantically thirsted ïðåîäîëåòü her(it). Each morning she âçìûâàëà, as if with tops Gimalaev: seemed, she directs the flight in certain noted on card area, where in the event of good luck she lay ahead to disappear for ever. Seemed that each morning she carries away with itself in âûøèíó its last, frantic hope: she flew off peacefully, with sad value, as it is woke;waked left in grave. Nor reek has not made she êðóò midair, previously than escape from type, nor reek was not looked over on that, who threw. And nor reek has not forgotten to take with you all that she belonged to, before the most small crumb: all bells-and-whistles before the most small patchwork, what could attest fact of her(its) existence itself. She did not leave even breath, even îòñòðèæåííîãî marigold. Care ïîä÷èñòóþ, which could realize only Devil in own interest. And you remained empty-handed. You was devastated, and not is simply devastated, but also is dedicated, is inhuman dedicated. You had a no desires to hold her(it), îêëèêíóòü: you remained with curse on mouth, with black hate, which painted whole day black. Afterwards, ñëîíÿÿñü on city, slowly moving, as idle passer-by, creeping, as worm, you collected the rumours about her(its) striking flight: here is here she spun;span, but here or was there lowered to the ground unknown why, all over turned the corkscrew, was worn out, as if comet, drawing in the sky characters from smoke and so on, and the like. All that she did, was enigmatic and caused the irritation, all were made without seen to purposes. This was woke;waked èðîíè÷íî-symbolic commentary to human life and behaviours of the person-ant, undertaken from the other measurement. Between time of the departure and time of the return I conducted the life full-blooded øèçà. She was not eternity that will ïðîëåòàåò since eternity is obliged to have some attitude to quietness and victory, and she -- there is something created person, something áëàãîïðèîáðåòåííîå; no -- I felt something like intermission, during which hairs turned white before cortex and each millimeter of the skin itched and blazed while all body did not become the utter sore. Here is I sit at the table in the dark, my hands and legs unbelievably âûðîñëè, is woke;waked I have struck the elephantiasis. I ñëûøó, as blood flows to brain and flails in ear webs, as if ãèìàëàéñêèå devils wave the sledge-hammer. I am ñëûøó slam 214 her(its) enormous wing, let even she in Irkutsk, and I know that she races onward and onward, all further away, for limits äîñÿãàåìîãî. In room so quietly and so ïóãàþùå emptily that I begin to squall, only break the silence, only publish the weak human sound. I try to get up because of table, but my legs have too become heavy, but hands changed in formless íîñîðîæüè legs. Than òÿæåëåå becomes my body, that easier atmosphere in room. I begin to enlarge and enlarge until fill;brim with;fill with whole room by utter mass thick jelly. I fill;brim with;fill with even rifts in wall, I sprout VWXbe drafty wall, as parasit plant, enlarge and enlarge while the whole house does not change in indescribable mass from rafts, hair and íîãòåé. I know that this and there is death, but I not in power èñòðåáèòü neither this knowledge, nor one, this knows. Some are a small small parts me else live, the remainder of the consciousness exist, and, on measure of the extension of the inert body, these glimpses to lifes become all well-marked and sharp, they twinkle in me, as if cool fire of the jewel. They illuminate the sticky mass to pulps, as it is woke;waked I -- armed torchlight diver for pearl, êîïîøàùèéñÿ in tele dead sea monster. I am else bound by certain fine invisible thread with life that on surface of the abyss, but this life so distant, but gravity of the dead body so enormous that even though this was possible, on that to reach to surfaces, have left years. I advance on own dead tele, studying each cranny and each slot in his(its) huge, formless mass. The Study this there is no end, èáî topography is changed as a whole not ceasing, all creep and íàïëûâàåò, as hot magma of the ground. Will Not freeze neither for minute, nor for minute will not become calm and heard -- this growing, not noted âåõàìè, this sail, when destination is changed from the most slightest motion and shudders. This íåîñòàíîâèìîå a filling space kills the feeling a space and time; than more enlarges the body, that êðîõîòíåå becomes the world while finally I do not make sure that all are concentrated in pin head. In spite of crawlling onto monstrous dead masses, in which I changed, I feel, as that her(its) supports, the world, from which she âûðàñòàåò, becomes not more, than head of the stickpin. In the course of eruptions, in most heart and in liver of the deaths, than on essences this eruption and was, I feel the presence grain, miraculous èñ÷åçàþùå small lever, which keeps this world in balance. I, as syrup, envelop world moreover his(its) emptiness frighten me, but grain is not displaced: grain became nodule 215 the cool fire that roar, as if sun, in extensive cavity in dead tele. When big bird-äîáûò÷èöà returns, exhausted by flight, she finds me in the same place of the able nonexistence, me, eternal øèçåðèíî, burning grain hidden in heart of the deaths. Every time she hopes to find some new facilities of existence, but other no, except eternal grain of the light, which I newly and newly open for it, diing each day. Summer, about bad bird, summer to limit âñåëåííîé! Here your food, blazing in nauseous emptiness, which you has created! You are returned to once again perish in black hole; you will return else and else, èáî you has no such wing that could carry away you from this world away. This is a single world, where you ìîæåøü to exist, this tombstone snake, this kindom of the darkness. And suddenly, as it is woke;waked for no reason at all, thinking about that, as she returned in jack, I recall about sunday matutinal hour in small old house from graveyard not far away. Here is I sit for piano in nightshirt and press on treadle by barefoot leg, but in next room else ãðåþòñÿ in beds of the parents. The Rooms were opened one in another, as telescope, in old good american apartment. Sunday in the morning got accustomed for a long time to lie in beds. To eleven or later parents usually knocked on wall of my room and asked to play anything specially for them. I dancing entered to him, as if brother Fratellini*, light and ardent, capable to rise on upper branch äðåâà íåáåñ unassisted from outside. I could make all that is pleased, as if was without bones. The Father called me Solar Dzhimom since I was overfilled "power", energy and çàäîðîì. For begin I several times walked the wheel on êîâðå beside parental bed, then sang the falsetto, trying imitate the doll of the ventriloquist, afterwards made several light fantastic steps, expressing wind, and âçìûâàë, as wind, on stool beside piano, proceeding with exercises on facility finger. I always began with CHerni* to limber before concerto. The Father hated CHerni, however, either as I, but CHerni was plat du jour* in my former menu and such remained while my joints have not gained flexibility of the rubber. CHerni vaguely reminds me of condition great îïóñòîøåííîñòè, which I have felt later. Riveted to stool, I developed íåîáû÷àéíóþ facility. As it is woke;waked I have forced one gulp to drink áóòûëî÷êó of the tonic, but afterwards __________ * The Plat du jour (the francium.). 216 knitted;knit the belt to beds. Otygrav ninety eight, or so, exercises, I proceed with light improvisation. Usually I took the saturated chords, hammer on keyboard from edge before edge, then sullen modulated in "Burning Rome" or in "Flight of the chariot Ben-Gura"* that all happened to on shower since such noise was more available to understanding. Long before that, how do I äîâåëîñü to get acquainted with "Logician-philosophical disquisition" Vitgenshteyna*, I composed music to him on ñàññàôðàñîâûõ* the key. Then I trained åñòåñòâîçíàíèþ and ôèëîñîôèè, histories to religions, inductive and deductive logic, the form and weight cranial box, pharmacopeia and metallurgy-- all that useless knowledges that cause indigestion of the belly and premature melancholy beside you. This vomit formed from scientist gunk, suffered beside me in gut whole week, expecting sundays to âûïëåñíóòüñÿ in music. Sometime between "Midnight fireman by alert" and "Military ìàðøåì" I called all inspiration to destroy the existing forms to harmonies and create the own cacophony. Voobrazite itself that Uranus is found in benefical aspect to Mars, Merkury, the Moon, Jupiter, Venus. This it is difficult to represent, èáî Uranus reveals itself to the best advantage, when he in çëîòâîðíîì aspect, so to speak, in conflict. And all that music that I issued on morning in sunday, music successful, nurtured despairs, was born from residing against âñÿêîé of the logic in benefical aspect of the Uranus, firmly became on anchor in Sedimom house*. Then I did not suspect about this and even did not know that exists the Uranus, and was ñ÷àñòëèâ in its ignorance. But now I understand this since that was an inadvertent joy, false wellfare, harmful variety fiery creative activity. Than ñèëüíåå was my euphoria, that ñïîêîéíåå became to parents, even feeble-minded little sister quieted down and died down. The Neighbours, as a rule, were going to under window and âíèìàëè moreover that and deal before I äîíîñèëèñü the applause, but afterwards -- bang! -- I, as if meteor, was taken again: the exercise number 947 1/2. When I was brought notice the cockroach, running on wall, I was filled bliss and without what that nor was an inflexions went to composition such-that on cringed from sadness clavichord. In one of such sundays I ñî÷èíèë the impossible charming scherzo, denoted âîøêå. Has Approached the springtime, and all we passed processing a chamois vapour(pair); I whole week did not come off from äàíòîâà "Hell" in setting on english. Sunday has approached as thaw, birds is woke;waked ñîøëè with wit from unexpected heat and çàëåòàëè in room, indifferent to 217 the music. À to we have right before arrived the aged ðîäñòâåííèöà from Hamburg or Bremena -- unwed aunty, mannish woman. On I found, cost her only to approach to me. She adored to scutch me for hairs, sentencing that I figure-de second Mocartom. I hated Mocarta*, and hitherto tolerate his(its) can not -- so to get rid of it, I deliberately ôàëüøèâèë tooth and nail. But here else âûëåçëà âîøêà, as I have said. The This louse, which not äîæãëè in my çèìíåé to cloth. I have caught her(it) and carefully has seated on turn black key. Then began quietly to play softly the right-hand man around it. Probably, noise has paralysed her(it). Seemed, âîøêà bewitched my nimble pyrotechnics. Finally, çàêîëäîâàííàÿ stillness come into play me on nerves. I have solved to lose the chromatic gamma, having crushed on louse whole power blow of the forth finger. I have covered her(it) in honored fight, but with such power that she was stuck to cushion. From this I shuddered, as if in saint vitus dance. Here and began the scherzo. That was a pot-pourri from forgotten tune, seasonned aloe and highlightings porcupine, written in three tonality immediately and êðóæàùååñÿ around íåçàìóòíåííîãî çàìûñëà, is woke;waked âàëüñèðóþùàÿ mouse. Later, when I was accustomed listen Prokofieva, I have understood that with he occurred; I have understood Uaytheda* and Rassela*, Jeans* and Eddingtona*, Frobeniusa* and Line Gillespi; I have understood that áèíîìèàëüíàÿ theorem certainly was ïðèäóìàíà person; I have understood, why was invented electricity and way of the liquefaction of the air, not dialect uzh about adviseable dirt and bath SHprudelya*. And, shall say I you, I became where as clear that in shelters beside person there is dead âîøêà, and when you ñî÷èíÿåòå symphony, write the fresco, invent the dynamite -- reaction on emetic, which was not comprised of beforehand formed menu. I have understood, why me not to manage to become the composer. All that I wrote mentally, all very personal, õóäîæíè÷åñêèå of the building, äîçâîëåííûå my rumour due to saint Hilidegarde* or saint Brigitte*, Ioannu Krestitelyu or the God knows to whom, were written for ãðÿäóùåãî age, age poor instrument and rich antenna, age of the strong eardrums. That such music has valued on value, it is necessary to feel the special type of the suffering. Bethoven çàñòîëáèë new territory, about existence which will hear, when are ruined in the world of the silence. This -- kindom new vibration, which we introduce the dim nebula, while we not ïðåîäîëåëè our own concept sufferings. We must learn this misty world, his(its) generic flour, his(its) orientation. 218 I was äîçâîëåíî hear the shocking music while I lay pron, indifferent to grief, poured around. I âíèìàë the maturation of the new world, noise áóðëèâûõ rivers, áåðóùèõ its beginning, sound òðóùèõñÿ stars, fountains, freezing in briliance of the jewels. The Whole music -- product hothouse, panacea from Weltschmerz*, she obeys the law an äðåâíåé to astronomies. The Music hitherto remains the antidote unspeakable, but this not yet music. The Music -- ïëàíåòàðíûé fire, unquenchable, maintaining themselves, this written message god, this abracadabra, which and scientist and in equal measure to